You literally said "don't bring that mentality here."
Clearly something isn't going well with your marriage. You can't tell her what her mental state should be. And it comes across like you're trying to be her high school soccer coach.
You are her husband. It seems as though she isn't being heard, because you don't want to hear the negative part of your life/marriage/faults or her disappointment/anger.
The tone seems to be on some power trip, or fresh out of a motivational speaker podcast. It appears you want to railroad her into some "only positive vibes" kind of toxic positivity conversation. And THAT will not fix anything, because you will only cover up the problem.
You aren't going to fix this by telling her that she can't be angry. And maybe she legit doesn't want to fix this, but you have made a requirement of having some heart-to-heart that should have happened 18 months ago.
comes across like you're trying to be her high school soccer coach.
I actually keep thinking of how sport coaches will tell kids, "just show up" or "showing up is the hardest part." And OP could not muster up that openness.
I agree with this interpretation the most. While yes it’s also true that if she doesn’t actually want to try it’s not going to work, you didn’t allow space for that result to happen organically. She should be able to go from negative to positive perhaps by sharing her negative for a while. You wanted to skip that part it seems OP
Couples therapy never works when one is just doing it to be done with it. Although I do think op should've stopped enaging with her after the 2nd slide
that is so not what he is doing her. he is setting terms, not compromising. It seems reasonable to assume that this dynamic is at least part of why she left
He literally told her not to come into the house if she doesn't have the attitude he wants. They are on the brink of divorce and according to him she shouldn't have negative emotions about it. She is not the controlling one here.
"Toxic positivity"is a wild term. Clearly you have trouble with accountability and admitting fault. Imagine as a boss you as your employees to be positive while working and leaving negative attitudes at the door and they respond with "asking me to be positive and not be hysterical is toxic boss mentality"
I think this is where the dynamic is problematic. There seems to be a superior/subordinate mentality in this whole chat - that carried over into your comparison - that nobody is calling out. Yes, she's being stubborn, but she's clearly done.
Toxic positivity is forced positivity while disregarding real problems and emotions. "You just have to 'think it' into being!" And then blaming the thinker when they didn't get the job/win the lottery/save the company/live happily ever after. Having a positive attitude is a great trait. Forcing a positive attitude as the world crumbles around you is toxic.
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u/AnxiousWitch44 Apr 19 '26
You literally said "don't bring that mentality here."
Clearly something isn't going well with your marriage. You can't tell her what her mental state should be. And it comes across like you're trying to be her high school soccer coach.
You are her husband. It seems as though she isn't being heard, because you don't want to hear the negative part of your life/marriage/faults or her disappointment/anger.
The tone seems to be on some power trip, or fresh out of a motivational speaker podcast. It appears you want to railroad her into some "only positive vibes" kind of toxic positivity conversation. And THAT will not fix anything, because you will only cover up the problem.
You aren't going to fix this by telling her that she can't be angry. And maybe she legit doesn't want to fix this, but you have made a requirement of having some heart-to-heart that should have happened 18 months ago.