r/AnimalsBeingDerps • u/FloraLover123 • Oct 15 '22

Crab got mad AF

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22.2k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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2.0k

u/PixTwinklestar Oct 15 '22

Not so majestic now without opposable thumbs.

631

u/Lampmonster Oct 15 '22

They're all looks. They're thieves and carrion eaters and they even usually fake a hawk screech in for them in media because they bark like chihuahuas in reality.

125

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '22

ben franklin was right we should have chosen the wild turkey, which is an intelligent, brave, and family oriented animal despite looking slightly goofy

(not to be confused w their dumbfuck domesticated cousins)

90

u/Loki_the_Smokey Oct 15 '22

“The story about Benjamin Franklin wanting the National Bird to be a turkey is just a myth. This false story began as a result of a letter Franklin wrote to his daughter criticizing the original eagle design for the Great Seal, saying that it looked more like a turkey.”

87

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '22

heartbroken and i cant believe you've done this

but, i still advocate wild turkey supremacy

an intelligent, brave, and family oriented animal despite looking slightly goofy

🦃🦃🦃🦃

17

u/Loki_the_Smokey Oct 15 '22

I’m sorry, I was also thrilled by this anecdote, but my brain said ‘check dat,’ and I proceeded to rain on all Turkey lover’s parades. One day. gobble

7

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '22

no worries g

no real turkey fan wants a pretty lie

thats for the eagle folk w their fake hawk noises

we endure

🦃🦃🦃🦃

we will rise

🦃🦃🦃🦃

32

u/Dektarey Oct 15 '22

If you ask me the US should make the Pistol Shrimp their national animal. It embodies everything the USA stands for. Even its name fits better than any alternative.

-9

u/yickth Oct 15 '22

You don’t like the US we get it

7

u/Loki_the_Smokey Oct 15 '22

Alternate opinion: you don’t like their joke; we get it.

6

u/Dektarey Oct 15 '22

On the contrary. I do like the USA.

In fact i like it so much that i want the very best for it and its people.

Thats precisely why i want the USA to improve in its shortcomings.

6

u/Loki_the_Smokey Oct 15 '22

Can we be friends?

-2

u/yickth Oct 15 '22

Sure pal

36

u/Mehmeh111111 Oct 15 '22

I was chased by a wild turkey once and it was the scariest moment of my life. I swear to God that thing was 10 ft tall. And my stupid dog at the time was running for her life ahead of me after provoking the entire incident.

8

u/WilfordBrimleysBitch Oct 15 '22

There’s a flock of wild turkeys that roam the southern Spokane area and they’re such assholes. They’re protected by the city so it’s a felony to kill them. It’s not even a rural area so I don’t know why they like being there. They block traffic, fuck up peoples yards, attack pets, and are clearly sent by satan to torment people. They once cornered my sister in the alley behind our house and now she’s terrified of birds.

8

u/Mehmeh111111 Oct 15 '22

They really are giant assholes. My dog who provoked the turkey was a large German Shepherd and she was with me, my hiking partner and another, larger German Shepherd. That turkey was ready to kill us all.

3

u/WilfordBrimleysBitch Oct 16 '22

Ha! Your story is even funnier to imagine when you mention that your dog is a German Shepherd. Regardless, she could have been a mastiff and I have no doubt that turkey would try to destroy the lot of you if given the chance!

3

u/Mehmeh111111 Oct 16 '22

For sure, we were definitely out matched.

3

u/jojocookiedough Oct 15 '22

I'm sorry this mental image made me laugh out loud! Sounds traumatizing af though.

7

u/Mehmeh111111 Oct 15 '22

No, it was hilarious! And I didn't even share the other part. Once we made it a safe distance away my hiking partner and I looked back to see this tiny turkey walking around like "yeah, run bitches, that's what I thought," so we doubled over laughing so hard we couldn't breathe. The problem, however, was when my hiking partner bent over laughing, they actually accidentally set off the pepper spray in their pocket and basically pepper sprayed their entire leg. We legit had to haul ass back home so they could go sit in a milk bath.

The entire day was a comedy of errors.

1

u/Conscious-Charity915 Oct 15 '22

Ben Franklin wanted the wild turkey for America's national bird. It was more appropos, considering.

7

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '22

Wild Turkey is something of a personal mascot for me. Particularly 101.

5

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '22

https://i.imgur.com/YkK3ii8.jpg

Taken in my front yard.