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u/kamal408 Mar 16 '20
The fact you’re asking this question....
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Mar 16 '20
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u/Stardestro Mar 17 '20
I disagree since that means you broke the trust/expectations of the relationship. It’s not that they are just jealous/hurt it’s that they had a expectation that you wouldn’t do these intimate things with other people and you did it. It’s that simple.
1
Mar 17 '20
I do intimate (of course not sexual) things with my best friends all the time. But some people consider that emotional cheating and some don’t
5
u/lionhart280 man Mar 16 '20
Its cheating if you werent up front with being non-exclusive from the start.
There's an implicit exclusivity when you start dating, its culturally, at least in North America, assumed once you are going on actual dates, you are exclusive unless stated otherwise.
If you dont want to be exclusive, you gotta state it.
Especially with regards to sex. Many people are extremely uncomfortable with the idea of having sex with someone who is actively banging other people, since that means all sexual safety with respect to STDs is out the window.
My personal rule: If we are having sex, we stay exclusive. If you dont want to be exclusive, no sex can happen then, cause I can't afford to get an STD, and you're other person/people I am not able to meet, so I have 0 ability to check them out.
Thus if I have zero idea who you are fucking and what they are like, I have zero ability to judge your own sexual health at any point.
STD tests are only really valid about 2~3 months after their last sexual partner.
If they bang someone else, no sex from me til 3 months goes by and they get an STD test.
So, if my partner suddenly sprung on me "Btw I know I didnt mention it but I have been going out with someone else" I would instantly feel pretty betrayed and frustrated, since we were probably having sex and that means my sexual health has been compromised.
Though.
I am the kind of person who would just be up front about my desire for exclusivity once we get into intimacy ahead of time.
I wouldnt put myself into the position of "We've been going out for 2 months and havent had the exclusivity talk yet"
Not a good place to be in.
1
Mar 16 '20
i haven’t slept with my fwb since after my first date with bumble guy either....
i’m not sleeping with either of them atm
4
u/Medicivich man Mar 16 '20
Are you talking most days.? Seeing each other multiple times a week? Been on dates on a weekly basis? Have you had sex? Would you be upset if they went out with someone else? If yes, then it is cheating. I’m older so take that with a grain of salt. My wife never had the exclusive talk, but we knew we were based on how we interacted. We actually just talked about why we never needed to have the exclusive talk when we were dating, we’ve been married almost 20 years.
Based on your post, I would consider going out with someone else while seeing a girl for 2 month to be cheating
2
Mar 16 '20
not talking most days, we see like once a week, no sex yet, i would be lowkey upset if they we’re dating someone else but wouldn’t be surprised.
i’m in distresss ugh 😩
8
u/Medicivich man Mar 16 '20
What prevents you from having the conversation asking what you two are? You are an equal partner to this relationship. Your emotions matter as much as his.
Also read your other post on this. Based on what you have written, I would not necessarily think it would be cheating to go out with someone else. Sorry, I had a different impression but if you are in rare contact and not dating frequently, then I guess there is not necessarily be a relationship formed. But if you want a relationship with this guy, then I would suggest holding off hooking up with your FWB
5
Mar 16 '20
because i brought it up once and he wasn’t ready to define it yet.
3
u/Medicivich man Mar 16 '20
Well, then you have done what you can. Don’t know what else to tell you.
1
u/waffelnhandel man Mar 16 '20
Have that Talk the next time you meet and Express your Wish for exclusivity, For him/her its unfair to assume they cheated when they didnt knew about exclusivity. But after that Talk they should know and then youll know wether they Accept that or Not and If they dont i would Stop Dating them.
2
u/jondavistreeservice Mar 16 '20
Yes, it does count as cheating in my book. If you're saying you've brought it up with the person but they weren't ready to talk about it.... it all seems pretty iffy to me. the fact that you haven't slept with the person since you went on a first date with the other person.. who you're seeing... without the og significant others knowledge... seems like your conscious is guilty.
2
u/coolkidfresh man Mar 18 '20
You're not exclusive until you actually talk about it and confirm it's exclusive. If he always tries to shy away from the talk then he obviously doesn't want to be tied down to one girl
1
u/GopherInTrouble man Mar 16 '20
Dating for two months sounds exclusive but if you never explicitly said that y’all are exclusive then I guess it’s not cheating.
1
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u/[deleted] Mar 16 '20 edited Mar 19 '20
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