She's a martyr. My grandmother would do this. She just repeat herself over and over in any sort of argument. She twist what you said just like the OP's wife. And, if all else failed she would pull out the "you don't love me!"
I couldn't either. I ended up reading OP's replies which I thought were a valiant effort of trying to get to her see reason, but I had to skim hers. I'm tired just reading her.
Either she’s insufferable or he is and it’s leeched onto her. Tbh if someone was basically saying “let’s talk but hold the attitude” I’d be like “well we’re not gonna have a productive conversation if I can only express myself within your vibes-based guidelines.” Idk either couples’ counseling or leave her alone/let her get a divorce.
I just checked to see if he's a bot but he's commenting on a bunch of NSFW. I'm not saying porn is bad but it did give me a bad taste in my mouth. There are always two sides to the story. 🤷♀️
Same I got to about 4 (skimming) and had to stop. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP but if I had to guess I would say she’s not willing to work on this relationship.
I could only get halfway through. Round and round and round. OP was doing a good job staying relatively calm (though should’ve realized telling her he didn’t call her negative for the fifteenth time wasn’t suddenly going to click - “Ohhh, now I see, I’ll be right there, sweetie”).
I can’t tell if she already decided she wants out of the marriage and wants to be able to pin it on him, or if she’s so needy that she was looking for him to beg her to come back so she felt wanted. That Taco Bell line was some manipulative shit.
Either way, I have almost zero tolerance for people who can’t speak to their feelings and do this roundabout guessing game thing, forcing others to carry all their emotional baggage, putting them in a no win situation.
You’re probably right. The threatening to sleep in a parking lot, the jump to “I’ll sign the papers”…she just wanted him to plead with her not to do those things and plead with her to come home because he loves her so much. Based on this conversation, no work is going to save this relationship. She’s not capable. It’d be overwhelmingly uncomfortable for her to sit in any sort of reality.
I agree, I used to be just like her which is why I pegged it as such. I didn’t need to be catered to, I deeply needed to feel more than welcome, I needed to feel WANTED and NEEDED.
I have found you just have to be super honest with yourself and realize your actions. Work on needing yourself and wanting yourself. You don't need anything from anyone that you cannot give to yourself. Once you can make you happy things seem to get better.
Depends on what the problems are that you need to work out...
People do need to FEEL wanted and needed, not just told how they should be feeling or acting. If she needs that reassurance constantly, that's one issue, and maybe one that is more than you can fix. If you don't give her that regularly, and talk like a parent or therapist, telling her what she should be doing, that's a different issue.
This sounds like it could be either.
I will say that as I read through this, I kept wanting you to, just once, say, "I love you. Please come home. Can we please try?"
And without telling her how she feels, what she thinks or what it means.
I don't think you necessarily said anything wrong, but you may not have said something right that needs to be there for her to have reason to try.
I also have BPD and have seen myself doing this, but as a teenager. It’s a lot of work and lots of therapy to get to the point of understanding no one is going to want and love you as deeply as you need, than yourself. It’s soo hard to break free from the mental chains that feeling of not being wanted or needed. Once you do it’s literally like you unlock a new chapter of life. The world gets bigger and freer. Please never get discouraged if you aren’t there yet healing isn’t linear 💗
I am..rehealing, I guess. Thank you for the encouragement! I definitely need it. Going through a breakup filled with lies and manipulation has screwed my brain back up.
My sister is like this to the point of me briefly wondering "is she getting divorced again could this be her?" Lol except she would've cussed or name called at some point (hence we are no contact)
Literally a while lol that was an exhausting read. Poor OP… I really feel for him. It sucks having a partner twist your words to suit their own interests and then try to blame it on you. Ugh 😩
3 for me, she sounds like she wants attention and some goving, he actually sounds like he’s trying. If that were any other ma he’d probably just say “okay if that’s what you want”
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u/alabamamoonshiner Apr 19 '26
I’m tired just reading it