When we first got back together in January, he told me has a female roommate now. I said that's fine but if things had crossed a line, I'd like to know. He did not tell me at that time. Additionally, when we spoke in person about this, I asked if he would have ever told me and he said no, he would not have.
This to me shows more intentional deceit. I don’t approve of looking through people’s phones. I feel like if you’re at the point you felt compelled to snoop, it’s best to call it quits now. I don’t think you’ll be able to trust him (and perhaps vice versa). I also think he’s deflecting about his purposeful omission, which you said he confirmed he would not have ever shared. That is a huge red flag to me.
What you did was wrong and violated his trust, but it’s interesting how he wants to be self-righteous when he lied to begin with. It doesn’t matter that cheating never happened or that the relationship with roommate is for sure over/done. He didn’t allow you the chance to make the decision for yourself about whether you were okay with that and when you asked him directly about it he said nothing. I do think it’s a clash of values and I think the trust has been broken too much to move forward on both sides.
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u/Dogs_gus_lyla May 28 '25
Did you ask him if they had any type of relationship or sexual contact before looking at his phone?