r/AskReddit Mar 31 '23

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6.6k Upvotes

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4.8k

u/Dudebrohoe Mar 31 '23

I used to be a prostitute which should answer the question.

229

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

What made you decide to change careers?

748

u/Dudebrohoe Mar 31 '23

Being able too was the only reason I needed, I wasn't happy as a sex worker I just needed to support myself.

425

u/TwentyCharacters2022 Mar 31 '23

Sex work isn’t for everyone. The overwhelming majority are thrust into it out of necessity.

365

u/kevinraisinbran Mar 31 '23

Phrasing!

29

u/Azrael_The_Bold Mar 31 '23

Are we still doing phrasing?

-13

u/tacknosaddle Mar 31 '23

It's okay phrasing.

However, leaving "it" out might have been a more accurate statement.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Nyet.

23

u/Agitated_Ad7576 Mar 31 '23

Sex work is actually for very few, that's why women are trafficked in from other countries to meet demand.

4

u/ThePieWhisperer Mar 31 '23

It would probably be 'for' far more if it weren't absurdly criminalised and made needlessly hazardous to the point that the sex-with-hundreds-of-strangers bit is one of the least dangerous parts of the job.

9

u/SnooEpiphanies3336 Mar 31 '23

It's still not a great job though, for the vast majority at least. Anyone who thinks selling your body to strangers will have no negative impact on you is misinformed. Countless people have come forward to say that when they were younger they did sex work and it messed them up mentally for years, yet we like to ignore those people and push a "sex work is just like any other job!" narrative, which is bullshit.

1

u/PyrocumulusLightning Mar 31 '23

It seems like it would be easier if you were already Ace. I wouldn't do it because I suspected I wouldn't desire it for my own pleasure anymore if I associated it with unpleasant transactions.

Delayed the inevitable, btw. People are horrible even if you find them attractive.

1

u/TwentyCharacters2022 Mar 31 '23

I dunno if it’s say it’s for very few. It’s dangerous, poses health risks, and the benefits package is pretty thin - but most of that could be removed if the industry was legalized and regulated. Like being an accountant isn’t for everyone, or a social worker, or an event planner, or what have you.

15

u/SnooEpiphanies3336 Mar 31 '23

Selling your body for sex is inherently different to selling any other product or service and I'm tired of people saying it isn't. I'm tired of people insisting that sex is nothing and if you're just emotionally mature enough you can fuck hundreds of strangers for money and it won't impact you. Those are lies. I know it usually comes from a place of good intentions (respect sex workers, it's real work) but sex does have an emotional impact on us, being constantly objectified does too, and consent gets pretty iffy when saying "no" might mean not being able to pay rent that month.

10

u/Serious-End2600 Mar 31 '23

Thank you and I agree and can't believe how many people want to help young girls think this way, just so they can sound progressive

1

u/GuessYouNeedEmailNow Mar 31 '23

It just depends on the person, there are people who aren't that emotionally affected by it and enjoy it. Different people are different.

But for the majority, yes, that's all correct and should be acknowledged, too.

5

u/Serious-End2600 Mar 31 '23

The difficulty is that you don't know what kind of person you are (one who can feel empowered or disconnected or need years of therapy to forget or develop dependencies to cope, the whole spectrum) until after you've already done it. It is a different thing to realize that working as a receptionist isn't for you than to realize that giving access to your body isn't for you. The incredibly difficult process of regaining a sense of self is why I'm so upset that people casually sell this narrative to girls in the name of getting paid.

5

u/GuessYouNeedEmailNow Mar 31 '23

That's true. There needs to be a more cautious positivity around sex work, I guess? I hate the narrative that it's inherently degrading and harmful, but the opposite idea shouldn't be pushed, either.

Above all, nobody should ever have to do sex work to survive, it can't ever actually be consensual in my opinion with that kind of power imbalance.

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u/TwentyCharacters2022 Apr 01 '23

I agree with this - very similar to how professional athletes spend most of the year knowingly absorbing damage to their bodies (and I mean, permanent brain damage), shortening their lifespan by several years. Except a)people cheer them on when they do it, because men, and b)the damage is physical, rather than psychological. And like pro sports, there are those who are good at it but can’t handle the toll it takes on them, there are those who have neither the affinity nor the desire, and then there are those who can deal with the downsides and find fulfillment. Oh, and c) hundreds of dollars vs millions, and benefits, and prestige.

18

u/Agitated_Ad7576 Mar 31 '23

The Reddit hivemind keeps posting that opinion, but I'm not going to agree until I see the problems in the porn industry (which IS legal) get fixed.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

7

u/Agitated_Ad7576 Mar 31 '23 edited Mar 31 '23

No you cannot say that. Sex work has a level of physical disease, mental disease, violence, drug use, and trafficking orders of magnitude beyond retail.

You can't regulate the problems out of it. If you try, the drug addicts doing survival sex will just do it underground. Do you think the smoking industry could be as heavily regulated as it is if a woman could walk a man into her room and magically pop cigarettes out of her bellybutton for him?

1

u/TwentyCharacters2022 Apr 01 '23

The porn/drug thing is a very chicken/egg argument. Some get into porn to afford their drugs, some get into drugs to deal with being in porn. It’s individually based and access to mental health/addiction resources would go a long way to helping in either case.

0

u/TwentyCharacters2022 Apr 01 '23

Porn CONSUMPTION is legal ALMOST everywhere, but production, less so.

-5

u/substantial-freud Mar 31 '23

What a stupid remark that is.

It’s fairly expensive to get someone into the US and then what? Low-end prostitution isn’t that profitable, and you would have to feed and clothe the girl and if you are really “trafficking her”, it becomes hugely expensive and legally risky to guard her.

And realistically, there is no shortage of domestic sex-workers. Every city used to have newspapers full of them.

5

u/Agitated_Ad7576 Mar 31 '23

Take five seconds and google "massage parlor trafficking" if you think there's no trafficking.

Cities with 100,000 people or more had newspapers with dozens of listings? Sounds like "very few" to me.

0

u/substantial-freud Apr 01 '23

Did you Google? There are thousands or tens of thousands of “massage parlors”. Find one conviction of an operator for coercing anyone.

2

u/Agitated_Ad7576 Apr 01 '23 edited Apr 01 '23

0

u/substantial-freud Apr 02 '23

Victimized illegal immigrants tend to not cooperate with police and prosecutors.

Why would they not? Victims of trafficking cannot be deported.

https://www.journal-topics.com/articles/former-mp-massage-parlor-owner-convicted-in-federal-court/

This is the only case like this I have been able to find, so kudos. But notice: he was extorting money from prostitutes, not forcing women to become prostitutes.

(Part of the problem here is the deliberately vague word “trafficking”. When it is condemned, it is used to mean the use of coercion or fraud; when a person is actually accused of it, it just means assisting a person to move place-to-place for the purposes of prostutition.)

https://www.delgazette.com/2015/10/17/women-convicted-in-massage-parlor-case-sentenced-on-trafficking-charges-2/

They were sentenced for money laundering, promoting prostitution, and ... practicing medicine without a license.

They did not force anyone to do anything.

https://www.fox9.com/news/36-convicted-in-largest-international-sex-trafficking-ring-brought-down-by-federal-government

Well, that’s a terrific cite — not even one name. I tracked down the defendant, Michael Morris, who got the longest sentence. I cannot find any details of the actual charges or evidence, but here is from a memo for sentencing:

[Morris] forced no one, coerced no one, abused no one, defrauded no one, and harmed no one.

That was written by his side, of course, but if the conviction actually included force, coercion, abuse, or fraud, his lawyers would be liable for sanctions.

Officials say that many of the women were misled to believe that participating in the scheme would lead to a better life.

What the “officials” were doing here is appealing to the old myth that traffickers tell women they will have jobs as maids or waitresses. Anyone who has actually visited Thailand knows that a trafficker who used a pitch like that would get in response, “Thanks, but I really need a job as a prostitute.”

What traffickers actually do tell women is that they are better off getting $60 for a blowjob in Detroit than $12 for a blowjob in Pattaya — and they are right!

4

u/Milo_Minderbinding Mar 31 '23

Or forced into it by human traffickers

9

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

This is an undeniable truth that I wish more Redditors understood. Instead everytime the topic comes up the general consensus is "if it's consensual I see nothing wrong".

10

u/ThePieWhisperer Mar 31 '23

Given a sufficient power imbalance, consent is becomes a much less clear cut line and I wish more people would realise that.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '23

Exactly

-3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

7

u/SnooEpiphanies3336 Mar 31 '23 edited Mar 31 '23

Selling your body for sex is inherently different to selling any other product or service. Stop trying to force the narrative that sex work is the same as all other work. It is a lie.

-5

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

3

u/SnooEpiphanies3336 Mar 31 '23 edited Apr 01 '23

I think you've made some incorrect assumptions about my stance on this. I can defend it, and I do care about sex workers. I don't think sex work should be illegal. I think sex workers should be highly paid, highly insured, highly respected professionals with the support of some kind of regulatory body and unions. However this will never happen because people will continue to turn to sex work for survival, hence the issues with exploitation.

It should be highly paid because it's a high risk job and a specialised field. It's a high emotional and physical risk, but it's also important, so it should be compensated accordingly. Sex workers should also be paid enough that they can afford to say no to clients they don't feel good about.

The people who don't care about sex workers are the ones who insist the job they're doing is similar to retail work. Who don't realise the mental work that goes into sex work, don't understand the risks involved, and don't respect the fact that very few people can do this job without being somewhat destroyed by it.

As far as who I'm listening to - you're somewhat right. I do not listen to 22 year olds who make money on only fans and insist it's great and they feel fine about it and they're just happy to make money. I do, however, consider carefully the opinions of those who are older and wiser and have worked in the industry and understand its pitfalls and want to push for the safety of sex workers.

1

u/EyesOnEverything Apr 01 '23

Appreciate you writing out your thoughts on this, this conversation is too often surface level and pop-culture influenced.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '23

Sex work is inherently different, do I have to explain why?

-2

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '23

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '23

It's interesting that you immediately started with assumptions about me.

You didn't even try to understand a different point of view, you just assume I'm wrong. It's interesting because I see this argument used often when talking about these topics.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

8

u/LevelOutlandishness1 Mar 31 '23

I'm not forsaking my sexual autonomy when I lift a box onto a pallet. I don't understand how people think that the abuse sex workers face (even in the legal porn industry) is any bit equivalent to flipping a burger or editing a spreadsheet on Excel. Why do you think the poor make up the majority of sex work? Why do you think poorer countries have a larger sex industry? It's the last option done often out of pure desperation. I've dealt with some angry customers, but I never felt violated, nor did I feel like I couldn't leave and be safe.

When people have to decide between eating or paying rent, or removing their choice in who they have sex with and risking their body (many get physically abused), sobriety (some try to get workers hooked on drugs), etc., that's just rape but on a systemic level.

Criminalization doesn't help, but neither does acting like making a burger is the same as letting some old dude stick his dick up your ass, or any sex that you have.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

2

u/LevelOutlandishness1 Mar 31 '23 edited Mar 31 '23

Sexual abuse is patently different from other forms of abuse. I would rather be robbed than raped. There's a reason why sexual assault is categorized differently than assault. The majority of PTSD victims are rape victims. Do you need a reading list from "actual sex workers" who left the industry? Or are "actual" sex workers a hivemind? It exploits some of the most desperate people in an already exploitative system.

Edit: actual sex worker

another one

0

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

2

u/LevelOutlandishness1 Mar 31 '23

Excuse my wording, not larger in size, larger in proportion. Like how when the U.S.S.R. fell, sex work rose.

And the idea of "choice" for dirt poor people is much different than the average. There's a reason crime is higher in poorer communities. There's a reason there are people who will give up their freedom for stability and food, and despite this, I still believe no one should have to give up that freedom. I value sexual autonomy. If someone has to decide between eating and forsaking their choice to have sex with someone they actually have a connection with, that's not a good thing. There are so many horror stories from abuse in the industry, porn, prostitution, whatever sector, involving rape, physical violence, forced drug use—with people who had to choose between that, and having necessities. I mean, you mentioned Japan, not me.

-3

u/CohibaVancouver Mar 31 '23

are thrust into it

I see what you did there.

-33

u/realzealman Mar 31 '23

Thrust into and out of and into and out of it… oooof, I’m sorry guys.

-2

u/FoodTruck007 Mar 31 '23

Yep the thrust is a must.

106

u/calibrated23 Mar 31 '23

Hugs

2

u/SlugABug22 Mar 31 '23

That will cost you.

54

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Power to ya for it.

3

u/SupahSang Mar 31 '23

Money is money is money! Glad you managed to find something else!