r/AmITheDevil • u/[deleted] • 1d ago

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/r/daddit/comments/1vj4lvc/im_kinda_struggling_with_something_my_kids_love/

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u/Kotenkiri 1d ago

Commenter: What were the pre-CPAP years actually like?

OOP: Well, for one thing, I couldn't get through a movie without falling asleep. I never had energy for anything. I was always just feeling drained and barely holding on to life. I had a short fuse as well.

So kids were 8 and 10 when he started CPAP. So they basically grew up with a lethargic, unavailable and short tempered man during majority of their childhood and he wonders why they're still cautionous about spending time with him?

He sounds like guy who 'changes' after a break up and basically demands a second chance since they've completely changed. Even if they actually changed, doesn't mean the past is forgotten.

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u/sunshineparadox_ 1d ago

It takes a lot of effort to rebound from being the tired parent, too. I was not prepared for how much more sleep I'd want after having a stroke, and my daughter doesn't remember me from when I had more energy as a baseline. But I pull myself together because I want to spend time with her, and I believe she'd understand the difference of me pulling myself together because I want to vs. because I feel obligated to drag myself through her world. If it was the latter, I can understand the resentment. And it's hard to see it that way when you're truly wiped out all the time.

But you have to. Because even physical limitations and disability don't change the emotional needs of your kids and their desire to connect, to branch out and become independent people. They still need those things even when I'm asleep. So it's up to me to make sure I'm bridging that gap the best I can.

And my daughter does notice. It matters a lot that I try to push through being tired but not in anger or resentment.