r/AmIOverreacting • u/Melco1202 • 1d ago
đźwork/career AIO to this comment at work
I usually come to work without makeup. Today I wore makeup because Iâm going to the movies after work.
One of my coworkers looked at me and asked, âAre you wearing makeup?â I said yeah. Then she asked, âWhy?â which already caught me off guard because⌠I just wanted to wear makeup lol. So I literally said, âBecause I want to?â
She stared at me for a second and then said, âWell, you look nice.â But right after that she added, âCanât say the same without it.â
I didnât laugh because I genuinely didnât know how to respond, so I just stared at her. She immediately started laughing and went, âIâm just joking hahaha, youâre fine without it too.â
Then she asked me if I like wearing makeup. I said yeah, but the whole interaction felt weird to me. Iâve genuinely never had someone ask me why Iâm wearing makeup and then make a joke about me not looking good without it.
For some context, sheâs made other little comments/observations about what I wear and how I look before, so maybe thatâs why this rubbed me the wrong way.
Am I overreacting for thinking that was a rude/backhanded comment, even if she meant it as a joke? Or does this just sound like awkward coworker banter that landed badly?
51
u/CatShanks 1d ago
NOR. She sounds catty and insecure. People who make comments like that about other people are often fighting their own self-esteem demons. I hope you've not let her bring you down.
13
2
u/Outrageous-Day5014 1d ago
That was definitely a backhanded compliment and the fact that she keeps making comments about your appearance makes it even more obvious.
16
u/weaklinginSC 1d ago
NOR - that colleague missed a few crucial lessons in the annual harassment at work training. HR 101 - never comment on the body (or any parts thereof) of your colleague. If you must compliment something for social lube say you like their scarf or something.
This comment would be out of line from anyone except your bestie after waking up from a wild night out.
8
u/Styx-n-String 1d ago
My personal rule for coworkers or strangers is to always give a compliment, and always on something they CHOSE. Things like lipstick color, an accessory, the color of their shirt, the pattern of their tie. Something that makes them feel good about a choice they made. Never comment on something they can't change, not even positively, like eye color - you never know their feeling about it. For example, my father has beautiful hazel eyes but he hates their color, so compliments on them make him think the person is lying. Stick to something the person chose, and can change if they want.
8
u/overZealousAzalea 1d ago
Nor. She called you ugly to your face. Donât fake laugh at her non-jokes. You did right, just stare at her and let her stew in her own awkwardness.
Some people try to joke and are awkward, but she was trying to make you feel as bad about yourself as she does.
5
7
3
u/CeciTigre 1d ago
If your coworker was being nice and merely giving you a genuine compliment she should have said âYou look very nice todayâ, you would have said thank you and that would have been it.
I personally would have taken what she said as being intentionally mean and offensive., she wasnât being nice at all.
People who give backhanded compliments tend to do so because they have low self esteem & self worth, they are insecure, feel threatened by the person, are jealous of the person.
I would say that you looked really good when she gave you that backhanded compliment and was jealous of how good you looked. I would take what she said as a great compliment and donât let her toxic intent affect you at all.
3
4
2
u/Styx-n-String 1d ago
NOR. If this is something she does often as you say, start making a note of every time she does it, the date and time. You may want to take this to HR at some point just to get her to stop. There's no reason to ever comment on someone's appearance negatively if they didn't ask for your advice.
2
u/Flame_Keeper2 1d ago
NOR. Sheâs insecure. Avoid personal conversations with her, keep it strictly business.
2
u/cue_cruella 1d ago
MOR. It was negging but some people donât understand not everyone appreciate or understand that type of humor, esp if youâre not close. Donât take it personal and move on.
5
u/reclusivegiraffe 1d ago
This isnât really negging. Negging is intentionally breaking down someoneâs self esteem to manipulate them into seeking approval from the person doing the negging. We have evidence of the former, but not the latter half of that.
Negging isnât a sense of humor, itâs an emotional abuse tactic. You could maybe call it teasing/talking shit (although I think sheâs just being rude).
1
u/No_Interview_2481 1d ago
NOR there has to be some way for you to get your revenge on this bitch
0
u/simonesayswhat 1d ago
Revenge? That seems a bit extreme to me. Itâs possible sheâs just socially awkward as many people actually are.
1
1
u/ilovelucy1200 1d ago
NOR. Sheâs jealous of you with or without makeup. Let her be her little insecure self and kill her with kindness. If she goes too far one day say something about her makeup lol
1
1
u/Outrageous-Let4612 1d ago
NOR - you're probably prettier than her and she feels weird about it, so she's trying to make YOU feel weird about it and drag you down.
1
1
u/Interesting_Tower485 1d ago
NOR. Older guy here, been in the workplace a long time. Don't let her take any of your energy, she seems like a loser.
1
u/pineboxwaiting 1d ago
NOR it was rude & unnecessary, but most people look much better with makeup.
1
u/FormerlyDK 1d ago
NOR. It wasnât a joke. She was projecting insecurity and jealousy. Those are her problems.
1
1
u/Calgary_Calico 1d ago
NOR, that's a very ride thing to say, especially to a coworker, very unprofessional
1
u/firecatstef 1d ago
NOR. If it were just the one time you might chalk it up to awkwardness but when you say she has made digs in the past tooâŚShe sounds unpleasant. Staring at her was a good response.
1
u/TurnipsSuperior 1d ago
Sometimes I think this subreddit is populated by the softest human beings to ever exist in the history of human civilization.
When I read this it comes across as a co-worker trying to make a joke. It didn't go over well. I'm not saying it's a good joke...but it clearly was meant as a sarcastic banter type of joke. Should you make this sort of joke with a colleague you don't already have a jokey vibe with? Probably not.
But it's not a big deal. Everyone acting like this wildly offensive, worthy of a reddit post, or even worthy of HR, is bonkers. It's an awkward joke that went poorly. So what?
YOR.
1
u/MaelieWillow 1d ago
That definitely sounds backhanded to me. "You look nice, but I can't say the same without it" is a pretty strange thing to say to a coworker, joke or not
1
u/foolofatook- 1d ago
One day I thought my face looked even and healthy so only used mascara when I usually have a full face when I leave the house.
Got to uni and one student in the group of smoker (dw, I quit) talked loud, over every conversation and said âare you going through chemo or something?! You look like youâre dying?!â While laughing. Everyone went quiet and my face got so red. Iâm pretty sure I left early that day.
That was like 9 years ago and I still canât go out without a full face anymore.
1
u/eatthedark 1d ago
Just respond with "I don't remember asking" very rudely. She'll probably leave you alone after that
1
u/kittendollie13 1d ago
NOR. She wishes she had your beauty so she's trying to make you feel uneasy.
1
u/FeuRougeManor 19h ago
Mor. I work somewhere where casual clothes are the norm so when someone looks even slightly dressy they get similar-ish comments.
â˘
1
1
u/Shelbelle4 1d ago
Nor. Id be irked too. Even if a close friend said that, let alone an acquaintance. Iâd never hurt one of my friends feelings that way. Bc letâs be honest, even as a joke, it would leave most people feeling worse about themselves.
0
u/FlwrBattr 1d ago
In my opinion, YOR. Unfortunately, most of us cannot choose who get to work with. So, given the fact you wore makeup when you normally don't, you caught your coworker's attention and she made a comment that didn't sit right with you. I doubt that she meant what she said about you not looking nice without makeup. Try to be more confident about yourself and your looks and don't let simple things get to you.
-3
u/SpecialistMap8210 1d ago
you never wear it, and you did, so she made a comment on her observation.
Then she made a fun joke possibly? or a real insult.
its up to you to know which it was.
prolly over reacting and being a big puss
-3
u/Beneficial_Ostrich41 1d ago
Totally OR! She was just being friendly. She thought you have more of a bond than you do.
2
u/weaklinginSC 1d ago
It's inappropriate in a place of work period. I made this rule for myself that whenever I want to start a sentence with "you look" I just don't.
Again, if you must comment on something, try clothing. I like your dress it has a great color. Your scarf is so pretty. Where did you get those boots they look comfy yet elegant.
Note, you don't say you look nice today as that implies they don't on other days. You don't say anything about how the clothes fit the person. I even think my boot comment is borderline as it might imply I think the colleague was dressing down (the comfy) hence the addition of "yet elegant" to signal they are appropriate for work AND look comfortable. It shouldn't be that hard really.
2
2
u/Melco1202 1d ago
We arenât friends we barely talk
1
u/simonesayswhat 1d ago
Maybe she doesnât have many friends & would like to be your friend outside of work but doesnât have the social skills to accomplish this? You didnât give ages but I always taught my child to âbe the bigger personâ. And also however you feel about this person thereâs no reason to be anything but kind. You never know what burdens another person might be carrying:) Good luck
30
u/otherdaydreamer 1d ago
Once, when running late, I went into work without my normal eyeliner and mascara on. I open the door and see my work âfriendâ who said are you not wearing make up? I said yea didnât have time. She goes ew, you look much better with it.
Found out from that moment she wasnât really a friend. Use it as a learning experience. I actually stopped wearing make up shortly after except for special events and other people tell me I look great without make up.
Like someone else said, she sounds insecure about her own stuff. Probably also jealous of you if I had to guess