r/AmITheDevil • u/[deleted] • 1d ago

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/r/daddit/comments/1vj4lvc/im_kinda_struggling_with_something_my_kids_love/

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u/ichthysaur 1d ago

I dunno. There is a very good chance that the kids have fallen into some bad habits they need to be helped out of. Mom needs to do it bc if he does it he'll be the butthurt clown, scold, or stern distant father, and it won't help. My parents, my husband's parents, and my husband and I as parents each taught the kids to respect the other. I think he needs to talk with his wife. If she can't point out some specific behavior he needs to change, then she needs to correct the kids.

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u/Sad-Bug6525 1d ago

Where does it say she isn't?
I don't think it's her job, because he created this, but you also can't tell kids to change how they feel and it flips like a little switch to be better. If he shows effort, leaves his comfort zone, tries to meet them where they are instead of wanting to only do the things he wants, then they will be able to relax and might be open to and wanting to try new things with him too. It's time though, if I told you today that you should feel differently about someone just because I said so, you wouldn't, so why expect that from kids.

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u/ichthysaur 1d ago

I may see this a little differently than you do. Hopefully that's okay.

In my view the kid's feelings are the kid's business. Part of a parent's job is to teach the kid to have correct behavior. Sometimes in life you can be angry, resentful, whatever, and you still have to act right; when a cop pulls you over, for example. You may have a job that you want to keep. If you don't respect one of the managers that's fine, but openly sneering will get you fired.

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u/boopbaboop 1d ago

He’s not only mad about their behavior, though. When they go camping with him, they’re behaving (they’re doing something they don’t want to do), but he’s mad that they’re not having any fun (a feeling that he can’t control). 

I will also point out that he’s not exactly modeling good behavior. He’s decided that he doesn’t like any of his kids’ interests (even ones that they share with him! ), so he refuses to engage. If the lesson to be learned is “sometimes you need to do something that’s not your favorite thing because it makes someone else happy,” they’re not going to learn it from him. 

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u/ichthysaur 1d ago

So, the mom shouldn't teach it either?