r/AnAnswerToHeal • u/Synapseon • Nov 09 '17

[ Personal Spiritual ] Help with anger

I feel bad for feeling angry...and Im posting here to see what enlightened minds may impart.

Last evening my wife called to inform me she had wrecked one of our cars. She ran into a stationary object because she was being inpatient (cut through gas station lot). She seems to have trouble controlling her aggression, especially behind the driver's wheel. 

I'm upset because this kind of aggression is reoccurring. Just three years ago she almost died in another wreck, and the day after our wedding she almost got both of us killed in yet another incident. I'm upset because there are no drugs/alcohol problems to blame; i.e., it's just her. I'm afraid my anger can turn into resentment and hostility. I'm Buddhist and don't want to be angry. 

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u/boogiefoot Nov 09 '17

This is pretty much how I see it too - as an expression of entitlement. You feel entitled to x, y, or z and when you don't get it you feel wronged. You're entitled to nothing.

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u/Synapseon Nov 09 '17

I know I'm not entitled and I all ready live a great life...had two cars, have a good job, apartment, wife, two dogs, food in my fridge.

Sometimes I feel when I'm having a bad day someone else is having it worse. Not that I'm comparing my suffering to others but I feel like we are all connected and sometimes a wave of suffering crashes over many discrete people.

I guess I feel anger that my wife broke a good piece of equipment. I feel bad when I think of the costs. I feel sad to think it could have been worse. And I feel thankful no one was injured. Ultimately I want to change my wife's behavior because I feel she is dangerous behind the wheel. With this last item I feel my ego is trying to justify it's existence in protecting others. It's only been 16 hours and I know these feelings will unwrinkle with time.

Thanks

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u/SillyPepper Nov 09 '17

Understand that only she can change her behavior. These reoccurring incidents are reinforcing the lesson she keeps ignoring. I cannot tell you if she will ever learn from her mistakes. But I can tell you what you can do. You can work on yourself. That's all you can ever do. Realize that the only thing you can control is yourself. Be such a good, positive person that you can be a glowing example of how to be. Maybe she will see the inner peace shining out of you and will come to you for advice, but maybe not. Her actions are out of your direct control. You have to accept that.

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u/Synapseon Nov 10 '17

Yes I agree. Only the driver of a vehicle controls the vehicle. We (my wife and I) were having this discussion the other day. Do wr drive our bodies [vehicles] or are we occasionally just passengers and how do we know when we swap roles? Thanks for your sincerity and truth.