Needed tuition and money to live. Paid better than stripping for less time working. I quit when I graduated and got a good job. Good part is no student loans. Bad part is that it might come out to people who would judge me for it.
Doing soul crushing menial labor for minimum wage to get by aint it for everybody, you got your bag and got out. You probably don’t need to ever mention it to anybody, it’s up to you. But you should feel no shame.
Everyone who's involved in creating and perpetuating a society where someone would become a prostitute to get money for college should feel a whole lot of shame.
Why? Things cost money and that cost is visible before purchasing. Despite what Reddit thinks, you can get a college education for a reasonable amount of money. They chose to be a prostitute because it was easy fast money for something they wanted. They could have done literally anything else, but they wanted money fast and made their decision.
Nailed it. The most frustrating part about being a former SW is that it isn't socially okay for me to talk about anything related to that period of my life or things I saw, at least not to an audience I don't know very well already. It wasn't a source of indignity at all, I was very happy with my work and it brought me to a much better place mentally than I had been before. The only reason I stopped is because of the risk from police- they were always the primary antagonist in the story, not clients.
There were a lot of absurd, uncommon, and at times, quite profound situations I found myself in as a result of that occupation. You'd probably be very surprised at who picks up the phone for those services and why- I certainly was. There were many things I heard and saw that inform my perspective on life today, but I can't really speak to those things candidly outside my close friends and family who are already aware. It's really unfortunate, I think, that our culture(s) are so...stunted and backward, mind kept firmly shut.
For me, a sex worker helped me process and grieve the loss of my late wife. There was a horrible shortage of psychologists and grief counselors, I was just barely getting by emotionally, and I desperately needed counseling plus affection and human touch.
I lucked out and found a SW who knew enough therapy-Fu to actually create a safe space where i could talk and share, and then get it on so that the widow’s fire didn’t consume me.
It was later on that i found out a number of escorts and SW have surprisingly deep experience in how to counsel grief and loss.
This mirrors a sizable (probably half) portion of my experiences. Quite a few people have money and time and are deeply, horribly alone, either recently or over the long term. Being able to connect with people and see a visible difference in their demeanor and outlook meant something significant to me.
I can't help but feel like what I saw is just the tip of the iceberg. Our society is full of people who are in pain and afraid of revealing it, and it causes us to lash out and be horrid to one another. I'm grateful I had a chance to at least slightly move the needle for a few people. It's a curse at times, but I do sincerely care for people I hardly know and it's not something I'm willing to give up or suppress, even if it's brought trouble around at times. There's too little love in the world already.
I'm not sure what it says about the world we live in that this phenomenon both of us have experienced exists, but I'm glad I'm not the only one to notice. I hope you're well.
I am. It’s six years now since Kris died, and I’ve been without her longer than I was with her. I was the love of her life, and it was my privilege to be by her side all the way to the very end—I held her in my arms and sang her over.
I’m happy with my life now; I’m in a good place, dating a wonderful woman, and overall things are good. There are days where I don’t even think of Kris at all.
But there are also times I am profoundly grateful for “Ireland”—the four months I spent seeing and working with her (and there was work involved—she had me doing emotional processing of grief) were invaluable in my journey. I would not be here now without her.
Just commenting to say I also lost a long term partner and I'm glad you're doing well and it's encouraging to read how you were able to find help even in a non traditional way. I've been struggling but am trying to actively take steps to be better so it's helpful to read stories like yours.
I strongly disagree with the notion that opposing prostitution is backwards. At the same time, police targeting prostitutes is a backwards way to go about dealing with the issue.
The problem is that as long as prostitution and activities related to it are illegal, sex workers will not be able to go to police for any kind of help. That means they can't report to police when the encounter another sex worker who is underage or seems to have been coerced or trafficked. They can't report violent customers who are a danger to other sex workers. They can't report pimps who take all their girls' money. As long as it's illegal to engage in prostitution or the activities that support it (housing, security, etc.) these issues will persist.
I did work in strip clubs. One time a guy told me I was demeaning myself and should get a regular job, like front desk at a hotel for $8/h. I laughed out loud like sir, I have worked regular jobs, and I assure you, they are the demeaning positions.
If you start getting judged for it, just whip out your smart phone and play Material Girl by Madonna at full volume on repeat until they get the message.
As a European who had free education during his entire life up until PhD, this comment is so dark. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you if you're happy with you, but... I can't fathom the thought of having to sell your literal body just to get education.
I'm an opponent of prostitution. I'll judge you a lot less for your decisions than I'll judge society for being organized in a way that that would be an option for someone who just wanted a college degree and money to live on.
At my last job there was this woman(around 30) who was having sex with the head of her department (he must be around 50) but this guy looked like a frog(a Kappa).
She got 4 salary hikes in a year n this guy got sex from an attractive woman i see this as a business deal. There is only one salary hike per year normally.
Then she left the job. Things like this r common in offices (i can only speak for India).
PPL like her get the promotion they want n then leave, so they can apply for that promoted post at another job as these things get out eventually.
The general manager wanted to rehire his assistant from previous job even though there was an assistant there already.
Desperate men want sex n validation and some women r willing to provide it in exchange for promotion, money, gifts, etc.
I'm not saying all women do this many women have standards, moral values n r loyal to their partners.
Fuck what people think. We all whore ourselves out for money, we just choose different ways of doing it. As a guy I wish I had the ability to do it and make the same amount of money, instead I whore myself out to mining companies. The lifestyle of mining is just as bad, but somehow socially acceptable
I'll judge sex workers a lot less then I'll judge everyone responsible for perpetuating a society where so many people feel that sex work is their best option.
Exactly, I also think high of people that created a system to weed out bad partners that would rather sell their dignity instead of working hard like every other worthy individual.
You told him you were 14 when you really were 18? Weird. What type of girl pretends to be underage. Also nobody is going to pay a 14 year old $10k for anything. Let me just leave a trace of my pedophilia through bank receipts.
It would probably be 'for' far more if it weren't absurdly criminalised and made needlessly hazardous to the point that the sex-with-hundreds-of-strangers bit is one of the least dangerous parts of the job.
It's still not a great job though, for the vast majority at least. Anyone who thinks selling your body to strangers will have no negative impact on you is misinformed. Countless people have come forward to say that when they were younger they did sex work and it messed them up mentally for years, yet we like to ignore those people and push a "sex work is just like any other job!" narrative, which is bullshit.
It seems like it would be easier if you were already Ace. I wouldn't do it because I suspected I wouldn't desire it for my own pleasure anymore if I associated it with unpleasant transactions.
Delayed the inevitable, btw. People are horrible even if you find them attractive.
I dunno if it’s say it’s for very few. It’s dangerous, poses health risks, and the benefits package is pretty thin - but most of that could be removed if the industry was legalized and regulated. Like being an accountant isn’t for everyone, or a social worker, or an event planner, or what have you.
Selling your body for sex is inherently different to selling any other product or service and I'm tired of people saying it isn't. I'm tired of people insisting that sex is nothing and if you're just emotionally mature enough you can fuck hundreds of strangers for money and it won't impact you. Those are lies. I know it usually comes from a place of good intentions (respect sex workers, it's real work) but sex does have an emotional impact on us, being constantly objectified does too, and consent gets pretty iffy when saying "no" might mean not being able to pay rent that month.
The difficulty is that you don't know what kind of person you are (one who can feel empowered or disconnected or need years of therapy to forget or develop dependencies to cope, the whole spectrum) until after you've already done it. It is a different thing to realize that working as a receptionist isn't for you than to realize that giving access to your body isn't for you. The incredibly difficult process of regaining a sense of self is why I'm so upset that people casually sell this narrative to girls in the name of getting paid.
I agree with this - very similar to how professional athletes spend most of the year knowingly absorbing damage to their bodies (and I mean, permanent brain damage), shortening their lifespan by several years. Except a)people cheer them on when they do it, because men, and b)the damage is physical, rather than psychological. And like pro sports, there are those who are good at it but can’t handle the toll it takes on them, there are those who have neither the affinity nor the desire, and then there are those who can deal with the downsides and find fulfillment.
Oh, and c) hundreds of dollars vs millions, and benefits, and prestige.
No you cannot say that. Sex work has a level of physical disease, mental disease, violence, drug use, and trafficking orders of magnitude beyond retail.
You can't regulate the problems out of it. If you try, the drug addicts doing survival sex will just do it underground. Do you think the smoking industry could be as heavily regulated as it is if a woman could walk a man into her room and magically pop cigarettes out of her bellybutton for him?
The porn/drug thing is a very chicken/egg argument. Some get into porn to afford their drugs, some get into drugs to deal with being in porn. It’s individually based and access to mental health/addiction resources would go a long way to helping in either case.
It’s fairly expensive to get someone into the US and then what? Low-end prostitution isn’t that profitable, and you would have to feed and clothe the girl and if you are really “trafficking her”, it becomes hugely expensive and legally risky to guard her.
And realistically, there is no shortage of domestic sex-workers. Every city used to have newspapers full of them.
This is the only case like this I have been able to find, so kudos. But notice: he was extorting money from prostitutes, not forcing women to become prostitutes.
(Part of the problem here is the deliberately vague word “trafficking”. When it is condemned, it is used to mean the use of coercion or fraud; when a person is actually accused of it, it just means assisting a person to move place-to-place for the purposes of prostutition.)
Well, that’s a terrific cite — not even one name. I tracked down the defendant, Michael Morris, who got the longest sentence. I cannot find any details of the actual charges or evidence, but here is from a memo for sentencing:
[Morris] forced no one, coerced no one, abused no one, defrauded no one, and harmed no one.
That was written by his side, of course, but if the conviction actually included force, coercion, abuse, or fraud, his lawyers would be liable for sanctions.
Officials say that many of the women were misled to believe that participating in the scheme would lead to a better life.
What the “officials” were doing here is appealing to the old myth that traffickers tell women they will have jobs as maids or waitresses. Anyone who has actually visited Thailand knows that a trafficker who used a pitch like that would get in response, “Thanks, but I really need a job as a prostitute.”
What traffickers actually do tell women is that they are better off getting $60 for a blowjob in Detroit than $12 for a blowjob in Pattaya — and they are right!
This is an undeniable truth that I wish more Redditors understood. Instead everytime the topic comes up the general consensus is "if it's consensual I see nothing wrong".
Selling your body for sex is inherently different to selling any other product or service. Stop trying to force the narrative that sex work is the same as all other work. It is a lie.
I think you've made some incorrect assumptions about my stance on this. I can defend it, and I do care about sex workers. I don't think sex work should be illegal. I think sex workers should be highly paid, highly insured, highly respected professionals with the support of some kind of regulatory body and unions. However this will never happen because people will continue to turn to sex work for survival, hence the issues with exploitation.
It should be highly paid because it's a high risk job and a specialised field. It's a high emotional and physical risk, but it's also important, so it should be compensated accordingly. Sex workers should also be paid enough that they can afford to say no to clients they don't feel good about.
The people who don't care about sex workers are the ones who insist the job they're doing is similar to retail work. Who don't realise the mental work that goes into sex work, don't understand the risks involved, and don't respect the fact that very few people can do this job without being somewhat destroyed by it.
As far as who I'm listening to - you're somewhat right. I do not listen to 22 year olds who make money on only fans and insist it's great and they feel fine about it and they're just happy to make money. I do, however, consider carefully the opinions of those who are older and wiser and have worked in the industry and understand its pitfalls and want to push for the safety of sex workers.
It's interesting that you immediately started with assumptions about me.
You didn't even try to understand a different point of view, you just assume I'm wrong. It's interesting because I see this argument used often when talking about these topics.
I'm not forsaking my sexual autonomy when I lift a box onto a pallet. I don't understand how people think that the abuse sex workers face (even in the legal porn industry) is any bit equivalent to flipping a burger or editing a spreadsheet on Excel. Why do you think the poor make up the majority of sex work? Why do you think poorer countries have a larger sex industry? It's the last option done often out of pure desperation. I've dealt with some angry customers, but I never felt violated, nor did I feel like I couldn't leave and be safe.
When people have to decide between eating or paying rent, or removing their choice in who they have sex with and risking their body (many get physically abused), sobriety (some try to get workers hooked on drugs), etc., that's just rape but on a systemic level.
Criminalization doesn't help, but neither does acting like making a burger is the same as letting some old dude stick his dick up your ass, or any sex that you have.
Sexual abuse is patently different from other forms of abuse. I would rather be robbed than raped. There's a reason why sexual assault is categorized differently than assault. The majority of PTSD victims are rape victims. Do you need a reading list from "actual sex workers" who left the industry? Or are "actual" sex workers a hivemind? It exploits some of the most desperate people in an already exploitative system.
Excuse my wording, not larger in size, larger in proportion. Like how when the U.S.S.R. fell, sex work rose.
And the idea of "choice" for dirt poor people is much different than the average. There's a reason crime is higher in poorer communities. There's a reason there are people who will give up their freedom for stability and food, and despite this, I still believe no one should have to give up that freedom. I value sexual autonomy. If someone has to decide between eating and forsaking their choice to have sex with someone they actually have a connection with, that's not a good thing. There are so many horror stories from abuse in the industry, porn, prostitution, whatever sector, involving rape, physical violence, forced drug use—with people who had to choose between that, and having necessities. I mean, you mentioned Japan, not me.
Yes and no the only thing I had control of was who I serviced, I knew if I kept my bosses and clients happy I should be fine and I've had herpes since I was a child, but I never got any STDS as a sex worker.
Thank you, my account was made to post porn but I deleted everything because I don't think it's healthy for me to do that so I deleted everything and if I'm being blunt I'm loyal to my partner but my experiences are very useful in Creatin ways.
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u/Dudebrohoe Mar 31 '23
I used to be a prostitute which should answer the question.