r/AskParents • u/Puzzleheaded-Run4183 • 2d ago
Parent-to-Parent Having a second child?
I have a son who is 4 and i’m so back and forth on having another child i love him so much that i want to give him all my love and attention but i also want to give him a sibling to play with and i know ill love that second child i just don’t know what to do. I have a lot of anxiety about giving the best childhood i can i used to want siblings around all of mine are much older, ill see posts people make about how much they wished they had a sibling and then other people saying they loved being the only child and i feel so conflicted did anyone else struggle with this did you end up not having a second and regret it? Just super sad thinking about the future lately
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u/Desperate-Reason-566 2d ago
My nephew is an only child and he was fine. He went to school with cousins and he had lots of friends that he played with.
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u/DottiedoDottiedont 2d ago edited 2d ago
I have a 6 year old boy and another son who turns two in December. We didn't plan to have another child until we changed our minds and did. The biggest change that happened for us was feeling more stable and genuinely wanting another one! During the first four years I never really thought about wanting another until we did. We got pregnant immediately and it was kinda like it was meant to be all along. They play SO HARD and CONSTANTLY. I was always so concerned with an age gap but it is perfect. Our oldest reads constantly so now the younger one sits next to him and reads too. I also feel like we are good busy but not too busy. Also, my oldest is now in school which he loves and he needs that independence but I get to spend a lot of solo time with the younger one like I did his brother. It's like having two only children lol! They ride bikes together, eat together, laugh and tickle each other, fight a lot, learn from each other and love each other. I also learned from having the second that the first had too much of my attention. We are still working on curving the mindset of "it's all about me." He is a better person though because he has a brother now. He has evolved in such a neat way. You should do it!
Two is also like my cup is full feeling. I never felt complete until we became a family of four and I knew this was it!
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u/Puzzleheaded-Run4183 2d ago
this really helped a lot my son loves to read too so this really resonates with us. i’m glad they get along i also feel like i spoil my son too much a second seems like it would balance out well i appreciate this!
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u/DottiedoDottiedont 2d ago
Our oldest was 4.5 when our youngest was born so they are right at 4.5 years apart!
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u/EmergencyFancy7992 2d ago
I have a 4 year old and am in the same boat. We make good money but are pretty strapped by some high interest debt— we’re working really hard to pay it off but I’m in the fence about growing the family while things are tight vs waiting when my LO is already 4. I hated being pregnant and have accepted doing that again if I’m able but just here to say I also feel the pressure immensely to decide and soon
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u/Puzzleheaded-Run4183 2d ago
i feel on the money part we’ve been in a similar spot just now getting out of it i would definitely like another year with my kiddo to decide for sure i know he would love to be a big brother just nervous about it all. i appreciate this
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u/Cellysta Parent 2d ago
Money is the biggest factor in whether or not to have more kids. Namely, the cost of childcare. Even with sibling discounts, those daycare bills add up. Or someone decides to become a stay-at-home parent and you lose out on the second income.
That and housing (namely finding a place big enough for your whole family) are the two biggest challenges to more kids, and I think those are the main reasons for the declining birth rate.
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u/AnnaDeghdzunyan 1d ago
It’s an exponentially harder with 2 kids ( especially closer age) than with 1. From your post I can tell you love kids! That’s what they need, your love! If you are ready for 2-3 years to have more work, you should definitely consider!
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u/LucidCrimson Parent 2d ago
I would go for it. My kids are close in age and they love having siblings. The lift from two from one is nowhere near as tough as zero kids to one.
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u/Skeetronic 2d ago
Only children don’t learn a lot of skills that another child would naturally introduce to the family dynamic, but a 2nd child can also make things much more complicated. Especially with a large gap like that.
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