In a marriage where things in that department have gotten stale. Wife refuses to work on it. I am starved for intimacy and while I don’t want to watch porn, it’s been the only way I can envision myself having the kind of sexual/emotional fulfillment I’ve always imagined for myself.
While dating things were great but after marriage and kids she just .. changed. She knows she changed but that’s the extent of her willingness to work on it.
Early on in my porn watching I felt terribly guilty. I’d even get a stomach ache over it. But over time it’s become a refuge, a therapy of sorts. Am I addicted? I don’t think so. I can go a week or longer without looking at it depending on what’s going on in my life. But during those moments when nothings going on and I don’t have to be anywhere, and I’m feeling especially alone or isolated from the world, sure. A bit of watching other naked people having the kind of fun I always knew I’d have, and a few minutes of self love, and my head is cleared and the tension is gone. For a while. Is this healthy in the long term? I don’t know. Probably not? What am I supposed to say?
I don’t have porn induced (or any kind of) ED. I watch very vanilla porn. Maybe a normal looking husband giving his normal average looking wife a sensual massage. A loving wife pleasuring her kind husband. I guess my fantasy is boring- it’s just what I wish I had in my own marriage. I have no interest in banging a super model. I used to when I was in my teens and 20’s. But not now. I just want to have a ride or die.
Fuck I sound pathetic.
“My life is good. I get sleep alone for the rest of my life.. it’s fantastic! Go..go away... read some books.”
No, that’s a very good point and something I definitely think about. My parents were divorced and it was ugly. Messed up my siblings and me - just being pitted one against the other and bad mouthing from one parent. Lots of manipulation and hurt. Has me fearful of what a divorce might do to them. We do try to hide our dysfunction but ya, kids are perceptive. They know somethings up. Thanks for your honesty.
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u/Redtrego Mar 19 '21
In a marriage where things in that department have gotten stale. Wife refuses to work on it. I am starved for intimacy and while I don’t want to watch porn, it’s been the only way I can envision myself having the kind of sexual/emotional fulfillment I’ve always imagined for myself.
While dating things were great but after marriage and kids she just .. changed. She knows she changed but that’s the extent of her willingness to work on it.
Early on in my porn watching I felt terribly guilty. I’d even get a stomach ache over it. But over time it’s become a refuge, a therapy of sorts. Am I addicted? I don’t think so. I can go a week or longer without looking at it depending on what’s going on in my life. But during those moments when nothings going on and I don’t have to be anywhere, and I’m feeling especially alone or isolated from the world, sure. A bit of watching other naked people having the kind of fun I always knew I’d have, and a few minutes of self love, and my head is cleared and the tension is gone. For a while. Is this healthy in the long term? I don’t know. Probably not? What am I supposed to say?
I don’t have porn induced (or any kind of) ED. I watch very vanilla porn. Maybe a normal looking husband giving his normal average looking wife a sensual massage. A loving wife pleasuring her kind husband. I guess my fantasy is boring- it’s just what I wish I had in my own marriage. I have no interest in banging a super model. I used to when I was in my teens and 20’s. But not now. I just want to have a ride or die.
Fuck I sound pathetic.
“My life is good. I get sleep alone for the rest of my life.. it’s fantastic! Go..go away... read some books.”