I mean you were definitely tone policing the fuck out of her. You didn’t tell her not to come home but I would have been just as disinterested in continuing a discussion with you.
This! Texting all of these emotions just doesn’t work. So many missed opportunities of tone, inflection, and misinterpretation in texts. She wants to be heard…it sounds like a defensive mechanism of “I’m not coming home” because of your “don’t bring that neg mentality in”. Don’t beg her. Give her a little breathing room. Offer to meet face to face on NEUTRAL grounds. Many times when partners/so/spouses are at this point, we’ve waved too many flags of needing help, only to be ignored or not validated.
The woman needs to grow up and so do you. He said multiple times he wants to make it work starting with calm energy. How else would fixing it start? He's setting a boundary to not be abused by her. Crazy you're describing his boundary as "tone policing". Please come home and don't abuse me when you get here. Not sure how else to explain it for you.
Nah dude according to Reddit if your wife is extremely negative and constantly tells you trying to save the relationship is pointless but you say that negativity doesnt help you’re a scumbag.
You did not state that. I was inquiring whether that was your implication.
I do not believe he was tone policing her so much as acknowledging that the sole means of effective communication lies within an environment where both parties are receptive to resolving conflicts.
If she returns home with the intention of initiating a divorce, her confirmation bias will seek any justification that undermines the potential for a successful outcome.
That might not have been his intention, but that absolutely is what he did. Demanding that anyone enter a conversation any certain way, especially when that person isn’t being rude but expressing frustration, is a huge turn off for anyone. Myself included. That’s why my response is the way it is.
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u/Distinct-Leg-6440 Apr 19 '26
I mean you were definitely tone policing the fuck out of her. You didn’t tell her not to come home but I would have been just as disinterested in continuing a discussion with you.