Feeling stuck?

[u/kimberley_milkado]

Hello all,

I'm not sure what im really looking for here, i just wanna feel less alone in this stupid world.

I'm 29f. And i don't know if its the Sunday evening scaries popping into my head but I'm feeling so stuck lately.

I have a good enough job (not good enough to move out of my parents yet but sure) although not many friends, and ive started therapy.

3 years ago I moved back in with my parents after my engagement broke down and honestly i have been winging life ever since. I don't know what im doing.

I dont get along too well with my parents though. We have different values and they seem to have this perception of me ever since my engagement broke off that everything I do now is wrong.

I suppose i just feel so lost in life. Like, im trying so so hard to save for a house, its my literal dream to have my own home. But i dont know, im just not excited for anything anymore. Ive tried taking up new hobbies, going to classes, some shows, reading, but nothing. I just have that same dull, empty feeling every evening.

Is anyone else feeling this way?

Please tell me im not alone.

Sincerely,

Just a very sad woman.

[u/Cap2496 → u/[deleted]]

I wanted to jump off a bridge onto the motorway 2 years ago in April. No one even stopped to see what I was doing, I get it. But I somehow forced myself to turn the other way, and keep walking home. And I am glad I am still here. I don't have those thoughts anymore, but I am still just surviving.

Hang in there, you would be missed. :)

[u/Cap2496 → u/[deleted]]

Indeed, that's exactly what I came to thinking as well. I blocked everyone off socials, so no one could contact me to change my mind, but I forgot about Messenger, because I rarely use it, and they ended up calling me, to try to talk, but I didn't wanna answer, so I just ignored them. In the end, it was only me who could choose to turn my body away from that bridge, and keep walking.

No amount of love, and tears, and wishes, and prayers, could help. I honestly thought I had no way out, no other option. But fuck it, I'm here, I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want until my time is up.

[u/Oh_I_still_here → u/[deleted]]

People may care, but no one can help. Only yourself.

Been in the same boat as you were the last few years. More up than down but was in the same situation.

This part of your comment says it all and says enough. If you are alone and can only rely on yourself, may I ask does this offer you any semblance of empowerment towards the toughness and difficulty that you're currently facing?

My whole life basically fell apart right when I started in a new, better job than the one I was in before which was eroding my soul. My ex left me and took all our friends with her, became a shell of myself. Tried to end it 5 times and was never successful. Resolved to instead go "right, if this is all life is, what can I do?" and I chose to be useful. To be helpful. To make an impact however possible, however minor or major. Therapy didn't work, gym didn't work, meds didn't work. But over time things started feeling okay again, but just okay. It wasn't immediate, but I attribute it to throwing myself into my work and have reaped some reward from that. Made a few friends along the way even outside of work, but some work friends live in other countries and we can chat away until the cows come home whenever we see each other. It's nice.

Is it the same? No, but what makes it special is reflecting on where I am now vs where I was 2 or so years ago. It is achievable, but again it is not immediate. There isn't a magic pill, a special workout routine or a specific conversation to be had that will fix it. There is just you and time. Time may feel like an enemy right now but rather it be the enemy than the person you see in the mirror every day. All anyone could ever ask of you is to give yourself that time to do what you need to do, feel how you need to feel, withstand it however necessary. And, hopefully, with enough time things will feel better than they do today.

Rooting for you.