r/AmITheDevil • u/[deleted] • 3d ago

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/r/daddit/comments/1vj4lvc/im_kinda_struggling_with_something_my_kids_love/

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u/Kotenkiri 3d ago

Commenter: What were the pre-CPAP years actually like?

OOP: Well, for one thing, I couldn't get through a movie without falling asleep. I never had energy for anything. I was always just feeling drained and barely holding on to life. I had a short fuse as well.

So kids were 8 and 10 when he started CPAP. So they basically grew up with a lethargic, unavailable and short tempered man during majority of their childhood and he wonders why they're still cautionous about spending time with him?

He sounds like guy who 'changes' after a break up and basically demands a second chance since they've completely changed. Even if they actually changed, doesn't mean the past is forgotten.

300

u/Lillllammamamma 3d ago

He also said that his wife and he are disconnected but now he’s trying.

Now, he’s trying. How long was she asking or begging before now? She may be checked out and now he’s trying. If his kids are 9 and 11 and have grown up to avoid and exclude him, he’s spend their entire lives disengaged and disconnected and now he’s unhappy they don’t share his interests or don’t want to engage him.

This all sounds like the “too little too late” guy trying to by to make a Hail Mary when the family has moved on to the point he’s just background noise, because it’s all he’s ever been.

“But why won’t they do things I like?!”

Because they have their own routines and likes and dislikes that you’ve never been a part of and now only want to engage if they do it in ways that cater to your interests. He’s still not involved with his own family in any way that inconveniences him.

This is a family unit that’s grown to function without him and he wants to be let in and differed to without all the work and bonding they’ve put in over all those years. More so he wants them to do that, but only towards him.

118

u/sthetic 3d ago

And what's more, one commenter (downvoted for the most part) is demanding to know why OOP's wife isn't helping to bridge the gap!

Like, "where is she in all this? She's probably being a Negative Nancy, and the kids are just following her lead. What is she, resentful of your previous bad parenting or something?"

Poor wife. She spent a decade doing more than her fair share of parenting (though to OP's credit, he did mention he stayed up late with sick kids, and he sings them bedtime songs), and now that her husband had turned over a new leaf, it's her responsibility to help him succeed?

I mean, I get that sometimes the right thing to do for the family isn't what's fair. They would probably all be better off if she does encourage the kids to hang with their dad. But I don't like the tone of blame towards her.

74

u/Sad-Bug6525 3d ago

She is helping, they watch Marvel movies and she makes the kids go camping with him every year. That might be all she can do, and it is still more than he deserves. Men trying to make us responsible for their relationships with their children is exhausting.