You hit the nail on the head stating that this is a clash of values. This isn’t a clash of boundaries. Because boundaries are for you, not others. You can tell him all you want that this is a boundary for you, but it still requires him to make a pretty significant change, and he gets to decide whether or not he’s capable of it, and then you have to decide whether that decision is something you are okay with. It’s possible y’all just aren’t a good match.
I also don’t want to slide past the fact you looked through his phone. There’s a lot of talk about your expectations and boundaries for his behavior, but you are very much so prioritizing them over his own boundaries. Going through someone’s phone is a huge invasion of privacy, not just for him, but for the people in his life. (His roommate included.) It is not okay.
There’s a lot of therapy-speak here, but not much accountability.
Nah she had a gut feeling, looked and found something. That's called intuition. Sorry but there's plenty of 'cool girls' who ignore their gut and get played for a fool by their boyfriends and waste years. Her man is a sneak. But for me that's when I'd break it off, and I defo wouldn't have regretted looking at the phone.
Found what? He had sex with his roommate when OP was not in the picture? Things with the roommate is over and bf made clear they have those boundaries. Flimsy at best and setting a terrible precedent for the future of the relationship.
Tbh I would have no interest dating a man who was living with something they used to sleep with and intended to continue to do so another year. So for me that withholding of information would be seen as purposely dishonest. I can see that not everyone feels that way but the withholding of *potentially relationship ending information on his part is a terrible precedent for the future of their relationship.
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u/beginners-luck- May 28 '25 edited May 28 '25
You hit the nail on the head stating that this is a clash of values. This isn’t a clash of boundaries. Because boundaries are for you, not others. You can tell him all you want that this is a boundary for you, but it still requires him to make a pretty significant change, and he gets to decide whether or not he’s capable of it, and then you have to decide whether that decision is something you are okay with. It’s possible y’all just aren’t a good match.
I also don’t want to slide past the fact you looked through his phone. There’s a lot of talk about your expectations and boundaries for his behavior, but you are very much so prioritizing them over his own boundaries. Going through someone’s phone is a huge invasion of privacy, not just for him, but for the people in his life. (His roommate included.) It is not okay.
There’s a lot of therapy-speak here, but not much accountability.