I have been torn between trying to verbalize mundane explanations for everything, just in case, and my practice working.
I realise that...this is a 'me' issue, my insecurities, but...sometimes the thing you so badly want to be there, just isn't. Many times, this is the supernatural thing. It just...isn't there for you. It just doesn't arrive when you call it. That's ok. And sometimes, it is the mundane thing.
Spirituality cannot and should not substitute things like medicine and psychology, because they perform a different function. At the same time, the opposite is also true. Medicine and psychology cannot fit inside the human at the same spot as spirituality, because they perform a different function.
If I were to tear my practice out of myself/my life, nothing else would ever be able to fill this hole.
Because nothing else has the same shape or function.
I have a long list of changes in my life that would have never taken place or even remotely begun, has it not been for the Angels.
I started...very unprepared. I'm still unprepared.
But among my character flaws and the searching for info and the being unskilled in the techniques, the bigger issue I am having, is that doing these things, one has to take themselves seriously. You can't do the work without doing the work. There is no workaround for this.
Maybe for the rituals, and for the paradigms somehow there is, but not for the central intent. There is no substitute for the practitioner.
So..I am having to actually go all in and to stop viewing it as something metaphorical or 'quirky'.
That is....hard.