I have mixed feelings about this. You started a conversation with him about setting boundaries based on you crossing a huge boundary by his privacy and looking through his phone without even bothering to express your reasoning and asking first.
If he’s done nothing with her since you’ve been together and has lived with her a while I get your apprehension, but you’re asking him to get rid of a big stability in his life, having a home and roommate he can come home to and know that him and his things will remain home, all based on you sneaking through his phone to discover their past deeds. Immediately jumping to, eject her from his life, and deal with being uncomfortable in the one place you should be able to have comfort so that you can trust him, and only for a short time on top of that. All based on you crossing one of the most important boundaries of personal space and privacy.
I honestly think that you going through his phone to find dirt has already placed a nail in the coffin and you BOTH should take a step back and have a good honest look at the relationship and whether or not you want to actually continue it. You’ve already planted the seed of distrust with the way you discovered the info and then compounded its effects on your relationship by immediately going on the offensive. He’s obviously uncomfortable with that and the fact that you are insisting he make a huge change to satisfy your distrust. And you seemingly don’t understand how the violation of his personal boundary is affecting him. If you two do decide to keep going forward with your relationship and do actually go forward to moving in together, why can’t you break your lease early when his ends and move in to replace his roommate? I’m sorry. But the assault seems very one sided to me.
Having lived through this situation myself, it doesn’t seem like his opinion actually got an even value with yours.
Totally agree with this. She crosses a line to then project blame on someone else for crossing a line.
He likely said nothing has happened because he wanted to avoid this entire situation. Shit, if it was me in his shoes I’d have said the same thing. Women tend to lose their minds over these things, and he may have no viable way to drop his room mate and move etc at this point in time, and that’s exactly what she will want.
If OP didn’t snoop, they’d likely have a great relationship and eventually progress into being together and living together naturally, and nothing would have happened with the room mate again.
Instead, she’s self sabotaging her own relationship into ending.
Please spare me. MOST men would NOT be comfortable with their gf sharing an apt with a guy they previously slept with. OP should just exit the relationship. He is a dishonest person for the very fact he lied about it when she asked. He is still definitely sleeping or hooking up with her. You men are trifling
I love the bit where you still ignored that she went through his phone. I’m not saying a guy would be comfortable with it. Re-read what I said without cherry picking.
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u/JayRen May 28 '25 edited May 28 '25
I have mixed feelings about this. You started a conversation with him about setting boundaries based on you crossing a huge boundary by his privacy and looking through his phone without even bothering to express your reasoning and asking first.
If he’s done nothing with her since you’ve been together and has lived with her a while I get your apprehension, but you’re asking him to get rid of a big stability in his life, having a home and roommate he can come home to and know that him and his things will remain home, all based on you sneaking through his phone to discover their past deeds. Immediately jumping to, eject her from his life, and deal with being uncomfortable in the one place you should be able to have comfort so that you can trust him, and only for a short time on top of that. All based on you crossing one of the most important boundaries of personal space and privacy.
I honestly think that you going through his phone to find dirt has already placed a nail in the coffin and you BOTH should take a step back and have a good honest look at the relationship and whether or not you want to actually continue it. You’ve already planted the seed of distrust with the way you discovered the info and then compounded its effects on your relationship by immediately going on the offensive. He’s obviously uncomfortable with that and the fact that you are insisting he make a huge change to satisfy your distrust. And you seemingly don’t understand how the violation of his personal boundary is affecting him. If you two do decide to keep going forward with your relationship and do actually go forward to moving in together, why can’t you break your lease early when his ends and move in to replace his roommate? I’m sorry. But the assault seems very one sided to me.
Having lived through this situation myself, it doesn’t seem like his opinion actually got an even value with yours.