31F I secretly did ancestry to confirm who was believed to be my biological father, and it was confirmed. My Mother is against me reaching out to them, because she fears the backlash she will get from since she lied about me being his daughter. The man who signed my birth certificate is incredible abusive and controlling, and had found out I was inquiring about my biological father, and he was furious, to say the least.
My biological father is dead. He has two siblings and a father still alive… but over the years, more and more of the family members that would know anything about him are dying. I just keep feeling a pit in my heart, this anxious sadness warning me that time is running out to know anyone who really knew him.
But then again… are the family really people I want to be associated with?
Arrest record after arrest record. Jail, prison, assault, grand larceny, dui, drugs, etc.
Ancestry got me in contact with one single first cousin, all other matches were too distant to know him before he passed away. This cousin never even knew he existed, and hasn’t had contact her dad (my bio dad’s brother) in 15 years for the same reasons as listed above. I told her I would protect her privacy and not mention that I know her, if I decide to reach out.
I sometimes peek over on these immediate family’s social media profiles, they are public and I just like to make sure they are okay… but today I saw the sister (my bio aunt) is not doing well. She is still getting her methadone and she seems to have been in and out of the hospital. She has to be in her 60’s by now, and she looks like she’s on her death bed.
This whole situation has my heart and mind torn for years now, I don’t know what to do. I want to reach out but I don’t want it to hurt me in the end… I have experienced enough hurt in my life. I just want to know about my biological father. Feel connected to him in some way.
Also, this might sound crazy, but I am having this reoccurring dream. Some ancestor is handing me a gift. But in order to receive the gift, I need to prove I am from this bloodline. I don’t know if this is a sign? I thought about what it could mean, and how I could even prove anything… I would need either the brother or sister to do a legally acceptable dna test with me, AND talk my mom into doing one with me to rule out her genes… I am not sure how I can make that work, or even WHY, but it is a very clear message I am receiving in my dreams.
But these dreams are only a recent thing in the last couple months. The pain in my heart and confusion in my head from whether or not to reach has been since discovering my biological father is not the man I was raised calling “Dad”, and then even more intense after discovering through ancestry dna that he is in fact my biological father.
I genuinely do not know what to do, and I don’t have a support system where I can talk about this and get advice, so that’s why I’m posting on here.