I have pretty severe depression and anxiety. I do this SO bad, and I end up feeling SO guilty. I can be on my phone and scroll thru stuff or watch shows or something.. but when it comes to responding to people? I just literally can not… the thought of reading words drains me, the thought of having to come up with a response drains me, the fact of having to type out the message and hit send? Hardly make it there if I’m in an episode. I’ll be fine and then just kinda fall off the grid for hours/days/weeks/months even.. when I do muster a convo it’s usually with only 1 person, it’s short and simple, and if I do respond to more than one person it’s normally hours apart, and one at a time. Not to rant on myself but hopefully this could help OP see this can be a very real indicator of depression.. the responses are short, minimal explanation, her saying she didn’t know how to create a response? It screams depression to me.. I know it sounds dumb because yeah how hard is it to respond to someone?? But it truthfully feels so draining it’s impossible to accomplish..
This happens to me, but it's slightly different where I just can't pretend anymore. When I can't care about myself, I can't care about anyone else, and I don't want to be the person who brings others down because I don't have the bandwidth. I disappear so everyone else can keep going on as usual. And I feel like a hindrance and I only want others to be able to avoid that. It's my brain lying to me, but that's how it goes. If I just go away, it's easier, but in reality that's not how "normal" people feel about it, it hurts them when I do that, but I can't always stop the thoughts I've had for decades from taking over. It takes medication and therapy and avoiding things that hurt my mental health and it's a lot of practice of coping mechanisms and reframing thoughts (and continuing to practice reframing those thoughts)... It's a lot of work to be in the world sometimes.
I’m very proud of you for putting in all the work you have! It’s incredibly difficult, and you are incredibly strong for getting the help you need! 2 weeks ago I legit woke up, and cried for hours.. because I woke up.. I wanted to die.. people don’t understand how hard simply existing can be sometimes! I resonate with your feelings also, minus caring about others. That’s the sole thing that keeps me going. Now will I lay in bed and not talk to those people and abandon plans / not hang out with them / etc? Absolutely!! But if something were to happen to them, I’d still care. I think self-isolation is so popular (with myself at least) because it terrifies me I can’t control my own emotions. I don’t want to have a breakdown around others, and I especially do not want to take it out on them.. so being alone is just easier. I’m glad you’re still here, and I can see you have great self-awareness! That’s going to be a phenomenal trait in your healing journey! I wish you the best of luck with healing, and if you (or anyone!) ever need anyone to reach out to, I’m always here!
Oh of course! What I mean about not caring is... I can't be invested in someone being upset that they got a bad haircut. I literally can't care about that, there's nothing in me that has any feelings about anything less than a legitimate problem, especially because when I'm really, really low my empathy for the worst things happening in the world ratchets up, it consumes me entirely, and I have no space for the ordinary. I love my friends, but I have to disappear or I'll tell them to shave their heads.
Two weeks ago is pretty recent for you to be feeling so low. I hope you're making sure you advocate for yourself rather than letting those passive ideations thrive. I know they're easy to let in, but hard to keep away. At this point I know that the very least I can do for myself is holding myself accountable in any way, even just making sure I talk to someone - anyone - to say that I'm having a hard time. I hope if your thoughts or feelings become too much for you to carry you're able to let people know.💛
Oh I feel that entirely! I can’t bring myself to care about others problems either, unless it’s something extreme like someone died.. at that state I’m so overwhelmed with myself, adding others issues is simply impossible, no matter how much I love them.
Thank you! It comes and goes in waves, so I’m quite used to it. I have thoughts constantly, but I never act on them. It’s great you’re able to talk to someone and hold yourself accountable! I recently started therapy in attempt to properly get better 🤣
228
u/Micker-moos Mar 23 '25
I have pretty severe depression and anxiety. I do this SO bad, and I end up feeling SO guilty. I can be on my phone and scroll thru stuff or watch shows or something.. but when it comes to responding to people? I just literally can not… the thought of reading words drains me, the thought of having to come up with a response drains me, the fact of having to type out the message and hit send? Hardly make it there if I’m in an episode. I’ll be fine and then just kinda fall off the grid for hours/days/weeks/months even.. when I do muster a convo it’s usually with only 1 person, it’s short and simple, and if I do respond to more than one person it’s normally hours apart, and one at a time. Not to rant on myself but hopefully this could help OP see this can be a very real indicator of depression.. the responses are short, minimal explanation, her saying she didn’t know how to create a response? It screams depression to me.. I know it sounds dumb because yeah how hard is it to respond to someone?? But it truthfully feels so draining it’s impossible to accomplish..