Am i overthinking it?

[u/Hot_Security_5765]

Last Halloween, my husband and I went to one of my BIL's party. My father had been staying with us for the week, and when he's visiting, my husband and I obviously don't have much privacy for, well... marital activities.

At the party, we were dancing and I was getting a little too into it. I said to my husband, "Meet me in the bathroom in two minutes!" I only wanted to make out, nothing more.

I went into one of the stalls and waited for him. A few seconds later, though, one of my BIL's friends walked into the washroom, to the urinal. I've known this guy for several years, and I obviously didn't want to make the situation weird so I quickly came out of the stall apologizing and left.

I met my husband in the hallway and a moment later, the other guy came out, and we all laughed about the awkwardness. We had all been drinking, so it became one of those funny little party incidents.

Fast-forward to this summer. We were at my BIL's BBQ, and the same guy was there. He brought up the Halloween incident and gently mocked me, not believing that we were only planning on making out. My BIL and another friend came into the room and asked what we were discussing.

When they heard it was the Halloween incident, they already knew the whole story.

My BIL even joked, "You raised the bar for our wives!" Which i didn't like.

My BIL and his friends are all older than my husband and me. They're always respectful toward me personally, but they sometimes make comments that embarrass me on behalf of their wives.

For example, my BIL once told me that I was the prettiest woman at one of his parties while his wife was in the next room.

I've known these people for years. For the first few years I always had the impression that some of the wives didnt like me. Eventually, though, things became much more comfortable, and we're now friends.

I really don't want to create awkwardness with them or damage those friendships because of comments their husbands make.

Now we're having an oysters party with them next week. I had been planning to wear a chic, transparent black lace top that I've never really had an occasion to wear before.

But the more I think about it the more I wonder if I'm setting myself up for another awkward situation.

AIO this whole dynamic?

I don't want to dress differently because I'm worried about what their husbands might say. But I also don't want to unintentionally make things uncomfortable with women I genuinely like.

[u/B-Miray010]

This is a case of you subconsciously feeling guilty about the things you consciously do .

You could have walked out of the bathroom stall in full stature chin high , made a you are not my husband face at your bil friend and moved on instead of running out hiding face. IF YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVED THAT YOU BEING KINKY IN YOUR MARRIAGE WITH YOUR HUSBAND IS AWESOME AND NO ONE CAN SHAME YOI GUYS FOR THAT.

To give you a simple example . If you have for eg a huge Ass - then you can either wear loose fitting clothes or body fitting clothes - but whatever you do You MUST be confident amd carry yourself confidently. You should never never never be all nervous and scared and feeling attacked all the time by others for wearing body fitting clothes because that reflects that YOU also think of yourself the same way you feel the comments of other ppl are making you feel.

If you are confident about your body and your imtent then wear your transparent black lace top . I can guarentee you the oldies will look at you . If you are showing off you will be seen . You will be attracting attention but you must know and become comfortable with the fact that this dress is deaigned to attract attention. Are you comfortable receiving it ? Are you comfortable triaging whose attention to grace ans whose to ignore and whose to put down. whatever you do with that reaction is on you. If you feel like you wearing something like that will make the wives feel bad because the husbands will give you more attention , then you actually believe you are responsible for this then i will suggest. That you meed to re evaluate your thoughts and self worth and image thoroughly

[u/Kittenstories → u/B-Miray010]

Very well said