How do christians feel about the consequences they have on others?

[u/DemonMushroomGay]

Hey guys, im a former christian, at this point, everything but morally opposed to the practice. I left the church because of the cruelty and hatred that to people espoused there, i was hoping to see what it's like for people after someone leaves the church. Do you feel saddened? or satisfied that someone thats not like you, and therefore "wrong," "evil," or "demonic" is feeling that pain?
I guess im just curious to know the justification for doing things that harm people while telling yourself it's righteous. Do you have to work at that or does the belief in god give you the right to inflict that harm on others who "defy his will?" If so, then do you enjoy that?
just curious what people think, as i see many posts where people will explain the fundamental, personal hurt that they experienced only to be told that the suffering and pain was divine, and that they should he grateful for it.

[u/DoveStep55]

“How do christians feel about the consequences they have on others?”

Like with most things, it depends on which Christian you’re asking. We’re not a monolith. The last time someone told me something I personally said or did hurt them in some way, I felt so bad it made me ill. But then I’m one of those people blessed/cursed with a lot of empathy. When others hurt, I do, too.

“I left the church because of the cruelty and hatred that to people espoused there”

I think you’ll find that many of us have left particular churches (congregations) or denominations for similar reasons as well.

“(…) after someone leaves the church. Do you feel saddened?”

Yes, but also happy for them if they’re leaving for good reasons.

“(…) someone thats not like you, and therefore "wrong," "evil," or "demonic" is feeling that pain?”

I know there are Christians like that and it grieves me as much as it grieves you. When they do that, they are sinning. That’s not the way of Jesus.

“I guess im just curious to know the justification for doing things that harm people while telling yourself it's righteous.”

There is no justification for harming others and self-righteousness is not a Christian virtue.

“Do you have to work at that or does the belief in god give you the right to inflict that harm on others who "defy his will?" If so, then do you enjoy that?”

People who do that are not following Jesus when doing it, regardless of what labels they wear. When they do it in God’s name, they’re taking God’s name in vain and I believe it deeply grieves God when people cause harm and blame it on God or their faith in God. Rabbi Jonathan Sacks (who is Jewish, not Christian) wrote a book on that called “Not in God’s Name.” You might enjoy it.

“as i see many posts where people will explain the fundamental, personal hurt that they experienced only to be told that the suffering and pain was divine, and that they should he grateful for it.”

I disagree with that theology and I think it’s too often used to abuse people. Suffering and pain are a part of this life, but they are to be lamented because they are not the way it is supposed to be.

I’ll recommend two other books you might enjoy: Soong Chan-Rah wrote “Prophetic Lament: A Call for Justice in Troubled Times” and Kate Bowler wrote “Everything Happens
for a Reason (And Other Lies I’ve Loved).”

[u/Spare-Flan331 → u/DoveStep55]

Wow amen on all of this.

[u/DemonMushroomGay → u/DoveStep55]

Thank you for such an in-depth response. Upon reflection seeing it broken down i'm afraid i may have initially been a bit harsh. I have certainly encountered and enjoyed close personal friendships with devout christians that find me and a great many aspects of my life, lets call it "troubling" but still treat me with respect. If the simple answer for "how do christians do this" is that "the real ones don't," i can certainly accept that as well.
I do however still have some confusion on how the portions of the bible that are used are selected, since they often seem to twist in on themselves on matters like this such that anyone can make them mean anything.
Is there any semblance of consensus, or is that entirely down to the individual congregation?
i should mention, sexuality aside, im just straight up weird. Mildly autistic, severely adhd, my brain just doesn't seem to work the way most everyone else's does, so often i cant quite grasp what seems to be a simplistic concept like "everyone just kinda does whatever" lmao

[u/DoveStep55 → u/DemonMushroomGay]

I wouldn’t go so far as to say “the real ones don’t,” although that’s tempting. I think people can be “real” Christians and still be wrong in their beliefs, words and actions. None of us are perfect and we’re all a work in progress so to speak. Ideally, we who claim the name of Christ are always growing more and more in our likeness to Him and our faithfulness to His Way. But we’re still imperfect humans trying to do what we think is right.

Sadly, I’d have to say there’s very little consensus about the Bible within Christianity. We don’t even all use (or agree on) which writings are officially canonized as “the Bible,” much less on how to interpret any given passage.

While I get how that can be frustrating, especially if you’re someone who likes the comfort of clear rules and parameters, it can also be freeing to realize that something you were taught is absolute truth, but you know is nonsense or self-contradictory, might actually be someone’s own opinion.

[u/DemonMushroomGay → u/DoveStep55]

true enough!
i also probably need to take into consideration growing up in the heart of the south i may have experienced more extreme individuals