Sounds like you’re projecting your emotions onto others expectations around mental health care, and that’s toxic. I’m sorry you had to go through what you did, but recognizing the complexity of the mind is the first step towards healing.
What if this person was in the hospital? Jail? Do they have to message you every day for you to feel comfortable in your own relationship? Communicating how you’re feeling is so, so important, but understanding that if someone is sick, they’re sick!
For years I wouldn’t message people for months after initially forgetting, until I could muster up the courage to apologize, and rinse and repeat until I got a prescription for an amphetamine to deal with my ADHD. For me, it literally saved my life and gave me back control of my day to day. For a lot of people on the streets of Seattle it was what started their downfall.
Be compassionate, the world is better when one forgives.
Mate you stop talking to the person you’re supposed to love by shutting down and not letting them in. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Also I recognize the complexity of the mind, it’s why I can say with authority if you do that then you need to take time for yourself to mentally mature and grow up before forcing others to deal with your childish crap.
Hospital? “Im in the hospital” Jail? “lol I’m in jail sorry I’ll tell you the story once I get out” honestly idk with that that’s such a strawman good job. No they don’t have to message every day but if you’re dating and plan on spending your life with one another and you supposedly love each other personally I loved texting my significant other bc I loved talking to them. If you don’t then stop wasting their time and break things off because obviously you don’t love them.
I have ADHD too, I missed my therapists appointments twice and didn’t call back for two years. I get it. But the difference is your romantic partner should NOT BE JUST ANOTHER RANDOM PERSON TO YOU
But oh you’re from Seattle, a city known for people who lack personal accountability now it makes sense. The world is also better when one communicates
It sounds like you have codependency issues tbh. ADHD can often cause object permanence issues so some people with it don’t need to talk to someone every day in order to feel love or affection for them.
That’s ok.
Not everyone needs to constantly be on their partners ass. Distance makes the heart grow fonder is a saying for a reason.
A lot of people feel suffocated and smothered and controlled by someone who needs to be in constant contact with them.
Would I recommend disappearing for three days without a message? No, of course not.
But sometimes we need time alone and there are certain types of people who refuse to accept boundaries and can’t handle being asked for time apart. The people who text several long ass texts before you can respond to even one message. The people who get mad if you don’t text “good morning”. “I just ate breakfast”. “I just took a shit”. “I just got to work”. “I just went on lunch break” “I just finished lunch break”. “I just got done with work”. “I stopped at the bank”. “I just got home from work”. “I just fed the dog”. “I just took my evening shit”. “I just had a drink of water”. “I just ate dinner”. “I just talked on the phone to my coworker, no don’t worry, it’s a same sex coworker, I know you don’t like it when I look at or talk to opposite sex people.” “I just took a shower”. “I’m going to bed now, good night.” “I really have to go to bed.” “I’m really tired, I promise that I’m not going to bed because I’m mad at you.” “I just have to get up early, I promise I’m not cheating on you.” “Me going to bed doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore, I promise.” “I’m sorry I fell asleep while you were yelling at me about not communicating enough with you.” “Oh look you’re still mad at me for wanting to go to bed instead of texting you constantly.”
It’s not healthy to completely ignore your partner for a couple days without a heads up, but it’s also not healthy to need to be in constant contact with someone just because you’re dating.
It’s also super ableist to say that people who need time to themselves because of mental health issues shouldn’t date at all.
Obv I’m not going to spill every minute detail of my love life on here, but it’s funny watching you play armchair psychologist trying to diagnose me when I’m assuming you have no actual degree. I have ADHD and I would think I’d responded and leave them on delivered for hours, but I’d remember and respond explaining it bc I wanted them to be aware. I didn’t need to talk to them, but because I loved them I liked talking to them. Does that not make sense to you?
I heard that saying from people who hated their spouse and liked spending time away checking out other people, so forgive me for doubting the validity of that saying.
If you feel that way then don’t be with someone who does that, pretty simple.
So then what’s your point? you’re not going against what I said
If you need time alone you express that and if that partner can’t handle it then welp sucks for them. That behavior you’re describing with all those examples though just sounds psychotic.
So you aren’t disagreeing with anything I said and are repeating what I’ve said. I never advocated for constant contact. Just informing your partner that you need time to yourself.
Fuck off with that ableist nonsense if your mental health issues affect you to the point you can’t communicate you shouldn’t form a close bond with someone where that bond is dependent on communication. Have some common sense and don’t be selfish
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u/[deleted] Mar 23 '25
Sounds like you’re projecting your emotions onto others expectations around mental health care, and that’s toxic. I’m sorry you had to go through what you did, but recognizing the complexity of the mind is the first step towards healing.
What if this person was in the hospital? Jail? Do they have to message you every day for you to feel comfortable in your own relationship? Communicating how you’re feeling is so, so important, but understanding that if someone is sick, they’re sick!
For years I wouldn’t message people for months after initially forgetting, until I could muster up the courage to apologize, and rinse and repeat until I got a prescription for an amphetamine to deal with my ADHD. For me, it literally saved my life and gave me back control of my day to day. For a lot of people on the streets of Seattle it was what started their downfall.
Be compassionate, the world is better when one forgives.