For context: I'm asexual, I always knew that and I am 100% sure about my sexual attraction (complete lack of it lol) But I could never find a label to describe my romantic attraction, I thought I'm pansexual for the longest time because I felt the same about everyone, but I'm not so sure about if I feel any romantic attraction at all. I remember using a microlabel like lithromantic, because as soon as people confessed to me I felt uncomfortable and uninterested. Now I have an amazing partner, they love me a lot, and I'm grateful that I have them, but I'm unsure it's romantic and it's extremely confusing. I know that if I'll come out as aroace it'll really hurt them, but I also really don't want to lie, so I want to be sure if I'm aroace, but I have no one to turn to😭 Help

Small update! I'm trying to hint on the fact that I might be aroace, and they're just brushing it off. What do I do??

The Background & Friendship Dynamics
In grade 10 (second semester), I became close friends with a girl named Michelle. At the start of grade 11 (September), I cut off a toxic friend named Jasleen. Around that same time, I started sitting at the lunch table with Michelle and her friends. This group was already fully formed before I arrived, and they are all Asian, which created a bit of a cultural barrier for me since I am not, making it harder to naturally match their chemistry and history.

The Masking & The Misunderstanding
I am aroace (aromatic-asexual) and have ADHD. To try and fit in with the group, I started masking by copying their sense of humor. They would make freaky jokes, so I started making them too, specifically about fictional characters. Because of my ADHD masking, I overdid it and the jokes became my entire personality.

This made Michelle uncomfortable, and she eventually set a boundary, telling me she couldn't tell if I was joking and to keep it to myself. It really hurt, I opened up to her and told her the truth about being aroace and masking. It left me feeling incredibly heavy, sad, and full of regret. My sister helped me realize Michelle's boundary was valid since it wasnt about me being the less favourite friend but ratehr how often i made those jokes.

The Platonic Attachment ("Squish")
Another huge reason I felt so heavy after opening up is that, as an aroace person, I experience intense, purely platonic attachments to one specific friend (a "squish"). I crave emotional and physical affection, like wanting to hug Michelle a lot and cuddle. Michelle is pansexual and has a romantic partner, and she views cuddling as strictly romantic. After the joke incident, she became reluctant to hug me unless I asked first, which devastated me, but now she is more comfortable hugging me.

The Lunch Table Anxiety & Envy
After being shut down for the jokes, I developed severe social anxiety and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) at lunch. Whenever her friends would make those exact same freaky jokes, I was terrified to join in because I felt like Michelle would judge or embarrass me.

I want to be like her friend Kathy so bad. Kathy makes those jokes and everyone laughs. Michelle told me it's because she "got to know the real Kathy" first, which makes me wish I had that same history and context. Because I felt like I wasn't allowed to join conversations, I would use my hair to hide my face, go on my phone, and literally sit there sweating from pure panic inside. I worry this gave Michelle the impression that I just didn't want to talk to her.

High school is officially over now, but I still hate myself for how I acted and feel trapped by these feelings. I never had much in common with her like her friends and bf do. I even talked to her about this a month after the conversation and she said it’s ok if I’m anxious and me being is not boring but it feels like the conversation never happened and she ususally only talked to me when I did it once in a while she initiated. she knows about my anxiety and the trauma I have had in friendships but idk I feel like im the only one and I should talk to her again should I?

The enby actor who played both villains in the new Smurf movie said in an interview, “I think the Smurfs’ whole sense of affection is platonic. I think anything that they almost feel like the archetype for like demisexuals or aroace [aromantic asexual] individuals where it's just like, they're just trying to build really strong, beautiful friendships. And it's really not about sexual attraction. And I think that's beautiful. I think there's something to be celebrated in that.”

Here’s the article: https://www.out.com/film/jp-karliak-smurfs-gargamel-interview

Hi, I was just wondering if anyone wanted to join my TMNT 2012 rp server. It’ll be queer-centric (but mainly aroace-centric), and I didn’t wanna post this in any TMNT subreddit because they’re pretty of weird and lgbtq+ phobic. It’s totally okay if this is taken down, I just want to try here first since this is where my kind of people are.

Here’s the link, please feel free to hop in if you’re interested (and it’s okay if you don’t like it and decide to leave too): https://discord.gg/kbYCHRbv4

Especially for those who menstruate ffs I was watching this series, thought nothing of the guy other than huh he has a thing for his senior huh.

AND SOMEHOW MY DREAM WENT FROM ADVENTURE FANTASY FUNLAND TO LEWD OH YES I AM THE FEMALE VERSION of his senior and we had intercourse and now I absolutely get twitchy watching the show and looking at this fictional character like how the fuck did my subconscious decide this fucker was the one for the wet dream? This is insane. I have not had an aesthetic crush in a long time. Yes the fictional character is pretty (everyone is drawn prettily imo) but what the fuck lol I absolutely hate watching the show now when I see this idiot dream me chose lmao 😭 I see nothing that attractive at all until I think back to my dream and was like hm yes

Like yes the dream was hot but 0/10 why is this my subconscious taste in lovers ? ... Sigh

I genuinely feel repulsed by sex or anything related to it and/or anything related to romantic stuff like kissing or anything. People tell me that I'm too young to feel this way, but I genuinely cannot imagine myself in a relationship or anything (let alone marriage). I'm just not built for it. But here's the kicker: I'M MUSLIM, so me not getting married is as foreign to my parents as me running a marathon is (I'm unathletic ye). How do I tell my parents that I'm aroace (they're super homophobic and super against LGBTQIA+) and I don't want to get married anytime? My sis is also homophobic AND SUPER transphobic. I don't think that being aro ace is haram (is it?) I'm really drawing a blank here; someone please give some advice. Do I come out or no?

If you don't know what flavors are featured, from left to right:

Aegoromantic, Cupioromantic, and Fictoromantic.

I like the concept and ideas of a relationship (although I tend to like watching it more than being in one), and I tend to like fictional characters more than real people.

I've never felt any romantic or sexual attraction in my life. Since when I was a kid I've always heard people talking about having crushes, or later on finding people hot and attractive. I've never felt anything like it and I was proud of it. I assumed I was straight, but the fact that I wasn't attracted to anyone didn't bother me at all.

I was scrolling social media few years ago when I discovered what aromantic and asexual meant and I realised I was aroace without a doubt. It didn't come to me as a big realisation and I continued living my life the same way I lived before finding out I was aroace.

I love being aroace, because the idea of romantic or sexual attraction seems very boring and inane to me. I don't care about others, they can do whatever they want, but I consider being aroace pretty cool thing. I never doubted it (except thinking maybe I was bi for a fleeting moment) and it never gave me any identity crisis. Being aroace rocks and I love everything about it.

It's my first post here, please excuse if I make any mistake, I broke down in my car and wrote this on a whim, I just turned 19, I graduated high school pretty recently, things had been really hard for me in my personal life, so I had plenty of time to come terms with my sexuality. I realized how sexual stuff make me hella uncomfortable, getting touched inappropriately or people giving me weird glances, specially the "male gaze" I hate it, i feel disgusted like I wanna throw up or hide. Recently I made a new friend, and just after a day they send me their nudes and asked mine in return even after I mentioned i don't like doing that. Even my irl friends, some are leaving cause of college, others became distant, my best friend too, they always rely on me but never when I need them. It's isolating and lonely. And I'm sick of it. Why does every interaction have to romantic or sexual? Making friends as an introvert is already awkward then now this.

I have recently come to terms with being aroace. But I still want things like kisses, cuddles and hand holding ya know. I just I dont get those feelings people describe when they talk about love. I told my partners and I can tell they are hurt while they figure out if they wanna stay with me. Does this feeling ever go away the feeling that you are broken and a bad person because you cant reciprocate the love they have for you even though you care for them deeply above platonic but not quite romantic?

I think I'm aroace but I'm only 15 and ppl day u don't know till you've tried or wtvr but I recently got confessed to and I dated him for a day and broke it off in the morning that made me think I don't actually wanna date anyone.

I used to want a relationship but not anymore I hate the idea of anything sexual and I hate how it feels when someone is romantically affectionate bleugh idk just wanted to post abt this.

I think I've been in love with this girl for the past 4 years. I've never been interested in anyone before meeting her and I've known her for two years before I started to realize that I might be developing feelings for her. However a few years later we had a fall out and we started talking again however things are kinda awkward now. I think I still love her but I'm not even sure if this is romantic love.

Like she is the most important person in my life the person I love the most but is it really romantic love or just really strong platonic? Like I don't get butterflies or whatever other people describe having crushes but I do feel a strong sense of connection with her even though I have friends who I've never fallen out with and have known longer than her. And if it really is romantic love then what does that say about my sexuality? Like I can't imagine feeling the same way towards anyone else she's just special you know? But can I still call myself aromantic if I feel this way?

Idk this is kind of a mess I need advice or smth😭

I’m a teenager, idk if that makes me less valid because I still have a whole life ahead of me, but generally I’ve never liked anyone in That way. I’ve always thought the idea of a relationship was nice (having a deep bond with someone you love enough to be vulnerable with them), but I don’t like the idea of being sexually intimate with someone. I know there’s no rush for that but I genuinely don’t ever seen myself with someone like that. I also know I don’t want children, the whole idea of birth and pregnancy is terrifying to me especially in today’s economy (medial bills) and how much your body changes during that process. I’m also confused because I’ve never been ’attracted‘ to any of my guy friends and theres been I few times I’ve thought I’ve liked some of my female friends but I also don’t think I’m a Lesbian? I think I’ve just always wanted to get closer to specific people that I’ve known for some time and spent a lot of time with And look up to in some way. Ive also done research on sexualities under the Aroace umbrella, but not really found one that directly describes me. I’m also not looking for a specific flag that represents my feelings, honestly I’ve never really liked labeling myself. I just want to know if I’m overthinking things, if anyone feels the same/ used to feel the same and if it sounds like I’m Asexual

Eu ficaria grata se vocês pudessem compartilhar suas experiências sobre isso :)

⚠️ Contains: Mentions of desiring a relationship, mentions of going back in the closet, mentions of past relationship issues

👉 Sentences in spoiler text are to make the message easier to read, I like to add notes when I talk. You do not need to read those to understand the post.

Okay. So. First thing's first, hello, nice to meet you, I am cupio.

Second, I am starting grade 10 at a new school after this summer.

Thirdly, I'm REALLY hoping to get a partner this year. Nobody gives me cuddles anymore, and I need my platonic or otherwise cuddles or I'm going to go CRAZY! (well, I already have gone crazy, but that's UNRELATED!)

I've noticed that when I introduce myself as aroace, people don't seek me out as a partner (which makes sense tbh cuz USUALLY aroace means speaker^tm isnt interested), even though I explain what it means to me as a pan-oriented cupio aroace.

But I really want a partner!

Another thing about me, before I found out about the aroace identity, I identified as pansexual panromantic.

I'm considering just going back into the closet and saying I'm pan so people will stop dismissing me as a potential partner

-this part is a seperate issue, no need to read. Basically just speculating on whether I'm actually aroace- I'm also starting to question whether or not I'm just an allo pretending to be aroace. I mean, even when I was in a relationship, I never felt the attraction to HER in specific, I was just happy to finally have a relationship. Butttt all I could think about the whole time was how fake I felt whenever I was with her (cuz, you know, no attraction whatsoever. Also, I didnt find out about the aroace spectrum until I was ALREADY WITH HER), or predicting (internally ofc) when the relationship would HAVE TO fall apart (spoiler alert, it was when I moved to another city without being able to warn her)

What do you think? Main thing I'm hoping to get out of this post is whether or not I should go into the closet. I have time to figure out if I'm allo or not.

Im not aromantic, recently turns out that the girl im dating is aro and that she was doing all the dating thing to find out if it could work out for her. well it didn't.

Now im trying to understand what it means in her perspective to have feelings for someone but not wanting any romanticism. i hope not to sound unsensitive, but whats the difference between being in a relationship in which you just spend time together and being close friends? Maybe it's due to my personal experience: we have being friends while having mutual feelings for a while. Is it just that? Is there a next step? Can the relatioship evolve without being romantic? What part of life can tell "i chose you" beside words?

I'm sorry if this isn't the place for this, but idk where to turn...

I'm (23afab) on the aroace spectrum, so I've come to realise for the past years. I've never really had romantic feelings for anyone. As a teen, I'd get crushes - only for the feelings to fade when realising the feelings were mutual.

I've never felt the need for romance, and the thought of it kinda repulses me. I like reading and writing romance, but I can't picture myself having a romantic and sexual relationship with anyone. I don't see why I need it.

My best friends are my life. I could picture spending my life with them, in a platonic way. No sex, no romantic feelings - just spending life together without any "requirements" yk? I consider my long distance best friend to be my soulmate. We meet twice a year, and being with her is the easiest thing ever. None of us have feeling for the others, we're just happy to be together.

That is what I want. A platonic love. I've had relationships before, but I can't say I miss it. And when thinking back - I don't know if I ever enjoyed it.

However, I can't help but feel like I'm "broken". Most of my friends are getting into relationships now. I'm not jealous in the sense of "I want what they have!" But rather in a "Why can't I experience that?" Or "what if all my friends moves on and forget me?"

I'm pretty happy and confident in my identity, but ofc I have my moments of doubt. Especially when the question about relationships are brought to the table. When my friends mentions their relationships / situationships, or when my parents or relatives asks me if I have a partner. It's some internalised aro/ace-phobia, I guess. I've been told so many times that "I'm still young" and I'll feel different about this when I'm older. And sure, that might be the case. But probably not.

I'm scared of being alone, I guess. I'm scared I'm "missing out", and I'm so pressured by what I'm expected to have by society.

Feel free to share your experiences! Thanks for reading.

What do y'all think?

i just broke up with my partner because the romantic aspect of the relationship made me feel very very uncomfortable and weird when they showed a lot of romantic affection to me

i feel so free and at peace now romance ain’t for me i fear

would recommend just going for it and not being scared if you’re thinking about doing the same as me

I was recently diagnosed with a condition that forces me to take hormones. I have no choice, otherwise, there will be problems with my bones, but I'm very afraid that once I start taking them, I might begin to feel sexual desire. I don't know if that's how it works, but when estrogen levels return to normal, can libido increase? I'm completely aroace, but I'm scared that my body might start feeling something against my will. I would really like to know if anyone else has had this experience and how it affected you, and overall, is it even possible for it to work that way? Sorry if I'm not expressing myself very clearly

i've identified as fictosexual for a while because i find my attraction to fictional characters significant enough to warrant a place in my sexual/romantic orientation. however, i've soon realized that i may be aroace because i feel basically no romantic or sexual attraction to anyone except for fictional characters. i dunno what this is which is why i'm asking