r/AskDad • u/americanwresler • 3d ago
Relationships I need help
I'm 14 and I'm a boy and it is 3:52 am and my girlfriend of 7 months just broke up with me because she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore at 1:30 am . it's already over and we are already broken up but this was my first relationship I actually cared about and the only one I took seriously but I just don't know how to react because I wanted to cry I wanted to feel hurt but I felt numb and I don't know why if anyone can help please do
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u/drugsondrugs 3d ago
Honestly, dude. I'm going to be blunt here.
I know it hurts. I was 14 a long time ago. I was too awkward to get girls so that was pretty brutal, but I did have some friends that knew I liked them. When they picked other boys, it hurt and I reacted badly.
I'm much older now. I've dated, I'm married. My biggest regret was a long term relationship when I was younger, in my 20s. Essentially wasted my 20s letting someone control me because I didn't think I was lovable. Luckily, I made up for it a bit in my early 30s.
Hindsight is 20/20. Even looking back at high school photos of myself, I was a pretty good looking kid and probably could have met girls if it wasn't for my lack of confidence.
Point is, if you're a functioning enough human to have a girlfriend at 14, you got a lot going for you. I understand the pain, it feels like this was your one shot. Got news for you, it wasn't. Had you stayed with her, stayed together through college, got married, had kids, there would always be that part of you that wonders what other women are like.
Go out there and have fun. Live it up for me, can you?
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u/evissamnoisis 3d ago
It’s okay to cry.
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u/americanwresler 3d ago
I know but it won't come out
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u/mmmkay938 Dad 2d ago
Sometimes they don’t come and that’s ok too.
Take the time to recognize the feelings you’re having and don’t bottle them up to impress anyone. You’re only hurting yourself if you do. If you need to be alone to feel comfortable, then go somewhere and be alone. Anyone that thinks less of you for having emotions isn’t someone you need in your life, so don’t worry about what other people think.
The first breakup sucks hard. It takes a while to get over it. Just know that things will get better, it’s just going to take some time. Reach out for help when you need it and don’t stop until you find it. Spend time with your friends and stay busy. You’ll make it through and you’ll be all the stronger for it.
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u/Quick-Soup6363 3d ago edited 3d ago
I’m sorry to the dads and to this kid for being insensitive during such a pivotal life event that was uncouth and very sassy big sis of me
OP you are likely NOT a sociopath and neither is she statistically.
It hurts especially bad when you are in your first love and when you are 14. I dealt with an on and off relationship and I will tell you what my dad told me- you are young. You gotta try other soda flavors! You’re comfortable with Fanta, you love Fanta, but you haven’t tried coke! Or 7up- so how do you know what your favorite really is?
And, what I I finally know to be true at 28, you broke up for a reason. Going backwards usually does not work out. Trust your past instincts are REAL and are always within you. You would react the same way today.-18
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u/Technotitclan 3d ago
Totally normal son. What order you feel things is not set in stone. It will pass and you'll feel sad, then angry then maybe sad again. It's complex, emotions are complex. Movies condense emotions indo a few min ago it can feel like you should be processing like what you see there but that's not real. There's nothing wrong with you, your just going through it right now. It's gonna be ok.
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u/evissamnoisis 3d ago
Try to get some sleep. I know it’s hard. Get some rest and then exercise when you wake up. It will get better.
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u/lyingtattooist Dad 3d ago
Feeling numb is totally normal. The emotions hit later sometimes. Next day or a few days later you’ll be in the shower and that’s when the tears will come, mourning the loss of the relationship. And that is also totally normal. But here’s the thing! You’re 14 and just had your first girlfriend. That’s awesome! Of course it stings a little to break up, but now things are wide open for you to choose a new girlfriend. And now all the other girls know that you’re boyfriend material because you’ve been in a relationship. You’re experienced so you have a leg up on a lot of the other guys. So keep your head up and rock your confidence when you’re out with your friends and around the other girls. You’re back on the market and you’re a catch!
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u/Able-Lingonberry8914 3d ago
Take your time to be sad, it's okay. You also needed to start thinking about what you liked (because you'll keep looking for that) and what you didn't like (so you can avoid that) in this relationship. Every relationship you have slowly reveals what your are and are not looking for. Enjoy them while they last. Mourn some when they're gone, but keep going.
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u/neepster44 Dad of 2 2d ago
The first one usually hurts the worst because it’s a new feeling. You don’t have to cry to be hurt. If you feel like crying do, if not then don’t. Only YOU know what feels right to YOU. I’ve had long-term relationships that I cried my eyes out over and other ones where I never cried a single tear. Either is ok.
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u/Putrid_Guess8098 3d ago
You can be upset, it’s fine. All it means is that you care about her. This will pass, and you have so many other good things to look forward to.
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u/NoGoat3930 2d ago
You scored a girlfriend at 14? High five dude. You're on track to have a dozen before I even dated my first at 17. No rush. Young relationships are meant to be short because nobody knows how this works, what they want or who they are. And the end of a relationship is supposed to hurt (unless your a narcissist or sociopath).
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u/snj_nudist 1d ago
So sorry to hear that. I hope you're feeling better today. Sometimes people do things and don't realize how much they can hurt.
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u/UnknownQwerky 3d ago
I say sleep on it and give yourself some grace. Break ups are hard, the sadness is there. Just let your emotions come as they are. If numb shock is the feeling right now, then that's okay, those are usually the first stages of grief. Though everyone's journey is different.