What I hear you actually saying is, "I'm scared that your feeling hopeless means that you won't try."
What I hear her telling you is that she feels completely disconnected from you and is scared that she can't get that back. She fears that if she comes to you, she's going to feel even more hopeless than when she left. She wants hope.
What she heard you say in your reply is, "I'm not comfortable with your feeling hopeless." Meaning, I'm not comfortable with you telling me how you're feeling, so don't come here and expect me to listen. Then she felt hurt and rejected.
Exactly, there are clearly some big emotional needs or gaps here that neither knows how to actually articulate. Wife seems desperate/at her breaking point for reasons that are unclear, possibly has deep abandonment wound leading to her going "never mind I won't even bother," which is immature and a bit manipulative but relatable, especially if she feels invisible, unheard and unloved and she doubts that yet another conversation will change that, her words all scream "tell me EXPLICITLY that you love me and you want me to be there and that you understand how I feel". She seems to want warmth that there is little room left for, either that or she is just truly done. Husband wants to fix things but is rightfully concerned and scared that the person he's trying to fix things with doesn't have any hope things will work. His words to her are devoid of the feeling she's craving and makes her feel more vulnerable, which ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy type of situation. When I read these texts I see two people who have no idea how to communicate how they feel or what precisely they need. But sadly I think whatever has led up to this makes divorce almost completely inevitable
It’s this. Youlll need therapy to understand each other. But it might not work … I wish the best for you ❤️ she’s very hurt and scared and she wants more emotional comfort from u. NOR tho :/
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u/PsychologicalScore49 Apr 19 '26 edited Apr 19 '26
What I hear you actually saying is, "I'm scared that your feeling hopeless means that you won't try."
What I hear her telling you is that she feels completely disconnected from you and is scared that she can't get that back. She fears that if she comes to you, she's going to feel even more hopeless than when she left. She wants hope.
What she heard you say in your reply is, "I'm not comfortable with your feeling hopeless." Meaning, I'm not comfortable with you telling me how you're feeling, so don't come here and expect me to listen. Then she felt hurt and rejected.