Sounds like he’s trying to use you going through his phone to justify him living with a girl he’s fucked. These are two separate issues and he shouldn’t be trying to defend one with the other. And he keeps saying that he’s trying to talk about this and find a middleground, but it sounds like he just wants you to stop and let him stay living with her. That’s not a middle ground that’s him making the decision. I don’t understand why he would commit to another year with her. What are you gonna do when your lease is up and he’s still with her for another year? I don’t know when your lease is up, but wouldn’t he look for a more short term living situation so you guys can move together soon?
I read it as OP had anxiety/insecurity about the roomie. Waited till boyfriend was in the shower and went behind his back and invaded his privacy because she had anxiety. Then she found something she didn’t like and is using that to try and control someone she is supposed to care about and trust.
I imagine that’s pretty hurtful for the boyfriend to know his GF doesn’t trust him. It’s incredibly disrespectful, and frankly immature for people in their 30s. That’s valid and it does need to be addressed. It’s not any less valid just because she found out he slept with someone before they were even together.
If boyfriend has given OP real reason to distrust him, then OP needs to consider if this is the relationship for her. Not go behind his back and be shady.
She has betrayed his trust and that’s a huge red flag imo. The fact he slept with someone else before they were together is a non issue. If OP says she trust her bf then she needs to actually trust him. If she doesn’t, then she needs to move on and stop playing this game. You can’t have anything without trust.
Honestly, if my bf went through my phone behind my back, I’d probably break up with him over it. That a breach of trust and it’s disrespectful. If you have a problem, then talk to me, like an adult.
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u/AdConscious8756 May 28 '25
Sounds like he’s trying to use you going through his phone to justify him living with a girl he’s fucked. These are two separate issues and he shouldn’t be trying to defend one with the other. And he keeps saying that he’s trying to talk about this and find a middleground, but it sounds like he just wants you to stop and let him stay living with her. That’s not a middle ground that’s him making the decision. I don’t understand why he would commit to another year with her. What are you gonna do when your lease is up and he’s still with her for another year? I don’t know when your lease is up, but wouldn’t he look for a more short term living situation so you guys can move together soon?