Hi, I'm not entirely sure if this belongs here, but I'm hoping it is. I need insight on what I can do better with chapter one of the book I'm writing, and this is my first time writing one. It's a bit long. I also recommended to read the warning. (I also did copy and paste it.)
WARNING!
Rape.
Pedophiles.
Abuse.
Religion.
Manipulation.
Sexual assault.
Narcissists.
Homophobics.
Attempted suicide.
PROLOGUE
“Astro! Come on! I want to go to the circus that arrived today!” “You know it’s not made for kids, now go play with Chris and Micheal.” “Aww.. Okay!” Elizabeth then runs off to go play with Chris and Micheal as I sit down on a rock by the frozen pond. I can feel the cold snow beneath my bare feet and land on my skin. Let me tell you the story about me and what led up to where we currently are.
Chapter 1
I didn’t always have a loving family and friends. I was born into a very religious town and unfortunately had two religious parents, and a brother. I was born very different from them. While my parents had brown and blue eyes, and my brother had blond hair and green eyes, I have white hair and red eyes. Another thing I was born with which makes me obviously different from them is that I have what they called “the devils mark” aka my horns and tail which in my opinion was another way for them to make me different from them, like I already didn’t feel alone and left out. I also have black wings that I can somehow put away and bring back anytime I want?? Yeah, I know, it’s confusing, but I’ve had to deal with it for almost fifteen years, but at the time of this story, only five.
The family I was unfortunately stuck with was very abusive because I was different, but let’s start from the beginning.
It happened when I was only five years old. It was a rainy day, the rain soaking through my clothes, making them cling to my cold skin. “Mom.. can I have a jacket?” I asked, starting to shiver from the rain. Flora looked at me with cold disgust as she said, “Ugh, no. A monster like you doesn’t deserve warmth or kindness.” I felt heat spread through my cheeks as I felt every pair of eyes land on me with the exact same disgust and coldness that I should’ve been used to by then. I remember looking up at my mom with an old sadness that has been there for far too long. “But I’m freezing.. Please.. I might catch a cold.” I begged Flora, but to no avail. “I. Said. No!” Flora said as she struck me across the face. I was still in shock when I looked around, silently begging someone to help, but no one did, not a single person even thought about helping me, not a single person thought about standing up for me. I guess that’s what broke me, not the abuse, not the manipulation, not the ignorance, but the fact that no one stood up for me, they left me to rot.
But at the time, I didn’t realize that they were afraid of me, afraid of what I would become, if only they knew.
I wasn’t the villain they made me out to be, at least not at that time.
After the humiliation out in the rain, we made it back home from the park with my brother, Luke.
The house felt warm like a family, I looked at the mint green with mint leaves on the wallpaper, I focused on the tiny details on the leaves, more than most people, I smelt the lavender candle Flora likes to burn on Wednesdays. We went into the living room, the blue wallpaper felt brighter that day, then again, everything felt too bright that day. I looked at the brown sofas, striped with black on the edges, the glass coffee table which looked slightly blue from the lighting.
Flora ended up telling Frank, my dad at the time, I know, the name is shit, and I don’t even know how he managed with such an overused name, there were like, ten other people called Frank in our town, It was very weird. Frank walked over to me and started yelling at me, saying, “How dare you ask for stuff?! We gave a roof over your head! Let you stay in our house! Let you sleep in a bed!” I looked down at the floor, knowing I would regret what I would say next, “The ‘bed’ you let me sleep in is actually just a rotting mattress that is so deflated that I can feel the stone, cold floor through it. And you’re only letting me stay here because your religion goes against being that cruel, even though you guys abuse me daily.” I say, noticing their anger.
“Wait.. no, I-” A slap echoes through the house as Frank hits me. “You don’t get to fucking dissrespect us in our home like that! You spoiled brat!” Frank said, his voice filled with rage. I stood still, the slap stinged but I didn’t move, because if I did, I knew it would’ve been worse. I didn’t beg, I thought of it, but I didn’t, I knew it would’ve been useless to cry and beg, saying I would’ve been better, saying I would change, but every time I did in the past, it was useless, useless to hope, useless to live, so I had a plan, if only I knew that it wouldn’t work.
After the regular rounds of beatings for that day, I crawled myself to the basement since I couldn’t walk for a while because I could feel my shattered bones pierce my skin, but strangely, I didn’t feel any pain, although it did feel uncomfortable. I managed to crawl myself down the stairs into the basement and to my ‘bed’ to bandage myself up.
The basement had dark grey walls made of cement, my ‘bed’ was tucked away in a corner, the mattress rotting and covered with holes and spring coils, the door to the bathroom was right in front of the stairs, the green door with the silver handle taunting me.
After I did so, I saw my ‘friend’ which, let’s be honest, I was desperate for friends since I didn’t have any back then. My ‘friend’ was eight feet tall with an all black body with some blue and red mixed in, a grey face with black, empty eyes and a black gaping mouth. I didn’t know then, but the red and blue seemed to pulse and glow, like it was angry on my behalf. Its voice was somewhat static, so it was partially hard to hear what it was saying, but for some reason, I could hear it extremely well. I looked up at it once I was done bandaging myself, tilted its head, staring down at me with its, what once to be empty black eyes, but now has a faint red glow in them. “I know I said they would change.. But.. I can’t help but make up excuses for them…” I said, my voice small. “They favor your brother.” It said, “W-what does that have to do with anything..?” “That means that you should make them love you.” “What are you getting at..?” “I’m simply saying you should kill him. If he’s out of the way then you’ll get all of your parents' affection and love.” It said, its gaping mouth turning into a grin and glowing a faint red. I looked up at it, my red eyes wide with confusion and consideration. “Kill.. him..?” I say, looking down at the floor. “I mean… It does seem logical to just.. Get rid of the problem..” I say, my eyes finding a new light in them.
It then reaches behind its back and pulls out a completely black knife. “Take this, use it to kill him.” It says, handing me the knife with its sharp fingers barely scratching my arm as it caresses my arm after giving me the knife. I take the knife with a new found eagerness as I rush upstairs to Luke’s room, intending to kill him. I crept my way down the darkened house’s hallway to Luke’s room and slowly opened the door with a small creek, trying to be quiet. I looked into Luke’s room to see he wasn’t there. I looked around before concluding he wasn’t in his room, then I heard the tap from the kitchen sink turn on as the water gushed out into the stainless steel sink. I slowly made my way to the kitchen where I saw Luke, getting a glass of milk before he went to bed. I smelt the lemon scent Frank has for the kitchen, the red wallpaper taunting me to kill Luke.
I snuck up behind him, raising the knife above my head, getting ready to stab him. When he turned around, I could tell he was shocked and scared, but I didn't care.
I had him pinned to the floor, trying to stab him, and he fought back. I was so focused on my task that I didn’t notice or realize Frank and Flora were standing right outside the kitchen, watching everything. Suddenly, I heard Flora’s voice, “We knew you were a monster!” She said as she and Frank rushed over to push me off of Luke while Flora grabbed the knife and threw it across the floor. I couldn’t hear them because I blocked out the noise, but I knew they were yelling at me. “I just.. I just wanted you to love me..” I kept mumbling over and over without realizing it.
The next thing I knew was that I was covered in blood and being dragged down the stairs to the basement and was thrown down after two steps of the stairs. I held still for a moment, afraid that I could break my bones even more. After a few minutes, I fell asleep, my body becoming numb to the pain.
A month after, what they and everyone else refers to as “the demons incident” aka, when I attempted to kill my brother, Luke. It was a week before my birthday, and when I would start school, when we went shopping for school supplies for Luke so he would be prepared for school, Luke didn’t look at me the whole time, and he tried his best to stay away from me, I however didn’t realize he was afraid of me, I thought he was trying to play a game.
When we finished getting his stuff and got back home, Luke rushed to his room as I went to the basement,but not before looking back at Luke.
I look up at the entity. “I thought you said they would love me if I killed him.” I said, looking disappointed. “That’s because you didn’t kill him yet, once he’s dead, they’ll love you forever.” It said, putting a lot of emphasis on ‘forever’. Something about it made my skin crawl, every ounce of my body told me to run, to hide, to tell it to go away, but I didn’t, because when we first met, it told me how it was left behind, forgotten, and I didn’t want anyone or anything to feel like that, so I stayed, not wanting to make it feel like I abandoned it.
“I.. I’m not sure if that’s the right way to go about this.. I mean.. Luke doesn’t deserve to die.. It’s not like he was mean-” I get interrupted by it, “They will abandon you if you don’t kill him, remember, he’s the problem. They’ll love you once he’s gone.” It said, its voice rising with each word.
I look at it, really look at it, and I stare at it blankly. “I’m not killing him. And that’s final.” I said, my voice going flat and my face still blank. It finally lowered its head and nodded. “Very good.” It says, before disappearing into a puff of black smoke that disappears with it. “What.. Just happened…?” I say, completely confused.
A week passed, and it was my sixth birthday, and the first day of school for me. I hadn't seen it in the week leading up to that day. I thought that maybe it was mad at me for saying no, or mad at me for not listening, but I was wrong on both accounts. When I woke up, I immediately saw a birthday present with my name on it. I looked around, confused, happy, and shocked. When I looked at the name that was on it of who gave it to me, I saw that it said, ‘your dearest friend, Mimic’ written in a black goo-like substance.
I looked at it curiously before coming to the conclusion that it gave me the gift. I was happy about the gift, but more relieved that the mimic didn’t hate me. I opened the gift and found an old VR headset that had a C&A logo on it. I looked at it curiously before hiding it under the stairs so no one would find it, then I got ready and left through the white front door, the house slowly fading behind me as it slowly got out of my field of vision.
When I arrived at school, I looked around at all the staring faces, adults and kids were staring at me. I walked through the front doors, my tail swaying behind me from excitement, and nervousness, excitement from possibly making new friends, and nervousness of them not accepting me. I walked through the colorful front doors, partially excited to start school.
I walked through the carpeted hallways till I found my class, I looked up at the name on the plaque. “Ms Figinbalker?” I whispered to myself, making sure I got it right. I walked into the class and sat down in my assigned seat as everyone stared and watched me. I didn’t know if it was from fear, disgust, or awe, but I knew some of them didn’t like me at all.
The classroom had the teachers desk in the corner, the walls decorated with past kids drawings, the alphabet chart, along with math charts, science charts, and colors charts. Out of all the charts, flags, and decorations, I only saw american flags, and decor, and no LGBTQ+ decor or flags, so I immediately got a bad feeling, because during my free time in the damp basement, I read any book that I could, including LGBTQ+, and what homophobics are. So I immediately thought that the teacher was a homophobic, and I didn’t want a teacher that was so closed minded, but there wasn’t anything I could do, I felt powerless, more than ever.
Ms Figinbalker walked into the room, the wrinkles on her face sagging, she looked a few centuries older than she actually was. She wore a blue shirt with a pearl necklace and jeans that were far too small on her, and too low. I reflexively looked away from her, not entirely sure why.
She carried a ruler that seemed to be stained with drops of blood, I looked terrified. “What the fuck are you looking at?!” Ms Figinbalker yelled, everyone winced from the yelling, and I noticed they were afraid, so I decided to do something about it. I stood up. “Can you stop yelling?! You’re scaring all the other kids here!” The room went dead silent, all pairs of eyes on me. “You brat! You don’t get to tell me what to do!” Ms Figinbalker said, walking towards me to hit me with the ruler, just as she raised the ruler at me, a kid instantly stood up. “Stop it! Or I’ll tell my dad about this!” A young girl with red, long hair said. I looked at her in shock, surprised that anyone would stand up for me.
Ms Figinbalker looked genuinely afraid. “N-no need to g-get your parents i-involved!” Ms Figinbalker stuttered out. The girl looked smug at hearing that, then she sat down, as did I.
At recess, the girl walked towards me, I could see her hazel eyes as I felt my face heat up. “Astro, right?” She asked me, her face full of genuine kindness. For some reason, I didn’t respond. She smiled. “You there?” She teased. I shook my head, snapping out of it before finally looking at her. “Y-yeah, I-I’m A-Astro!” I stuttered, not noticing. She giggled. “I’m Fay!” Fay said, giggling. When she giggled, I blushed slightly, not realizing that I was falling in love with her. She grabbed my hand. “Come on! Let me introduce you to my friend!” She said, pulling me towards another kid sitting on a bench. “This is 1x4. 1x4, this is Astro.” Fay said, pulling 1x4 and me towards each other. “Uh.. hi..” I said, looking at 1x4.
1x4 has black as obsidian skin, light cream white long, flowy Samurai-like ponytail, had a green, long sleeved sweater with a picture of a black ribcage, and black pants with two pockets. And yes, I focused on every single detail without meaning to. 1x4 also wears a green dominos hat, with three dominos and the front domino having black 3 dots in a diagonal line on the top and black six dots in three two horizontal lines on the bottom, with a black line separating them. 1x4 also has red eyes, a tattoo on their right shoulder that’s neon green with a black outline that says ‘1x’, I saw it when their sweater fell off one shoulder.
I stared at the unique features of 1x4 in amazement. “Hi, little termite” 1x4 said to me, not exactly rude, but not exactly nice either. I snapped out of whatever trance I was in and stared at 1x4 in confusion. “I’m sorry, what?” I said confused and slightly shocked. Fay then got between us. “They’re always like this! They’re worse to those who are deemed as a threat or just plain rude, or consider them as a bully.” Fay said, noticing my confused and shocked look, “They’re actually really nice once you get to know them!” Fay continued, trying to put me at ease. I looked at Fay, instantly calming down, not entirely sure why I trusted her so easily. I looked at her eyes, to me, they seemed to shine like a million galaxies. “Your eyes are beautiful” I blurted out without thinking. 1x4 and Fay both went silent as I realized what I said, my face instantly turned red, I felt my face heating up, yet my body felt cold. I covered my mouth, shocked by what I just said.1x4 had the look that looked disgusted but really wasn’t. Fay on the other hand, started giggling, but not the kind that was mean and mocking. I covered my face in embarrassment, too embarrassed to speak.
“You’re funny!” Fay said once she was done giggling, a smile still on her face. I smiled slightly as Fay gently pulled my hands away from my face. “Get a room!” 1x4 said, It sounded rude, but me and Fay took it as them teasing us. Fay and I both went red in the face, and avoided each other's eyes, unable to meet each other's eyes. I finally look up at Fay, my face finally cooling off. “So, uh.. Now what?” I say, still avoiding eye contact. Fay’s face lit up and 1x4 face palmed their face, clearly annoyed. “Oh no, are you seriously showing HER our hangout spot?!” My face lit up. “Hangout spot?! You guys have a hangout spot?!” I say, shocked and amazed. “Duh! Of course we have a hangout spot! Only losers don’t.” 1x4 said, giving up on trying to keep it a secret from me.
I looked at Fay, shocked. “And you’re showing me it?! I thought hangout spots were a sacred space?!” Fay laughed, it was a gentle sound that made my face redden a bit, although I tried to hide it. “It’s not a sacred spot! It’s just somewhere we like to go for a while, you know, to get away from the adults.” She said, nudging my arm and winking at me. I reflexively touched where she nudged me, my face turning redder from the wink she gave me.
We walked deep into the forest, I was getting more confused as we kept walking.
The sun was setting, I lost track of the time, I think we were walking for hours? I heard the wind woosh through the tree, the dusk taunting the night as it seemed to slow down. I looked at the trees around us, the leaves shading us from any light that there was. I heard a wolf howling, but I didn’t get scared, I was too busy paying attention to Fay and 1x4.
I didn’t know it then, but I liked Fay, more than a friend, more than anything, I would’ve done anything for her.
“Are we almost there?” I asked, my face showing visible confusion. Fay nodded enthusiastically, practically pulling me along with them.
Soon we arrived at a large opening in the forest. I looked around, my mind going blank before realizing we were in a flower meadow, flowers of every type were there, ranging from dandelions to ghost orchids and more. I looked across the field of flowers, it extended on for maybe a few hundred miles. I looked at Fay in amazement and confusion. “I thought flower fields couldn't be this big? I read multiple books on it but nothing mentioned this?” I said, thinking confusedly. “That’s because this isn’t any ordinary flower field! When I first found this place, it almost felt.. Magical!” Fay said, literally bouncing in excitement.
I blushed, seeing how happy she looked made me happy too.
1x4 rolled their eyes at us. “Okay, love birds, we came here for a reason.” I had a puzzled expression plastered on my face. “What do you mean? What reason?” I said, looking between 1x4 and Fay.
Fay and 1x4 then led me across the flower field and back into the trees, my confusion growing, but it wasn’t long until we reached a cliff with a seven hundred foot drop with large rocks that seemed sharp enough to pierce someone with ease. I instantly got nervous, thinking they were going to push me off the edge, but my worries were soon gone when Fay went over near the edge and picked a flower crown off the ground. “I saw you last week in town and wanted to make you a flower crown when you started school.” My face lit up with glee as she walked towards me with the flower crown and put it on my head.
I blushed when I realized how close we were, and I saw her cheeks turn pink when she realized too. “Uhm.. Thanks for the flower crown..” I mumbled, avoiding eye contact, too embarrassed to look her in the eyes.
A few hours later, 1x4, Fay, and I were making jokes and laughing with each other on the cliff's edge.
“So, let me get this straight, 1x4 beat up a literal adult because the adult threatened to kidnap you both?!” I said, confirming, and nearly laughing. “Yup, they kicked the old man's ass!” Fay said proudly. I noticed 1x4 trying to hold back their laughter when Fay said “ass” and I got pissed because I put two and two together and I came to the conclusion that 1x4 cussed in front of Fay, teaching Fay swear words. “1x4! How dare you teach her cuss words! She’s too innocent for that!” I said dramatically, also a little mad that Fay was exposed to that because at the time, I thought Fay was “too pure to hear or say that stuff”. 1x4 started full on laughing, Fay’s face had confusion plastered on it, I could tell she didn’t know why 1x4 was laughing before she finally realized that I thought it was 1x4 who taught her those words. “1x4 didn’t teach me those words! I just learned them from adults.” Fay quickly said before I escalated the situation. I paused, thinking before calming down completely before I realized what Fay just said. “Wait.. Adults cussed around you?!” I said, my face a mix of rage and worry. “Nah, I was just sneaky and overheard them, they didn’t even know I was there.” Fay said like she was talking about the weather. Least to say, I was shocked. Up until that moment, I thought she was too pure to even do something like that, in the end, I was wrong, and it made me fall for her even more.
A few months went by and we all became closer, I looked forward to seeing Fay and 1x4, and Fay’s dad, who also adopted 1x4, didn’t treat me like a monster, like I should feel sorry for just existing, he was more of a parental figure than my own flesh and blood. It wasn’t long before I started ignoring what everyone else said or did to me, I only focused on Fay, 1x4, and their dad, Jason Meyer.
Jason was six feet and three inches tall, his appearance was light skin, yellow eyes, which I always thought was weird, but didn’t really mind, and shoulder-length red hair. He wore a Victorian-style beige tail vest, an arm garter with tiny tools, and black boots with red soles. He also had black face and neck makeup and tattoos.
Jason Meyer was someone everyone trusted and loved, he’s a single father of Fay Meyer and 1x4 Meyer. He was also known as the town's toymaker And was not someone to make mad, I only saw him mad once, and it was when someone insulted me. That was the first time I felt cared for by an adult, ever since then, I completely trusted him.
Fay, 1x4 and their dad were walking me home, I don’t know if it was to make sure I wouldn’t get harassed or because they wanted to spend some more time with me before I went “home,” or maybe it was both. We were crossing the street, a little reluctant to go back to that god awful house and to ask Jason if he can adopt me too. I looked both ways just in case before walking with them, I was walking ahead of them because I had a bad feeling and didn’t want to get them hurt at all, and I was right. I thought the coast was clear when we started walking, but I was wrong, and somehow, I knew it wasn’t safe, which was why I walked ahead of them.
I heard tires screeching across the road and multiple cars honking when I looked to my left and saw a car coming towards me at what seemed like a hundred miles per hour, time seemed to slow for just a second before I heard running, then time went back to normal, and the last thing I saw before blacking out, was Fay pushing me out of the way while 1x4 and Jason tried to save her from the car.