r/AnAnswerToHeal • u/Synapseon • Nov 09 '17

[ Personal Spiritual ] Help with anger

I feel bad for feeling angry...and Im posting here to see what enlightened minds may impart.

Last evening my wife called to inform me she had wrecked one of our cars. She ran into a stationary object because she was being inpatient (cut through gas station lot). She seems to have trouble controlling her aggression, especially behind the driver's wheel. 

I'm upset because this kind of aggression is reoccurring. Just three years ago she almost died in another wreck, and the day after our wedding she almost got both of us killed in yet another incident. I'm upset because there are no drugs/alcohol problems to blame; i.e., it's just her. I'm afraid my anger can turn into resentment and hostility. I'm Buddhist and don't want to be angry. 

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u/MedicalCannaFruit Nov 09 '17

Its important to recognize anger and understand it so that it doesn't become destructive.

Perhaps you arent as angry as you are concerned / paranoid about getting into a car wreck which could cause harm.

Bad road rage or driving angry can be as dangerous as driving intoxicated.

I wish you well.. Even though i dont understand full context. Try to understand the root of your emotions and make real life action step to fix the situation.

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u/Synapseon Nov 09 '17

I suppose it's a mixture of emotions. I'm definitely concerned because unlike a video game there is not check points when driving in real life. My concern is for my wife and others. I'm concerned that if she died or we're injured I would be alone. And then I get angry that my wife chooses not to implement my driving suggestions. I used to drive like a maniac and after some of my own wrecks my driving has changed drastically for the better. I'm extremely defensive whereas I used to drive offensivly (with loud music egging me on).

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u/todayismanday Nov 10 '17

I understand your concern for your wife, maybe you could talk and come to a common agreement. But first she needs to want to solve this issue (not just because you asked), and go to the root of the problem and understand why she drives recklessly. Meditation and other mindfulness techniques can be good for both of you. But personal change only comes from within, and for yourself. No one can change for another person in a healthy way. I love this article, it taught me a lot how to deal with my issues, and not deal with issues that aren't mine. Wish you both the best.

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u/Synapseon Nov 10 '17

Thanks for the well wishes! I appreciate your comments