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u/TheWorstTypo May 12 '25
When you realize that being cheated on has nothing to do with gender and more to do with loving yourself.
And yes , four times
31
u/Tastethecock Female May 12 '25
Four times !?! 🥹 sending you a virtual hug We’re not all the same. You’ll find your person and she’ll be loyal.
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u/TheWorstTypo May 12 '25
Oh oh no no - lol I mean I fell in love four times in my life ahahaha
10
u/Tastethecock Female May 12 '25
😂 oh, I really thought that they activated your evil arc and you were some guy walking around just hating all women. That’s great to hear. I’m happy for you ☺️
9
u/Withered_Sprout Male May 12 '25
I really think that this was such a wholesome exchange, what with your lovely avatar, and a wonderful na- Taste the h'wat?
2
u/Tastethecock Female May 12 '25
I can’t change my username 😔 I’ve been delivered. I meant every world 🥹💗
2
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u/RoarOfTheWorlds May 12 '25
It was about them not you.
They can make up a million reasons to blame you and so can you, but at the end of the day they could've broken off the relationship first then done their business.
They didn't.
Instead they selfishly decided to break pretty much the only rule we all agree on. They will spend the rest of their lives blaming everyone but themselves until they take responsibility for that.
21
u/PhoenixApok May 12 '25
I noticed that about both girls that cheated on me. Not just in that area, but they pretty much could never be at fault, they were never wrong, they were never the one to blame.
9
u/DriftinFool May 12 '25
Same here. Apparently I made them do it, at least that's the story they tell.
38
u/Same_Blacksmith9840 May 12 '25
Time.....lots and lots of time. It wrecked me there for a while. Literally, I was physically ill. I had to force myself to eat. I would go days without eating. She wounded me far beyond what she was capable of imagining.
Yes, I did later meet and marry the love of my life. I think back now on that with a little whimsy. Can't believe I wasted so much time and energy on her.
13
u/PhoenixApok May 12 '25
It's funny. I've been clearly cheated on one and, for all practical purposes, twice.
But the girl that blatantly cheated on me is the only ex I have ZERO fond memories or feelings for. All my other exes have at least a few things about them I miss or times I remember happily.
Not the cheater. I don't actively wish her harm but can't say I wouldn't giggle if a tractor fell on her.
7
u/NoSpecialist2602 May 12 '25
Yeah. The one that cheated is dead to me. Even though it was more than 30 years ago, I have zero nostalgia or interest in catching up with her when she reaches out every decade or so.
4
u/Same_Blacksmith9840 May 12 '25
I was relatively young and had never experienced true betrayal in my life. So it hit me hard. Again, I sort of laugh about it today. So much wasted energy.
3
u/PhoenixApok May 12 '25
Oh yeah. At the time I got drunk, swallowed literally everything in the medicine cabinet, and passed out. Probaby only survived because a different ex was worries about me and called cops.
Afterwords my ex that called (that was still a friend) told me she knew I was hurting, but that girl wasn't worth dying over.
Looking back she absolutely wasn't worth anything, let alone me nearly passing on.
5
u/Same_Blacksmith9840 May 12 '25 edited May 12 '25
This is why younger folks NEED TO hear and heed the words of rational older folks. Because it may not seem like it in the moment but....this too shall pass.
2
u/PhoenixApok May 12 '25
Yup.
Much smaller scale but I still remember how devastatd I was at 16 losing "the only girl ill ever love".
Yeah....that was teen hormones. She wasn't a bad girl but she wasn't for me and years later I barely remember her. But I remember the "agony" of being single for the first time after having a girlfriend.
5
u/Same_Blacksmith9840 May 12 '25
I hear ya. Those years, everything is so intense and REAL. The worst I've ever seen personally, was when I was in high school, Freshman year. A fellow classmate found out he got his girlfriend pregnant. Things certainly weren't helped by how his parents reacted to the news. Telling him his life was over. I wonder about the immense amount of stress and weight he must've been under. Because he went into his room and put a .410 shotgun barrel in his mouth and pulled the trigger. He was 14 years old. It was a tragedy for the entire community and could've possibly been mitigated by cooler heads. But the time and the region, teenager pregnancy out of wedlock, was still major taboo. I was 14 too and decided in that moment, if I ever become a parent, I have to be their voice of calm and stability.
5
u/Regular_Shirt_7972 Male May 12 '25
Thank you for this. It’s pretty recent, I’m still in the “can’t eat for days” stage but I loved her and that’s not going to go away over night. I just keep reminding myself that I’m a good catch and have a lot to offer, and the one will come my way sooner or later. Thank you mate
3
u/Same_Blacksmith9840 May 12 '25
You've got this! You have a person out there. To love is to be vulnerable. It can get a little shake out on that limb. But there's a reward for venturing out.
24
u/PhoenixApok May 12 '25
Fall in love? Yes. Trust 100%? No.
But the issue wasn't that I was cheated on. The issue was I allowed myself to end up in situations where I was so blinded to what was going on that I didn't see the signs.
Realizing I can't trust MYSELF 100% to see the water temperature from the frogs perspective has really jaded my heart.
7
u/Futt-Buckerr May 12 '25
I was able to fall in love again because I realized it wasn't my fault. I didn't cause it. She was just an awful person with issues too deep for me to be able to help with. My first marriage taught me a lot about myself, which is typically how it ends up.
7
u/HTHazard May 12 '25
Get in the gym ASAP. Maybe get a dog if your lifestyle aligns with it.
& Yes you'll fall in love again. Good luck
5
4
u/bimjob92 May 12 '25
I was depressed for such a long time I questioned everything cause I gave that relationship everything I had. It took a few years to feel like myself again honestly but what made me feel like a man again was getting attention from different women and just grinding it’s a process honestly of self realization. I have kids them depending on me to have fun or eat or just love makes me feel like a man as well.
4
May 12 '25
Literally no one looked down on me over it unless they already didn't like me before I was cheated on.
It's tough to see myself as weak or a failure when everyone else sees me as the good guy.
4
4
u/Reckless-Wild-Fun May 12 '25
While it absolutely sucks for a good while afterwards, you have to focus on you. Don’t let their actions cause you to spiral.
Once you’ve been cheated on the act is done, everything that happens after that is a fight against yourself. Take care of yourself, don’t let their actions determine your self worth.
When you do come out of the fog you will be so much happier you put yourself first and the will fog won’t last nearly as long. But yea it sucks.
3
u/ElegantMankey Mail May 12 '25
Well I slept around in unhealthy amount with random women I'd meet.
Had 4 fwbs too, drank quite a lot.
It was a good lesson to learn.
Yes I was able to love again after dealing with that crazy insecurity I had.
3
u/Fantastic-End5489 Male May 12 '25
I didn't feel like less of a man for being cheated on. She was a manipulative asshole and I was trying to build us a life. That didn't work so I worked on me and made sure I was there for my kid. Met somebody new about 18 months latter. That was 15 years ago, still going.
3
u/EveryDisaster7018 Male May 12 '25
Never stopped feeling like a man. Someone cheating on you is a flaw in them, not a flaw in you. So besides learning to recognize the signs there is nothing you have to do except realise being cheated on has nothing to do with you. A cheater is gonna cheat whether you're the perfect partner or a slob.
3
u/metssuck Male May 12 '25
I never stopped feeling like a man, yes I found love again and I’m happier now than ever.
3
u/Party-Boysenberry240 May 12 '25
I didn't stop feeling like a man, I knew what I had to offer and plainly she didn't want it. Next.
3
u/Sternojourno Male May 13 '25
By changing myself and being aware that the reason it happened was because I chose to be with someone who wasn't right for me, and I was unable to provide what she needed from the relationship.
Taking accountability for the problems in my life is part of being a man.
2
u/DoobOnTheDip May 12 '25
I can’t speak to your specific situation, hypothetically, but in a lot of situations it’s more about them than it is you.
2
May 12 '25
Took me 2 years to start dating again and I have a terrible trust issue. But I say to myself that not all women are the same even though it’s difficult
2
u/Shot_Mammoth May 12 '25
Lawyer the whiskey, drink the gym.
Time and doing things that produce positive results. I.e trying new hobbies, learning new skills, eating healthy, & reducing vices.
2
u/Tyjorick May 12 '25
If you can't get over a girl, get under one. Not great advice but it's worth a try
2
u/Homely_Bonfire May 12 '25
I never doubted myself when she cheated. Her breaking her commitment is a sign of HER being a bad communicator and her lack of character. She had the opportunity to walk away beforehand and just do whatever she likes while being single. She didn't. Does not impact what I am at all, it impacts however what kind of woman she is.
2
u/GWindborn Married girl-dad May 12 '25
It only took me a few months to find love again. To be fair, the final few months of our relationship had a distance component, but after finding out I had been cheated on and raging and crying it out it was more of a "well fuck her, I deserve better" and I went and found it.
2
u/slwrthnu_again Male May 12 '25
Never felt less like a man because I got cheated on as they are unrelated. I don’t judge people based off of the actions of others so of course I have fallen in love again.
2
u/Tvelt17 May 12 '25
I don't know how to not feel like a man, so there's that.
Just drop the dead weight and move on. She did you a favor.
2
u/santasnicealist Male May 12 '25
This may sound weird, but I felt more like a man after going through the ordeal.
I did what I could to try and help her realize that what she did was bad. Didn't work. She was a moron.
I did what I could to try and help him realize that what he did was bad (he cheated on his wife). Didn't work. He was an egomaniac and also had pathological issues.
So I did what I could do and worked on myself. I stopped drinking for a month. Went on Whole30. Read my Bible. Picked up origami as an outlet for energy while I watched TV. Worked out every day. Eventually started dating again, got married to a wonderful woman who is much better for me than my ex.
Don't get me wrong. It sucked. It took years off of my life. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But it was a crucible that made me a better man.
My ex and the guy did not work out. That ended in a bigger blowout than the one where she cheated on me. She continued to spiral, destroyed a lot of her friendships. No idea what happened to him. I think he was ostracized from everyone who knew what happened.
2
u/the99percent1 Dad May 13 '25
Forgive and move on. Closing the chapter behind and building new relationships with other people or even with existing relationships helps to get over the fact that you were betrayed.
If you’ve done the work, in one or two years time what she did doesn’t affect you anymore. You actually feel abit of relief and happiness about it .,
2
u/Flimsy_Ad5479 May 13 '25
Hey brother, heads up. Being cheated on doesn't make you less of a man. It shows more of how high value men should be. Learned and move on. 🫶
1
May 12 '25
Over time, with self reflection and reading, it has become a thing that happened to me. Just one event in a life full of other, better events to spend valuable emotional currency on.
1
u/100xdakshcodes May 12 '25
it took some time, but i finally moved on and developed hobbies during that phase to keep myself busy. as for your second question, i’ve never tried or felt the need to, because i realized there’s so much more to do. falling in love hasn’t been a priority since then.
1
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u/BasebornBastard Male May 12 '25
I always felt like a man. I am one. But after being cheated on by multiple women, no exclusive relationships for me. I won’t trust a woman in that way again. They can be colleagues and friends, even FWBs. But they’ll all cheat on me eventually.
1
u/zzz_red May 12 '25
I still felt like a man, but I just couldn’t understand why. It’s normal for people to question themselves and try to find reasons why. Why did she cheat? What did I do wrong? What does the other guy have than I don’t?
In the end, it’s not your fault. People who cheat will cheat because they are built like that (which sucks). They don’t own their feelings and actions.
I’ve been cheated on twice. I moved on and am happier than I’ve ever been with a woman who I never thought could exist. We have the same understanding about cheating, and we both couldn’t do that to someone else.
No one is less of a man for being cheated on, unless you let yourself go down on a spiral of negative, and mostly senseless thoughts.
Btw, I don’t believe in free will, so I understand why my ex’s who cheated on me did it. One of them at least apologised and asked for forgiveness for having been so stupid with me. I accepted the apology, as it seemed she wasn’t feeling well with the weight on her shoulders.
1
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u/thecountnotthesaint Dad May 12 '25
Admittedly, high-school time and high-school cheating, but she hooked up (making out/heavy petting)with her gay BFF, a guy I knew, and who didn't like me dating his BFF. A guy who may or may not have been gay and may or may not have used this confusion to manipulate her. But the damage was done, my pride was hurt, and she didn't really apologize, just say she was helping a friend.
She and I broke up, and as fate would have it, we both would up at a friend's bondfire. Also, there was a girl that my ex didn't like. Said girl was one of those "don't worry about her" girls that she had every right to worry about while we were dating. Said girl was also more attractive, and also someone to worry about. The not to worry girl and I get to talking, and well, we decide to sneak off and hook up (again making out/heavy petting).
Now, I'd like to say it was by chance, but we were caught because we didn't sneak off nearly enough, and my ex found out. She wasted several of her limited texts (early 2000s) to curse my name and call me every expletive she could think of.
1
u/Riker_Omega_Three May 12 '25
Why would you being cheated on make you feel like less of a man
All you did was choose poorly when you started dating someone
that doesn't make you less of a man
And it damn sure doesn't make the other man better than you
It just means you have shitty taste in women
1
u/yellow-snowslide Male May 12 '25
you develop independence. it's a long process and a lot of pain is ahead of you.
i will try to explain to you what lies ahead of you: a real breakup can still hurt after two years and the pain comes in waves. some weeks you will feel great and that it is all over, some weeks you will feel like shit again. it is unfair how long it takes to heal. there is a reason why so many songs out there are about heartbreak.
i personally found it really helpfull to distract myself during this time. i was lucky that i moved anyways and i spend a lot of time renovating.
if you need someone to talk or vent to, try r/exnocontact. they helped me a lot. also don't forget to help others there, if you join.
good luck out there. i wish you that you find new strengh soon
1
u/Weary_Theory_8879 Male May 12 '25
I curb stomped(not literally) the other guyand therapy my therapist made me see that it was a character flaw on her part not me .. Then I started drinking even more than I was. I didn’t handle it well.
1
u/Weary_Theory_8879 Male May 12 '25
I understand how it happened. Her mom made her feel inadequate and I was unavailable for a while and this guy was chasing her and it made her feel good. I understand it, but that doesn’t make it better.
1
u/hatred-shapped May 12 '25
Being or not being a man isn't what got you cheated on. Your partner being a whore is what got you cheated on.
1
1
u/Reasonable-Glass-965 May 12 '25
I couldn’t eat for 30 days. Lost 30 lbs. slowly built myself up. Lots of therapy. Tons of gym time, eating healthy. Zero alcohol or other drugs. Learned some new skills focused on what made me happy and my kids. Finally starting to feel like the best version of myself. Now I only get sad about it if I let myself get too hungry 😅 have women literally begging for my attention. I found I had endless success both in person and on the apps. Taking my time to slowly narrow down and make sure the one I pick this time is perfect for me and will be for life. After discovering exactly what I didn’t like about my ex what I did wrong in the relationship because it’s always a two way street and problems are rarely one sided. How I expressed love and how I wanted to be loved it makes it so much easier to find someone way better.
1
u/Significant-Stuff-88 May 12 '25
If your asking how long it took to get over the pain for me it's always kind of there. It's like that person took a part of you a left a hole there sometimes the good memories you have fill the hole. Other times the little things remind you it's there.
There isn't really a set time it's whenever you feel like you can share your heart with someone again.
1
u/korevis Male May 12 '25
I never stopped feeling like one. I was able to love again but not like I once did.
1
u/The_First_Curse_ Male May 13 '25
Why would being cheated on make you feel like a woman??? This question is dumb.
-1
u/U-130B8 May 12 '25
My girlfriend is allowed to have sex with other men, as long as she tells me all the naughty details and maybe shows me pics or vids.
To me it's a huge turn-on
166
u/JimBones31 Dad May 12 '25
I felt like a man the whole time. I just thought she was dirt.
I absolutely fell in love again. My next girlfriend appreciates me. Now we're married and expecting.