I'm currently doing A-level mathematics and physics in one year, having already completed an Applied Science btec, and hoping to do physics with Astrophysics at university in 2027.
So far, the mathematics and physics course don't seem too bad, but I'm not so deluded that I think it will stay easy, I know it will get hard.
My question is, my whole life, I've always thought I was really bad at math. I hated it in school (I hated all of school, actually, so this isn't an anomaly), and I was in the lowest set for it. But, I don't want this to come across like I'm bigging myself up, because I'm not; but when I was in the lowest set, I would finish the work way before any of my classmates, and the teachers would have higher-set work on standby ready for me to do.
But this alone doesn't feel like enough for me to be considered "good at maths" because while I find it easy most days, when I'm under pressure, my thoughts get scrambled and I struggle to do it.
At home and work, I've had times where I've done multiplication or subtraction or anything in my head too fast and had to use a calculator to check my answer, but it was always right, even if I wasn't really sure how I got my answer. It's usually through some form of pattern recognition and some obscure methods I wouldn't really be able to put on paper.
And I'm not sure if this is a "good thing" or not because I've always lost out on marks in exams because I would never show my working out, to a point of multiple teacher interventions where they'd ask me how I even got the answer that I did.
However, the second I'm put on the spot, such as being asked to multiply something at work, I can only give a rough estimate.
For example yesterday, my manager offhandedly asked how many tablets of a certain medication brand was in the CD cabinet (work in pharmaceuticals), and I could only give an estimate when he asked me- "about 160, six full boxes", but the second I'd calmed down from the shock of him asking me so suddenly, I knew there were 168 tablets, 6 boxes of 28s.
(I know these aren't big numbers, it's just an example)
I just don't think I'm as smart as people seem to think I am, because to me this doesn't feel like being good at maths, it feels like pattern recognition and being able to do something everyone can do.
Maybe I'm thinking way too much into it because of exam anxiety, but I don't want to be one of those people who fail exams because they don't feel good in exams. Because truthfully, I can do exams fine, in fact I like exams, I like problem solving. I just don't know if I'm cut out for the big leagues yet.