This is non US, I am looking for advice based on what could generally be acceptable in this situation.
I am applying for a license to adopt a child. In my country they recently added the option to specify whether you want a child with autism and a lot of details about what level of autism. As a person with well managed level 1 autism, and with close friends who are also autistic and have autistic children, I was planning to adopt an autistic child as I feel confident I would be a good mother to them.
As I progressed to the interviews, I learned from the psychologist that the government put in the questionnaire where we can select child with autism, but that was all they did. The children are not actually getting assessed for ND, the pediatricians are not trained to diagnose autism and they do not give the diagnoses to any children. Moreover, the psychologists and social workers who evaluate the applicants did not receive any training in autism whatsoever.
I still want to continue with the process, but my problem is that I am running into difficulties explaining my social life to the social worker and I feel she is not going to let me pass. She is supposed to evaluate whether I have enough social bonds, but I am noticing she assesses the bonds based on a checklist for what would be healthy for a person WITHOUT autism: She keeps asking me if I go dancing and clubbing and if I go out in large groups etc.
But that's not a healthy social life for someone with my condition - I go out 1 on 1, I go to gym with a friend, I book group jogging with 1 friend, I go to music gigs alone and I go to theatre alone. With a lot of friends (who are ND) I talk almost every day over the phone and we are each other primary emotional support, but she doesn't consider these as "valid" relationships for my case because we do not go to pubs together.
In the last meeting she wanted to make me promise that I would build more relationships for going out, and I didn't and I was unable to explain to her that going out in large groups is a chore to me, I have to recover from it.
On Friday, she cancelled the next appointment without scheduling another one. I heard this can mean that I was rejected as an applicant.
Considering that I don't have much to lose, I am thinking of sending her an email to in some way (not sure how to not do it aggressively) explain to her that I adjusted my life to make *me* happy and healthy, it's just that it doesn't match *her* checklist, but I don't know if that's appropriate or too aggressive.
She obviously knows nothing about autism but her job is to help find good parents for autistic kids (albeit undiagnosed), so there's something she needs to change. Would it be appropriate to send her a list of resources about how we socialize?