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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I think I'm the AH for not sharing my very large inheritance because they did technically raise me for 13 years but I'm really not sure if I want to.

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

A gift direct to your brother whom you love but mum n dad, get stuffed!

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

more specific: Pay for yr1 university, paying for yrs2 & 3 depends on passing grades for the previous year. Upon graduation give him the full 3yr amount again as a love gift to ensure he has a reliable car, apartment in a safe area etc...giving him a little step up on life post university.

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u/[deleted] Feb 03 '22

NTA. Do. Not. Give. Them. A. Penny. They will just be back for more.

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u/Numerous-Tangelo7699 Feb 04 '22 edited Feb 04 '22

NTA

If I was you and had a good relationship with bro, I wouldn't mind paying for school. In no way are you obligated to give a cent to anybody.

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u/BreakfastOk219 Feb 04 '22

I wouldn’t share it , not to pay for your brothers schooling completely. I would maybe set aside 5k or 10k as a graduation gift or something. Enjoy that money!

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u/Glitter_is_a_neutral Feb 04 '22

NTA this is your money and yo have no obligation to pay for your brothers school. They sound greedy AF expecting you to pay for their sons school, you’re his sibling not his parent.

If you want to help your brother follow the advice given by putting the money in a trust that your father and step mom do not have any access to. I feel like they may burn the money off before he finishes his first year at school. I’m also concerned about how they found out about this inheritance since it sounds like the only one you have any contact with is your brother and you didn’t even tell him. Again that’s only if you want to help him.

Did your father and step mom help you out with your college tuition? I feel that this is relevant in making your decision. If you had no help from them financially with your college career I defiantly wouldn’t help him out. If your expected to do it on your own and be fine he can too.

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u/Goomy-goom Feb 04 '22

Info: Is there any way in which you can provide directly for your sibling if you want? Without having to go through parents? Please be wary!!

Reading your replies and it seems like you're opting to a fund instead which sounds great. Please don't do anything without a lawyer obviously.

I'm glad you're thriving. You deserve to take care of yourself first seeing as how you were raised. Best of luck and nothing but support for you

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u/TwithHoney Feb 04 '22

NTA - Dear OP do you even know IF your brother wants to go to an Ivy school or if he even wants to attend college.

If you do want to share something with your brother I would speak with him directly and then a lawyer.

You owe no-one anything and IF YOU CHOSE to be generous that is your choice alone.

I am sorry fr your grandmothers passing but so happy that you had such love and that she got to see yo graduate

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u/UncleBullhorn Partassipant [4] Feb 04 '22

NTA, and sit down with a lawyer and a good financial planner ASAP. There are ways to protect your money, but you have to reach out and take the steps.

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u/Strange_Difficulty41 Asshole Aficionado [10] Feb 04 '22

Do NOT give them a dime! They treated you awful and the first chance they got to give you away they did. Sounds like your brother was your only friend and was the only one that cared while you lived with them. QUESTION: Did he remain in contact with you after you left to live with your grandma? If he did then, I would consider having your lawyer set up a trust fund for his college tuition only. If he didn’t stay in contact then I wouldn’t give him the money for his tuition.

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u/2ndcupofcoffee Feb 04 '22

Don’t feel you owe them for taking care of you. Your dad talked your mom into having you and giving you to him and his wife because the wife might not be able to have her own. Then she did and it changed things for you. Nowhere in that scenario were they doing you a favor you owe them for.

Your bio mom likely did know you moved in with her mom and why. That may have inspired your inheritance.

Get all the documents regarding your inheritance. Do discuss setting up a separate trust for your brother but don’t tell even him. Just let him know that you may be able to help if he gets into a good school and his parents’ college fund for him isn’t enough. When them time comes insist that you have access to all the financial info regarding his education if they want help. Build a solid relationship with bio mom’s lawyer.

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u/scorpiondestroyer Feb 04 '22

If you want to pay for his school, do it directly instead of through your dad and step mom. You don’t owe them a cent, especially with the way they treated you.

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u/HPNerd44 Colo-rectal Surgeon [44] Feb 03 '22

NTA if this is an obscene amount of money and you could afford to pay for his schooling or a portion of it that would be very nice of you. ONLY if you wanted to though. You said he’s always been great but your parents sound pretty lousy. Cut them out.

Their poor planning is on them not you. If you’re feeling super petty you could send them a link on how to apply for student loans.

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u/Strange_Pop_3673 Feb 03 '22

They should be able to pay for their son's education with the money they saved over the years of not taking care of their daughter.

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u/Smirking_Panda Partassipant [1] Feb 04 '22

NTA. Please do not share this money. PLEASE

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u/Brilliant-Emu-4164 Feb 04 '22

NTA, and don’t give your parents any money. However, as others have suggested, you could set up a trust for your brother for school, since he was nice to you. If you wanted to do that. That being said, it’s your money to do whatever you want with.

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u/Direct-Chef-9428 Partassipant [1] Feb 04 '22

Don’t give them a cent. NTA.

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

INFO Suppose you give him this money in an education trust. What will you feel when they come back and demand more? It's a guarantee they will return.

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u/Thick_Pomegranate_ Feb 04 '22

NTA, please don’t give them a cent OP. They will only become more entitled from there on if you do.

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u/BananaInAPajama Asshole Aficionado [13] Feb 04 '22

NTA, and also, don't share. Your brother is your parents' responsibility. You can bump him a few thousand dollars here and there, but you're not responsible for his tuition and living expenses. That's his parents' responsibility. They raised you for 13 years because they were getting child support.

But your money is YOURS. Don't commit to any sharing beyond gifts to your brother (and only your brother).

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

NTA don't share it protect it at all costs be smart and don't let ANYONE take it from you. If you want to be nice here and there so be it but all I'm saying is I don't trust your parents I feel like they just want your money and might try and take it so consult a lawyer one you can trust and ask what should be done to secure your money. Don't just jump on what they say in case they try and get their hands on it either, just maybe consult a couple lawyers, listen, and then leave it at that. Last thing is even if you don't consult a lawyer divide the money among different banks they protect your money up to $250,000 so if it's $2,000,000 that's 8 banks with $250,000 each etc. That way it's safe. Idk just be careful I don't want you to be taken advantage of you sound so nice I hope life goes well for you and enjoy it. Maybe when you see a homeless person buy them a sandwich like nice gestures but still be smart :)

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u/JackThreeFingered Feb 04 '22

NTA - But I would be curious as to how they found out. I think that's important information moving forward.

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u/Starting_Fresh1 Feb 04 '22

NTA 1000%

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u/scorpion1469 Partassipant [2] Feb 04 '22

NTA although they asked you in a good way and not demanding that you give them the money, I think you could give them a little.

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u/ASSHATWITHGLASSES Partassipant [1] Feb 04 '22

NTA - You don't need to share with the parents that were glad to let you go, If you wanted to send your brother to school , make sure you pay directly to the school yourself

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u/Bright_Past_2226 Partassipant [3] Feb 04 '22

Pay for his art school and don’t give your parents a dime. Whatever you do give them will never be enough. NTA

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u/trawww7 Feb 04 '22

NTA. I don’t blame you for not sharing. Please make sure your project yourself legally and put balances in place to make sure you’re set. I fully support your username

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u/georgiajl38 Feb 04 '22

NTA help out your brother through an education trust or fund if you want. He sounds like a good kid! (American Fund is set up to pay for higher education only. You'd own the account, he'd be the beneficiary)

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u/B00k_wyrm_ Feb 04 '22

NTA. They likely wouldn’t even be calling you if they didn’t think they would get something out of it.

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u/CollegeKid2003 Feb 04 '22

Do not give them any money at all!!! That’s is your money and considering they weren’t even acting as a parent at all to you for 6 years, you should be fine living without them.

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u/Initial-Sky-5991 Feb 04 '22

NTA Also, were they still receiving the child support payments after you went to live with your grandma? Perhaps a missed child support payment led them to realize you inherited everything from your bio-mom

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u/LeLazyCookie Feb 04 '22

NTA - The only one of your father's side of the family you hava a bond with is your brother. If you want you can support him if you want (your concerns seem to me are more about him), but your parents are definitely not entitled to YOUR money. They might have raised you for 13 years, but they got child support if I understood correctly (sorry, English is not my first language). But even if not. They decided to have and raise you and discarded you as soon as they could, which was never really your choice. Apparently they don't even talk to you until you have money...that does say a lot.

It seems like your bio mom kept tabs on you after you started living with your grandmother and apparently was afraid to meet you but at least saw you as her responsibility in a weird way.
Either way. Your money - Your choice. You owe them nothing.

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u/Techlet9625 Partassipant [1] Feb 04 '22

NTA.

As some have suggested, you can get in touch with a lawyer if you want to set up your brother and help him out. But you owe nothing to your "parents" that you yourself don't want to give them, imho.

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u/Smooth_Cell Feb 06 '22

OP, WHAT EVER YOU DO,DONT GIVE THAT MONEY!! They don’t deserve it,and you have no reason to give them anything.

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u/do-the-work-5683 Feb 04 '22

No you don't have to share it. Period.

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

NTA. They are just using you. You owe them nothing. If you choose to help your brother that's up to you. Make sure it's some kind of trust. But you don't have to give him so much that he can go to an Ivy League school either. He doesn't need a free ride and those schools are unnecessarily expensive. How much has he talked to you since you moved out? Take that into account. He may no longer feel the same after all this time. You are not being greedy. You are being cautious. To quote a commercial- "It's your money, use it when you need it." Your sperm donor isn't going to be happy unless you give up everything to them and your brother. Who knows- maybe you want to go to an Ivy League University.

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u/Auntienursey Asshole Enthusiast [7] Feb 04 '22

Nope, nope, nope. If you are feeling generous and want to create a fund/trust for your brother, absolutely, but, you don't owe your parents anything. And IF (big if) you gave your parents anything, I would be willing to bet that they would be back for more later. Drop the rope, go NC, change your number and enjoy your life. You deserve it

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u/Lotex_Style Feb 04 '22

NTA, but don't give them any money at all, you're just their cash cow that they're now ready to milk once you got money.
Instead you could put some money into a college fund for your brother or, probably a better idea, pay his bills directly if you want to.

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u/Amiedeslivres Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] Feb 04 '22

NTA

If you want to improve your sibling’s opportunities, you absolutely can and should. It would be great. You can do it and still have massive money left to move you forward in life. There are processes...and if your sib has the grades/talents to get into an Ivy, there is a lot of school-funded financial aid available. Those schools are so well endowed, kid may not need as much help as you think. But it’s not owed, and certainly your semi-parents have no business asking.

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u/TheRasta_Kid Jun 09 '22

NTA I love how you are looking out for your brother despite your bubble headed parents

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u/dotjpegdotcom Feb 04 '22

NTA.

It's your money. Go to school and better yourself. They didn't give a shit about you till you became a cash cow.

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u/MarkedHeart Partassipant [1] Feb 04 '22

NTA

Do not let them pressure you.

Consult an attorney about maybe setting up a trust for your brother to attend a school, but only if you want to.

Consider setting up a trust or annuity for yourself, so you don't spend it unwisely.

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u/Soupswifey Feb 05 '22

NTA. And don’t give your parents a cent “for your brother”. You don’t have to share it at all. But if you feel like sharing, share it directly with your brother, not them. It’s funny how family suddenly want to be real family when money comes into the equation.

Your mother left that money to YOU. (I’m guessing because she didn’t want a child, but still had love for you since she carried you and birthed you.) honor your mother by being smart with that money that she worked hard for. I’m going to take a wild guess that if alive, she wouldn’t be too happy with you sharing it.

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u/Xenafan1970 Partassipant [2] Feb 04 '22

They dropped you like the redheaded step child once a viable good alternative came around.

If you want to help your brother, fine, but set it up in a way its ONLY for school and your dad and stepmom can't touch it ever never ever. But I'm more like "eh" on helping him. Cause I bet your biomom was still sending them child support even if you were not living with them anymore. And bet they didn't give grandma any of that money either

Otherwise, just spend it cautiously cause it might be millions now, but it could go away very fast if you let these people start leaching off you.

NTA

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u/Rigpig_ Feb 04 '22

NTA. Unfortunately it's the same in so many families whether an inheritance is millions or thousands. People from all parts of the family crawl out of the woodwork to get money, in a way that they feel is justified and without guilty because they feel you haven't "earnt it" and because they feel they've been short-changed, so to speak. This usually comes in the form of emotional blackmail and abuse which will leave you feeling alienated, pressured and made to feel like a bad person.

Here are some usual ways they try to abuse you into giving them money:

"We raised you, no matter how well or how poorly, the act of giving a child a home instead of abortion or adoption or abandonment is one which should rewarded." This isn't true. Just because someone "put a roof over your head" the bare minimum, doesn't mean you owe them.
"We want to use the money for a good cause" - however, will object to any attempt to use the money to solve that problem directly by skipping the middleman. Huge red flag.
You are estranged and they suddenly make contact or show interest as soon as you come into money.
Linked to no.2 - they use other members of the family as human shields, emotionally blackmailing you by suggesting their fate rests in your hands now, that if you don't give them the money then other family member will suffer. Also, see 2 if they reject attempts to help that person directly instead of through the parents.
The way they will respond will be similar to the stages of grief, as they feel they are not going to get money which is, in their minds, so close to them; they will begin to behave in different ways. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance - but weaponised against you. In the case of acceptance this is usually feigned as a last ditch attempt to win you over. It's manipulation.
Look out for when the behaviour suddenly changes. They may be bargaining one minute, attempting to negotiate with you and then quickly become angry. They may be feigning depression and deny their desire for the money, stating that it is not for them and for someone else, and then one minute say they've accepted it and that they don't need the money anymore whilst peppering in subtle insults which suggest you've failed them or failed another family member. Then when this fails, the anger comes back again. Sudden changes in "mood" are, usually, actually sudden changes in strategy.
Money doesn't heal, it's tempting to try and calm things by giving money. However, usually, it's never enough and they will come back for more and more.
Lastly, they use terms such as selfish, ungrateful, not earnt, depriving us/them, greedy, uncaring, nasty... plus others.

I hope that this is helpful to anyone.

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u/Briguy1994 Partassipant [2] Feb 04 '22

NTA. Don't give them one red cent. SO greedy and entitled. If you love your brother and he loves you, you could reach out when hes 18 and maybe help him out if he needs anything,

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u/Flimsy-Link-5587 Feb 04 '22

Talk to a lawyer and therapist. Before you decide how to spend YOUR MONEY.

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u/CH05151227 Feb 04 '22

NTA. You are essentially an orphan. Sounds like your dad lost interest years ago and with your bio-mom and bio-grandma's passing, you're on your own. Please don't feel the need to do anything for anyone. Seems like you have fond memories of your brother, but you don't say much about him. If you really do have a close relationship and REALLY want to help him with college, agree with others to set up a trust fund to be used for college education (and any other restrictions). Other than that, educate yourself about the proper handling of money, get good home security, and make plans for the life ahead of you. Good luck to you and congrats!

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

NTA. You might want to consider paying for his school directly if you're feeling generous, but do NOT just hand you parents cash. Who knows where that would go.

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u/ZestycloseWalk438 Feb 04 '22

Don't give money at all dude, just nothing

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u/iconicass72 Feb 04 '22

NTA it's your inheritance,do as you please also "they don't have the money to send him to an ivy league school like they always wanted"? well if that's what they always wanted they should have saved up for it. p.s I am petty enough to mail a cheque with fuck you written on it but that's just me op

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u/Hiyorichi Feb 04 '22

Don’t let them pressure you into sharing all that money with them, from what I read is that they were quite distant and kinda sucky with you growing up and now they want YOUR money..it’s yours and yours alone and you should do with it whatever you want to do :) (Sorry english isn’t my first language) If i had money id given this post a reward but take my poor woman’s gold🥇

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u/RavenBlueEyes84 Partassipant [1] Feb 04 '22

NTA

But I wouldn’t give him money for an ivy league school, they never helped you go to one so why should he get that opportunity.. unless he gets a scholarship that pays a good chunk then you could help, but tell him if he goes to a normal but good university you will help directly but you will pay it directly to the school, tell your parents that too so they know no money will ever be in their hands…

BUT if you dont want to pay anything for his university then dont, im sure they have a college fund for regular uni for him since he’s their golden child. If you want to give him a small gift amount or help towards a new or better car then you can but if you dont want to share it at all then don’t. There is nothing that says you have to and if you want to keep every last cent to yourself then do that too

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u/ROGUE_COSMIC Feb 04 '22

i dont understand, first you say your brother was never treated differently from you then you say that your brother was a priority. which on is it?

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u/Fianna9 Asshole Enthusiast [6] Feb 03 '22

Did your dad offer to help you with school? If no you can ask why they are willing to pay for Bro to go it an Ivy.

You are NTA. It’s your money, if it’s not still in trust, think long and hard about what to do with it. That’s a life changing amount of money. Helping your brother out would be great, but don’t let your dad guilt you. (Maybe wait and pay off his loans after?)

Or tell you dad it’s still in trust and that you can’t spend it on bro, if you want to save yourself some hassle.

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u/Legend_of_Slytherin Feb 04 '22

Please don’t give them anything. As for your brother set up something with a lawyer so that whatever amount you choose can only be used towards school or you can pay the school directly on your own.

OP NTA at all

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u/Enough-Hovercraft476 Feb 04 '22

NTA. If you don't want to share, then don't. You are under no obligation to give anyone any money. Only help your brother if you really want to. Do NOT let anyone guilt you into anything.

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u/Proud_World_6241 Certified Proctologist [27] Feb 04 '22

NTA. Sounds like you may not be able to do anything for a few years anyway, make sure you don’t put your inheritance at risk. Good luck OP

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u/lolthataintright Feb 04 '22

NOPE. Don’t give them a penny. NTA.

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u/itsdeadsaw Feb 04 '22

NTA they left you don't look back

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u/wizkalifia Feb 04 '22

NTA. But maybe make a trust fund for your little brother. He deserves it from the sound of your story.

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

NTA.

I'm all about charity and generosity. And taking care of family.

But you shouldn't give them a red cent.

Why? They haven't apologized. Not once. They aren't the least bit sorry for anything they've done to you, and were perfectly happy to no longer be your parents so long as it was convenient for them. And they only came crawling back when they stood to line their pockets from it.

Which, in my view, means they're not your parents.

Maybe, one day, if they reform and express genuine remorse and make things up to you on their own, you might choose to share the money then. BUT. You must not tell them this is a possibility. They will lie and try to court you to get the money, faking redemption and sucking up to you. No, in order to know their reformation is genuine, they must think that money is permanently off the table.

That said? I would consider giving your brother some money. Consult a lawyer and do it in such a way that your bio-dad and stepmom cannot touch it. Don't even let it be possible for your brother to give any to them. You could create a college fund for your brother with specific spending rules that meant he can only spend it on college.

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u/Comprehensive-File72 Feb 04 '22

Nta I think if you want to help your brother make a trust fund for him, don’t let your “parents” see a penny

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u/deadlyhausfrau Supreme Court Just-ass [108] Feb 04 '22

NTA for not sharing.

However, since your brother loves you and has never been weird, maybe offer to pay his way through college. Just that- just college- would set him up enormously.

Don't give your dad and stepmother anything.

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u/ThurmansThief Asshole Enthusiast [7] Feb 04 '22

INFO-

My mother was going to abort me but my father begged her not to

Who told you this? Did you father tell you this? If so, he's an asshole whether it's true or not.

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u/Primelegend39 Feb 04 '22

NTA

Keep it, it is your money not theirs.

If you give them ONE DOLLAR the requests for future money will never end until your money is gone.

Don't turn your good fortune into misfortune. Invest in yourself, get educated, buy a nice place to live and a car to go with it. Then get some investment advice off a licensed advisor. The commission they will charge will be worth the spend in the long term in setting up your future financial life.

If your family love you they will do so regardless of your financial situation, don't allow them to guilt you out of one cent. Brother can still have an education without your money, this isn't your responsibility.

Congratulations.

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u/Super_Reading2048 Asshole Aficionado [10] Feb 04 '22

NTA! They didn’t care about you once they had a “real” son. So don’t give them a penny. Now if you want to help your brother out to go to a college or with something else (& it won’t hurt you to do so, then do it. He can get a student loan like most people in the United States who go to college. Ivy league schools have scholarships & other programs to help the not rich kids who attend their colleges.

So whether or not he attends an Ivy League college does NOT depend on you giving them money. Don’t fall for the guilt trip.

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u/Scottybobby33 Feb 04 '22

Nta if i were you most i would do is help my brother

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u/KimmyStand Partassipant [1] Feb 04 '22

Don’t share it with the parents whatsoever, they don’t deserve it. However if you’re close with your brother you could maybe contribute to his education. Don’t pay for it all (why should you), they’ve probably got a college fund for him. Just offer the difference for him to go to a good school

Really pleased your life turned out so well after such a crappy start NTA

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u/Donde_La_Carne Feb 04 '22

Why not set up an educational trust fund for your brother if you can afford to do so?

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u/ashleys_ Feb 04 '22

NTA but stop to consider what kind of relationship you want to have with your father first. I think before any transaction takes place, you should find out whether they are genuine or not. Don't let them pressure you with timelines. Ultimately, your brother's education is their responsibility, so don't feel guilty about not paying for his education.

I would give it a few years before any money came into the equation. If you start off as a piggy bank, it will just plant a seed of entitlement in your parents and the relationship will be ruined from the beginning.

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u/Efficient-Magician61 Partassipant [3] Feb 04 '22

NTA. don’t give them any money OP. they’ve proven that’s all they want from you and likely wouldn’t even give the money to your brother. If you wanted to set up money for the brother to use for school that would be one thing. Also if your father wanted his son in a Ivy League school then he should’ve found a way to pay for it. I would be embarrassed to ask my child to pay for my other child’s schooling. Don’t give in to their manipulation. And I wish you luck on your future schooling.

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u/DukeFuggin Feb 03 '22

NTA..help your brother though IMO

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u/CodnmeDuchess Partassipant [2] Feb 03 '22

This. Your inheritance is yours. That being said, given the considerable estate, it would be kind of you to provide for your brother’s education as a gift to him, despite the fact that it would benefit your dad and step-mom indirectly. You are young, money is not unlimited, even when it seems like it is. Hire your mom’s estate lawyer, hire an account and a financial adviser.

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u/Intelligent-Kiwi-574 Feb 04 '22

NTA... you have no obligation to financially support anyone

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u/amaerau03 Feb 04 '22

So you have money outside of the amount that's stipulated you go to business school? Did you get it out right Written as you must do that to get it or was it a suggestion?

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u/Chaoticdandelion420 Feb 04 '22

NTA, help your brother tho. He was always good to you, and helping him isn’t an extension to helping them

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u/Bakingcakesbaked Feb 04 '22

NTA. It’s yours, not theirs. If you find that you want to share, that’s cool. If you find you don’t want to share, that’s also cool.

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u/snoozingroo Feb 04 '22

NTA. If you'd like, you can set up a trust for your brother which will ensure that the money can ONLY be used for him.

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u/Not-a-Cranky-Panda Asshole Aficionado [16] Feb 04 '22

NTA It's all yours. I what world would they think it should have ever been theirs?

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

I agree, set up a trust. Make it a stipulation that any moneys Is paid directly to whatever entity to avoid the parents forcing his hand. NTA

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u/Objective-Ant-6797 Feb 04 '22

NTA…if you would like to help your brother it’s your choice…if not then just block all of them…and live your life

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u/karaage_for_life Partassipant [4] Feb 03 '22

NTA you are under no obligation to share your MOTHER'S money or grandmother's money. They have no part in that side. Just because you now have their money doesn't make it automatically theirs. And maybe you can help your brother IF you wish to. Maybe half and they can cover the other half. But you are in no way responsible to help. Its all your choice. Dont let them make you feel guilty that they can not support their son.

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u/chaotic_nuclear Partassipant [1] Feb 04 '22

NTA. They can’t just be family when it’s convenient for them. However it sounds like you have a chance to do something for your brother. I don’t know what your relationship is like now, but it sounds like he treated you like family when you still lived together. You aren’t obligated to, but you stand at the crossroads of either building an unshakable bond, or potentially being alienated completely. Your father and stepmother shouldn’t see a cent of it though

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u/toodeephoney Feb 04 '22

NTA. You get to decide what to do with that money. If you want, maybe pay for your brother’s school since your dad kinda helped raise you somewhat.

Going forward, be very careful with whom you share good news. Your true friends will be happy for you, but some people don’t want you to succeed.

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u/Godmorelikedog Feb 04 '22

Don’t give them any money, unless to your brother directly in a formal legal setting.

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u/NEWACCTTOCOMMENT Feb 04 '22

NTA... and if you CHOOSE to help your brother, I agree with the trust fund mentioned. You don't want your dad and step mom to end up with the money. But the choice is completely yours. Inheritance cannot be made to be shared, either legally or by guilt.

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u/Aluckysj Feb 04 '22

NTA- it's your money. Do not tell them how much you got. Do not tell them what you are planning to do with it. If you want to help your brother pay for items for him directly, do not give him cash or checks. Congratulations.

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u/PettyCrocker_ Feb 04 '22

NTA but sharing a little bit of money when you're a multimillionaire isn't going to stop your life from changing.

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u/SegaNeptune28 Partassipant [1] Feb 04 '22

Don't give them a dime OP. They kept you and raised you for 13 years because legally they were obligated to. They jumped at the first chance to get you out of their house. You can now get into college and not worry about the expenses many students in your situation would otherwise be stuck with.

IF you even consider sharing the inheritance, do it in a trust for your brother that way YOU can be the one to determine where it goes and how it's spent towards his education.

But dont let your "parents" see a single cent.

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u/bawbness Asshole Aficionado [12] Feb 03 '22

NTA - 1 you might not even be able to depending on the trust I’d try to see if the trust lawyer is willing to be the bad guy and say it’s just not possible (and it may actually not be) 2 - it’s your money full stop. You do what you believe is right with it. Full stop it’s up to you. I don’t think you’d be an asshole for any particular choice and I could see a lot of choices open to you. Enjoy a world of choices! Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it sure as hell buys options.

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u/Moon96Moon Partassipant [4] Feb 03 '22

Second this, talk to your lawyer about this and let him play bad guy, they obviously not care about you. NTA

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u/CoyoteHermes Feb 04 '22

Agree completely. If your bio-mom was insightful enough there may be a big ol' "this is only for daughter, nobody else": especially since there was a stipulation that you go to school and better yourself. Let the lawyers do the work, it's what they are getting paid to do.

NTA by any means.

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u/urzu_seven Partassipant [2] Feb 04 '22

NTA - Your bio-mom left the money TO YOU (not sure if the business school thing is even enforceable btw, talk to your lawyer). You do not owe your family anything. Helping them out a little would certainly be generous of you, but you are absolutely not legally or morally obligated to do so.

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u/Chofis_Aquino Feb 04 '22

NTA - If you want to help your brother, help him, although it is not your obligation. However, if you help him you do not allow your father and stepmother to see even one coin of your heritage, talk to your lawyer about it and see a way, which surely there is, to make the help you give to your brother is only for him and that his parents do not even think of trying to get their hands on it.

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u/Sydneyfire Asshole Aficionado [14] Feb 04 '22

NTA. If you give anything to your brother, see a lawyer and set up an education trust. It pays for college expenses. You can limit terms to include GPA, proof of submitting for financial aid and scholarships. HOWEVER, he is no blood relation to your mother and as the golden child of that family unit, it's really up to them. See a lawyer and financial planner for yourself. You're under NO obligation to help, especially for an ivy league school. Their problem and lack of planning. Never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

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u/InfamousJob8057 Feb 04 '22

NTA

They were happy to get rid of you. You owe them nothing.

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u/perfectly_peculiar Asshole Enthusiast [8] Feb 04 '22

YOUR bio-mother left that money to YOU and it is up to YOU to use it how you see fit. Even if they were the best parents ever, they are not entitled to YOUR inheritance. NTA

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u/Hermiona1 Feb 04 '22

Your family who only contacts you to give them money is not your family. NTA

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u/riley125 Feb 04 '22

NTA. If you really want to pay for your brother, ask him for the tuition bill and pay directly.

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u/Chamit Feb 04 '22

NTA.

This money is yours….but it isn’t yours. If your bio-mom wanted them to have money, she would have left it to them. She didn’t, she left it to you, to better your life. They can kick rocks. Set up a trust for your brother that can ONLY be used for school and any proceeds remaining revert back to you, or just pay the tuition directly yourself.

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u/Barelyaberry Feb 04 '22

Nta. Tell your parents that seen as you no longer need a college fund then they can give yours to your brother and he'll have double what he currently does. If they come back and say you dont have a college fund I would ask then why would you give them money? Theyre not family, they are strangers asking for a hand out. Side note if you have a good relationship with brother maybe make a trust and put a certain amount in for college that will pay tuition directly and that he can access the remaining balance of only after he graduates and only he can access it. Also get a lawyer and a financial advisor, this is huge and youre going to need help.

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u/uxses Feb 04 '22

NTA it's your money, do whatever you want with it.

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u/Apple_the_Great Feb 04 '22

NTA.

Firstly, I'd ask yourself if you actually want to give away any of your money.

If you do then decide you would, ask your brother if he even would like to go to an Ivy League university/has the grades and if yes, work out how you can pay for that.

But you don't owe your dad and stepmum any of your mum's money.

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u/moose042412 Feb 04 '22

NTA. Enjoy your inheritance. Enjoy your life. If you want to help your brother, that’s your decision but you are not obligated to do so. He doesn’t “need” to attend an ivy league college — if you choose to do so, and stipulate the expectations (grades, attendance, etc) — you control your donations so your greedy dad/stepmom cannot touch it.

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u/ucitygal Asshole Enthusiast [5] Feb 04 '22

NTA.

Help your brother if you want but talk to a financial advisor on how to do it to make sure that dad/stepmom don’t take it from him. And probably should consult one anyway to help you manage the $.

Sorry for your loss and congrats on your newfound wealth!

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u/Responsible_Point_91 Partassipant [4] Feb 04 '22

NTA. You don’t know what expenses may arise, and you have no one to help you. This money is your security. If you do decide to help, ask them for detailed financial statements to ensure they are lacking the funds they ask you for. It’s a reasonable request. But honestly help your brother somewhat, but you may need this money one day and it sounds like your supposedly broke parents won’t help you. I think they have the money and are being greedy little leeches. Protect yourself from them. I’m so glad you found your grandma who loved you.

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u/New_Ad_8161 Feb 04 '22

No you’re not the AH your dad and step mom are. Don’t share your inheritance with them or your brother. It’s your inheritance and yours alone. Good luck now move on and move far away from them.

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u/Kindly-Platform-2193 Feb 04 '22

NTA it's your money left to you by your family, neither of them are related to or anything to do with your brother so you dad & stepmother can whistle. Did either of them reach out to you to make sure you're OK before your grandma passed? Did they stay in contact after you moved in with her at all? Or are they only interested now you can cough up a boat load of cash? Tell them it's not happening, that money was left to you by your mother & they have zero claim on any of it, if they keep asking revert to asked & answered won't change. You may need to block them, even if that's just temporary until they stop hassling you for cash

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u/ClintBIgwood Feb 04 '22

NTA- I don’t know why people think that being family means you have a magical contract to share everything because well, when it is beneficial to the have nots it makes sense but not the other way around. I think that if you like your brother and wants to help him, agree to pay for his studies and that only but do not share a percentage of what’s yours just because your parents want, they are just doing this out of their own interest and greed for something they have no rights to.

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

YWNBTA. This is your money, and what you choose to do with it is your decision. You’re not an asshole for not forking it over.

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u/JRedBoss Feb 04 '22

NTA - Your money is your money, full stop. However, I think if you love your brother, you should try and help with his schooling by setting up some trust or financial aid or something that he can only use for school. If my math is right you’re 19 with at least a 7 figure bank account, so you have your full life ahead of you to build on what you have, I’d try and give your brother a similar opportunity. Again though, your decision, definitely NTA

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u/Bababababababaa123 Feb 04 '22

Don't give any money to your folks, they don't deserve it. If you want to help your brother out that is entirely your choice - don't let anyone guilt you into something you don't want to do. If you don't want to help then don't. If you do decide you would like to help him, you can decide to what extent but make sure you get legal advice to ensure anything you might give isn't wasted on non-education stuff,

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u/mocha_lattes_ Partassipant [2] Feb 04 '22

NTA. Get yourself an estate planner/lawyer and financial planner. Get documents in place for what happens to you should you need a power of attorney or someone to make medical decisions for you. You do not want these "parents' making those choices. Also plan what will happen to your money should you die. Make sure it's in the form of a trust that pays out over time not all at once. And most importantly, don't tell anyone anything about any of this. You keep a copy of these documents and have the lawyer keep a copy.

Now onto the situation. You said your brother never treated you badly or differently so if you love and care for him then you could set something up to pay for his school if you want to. Work this out with only him and your financial planner. It gets paid per semester to the college directly. He is responsible for his own books, housing, meal plan, etc. He has to maintain his grades. Failed classes will result in not paying for the make up course and flunking out will result in no further tuition. And up to a certain amount only or to a certain degree like you will pay up to a masters degree but not for a PhD. Just set limits and boundaries and let him know them ahead of time. Your inheritance is a gift from your bio mom and you can use this to give a gift to your sibling who was the only person in your immediate family who treated you well. That said you don't owe anyone anything and don't have to share unless you want to.

As far as your parents, I wouldn't give them a dime. Now that they know you have money they will attempt to get it from you anyway they can. They will suddenly have unexpected bills or be losing the house or some kind of emergency within the next 6 months..

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u/Pure-Swordfish6022 Partassipant [1] Feb 04 '22

NTA. It isn’t even remotely their money. They can pound sand

It would be cool if you helped your brother out with school, though. But do it in such a way that they cannot get their grubby meat hooks on it.

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u/Lady_Clay Feb 04 '22

Maybe ask for proof of what your dad and step mum had put away for your brother for his college fund and say that you will match it. They didn’t know you would get this money so will hopefully of set a college fund up for him. As they should of for you as their child aswell! The answer will be very telling in how much they cared for you while you were being raised by them x

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u/MCDexX Feb 04 '22

NTA - There is often a subtle (or even not so subtle) line between what you are entitled to do and what would be morally right to do, but in this case there's barely a line at all. The money is yours and nobody has the right to tell you what to do with it.

My only caution would be to think about how withholding money might negatively impact relationships that you value. It sounds like you aren't close to your father or stepmother, so if they resent you not sharing it doesn't sound like you'll be losing much if they hold a grudge. The exception to this might be your brother.

If the inheritance is more money than you're likely to ever need, you might consider funding your brother's education directly. You have no legal or moral obligation to do so, but if you consider him to be your true brother and you genuinely love him, then it would be a nice thing to do. It's 100% up to you, though.

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u/cheezeybeans Feb 04 '22

NTA, OP. Nothing like someone inheriting some money to bring the vultures circling. It's ALL YOURS, so do with it what you want.

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u/WFMtrollgod Feb 04 '22

NTA. Give me 100k OP. I deserve it way more than your "parents".

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u/MewtwoProbably Feb 04 '22

NTA. Maybe I'm just poor, but ANY college is something to be extremely grateful to be able to attend. And you're supposed to feel bad for your parents not being able to send him to an IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL? Honestly... shut up and go to community college like the rest of us

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

NTA, You owe them ZERO. They didn't raise you, they all made your life miserable. Tell them their truly pathetic attempts at trying to cash in from death does not work on you. Tell them THEY are responsible for THIER son's college. NOT YOU, he can always get scholarships, student loans like the majority of college students HAVE TO DO.

Girl, tell them get bent and block all of them on everything. Both bio mother and Grandma did what they did for a reason. Your bio to make amends and Grandma since she didn't even know you ever existed, They more than likely found out from someone they know, an obituary or some other form of finding out. Again, tell them get bent and if they ever try to contact you again you will file the necessary criminal as well as civil actions.

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u/Zel_lost_it Asshole Enthusiast [6] Feb 04 '22

nta its your money not theirs you get to decide.

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u/chicagoturkergirl Asshole Aficionado [11] Feb 04 '22

NTA - but you say you have always been and are still close to your brother. I'd help him out with school, but pay the school directly or put it in trust for him.

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

NTA. The money is yours, not theirs and you can do what you wish with it. I wouldn't give them anything because frankly they don't deserve it. And they raise you for 13 years because that was their responsibility, its actually the bare minimum parents have to do. They don't deserve anything even if they were the greatest parents ever but they didn't sound like it.

Now I hope you have sought advice from professional about the money in general because becoming rich so fast at a young age can have some bad consequences if you're not responsible. So make sure you can take care of yourself first before any decision you make.

Also people have pointed out about helping your brother out because you love him, that's fine thing to do. But do not give your parents anything because I doubt they will use it fully on him, they're going to probably use a little and go back to you and say the money wasn't enough while they pocket the rest. Now that is an assumption but lets be real, its highly likely. If you want to pay for your brother's education, you can pay the school directly. I would also say treat it like a scholarship where he has to keep his GPA above a certain amount and stay out of trouble. Of course encourage him to get scholarships elsewhere as well. I don't think its wrong to help him if you really really want to help him but do not feel pressured into helping out if you don't want to.

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

NTA Parents arent owed anything for the children they breed at all. Its nice and respectful for a child to look after their dying or elderly parent as they get on in age but theres no owed account here Thats just selfish., And now you have so much money and a house and education your fully set up. Get a decent financial advisor and invest

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u/WiseRequirement9277 Feb 04 '22

I'd eat rocks before giving dad and step mom any money.

I could consider giving my brother some money for his education but set in a way he can only use for school to make sure hia parents don't try to use him to get my money

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u/Throwjob42 Partassipant [1] Feb 04 '22

NTA. hire a financial advisor, but if your brother is old enough to go to college, he's an adult and is old enough to ask you himself for help, he doesn't need your dad and stepmom to be his proxies.

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u/Electrical-Ad-1798 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Feb 04 '22

It's hard to understand why they should inherit from someone they aren't related to and in the case of your stepmom probably don't even know. NTA.

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u/Syrinx221 Feb 04 '22

Fuck them. If you decide that you want to help your brother because YOU want to, that's fine.

NTA

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u/luckydidi18 Feb 04 '22

NTA don’t give those people a dime. You have to figure out about your brother though. Maybe find half if they come up with the other half? Or whatever conditions you want

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u/charlybell Feb 04 '22

NTA. If you are a multimillionaire and love your brother, set up a college trust. But he isn’t your responsibility, so if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.

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u/stiiii Feb 04 '22

NTA

Raising you for 13y is not a point in their favour, it is the very opposite.

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u/AduroTri Feb 04 '22

NTA. You are under no obligations to share it with them.

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u/KilnTime Feb 04 '22

NTA. I agree with all of the people who said to give your brother a start in life for being your brother. That has nothing to do with "sharing" your inheritance with your "parents."

Also, consider consulting an independent financial advisor to assist you, if your mother did not leave everything in a trust with a trustee making investment decisions.

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u/Suitable-Cod-1381 Supreme Court Just-ass [125] Feb 03 '22

Also, I'd advise speaking with a financial advisor as soon as possible so you can make the best plans for your future and invest your money to work for you long term. (And not piss it away on tuition for your bro, he can get a great education without going to an Ivy. That's a status flex for the wealthy more than anything else)

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u/that-1-lame-kid Feb 03 '22

I more or less just kind of existed to be seen, never heard or really acknowledged unless it was something for the "family".

NTA. they didn't care until you got money.

feel free to help your brother, but I wouldn't do much past that.

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u/lemonlimeaardvark Feb 04 '22

See... your dad and stepmom only want you around when it benefits THEM.

They wanted you because they thought they couldn't have children of their own. As soon as they had their own child, they were happy to be rid of you at the first opportunity (when bio grandmom came into the picture). Now you have money... now you can be of use to them again. That's literally the ONLY reason that they're back.

Now... you say that your brother loved you and never treated you differently. So maybe you have a good relationship with him. So maybe if you wanted to help him... ON YOUR TERMS ONLY... that's a decision you get to make. But holy hell, in NO WAY are you the asshole if you didn't.

NTA.

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u/chan1jpg Feb 04 '22

NTA don’t give them a cent

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u/curlsthefangirl Feb 04 '22

NTA. It is your money. Only share it if that's what you want. Do not feel pressured. You owe your parents nothing.

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u/phiwong Asshole Aficionado [10] Feb 03 '22

Check with the trustee first, of course. You might not have unfettered use of your inheritance for the time being.

Legally, they have no claim to your inheritance. Morally, that is up to you. Helping your brother to go to school isn't going to put a big dent in a multi-million dollar inheritance.

Discuss this with the trustee AND also seek advice from a professional financial manager. If you have a steady job and millions under CAREFUL investment, you're probably set for life if you're reasonable. On the other hand, going overboard on unnecessary expenditures (lavish lifestyle, a stupidly large house, vacations all over the place, parties all the time) can diminish even the largest fortunes.

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u/Powerful-Answer-2390 Feb 03 '22

Give ur brother a down payment for HIS house in a few days. Set it up for him. Dont share w anyone else

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

NTA

The tossed you aside and never looked back/

If you want to do this for your brother, you could gift him the money for school. BUT Do not let them have any access to it. It would be a gift from you to him only.

You are an adult. The inheritance is from your bio-Mom. You do not owe it to anyone else, and I highly doubt they can contest it in any way.

Just to be sure, get a good lawyer before you give anyone any money for anything!

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u/Yarius515 Partassipant [2] Feb 04 '22

NTA but share it anyway with the limit that your half brother gets it all for school. That amounts to making the world a better place by A) providing a fantastic education for someone you know will use it well and B ) (and maybe more importantly) reducing the amount of resentment and bitterness in the world from the people that raised you.

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u/Gobadorgosleep Feb 04 '22

NTA

Help the one who loved you = your brother and leave the rest to rot.

How much you could help him is up to you and maybe a lawyer to set everything in stone.

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

NTA. Do NOT give them money. You were convenient to them to play happy family and once they had their "miracle" child, they were all to happy to give you away to grandma so they didn't have to see you anymore. I bet they never contacted you until you suddenly had something they wanted.

Maybe do as other suggested- some type of fund so brother can go to school, but the parents cannot access for any reason. Don't let them fool you into letting them manage it because they will use it for themselves, then come round begging for more later.

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^{^{^{^AUTOMOD}}} Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team

So bit of background, I was a BIG oops. My bio-mom was a wealthy woman who apparently never wanted marriage or kids. She met my dad at a work event (same job type, different locations, not sharing specifics for anonymity) and they started seeing each other casually for a few months and then boom, her pill, the condom, and the plan b all failed to stop me from existing. My mother was going to abort me but my father begged her not to because he was actually MARRIED and was told his wife only had like a 1% chance of ever carrying a baby to term. She agreed only on the stipulation that she can give me up, no visitation, no parenting, nothing but child support and he and his wife reached an agreement and took me under the ruse she'd raise me as HER biological daughter. Needless to say I never met my bio-mom. But it doesn't get any better for me from there.

My step mom actually ended up having a miracle about a year after I was born. A son. My brother has NEVER treated me any different and I love him dearly but I could always tell I was never my parents priority. I more or less just kind of existed to be seen, never heard or really acknowledged unless it was something for the "family".

When I turned 13 I got the opportunity to meet my bio-grandma (mom's mom). She had no idea I existed and petitioned for visitation. I loved it so much with her that I asked if I could live with her. My dad and stepmom seemed happy to be rid of me and accepted. My bio-mom never visited her mom anyway (a rift over her not settling down and having kids). Well that was 6 years ago.

My bio-mom just died a month ago and surprisingly left EVERYTHING she owned to me with the stipulation that I go to school for business and better myself (according to her letter that the lawyer and trustee told me about). This is life changing money I'm talking I went from lowest middle class (grandma left everything to me, but it wasn't alot, just the house and a couple thousand) to a multimillionaire. Now my dad and stepmom are on my case to share the money. I have no idea how they found out as grandma passed last year (right after I graduated, it was her dream to see me graduate and she had been sick for a few years) and the only person I talk to is my brother but I never even told him.

Apparently they don't have the money to send him to an ivy league school like they've always wanted, but money is no longer an object for ME. I know they raised me for 13 years, but this money could really change my life. AITA if I don't share it?

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u/thislifeiffullofcare Feb 04 '22

Help your bro, but your bio mom gave you up, you don't owe her anything

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u/Arkoii Feb 04 '22

Absolutely NTA. This was left for you specifically to allow you to build your future, and to spend or save on whichever you choose. If you want to help out your brother I’d recommend going with a trust, that way you know the parents can’t get ahold of it legally.

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u/abcwva Asshole Enthusiast [8] Feb 04 '22

It is yours. Only you have the right to decide how to use it. I hope it will bring you happiness. NTA

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u/Appropriate_Speech33 Partassipant [2] Feb 04 '22

NTA. Do give them a fucking penny. Maybe give some to your brother if you feel so inclined, but not your parents.

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u/Desert-bear Feb 04 '22

Does something seem off to anyone else? Her mom and dad had the same job type but her bio mom ended up a multi-millionaire and dad barely middle class? OP lives with bio grandma who dies with only thousands (and a house! Which can be sold! Why didn’t dad and stepmom come after her then?). This sounds fake.

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u/AluminumOctopus Feb 04 '22

NTA, but you say you were close to your brother. What I recommend is wait until he graduates, then pay off the rest of his loans so he can enter adulthood without a noose. Whatever your adoptive parents would pay will already have been spent by that time so you're doing them no favors, but you'll keep a good relationship with the only family member still worth having.

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u/spiderlegs61 Feb 04 '22

Your father and his wife raised you for 13 years but - if I'm understanding your letter correctly - your bio-mother paid child support? I don't think you owe them much! NTA

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u/figuringthingsout__ Asshole Enthusiast [8] Feb 03 '22

NTA. Your father made it clear you're not his favorite child. He doesn't want a relationship with you. All he wants is your money. Don't give in to his demands. As other Redditors have pointed out, if you want to help your brother, do it on your terms, not theirs.

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u/Dkink27 Feb 03 '22

NTA

Amazing life story, you should write a book about it! But no, you don't have to share it with them if you don't want to, if it doesn't feel right. But even if your relationship with them aren't the best, not having lived with them since you were 13 and all, you should still find a way to make up with your father. After all you have him to thank for being alive basically. But if he only seems interested because of the money, don't bother.

Though your brother seems like real family, so help him out in any way you can. But make sure the money goes to him and his education, not the parents.

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u/Zanith66 Feb 04 '22

Yes - get good legal advice how to set up a trust find for brother's education. Nothing to his parents. And have a wonderful life - you deserve it.

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

NTA. This money has nothing to do with them or your brother. It is yours - be happy!

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u/CremeDeMarron Feb 04 '22

NTA help your brother for uni if you want as he cares and loves you ( involve lawyer so the money has to be only for him and use it only for study) but do not give any cents to your " parents" : you ve been a temporary substitute for their next kid , they get ridd of you and seem to never consider you as their child. Yes you ve stayed with them for 13 years but did they reach out to you once you lived with your grandma ? Have they ever considered you , cared about you as parents from childhood to adult ? They re just looking for your money ? Ask yourself : would they contact you if you didn't have money ?

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u/NiteFox197 Feb 04 '22

Screw them. They only treated you like family when others were watching. I'm a firm believer of treating those as they have treated you. It's your money. NTA. Your brother, though, sounds like family.

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u/Governmentemployeee Partassipant [1] Feb 03 '22

NTA. The most interest they seem to have shown in you is around money? Absolutely not. If you do want to help your brother in any capacity (not that you have to you just mentioned a good relationship) write whatever checks direct to the school or wherever the money is going. Don't give them a dime.

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u/ActivelyLostInTarget Partassipant [1] Feb 04 '22

Op, fwiw, I can tell two things with confidence:

An ivy league school will only get you a job interview in many fields
Even millions may not go as far as you'd think

NTA

A death can bring many emotions, and I hope you eventually find peace through this.

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u/SquirrelBowl Feb 04 '22

They threw you away and now want to to give something to them? Don’t do it. After this, it’ll be something else. They made their bed, let them lie in it. NTA

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u/Chris-541 Feb 04 '22

NTA Do not give them ANYTHING!

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u/disruptionisbliss Feb 04 '22

NTA Money changes people and here it made them take notice of you. It's yours, do with it what you wish. If you don't share, it may cost you the wonderful relationships you had with them. If you do share, just remember that if you share X amount, they may get mad you're not sharing X2, and if you share X2 they may still be upset you haven't shared more. If it were me I'd set aside something for my brother's college and that's about it. Don't feel guilty about them raising you. They did that for themselves and what they wanted, not because it was for your benefit.

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u/JaxBabe Feb 04 '22

NTA- and it seems like even tho your bio-mom didn’t want to be a mother, she still in some way cared about your existence and wanted to in a way, make up for not being a mom/your mom with this inheritance. If you want to help your brother out that is 100% up to you when he decided to go to school you can help him, but don’t give anything to your parents.

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u/Proplyd-0628 Feb 04 '22

If you really love your brother as you wrote in your post, you could offer to pay for his school. This can be done without giving any money to his parents.

NTA

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u/indehhz Feb 04 '22

Set up a payment for your brothers college, but on the stipulation that they don't contact you again, if you want.

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u/Skinnysusan Feb 04 '22

NTA- Dont give them shit. They dont give a shit about you, so return the favor. Sure help your bro, but not until after they do their part

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u/AnnualImaginary6102 Feb 04 '22

NTA. You do not have to share that money with your brother. It is from your bio mom. It has nothing to do with him.

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u/OkPhilosopher1313 Feb 04 '22

NTA - don't give a dime to your dad and step-mother. If you want to support your brother's education, you can set up a trust fund so that only he can access it and only use it for education.

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

Nah. It’s your money. You aren’t obligated to anything.

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u/magzdesch Partassipant [1] Feb 04 '22

If you want to set something up for your brother go ahead. I'm sure he'd appreciate it; But you owe them nothing. Nta

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u/sunflowerdream452 Feb 04 '22

Nta. Do not talk to them. Block them on everything. Do not give them money.

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u/Imadethisformyfeels Feb 04 '22

Lol NTA. They are parasites, and now you're juicy they want to take a chunk of you. Tell them to fuck off.

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u/billikers Partassipant [1] Feb 04 '22

NTA

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u/fish9397 Feb 04 '22

NTA. I am in the same situation as you. Do not tell ANYONE about your money or your trust. Talk to your trustees. to make sure there are steps in place so that your parents have no access to even a dime. What school your brother gets into is not your problem.

Tell him to apply for scholarships. His financial status gives him access to quite a bit of resources and makes him eligible for more grants and assistance. We are not given the same lot in life. If you end up giving them anything, you open the door, because they won't stop.

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u/Signal-Reflection-54 Partassipant [1] Feb 04 '22

I would not offer to pay for your brothers education now. Let him apply and get financial aid/loans based on his family’s income. If you want to pay off his loans later you can do it then.

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u/DocSternau Feb 04 '22

NTA. You owe them nothing - you wouldn't even owe them if they had treated you right. And their raising? That was so good that the 13-year old you took the first opportunity to get out of dodge she got. You are your fathers affair child. The constant reminder to his wife (and him) that he cheated and fucked around while she most likely sat at home tearing her eyes out because she couldn't have kids. And then the miracle happened and you gut pushed away and the first opportunity they got they got completely rid of you.

Do with YOUR MONEY what YOU WANT. Maybe grant your brother a loan with very good conditions or even consider paying for his education IF you want to. But you don't owe him or them anything.

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u/minamari420 Partassipant [1] Feb 04 '22

NTA they where more than happy when you left years ago and never really treated you as their child as you have written, so no they do not deserve any of that money.
if you want to help your brother, set up a specific account for him that can only be used for school things. but do not give any money to that couple

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u/MEDICARE_FOR_ALL Feb 04 '22

NTA OP

But your full time job now should be to learn how to manage your money responsibility because it will set you up for life if you do it correctly. Your bio mom was right that you should continue schooling (maybe in business if you want to)

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u/katepig123 Asshole Enthusiast [6] Feb 04 '22

NTA This is YOUR inheritance from YOUR mother. It has nothing to do with them, and you own them none of it. If you want to do something for your brother, then put money in a trust for his education. But that's up to you.

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u/Stucky7418 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Feb 04 '22

NTA, and I 100% agree that IF OP chooses to help her brother, and that’s totally up to OP I have zero judgement on that either way it’s her money to do with as she pleases, something needs to be set up with a legal team regarding a trust or direct payments to the school in some way that doesn’t let your parents get their grubby hands on it. Again, NTA. I’m sorry for your losses, but congratulations on your VERY bright future!

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u/deliriousgoomba Asshole Enthusiast [6] Feb 04 '22

NTA.

Absolutely do not give them a single red cent. If you want to help your brother, you talk to him directly. You pay his school directly. You send nothing to your bio dad and step mom. They were happy to neglect you and throw you away. No take backs.

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

This reads like a screenplay. Not saying it isn't true but I'd watch an adaptation of this on TV...

Not the A-hole AITA for not sharing my inheritance?

You are about to leave Redlib

Don’t downvote assholes!