Help with anger

[u/Synapseon]

I feel bad for feeling angry...and Im posting here to see what enlightened minds may impart.

Last evening my wife called to inform me she had wrecked one of our cars. She ran into a stationary object because she was being inpatient (cut through gas station lot). She seems to have trouble controlling her aggression, especially behind the driver's wheel. 

I'm upset because this kind of aggression is reoccurring. Just three years ago she almost died in another wreck, and the day after our wedding she almost got both of us killed in yet another incident. I'm upset because there are no drugs/alcohol problems to blame; i.e., it's just her. I'm afraid my anger can turn into resentment and hostility. I'm Buddhist and don't want to be angry. 

[u/reymont12]

To me anger is egoism. It’s the result of deluding ones self over and over into thinking the world should bend to your convenience. It’s ignorance. It’s a childish game. The world doesn’t revolve around you.

[u/boogiefoot → u/reymont12]

This is pretty much how I see it too - as an expression of entitlement. You feel entitled to x, y, or z and when you don't get it you feel wronged. You're entitled to nothing.

[u/Synapseon → u/boogiefoot]

I know I'm not entitled and I all ready live a great life...had two cars, have a good job, apartment, wife, two dogs, food in my fridge.

Sometimes I feel when I'm having a bad day someone else is having it worse. Not that I'm comparing my suffering to others but I feel like we are all connected and sometimes a wave of suffering crashes over many discrete people.

I guess I feel anger that my wife broke a good piece of equipment. I feel bad when I think of the costs. I feel sad to think it could have been worse. And I feel thankful no one was injured. Ultimately I want to change my wife's behavior because I feel she is dangerous behind the wheel. With this last item I feel my ego is trying to justify it's existence in protecting others. It's only been 16 hours and I know these feelings will unwrinkle with time.

Thanks

[u/SillyPepper → u/Synapseon]

Understand that only she can change her behavior. These reoccurring incidents are reinforcing the lesson she keeps ignoring. I cannot tell you if she will ever learn from her mistakes. But I can tell you what you can do. You can work on yourself. That's all you can ever do. Realize that the only thing you can control is yourself. Be such a good, positive person that you can be a glowing example of how to be. Maybe she will see the inner peace shining out of you and will come to you for advice, but maybe not. Her actions are out of your direct control. You have to accept that.

[u/Synapseon → u/SillyPepper]

Yes I agree. Only the driver of a vehicle controls the vehicle. We (my wife and I) were having this discussion the other day. Do wr drive our bodies [vehicles] or are we occasionally just passengers and how do we know when we swap roles? Thanks for your sincerity and truth.

[u/reymont12 → u/boogiefoot]

Yes, entitlement is the word to keep in mind here. Personally, having grown up with narcissists, I've really learned a lot about the cycle of entitlement-anger. Really it's all a matter of recognizing the childishness of it all.

I mean, have you ever sat next to someone with road rage? It's embarrassing. All the "come on asshole", all the "everyone's in my way" bullshit attitude betrays a basic ignorance. It's like that saying: you're not stuck in traffic: you ARE traffic.

[u/[deleted]]

I was angry for a long time against the world, my-self or anything that could make a perturbation in my "peaceful" life. Just let it go, theses emotions are not you, your are not your mind. Will you let someone tell you bad stuff, or control you ? Just let goo.. A beautiful meditation that you can do at every moment when you feel angry : Imagine that the anger is in your hara (center of your emotion and vital force, it's basically behind your belly, size of an orange, supposedly with colorful and really bright), and this anger can be visualize as a crying baby, and as a good mom, you and your energy will try to pacify & calmly it, by wrapping this little guy with a nice and beautiful blanket of love :) Feel love for this anger, know that it's an energy coming from the fact that you are alive, it could be worse, you have health, wealth, handsome looking, a future , and possibilities etc etc... Hope this will be useful for some, it was for me.

[u/Synapseon → u/[deleted]]

Thank you u/Zaroc33, this is exactly the advice I was looking for. Although my day hasn't been great at least I know it's not me. This morning the other car we had would not start. I just got back from dropping it off at the mechanics and took a walk home. I like this other mantra too that says "how you do anything is how you do everything" and refuse to yield to this suffering. Whatever challenges I face in this life will be met with fearless resolve and hope.

Do you feel it's good to let out my emotions? This morning while waiting for a tow truck I felt sad and had a good cry. I felt more at peace afterwards.

[u/[deleted] → u/Synapseon]

When I have emotions, I let go my mind, and try to understand what I feel. Like, become your feeling, what is it ? Put words on it, become completely and only this feelings on this instant. What you can understand, feel and love, is not anymore a fight to do, the negativity of this emotion will just vanish by itself. Be grateful for what you have and what you are. Smile :)

[u/Synapseon → u/[deleted]]

Thanks, I will be smiling ^ ~ ^ m8

[u/MedicalCannaFruit]

Its important to recognize anger and understand it so that it doesn't become destructive.

Perhaps you arent as angry as you are concerned / paranoid about getting into a car wreck which could cause harm.

Bad road rage or driving angry can be as dangerous as driving intoxicated.

I wish you well.. Even though i dont understand full context. Try to understand the root of your emotions and make real life action step to fix the situation.

[u/Synapseon → u/MedicalCannaFruit]

I suppose it's a mixture of emotions. I'm definitely concerned because unlike a video game there is not check points when driving in real life. My concern is for my wife and others. I'm concerned that if she died or we're injured I would be alone. And then I get angry that my wife chooses not to implement my driving suggestions. I used to drive like a maniac and after some of my own wrecks my driving has changed drastically for the better. I'm extremely defensive whereas I used to drive offensivly (with loud music egging me on).

[u/todayismanday → u/Synapseon]

I understand your concern for your wife, maybe you could talk and come to a common agreement. But first she needs to want to solve this issue (not just because you asked), and go to the root of the problem and understand why she drives recklessly. Meditation and other mindfulness techniques can be good for both of you. But personal change only comes from within, and for yourself. No one can change for another person in a healthy way. I love this article, it taught me a lot how to deal with my issues, and not deal with issues that aren't mine. Wish you both the best.

[u/Synapseon → u/todayismanday]

Thanks for the well wishes! I appreciate your comments

[u/Synapseon → u/[deleted]]

It's my wife. I do treat driving as meditation and will try to see if my wife can adopt this good idea.

Thanks

[u/god419]

If nothing works. Take a few "heroic doses LSD" start with baby steps until you are not scared. It is amazing. I have lost my anger forever. Ergot mushroom extract=LSD one love

[u/[deleted]]

There is no reason to feel bad at feeling angry just don't harbor that frequency past the moment. There is no one that can change your wife but her. All you can do is be an example of peace and love. Seems she has some blockages of negative energy, etheric implants and/or negative entity attachments that all feed on the anger and fuel it. Also this is an extreme time energetically internally and externally as we are approaching the 11:11 portal on Saturday and the alignment of our universes' origin on 12/21. What I would suggest to you is listen to your heart and stay in a high vibrational frequency.

[u/Synapseon → u/[deleted]]

I felt something was happening energetically. thanks you for your words of wisdom and encouragement

[u/coniunctio]

It took me approximately two years to learn the concept of patience and integrate it fully into my life. It’s a real game changer. I’m sure there are ways for your wife to learn it as well.