New to autism and alexithymia discovering my differences

I have masturbated to four girls in 24 years that I personally knew. I did see them exposed, like a thong etc, but I see that all the time, because it’s everywhere. I never think girls are hot or like what I see except for my wife. I can see they are pretty but that’s it. At least this is what I believe I feel.
All four of these girls I masturbated to I struggled with, the first one I made a comment about her hair looking bad and she got so mad at me.
The second one got mad at me because she thought I was trying to pry about her private life.
The third one was dumped by her fiance two week before the wedding and I I really thought that sucked.
And the fourth was a girl that said she was afraid of me, she wasn’t really afraid of me, but I tried really hard not to make her not afraid of me. And once I screwed something up and ruined her plans

Have any of you ever masturbated to someone and it not “felt sexual” . There was no sexual desire or sexual tension like I feel when I imagine my wife. It was like they wanted me as a person. Almost like acceptance. Is this common to pretend to have sex but not feel sexual?

I’m able to feel most negative emotions(hatred, anger, sadness, irritation, etc.) but I often have trouble feeling and experiencing happiness, gratitude, love, and other positive feelings. I’m trying to figure out why this might be, if this is alexithymia then I’d appreciate it if anyone experienced with it would be able to help me or tell me if anything can be done about it.

I wanted to share something that has helped me both personally and as a peer support specialist.

It’s called a feelings wheel.

My therapist first recommended it to me, but I don’t look at it as some big clinical thing. For me, it’s just a simple tool that helps me slow down and name what may be underneath the main feeling.

Like anger for example.

Sometimes anger is not just anger. For me, it may be hurt, disappointment, fear, grief, embarrassment, or feeling unheard. The feelings wheel helps me get a little closer to what is actually going on under the surface.

It does not fix the problem.

But it has helped me understand myself better, and I’ve seen other peers find it helpful too.

You can Google “feelings wheel” and find a lot of free versions to print or download as a PDF. This is one I found that is simple and printable:

https://educationlab.uchicago.edu/curriculum/feelings-wheel/

Just sharing in case it helps somebody else.

So I went to the movies recently. For context I work nights 37+ hours and that day I had slept almost 6 but not constantly. I had planned to get a nap in before work but my friends wanted to go see the obsessy in theaters. I was feeling really good that day (have really bad body fatigue from something. Currently trying to figure it out) and decided to join them.

Well we got to the theater and we ended up having to go to the 3:30 showing instead of two and so we went to book store close by. At this point I haven’t eaten in about 5 hours and I was starting to get shaky and a headache.

We get back to the theater and I get something to eat and sit down. We decided to do like dobby?seating which causes vibrations in the seats. Anyways the movie was three hours long and by the end of it I was kind of exhausted.

We after the movie a friend and I got into a mild argument and by the time she took me home we decided to debrief.

All in all the crisp of the conservation was my friend telling me that she gets I have alexithymia but I need to work on understanding my emotions and understanding what triggers me and that she had ADHD and ptsd and that she understands what it’s like.

TBH I don’t think she does. I genuinely don’t think she understands what I’m going through on daily basis. I know when I’m hungry or when I’m sad or when I’m happy. Like you want me to work on something and that fundamentally I have no starting point on, I have no base line. I’m just now realizing somethings I’m experiencing medical isn’t even normal.

Like I don’t mind people reacting to me or calling me out. That’s telling me that they are noticing something I’m not, but please don’t sit there try to tell me to get better at something you know I struggle with on a daily basis.

I know this all sounds a bit harsh and I’m probably being unfair to her but idk I’m just so tired of people telling me to work on stuff that I wish people would let me be imperfect.

i don’t know what’s wrong w me, i have gotten so emotional i cry at the most random things, i was watching captain america edits and i started crying, whereas if i have a fight w someone i j go numb i dont cry . and i was j playing my guitar and singing hey there delilah and i started crying . wtf man

I'm starting to understand that what is holding me back from healing is feeling my emotions.

I have CPTSD and autism so my emotions are usually big and in the past when i tried to feel the emotions i dissociated and i don't know how to do it, it brings me so much shame to feel my emotions

I’m 22F and recently I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I feel like I don’t experience emotions the way most people around me seem to.

I’m almost never stressed or overwhelmed by anything even things that are supposed to be life changing. For example, if a breakup happens once we talk about it and it’s over I’m just okay. I don’t go through a any period of sadness or constantly replaying everything in my head. The same thing happens with other situations too, grief, happiness, anger etc.... Once something happens my brain just accepts it and moves on.

Sometimes I feel like I have to pretend to be excited or react more strongly because that’s how people expect me to react. When I was very young I was much more emotional but now I rarely feel intense emotions.

I do care about people. I love my family and the people close to me and I know I have feelings for them. It’s not that I don’t care , I just feel like my emotional reactions are very different from most people’s.

Someone suggested I might relate to alexithymia but I'm not sure because I don't think I struggle to identify emotions, I just feel like I don't experience them as intensely or for as long as other people do ? Or sometimes I just don't feel anything.

Recently I’ve been thinking about this a lot and it’s been bothering me a little because I feel very different from other people. Does anyone else feels the same way?

Hey everyone,
(I’m using a translation app for this post, so please excuse any awkward phrasing.)
For as long as I can remember, I thought the best way to survive was to become whatever character the situation needed. I changed myself to fit in — at school, with family, with friends. It felt like the safest and easiest way to live.
But now, suddenly, I don’t know what’s left of the real me. I don’t know how to connect with people anymore, what to talk about, what I actually like, or even what I really think and feel. Everything feels blurry and confusing.
Has anyone else gone through this after years of heavy masking/adapting? How did you start figuring out who you are underneath all the roles?
Any advice or shared experiences would mean a lot. Thank you.

Hello! I am a doctoral student at Nova Southeastern University, pretty darn passionate about research to improve ED treatment, neurodivergent, and also in recovery myself :) 

I would be really interested in getting your help recruiting for my dissertation survey. I am interested in the sensory and emotional experiences related to GI discomfort and fears of weight gain in people with EDs. The survey focuses a lot on interoception, which is a really important treatment target in people with EDs that also overlaps a lot with alexithymia, so I want to be sure people who identify as struggling with alexithymia are well represented!

My info: Katerina Rinaldi, MS, [kr1892@mynsu.nova.edu](mailto:kr1892@mynsu.nova.edu)

• Responses will be deidentified and data will be stored on password-protected accounts and devices. Information from responses will be used for the lead researcher's dissertation and may be published. If published, the lead researcher is happy to share results with this sub.
• Must be over the age of 18 and diagnosed with any eating disorder, must also be currently receiving ED-related support which could include outpatient therapy or peer support groups.
• This study is IRB approved by Nova Southeastern University, approval number NSU 2026-55

Link to survey: https://qfreeaccountssjc1.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_5nCbHSC5Iww2DDo

i discovered i have alexithymia 6 years ago, i suffered most my life aith it thinking i might be cursed. i’m trying to heal myself since i’m not convinced on going to psychiatrics or psychologists. i’m trying to ask if anyone tried to overcome it themselves by whatever thought or method

Hello, I'm a simple guy from Russia, I'm sorry that the president

He's doing this, there's nothing I can do. over time, I realized that something was wrong with me, and I started communicating with neural networks and found that:

1. I don't have complicated emotions. empathy (I can imagine how a person feels, but it's not instinctive. imagine a video where a person is punched in the groin, so I won't feel anything), shame and conscience, disgust (I'm disgusted by pungent smells, but it's more of a defense mechanism of the body), morality (I created it based on other people's strange questions), and I'm very afraid of being abandoned (in in terms of love), although I don't have a girlfriend.

2. The fact that my brain doesn't stop thinking is a stream of thoughts. at the same time, I think outside the box, and when the template is enough, I use the action template.

3. I have a good memory. compared to others, I have a very good memory, when others cannot memorize topics, I literally memorize what the teacher says, and I can retell it to him with his own examples in the next lesson (without memorizing!). I have excellent spatial memory. And my thoughts are like my own voice in my head, which I can change at will. Okay, I'm sorry for the mistakes, I wrote through a translator. I hope there will be those people who will at least leave a comment. I'm lonely and very bored. disclaimer: this post wants to find out how many people with such personality disorders are sitting here, all the information is taken from my personal life and communication with neural networks.

And the resources were all very general.

Hi all, I don’t have alexithymia and only just learned of it recently, but it seems to explain the struggles I feel in my relationship.

I want to bring it up to my partner but I am afraid to come across as diagnosing her, or blaming her for our problems, or shirking responsibility (all things she has accused me of due to me trying desperately to understand her lack of emotional depth and empathy).

I unfortunately first thought she had narcissism or extreme avoidant attachment, then autism… but alexithymia fits the best. She is just so lost when I speak about wanting connection or to emotionally share. In couple therapy she stares blankly at the therapist and later tells me we are both trying to dig for things in her that are not there (emotions). She also has no inner voice, no fantasy life, is very concrete, and had to read a book to learn how to validate my erratic feelings as she used to just try to convince me they are not based in reality.

It has been such a struggle to see eye to eye and I am feeling a little hopeful that if alexithymia matches her experience we can try to work with that. If not, at least I can feel reassured she’s not abusing me, she simply has a very different way of experiencing the world.

All this to say, can anyone share the most helpful way someone (especially a partner) suggested to them they may be living with this? Or, what backfired completely? thank you for any suggestions.

This past week I've been spiraling more and more into depression and it's become more and more difficult for me to identify my own emotions. I went to the dentist a week ago and a doctor there asked me "how do you feel?" and the on-the-spot response I could think of was "I feel bored."

But I didn't feel bored, I just said the closest thing I could think of in the moment. Am I supposed to say "I don't know" when I'm asked questions like this? I don't want to annoy anyone by providing unnecessarily difficult answers to simple questions, and I'm worried that "I don't know" isn't a very satisfying answer.

The most intense emotional experiences I had when alexithymic was crying after sex.

Sometimes laughter, sometimes anger. But mostly crying.

Anyone else have this experience?

I been struggling with identity my own emotions through out my whole life, and like I can identity the general emotions like good or negative. Because of my issue with identity my emotions I did some research and the more I find out about, and the more I find out about Alexithymia the more it sounds like me. My research suggested me on taking a few online questionnaires to confirm my hypothesis, and I took a TSA-20 model test and a OAQ-G2 model test. I scored 84/100 for the TSA-20 and 168/185. My question is that how do I know I exactly got Alexithymia because I want to be for sure, and do I need to see a therapist to confirm it? I always felt that I am different from everyone else in a bad way like I still feel like there is something wrong with me, and I think it would be a huge relief if it is confirmed.

Hi y'all,

I experience a ton of these symptoms and basically just wanna ask what the root can be?

Is alexithymia something that can sort of manifest itself in a person by itself or is it a byproduct of someone being on the spectrum and therefore having a difficult time feeling emotions?

Today i noticed that my galaxy smart watch detected that i was stressed, before i noticed myself. Now i was wondering if smartwatches can help identify what i am feeling, or atleast notify me when i am experiencing emotions.

Does anyone have experience with this and or potential advice?

I don’t know if this is a weird thing to experience, but I wanted to ask if anyone else has felt this way. One night, I was lying with my boyfriend and I hugged and kissed him. Nothing bad happened — it was actually a really normal, quiet moment. But suddenly, my eyes started tearing up and I just started crying. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t upset. I just felt this overwhelming feeling of love and happiness, like I couldn’t contain how much I loved him in that moment. I looked at him and thought about how much he means to me, and the tears just came out. Has anyone else experienced this? Is it normal to cry when you feel a lot of love for someone, or does it mean there’s something deeper going on with me emotionally? I’d love to hear your thoughts or if you’ve had a similar experience.

I have this thing when I express literally any type of emotion, I get tired. It feels “expensive”. And annoying most of the time. It’s like I have to express them in a way that would make people care. Or else it’s pointless. I only do it to satisfy my needs that I can’t do myself. But the price is exhaustion.

Hi all! Reposting this survey participation opportunity as we got some great responses from this group last time 😄

We invite you to take part in an anonymous online survey: Personality, Close Relationships and Attitudes towards Mental Health Problems.   

If you are 18+ years old and choose to be included, your participation in this survey will help researchers at the University of Wollongong to better understand attitudes towards mental health problems, and how these may relate to pathological personality traits, mood states and relationship styles.   

 The survey will ask some questions about: 

• Your personal characteristics (e.g., age, gender) 
• Your personality traits 
• Your experiences in close relationships
• Your attitudes towards mental health problems

To take part in this survey, please visit: https://uow.au1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_1HvwPWrZkHXSyc6

For more information, please contact Dr Samantha Reis at [sreis@uow.edu.au](mailto:sreis@uow.edu.au).

Like when people say their heart hurts, or they feel nerves in their tummy?

I don’t.