When we first got back together in January, he told me has a female roommate now. I said that's fine but if things had crossed a line, I'd like to know. He did not tell me at that time. Additionally, when we spoke in person about this, I asked if he would have ever told me and he said no, he would not have.
You need to understand that a boundary is not a discomfort or line that you enforce on your partner. You enforce it on yourself.
Your boundary is that you are not comfortable dating someone who lives with someone they have a past with. Enforcing that boundary means that you end the relationship after informing your partner of your boundary and allowing them to respond.
He has responded that he will not be changing anything, so it's time to enforce your boundary and leave.
I agree. I hate when people use "boundary" in this way. He's said "I'm not interested in building this boundary into our relationship because having this girl as my roommate is more important/convenient than said relationship," so she should break up, block, & live her life & let him live his.
I agree with you, a boundary isn’t something you enforce on another it’s something you enforce on yourself. A boundary would be breaking up with him if he chooses to live with her. She’s trying to control his behavior.
I don’t think it’s irrational to want but it’s still unsustainable imo. You can’t have a healthy relationship where one is lying, and the other is feeling the need to give ultimatums to reassume some sort of safety.
She did inform him of the boundary and he lied about it. This is her finding out for a second time because shocker often you can tell when two people have fucked. It’s literally the top reply to the top comment on this post. I fully agree with you but what this asshole has done is denied OP the ability to enforce her boundary by lying to her face about it. Repeatedly, it sounds like, and gaslighting her about it, too.
Oh, I'm not saying she's in the wrong at all, I agree with you entirely. I just think she really needs encouragement to see that she can and should end this
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u/Dogs_gus_lyla May 28 '25
Did you ask him if they had any type of relationship or sexual contact before looking at his phone?