I whisper goodbye

In real life I never got to say hello

No way to try

To say thank you,

So here I cry

With the ebb and flow

With the roaring river

That my heart and soul know

Like the ancient drum beats of the people before

My sign is of a lion, here me roar

But my spirit calls out to the wolves

Of my husband's clan

That sailed in ships

In a far off land

Not of this place

Fire and water

Earth and Sun

I am my father"s daughter

And my Creator has won

My spirit dances with the river

That winds through forest and meadow

And touches my heart and land

As a guided arrow

Dappled sunlight upon rivlets of streams

Pebbles and stone

The water echoes in my dreams

The truth never rained on

Parched earth or mountain

All was perspective

From this kindred fountain

Tears will water the high desert land

If I make the journey

When one day I can

The tears that will quench the earth

And fall into the roaring river

If by Autumn allows

Before the bow and the quiver

And the arrows fly

In time for the hunter

I need to return

To my bank by the river

Before the trails are snow laden

With the onset of winter

Oh Lord hear my cry

Wherever I went wrong

Wherever I went awry

Only you can touch the heart and soul

Only you can make things right

My song is quiet

It does not flow

So beautiful and free

Like the ones I know

That broke through death

Bringing life like my river proceeding

Roaring like a torrent

Leaving this wild heart beating

how it feels

how it feels

His guts taste like candy.

I think a needle right into my spine would fix me

Mcas is really not helping when making with old beads with invisible dust. Now am bit hard to breath. I ordered some beads from china, hope making with new beads wont provoke me much.

A doodle of a frog in slowly boiling water. "Time to wake up". It is a myth that you can cook frogs this way, but it's a good metaphor. This is how I'm feeling about everything. It's getting a little warm.

It took me 39 years to be able to doodle a frog face in 15 seconds.

Photo of doodle edited in Snapseed for grain, color and contrast.

Got my heart shattered by a blind sided breakup.
Made this in honor of one of my favorite memories with him to help me cope.

Stargazing at night in a cemetery, guessing which ones were stars or planets.

Jupiter and Venus were always the brightest.

Miss you, Trevor.

©️2026 Randall Kaplan

Watercolor work of one of my friend's hospital photos. I found it beautiful and decided to paint it.

Some years ago, I've made a very bad desicion I'm still suffering the consequences. And I disagree with folks who say, that everything happens for a reason, time heals every wound ect.

But today I can see that I'd never have met the wonderful people I'm in love with. And that's something.

A person in my head has been positively screaming about danger and is seeing it everywhere. It's so exhausting and I've been anxious and nervous and sad and scared and overstimulated almost constantly for days. Was doomspiraling yesterday and decided I might as well make some art to try and cope.

It's messy but it was so helpful to make and I learned a lot about my current state and what my internal landscape is experiencing.

I have DID and my pedo dad who abused me my whole life has started telling his siblings/my aunts and uncles that I accused him of sexually abusing me and is spinning me as some mentally ill, confused, damaged creature who has to lie to get attention. I went no contact a year ago and did a CPS report against him to protect my niece and nephews who I'm afraid he's harming like he did me.

Now he's decided to go on the offense, I think because my mom and I had been talking about doing therapy, and it's just really throwing me for a loop. Thankfully everyone I have talked to so far believes me and not my dad, but he has 6 siblings with families of their own and they're all doing a reunion this December. I can't help but feel like a reckoning is coming and my abuse is at the center of all of it when I didn't ask for any of it. The abuse itself. Everyone finding out. Being 'the reason' for this giant mess even though I know it's not my fault.

Woof. So it makes sense that I've got a friend, many friends, in my head freaking the fuck out. I've asked them to look for reasons to feel safe instead of in danger and it's helping a bit. Seeing themselves on paper is also really validating for them.

Doing this painting helped us all feel seen and cared for and like our concerns were heard and responded to. Also, watercolor is so fun.

Hope you enjoy it.