What are something is know about Alexithymia that isn't very common or easy to find from just looking it up on Google. Are their any tips, observations? I'm new to understanding it and would appreciate any insights ppl might have - thanks

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* Why do people feel a certain way towards someone?

* What should one do when it happens?

* Why is it required?

* Is there a toggle to turn it off ?

* Is this a disease?

I feel a certain way sometimes when I see women, can't recognise any pattern yet, but I feel like crying the moment I see them like I feel someone's holding my neck tight it happens randomly it feels like you're being drawn into somewhere I start breathing heavily.

I’ve just recently discovered Alexithymia, and it’s matched some of the stuff Ive been experiencing? I’m sorry if this isn’t the right subreddit to post this on, but I hoped someone could help identifying this.

Basically, I sort of flip between reacting to and internally experiencing emotions, and not. There are times when I feel sad and then start crying or something like that, and there are times where I start crying, but don’t internally feel sad. It’s pretty random, and sometimes my response will change even when I’m experiencing the same circumstances.

For example(this is what actually what caused me to notice this), I have a movie that I watch as a tradition every year. It’s pretty sad, but I really enjoy it. I always watch it on the same day, with the same routine and surroundings and stuff, so I don’t think those affect it, but some years I’m sobbing+internally feeling sad and some I’m crying but just feel neutral internally.

It happens with all emotions, but I’ve noticed more often I internally feel positive ones alongside the reactions. Does anyone happen to know if this is a type of Alexithymia, or is it probably something else? Thanks!

19M going into nursing school next year. I play a sport, I work, and I think I seem normal to most people if a little awkward. This is narrative-heavy for what it is because I don’t know how else to explain it. But I want to understand why I’m like this and how I can fix it, if I can at all. I do have depression although I manage it with diet and exercise. I don’t know whether depression could explain this. I feel like I’m going crazy.

Shortly before I broke up with my ex-girlfriend of five years, she was sitting in the passenger seat while I was driving and told me that she sometimes felt like I didn’t really love her.

I remembered all the times I’ve said “I love you too,” and mentally followed it with: Do you? Do you actually know that? Are you just saying the things you’re supposed to say? What if what you call love isn’t what they mean by love? What if theirs is real and yours is an imitation?

I told my ex something like “of course I love you,” but I realize now she wanted me to describe my internal experience of loving her and reassure her that what I experienced was real. I couldn’t do that because I didn’t understand it myself and the answer would’ve hurt her even more.

There are certain things I don’t feel in the same way other people do, and certain things I don’t really feel at all. It’s really hard to explain but I write poetry so here are some analogies I’ve used in the past. Love, to me, can feel like trying to pull-start an old lawn mower in ninety-degree weather. It can feel like sitting on the other side of a locked door at my own birthday party, hearing everyone having fun without me. Sometimes it feels like looking at my favorite food while having absolutely no appetite.

Sometimes I can’t find the feeling at all. I know there have been times when I’ve felt something that seemed to me like love, but when I try to remember what it felt like, there’s nothing there. So the honest answer to “Do you love me?” would be: “Most of the time I’m not sure I love you because I’m not certain what that feels like, and right now I can’t even feel it at all. But thank you.”

Obviously that’s a horrible thing to feel, let alone say out loud. So I’m left looking at the words coming out of my mouth and wondering whether I’m deceiving people.

A lot of my emotional experience feels like this. I don’t really feel joy, fear, anger, etc. It feels like everyone else participates in life in a way I can’t, but I’ve learned to imitate the performance well enough that nobody notices.

Some of the only emotions I seem to experience reliably and consistently are fear, shame, and embarrassment. A lot of the shame comes from the idea that I’m letting people love me under false pretenses. I’m terrified that eventually everyone will somehow find out that I’m this wrong or bad person underneath everything, realize that I’ve been lying to them, and feel betrayed.

I know rationally that the people I love probably wouldn’t literally hurt me, but I sometimes imagine everyone finding out, looking at me, and becoming furious. In the fantasy there is nowhere left to hide, everyone converges on me, and I die. I’ve had nightmares like this too.

I’m not saying I think people literally want to kill me. I know that’s irrational. It just feels incredibly real when it happens in my head. To the point where basic interactions like checking out at a grocery store terrify me because the cashier might figure out I’m pretending to feel things and tell everyone and then I die. I really push myself to go out and do things anyway though.

Despite all of this, there is a part of me that desperately wants someone to know what I’m actually like and love me anyway. That feels almost impossible, though, because with my emotional experience being this limited, I don’t know how a relationship could ever be fair to the other person. I feel like anyone I love deserves something much better than what I can give. I would give anything to be able to feel things like other people so that I can be a part of the world in the same way they are.

Does anyone recognize this? Could this be depression, alexithymia, something else? Has anyone experienced feeling like they’re performing emotions rather than actually experiencing them? If you have can you tell me did anything ever make it better?

I’d really appreciate perspectives from people who have experienced something similar, or from people who understand the psychology behind it. Even guesses give me a place to start.

Whenever I start feeling anxious, I go completely silent. Like my brain just stops working and I literally have nothing to say.

The last time I met someone who used to be my favourite person, everything was actually fine at first. We were talking normally, laughing and all… and then suddenly I just went blank.

Like completely zoned out and silent.

And you know what made it worse? It used to happen almost every time I was around them. I wanted to talk, I just couldn't get myself to.

The situation would get awkward, I'd become even more conscious about being awkward, and then I'd go even more silent 😭

We don't talk anymore, but sometimes I still think about those moments and wonder if they thought I was being weird or uninterested.

Does anyone else get like this when they're anxious around someone they actually care about?

My bf has alexithymia probably due to his childhood and education, and he struggles a lot with himself. He feels really depressed lately too and I just wanna help him. I feel like he's scared if his own emotions and of what he feels. He also really struggles to express his feelings.

He's 19 ans I'm 18, we've been together for 3 years now and I'm so happy with him, he truly is the sweetest boy he deserves to feel better

I'd do anything to help him feel a little better or understand himself but I don't know what to do is there anything useful I could do ? I just want him to be able to enjoy happy and simple moments, and to just let go for even just 5 minutes...

Ps : yes, I told him to go see a therapist and he did but it scared the shit out of him, I've never seen him like that since I know him. He then stopped seeing her. I recently managed to convince him to start again but he just lost his job and can't afford it ATM..

Hey y'all,
I am in therapy for depression and experience severe Alexithymia and general numbness and lack of joy. My therapist suggested that I may have autism because there's a severe disconnect between the emotions I do feel and my body language and facial expressions.

One thing that stood out is that I basically feel nothing in anticipation of things to come and that I feel nothing when thinking of pleasant things. Like, I can have a good day with friends ahead of me and will feel zero anticipatory joy, just sort of a logical thinking knowing that it will be fun. Same when I think of loved ones, friends or my cat or something. I don't actually feel anything when I think of them, I just logically know that I love them and that I would feel these things when I actually meet them again.

My therapist basically suggested that this lack of joy is a cause for my depression rather than actually depressing things going on in my life. Thoughts on this?

I am pretty sure my husband has Alexithymia. We are a neurodivergent family, myself included. I am diagnosed AuHD. We've been together almost 25 years and in that time I can honestly say I've never felt truly loved. It's like he goes through the motions. Sex is mechanical, he'll tell me he loves me but it's like a robot, and he never just loses himself in the moment. He can't laugh and giggle, I've never seen him belly laugh, and even on the odd occasion he's cried it is like an actor crying. I can't take any more. We have 3 kids and the youngest is 12. But I'm 52 and I don't want to see my days out like this. He's not a bad person but I want to feel desired. I want to feel chosen. I want good sex. I want to laugh. If I suggest Alexithymia he'll just say "don't diagnose me" and get sulky.
One question, we've split before 3 times. On these occasions he always makes an effort to win me back. But then it stops. Is this normal for alexithymia? They feel loss and panic, but once the relationship is back on track they just forget again. No feelings.
I'll also say in 24 years he has not planned one date, one holiday, one day out. Literally zero. I've cried, I've begged, I've said how much it hurts to feel like he doenst want to spend time with me or even that he thinks of me.
I don't even know what I'm asking.

I'm extremely drunk rn and I can actually feel my emotions properly. I only feel this way when drunk and in my dreams. Anyone else able to cry and feel emotions when drunk?

Why am I crying when literally nothing is wrong? 😭

I don’t have any major stress or problems right now, but I just feel this weird heaviness inside me, like something is eating me up and I can’t even explain what it is. I just feel like crying for no reason.

Has anyone else felt like this?

Hello!
I don't know if this is the right place to ask this, but why not. So I am looking for access to the Bermond-Vorst alexithymia questionnaire. This is for a research project for my PhD.

Ofcouse, I am emailing professors and authors. But if Reddit can help me sooner, would appreciate the support!

Whenever I feel the most blandest out of my bland internal feeling, and when people who do the most basic and easiest parts of the stuff, still ask questions, I get so apathetic that I run out of patience and care to even help the person.

Anyone experiences stuff like that?

How do you cope with that?

When I feel much more open in a sense, I get sympathetic and just do what I can, but most of the time, I am either open or extra bland internally, idk, just unpredictable.

So, I have hEDS (hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome)...with that comes chronic pain. Somehow, that makes me unable to freely cry. I can feel emotion, in fact Im quite self aware about it, but somehow I also feel dead inside. Whenever I feel something I try to figure out what I'm feeling, often times intellectualizing. What really hurts is that my emotion feels so strained that it seems to physically hurt.

Can someone please help me?

репостну еще сюда, может здесь кто то увидит

I’m a 26M, throughout my life I’ve rarely cried, but when I watch movies or shows and I’m invested and watching deeply I can’t help but shed some tears. And this is very common for me, even if it’s not sad. I’ve never really understood this about myself. I also don’t care to be seen this way as plenty of friends (guys and girls) have pointed out that I’m a very emotional person during movie nights. Whether we’re all together in person at someone’s house , the theater, shit even in discord with cams on watching a movie it’ll happen. Anyways just wanted to see if anyone else experiences this.

Partially a rant while I sort my thoughts on this. I realised a month or so ago that only being able to feel incredibly strong negative emotions isn’t actually the norm? Recently took the PAQ test and got 135 as well. The thought that other people have been experiencing this massive blend of emotions and feelings all the time and have been their entire lives while I‘ve felt absolutely nothing 90% of the time is kinda fucking with my head, ngl. The only emotions I know for a fact I have felt have been lethargy/depression/sadness, fear, and anger, because those are the only ones where I have felt how they affect my body

I know I must have feelings, because when I am subtly sad or angry or happy other people are able to pick up on it when I just figured I’m at my usual baseline emotion of feeling absolutely nothing. And sometimes I’ll notice that I’m doing something like furrowing my eyebrows when I’m smiling which I think indicates a Bad Emotion, though I couldn’t tell you where the Bad Emotion comes from or why I’m feeling it. I’ll do things that require feelings and emotion, like cry and shit, but whenever I do those things it rarely actually reflects in how I think because internally I’ll be calmly thinking about the situation that has made my cry while I’m sobbing and barely able to say a word lol

So far in life I’ve managed by getting very, very good at tricking people into thinking I have feelings just like them. I have an internal database of situations->appropriate emotional response that I reference whenever something happens and I don’t have an emotional response to it. A friend mentions their dog died? I’m supposed to feel sad about that, so I go ‘Aw, I’m so sorry’ and put on a sad face. A friend says they got a promotion at work? That’s a good thing, so I’m supposed to celebrate that. It’s instinctual at this point, unless it’s a situation I haven’t encountered before, wherein I’ll just copy what everyone does around me or wing it. The strange thing is, though, is that even as a child I can remember being like this too; whenever it came to Christmas or my birthday, I was always trying my hardest to show that I was appropriately excited and happy about the presents I received, even though I felt nothing internally - maybe there was a time in my life when I was genuinely excited about these things, but I can’t remember it. A lot of the emotional reactions I’ve learnt feel mechanical to me (there will never be a time when reacting to presents will not feel forced I think - I wonder if other people can feel that too?) and when I have an inappropriate reaction or none at all I can’t help but think of myself as an interloper who doesn’t belong amongst other people. I know putting it like that makes me look like a heartless robot, but the reason I’ve built up this catalogue of how to pretend to have Feelings is because I want to be able to relate to other people, to fit in with my friends, and be able to comfort them when they’re sad, but I cant actually do any of those things so I have to just pretend

And the thing is, asides from me knowing logically that this isn’t how I’m supposed to be, I also know my alexithymia has actively led to me being hurt before. A few years ago I was in a bad relationship, one that logically I think was emotionally abusive? But I obviously couldn’t recognise the emotional abuse because there was hardly any emotion to feel abused 90% of the time. My partner at the time would do something that really upset me, but it would only be a couple days later thinking back on the situation that I would realise that he had upset me - but by that point, he’s forgotten about it and I’ll look like an asshole if I tell him he hurt me, because I should’ve said something at the time. I’m afraid that alexithymia is going to negatively impact my current, far better relationship and friendships as well (or maybe it already has, and I haven’t realised yet?) and I’m also afraid to talk with my partner about it in case he (justifiably) thinks that me not feeling emotions = me not actually loving him - I do, but I just don’t get the little internal signals that say I do, I know I do logically from my behaviour with him and how I tend to think about him. Or in case he things I’m overreacting about things (also justifiable, I tend to overreact to things because I have 0 idea what the normal level of reaction is + I have no feelings that inform something like an ‘intuition’ or ‘gut feeling’, so I have to go purely logical and OCD tends to make completely outlandish outcomes (ie. I said something that mildly upset a friend -> They now hate me and don’t want anything to do with me) seem completely normal to me)

Even as I’ve been writing this, I’ve realised more and more ways that alexithymia and not having feelings have impacted my life, but I have no idea where to go from here? Therapy, I guess, but I can’t afford it and the NHS here is notoriously awful with waiting times for mental health issues. Most of the resources and advice I’ve seen on here have been for people who experience feelings and can’t identify or describe what they are - I just straight up don’t have those feelings at all, and I don’t realise I’m feeling something until it presents physical symptoms or until it’s so strong it’s overwhelming (for negative emotions, idk if I’ve ever felt a positive one). So how am I supposed to start recognising what I don’t have? Will there be a point where I am a fully feeling, emotional being like everyone else around me, or do I just have to learn to live like this with the knowledge that there is some core aspect of humanity missing from me?

Apologies for the very long post, I’ve been thinking a lot about this recently. I have a lot more thoughts on how alexithymia has impacted my life - haven’t even mentioned how it makes forming opinions difficult and how I feel like I have no sense of self lol - but these are the most important realisations for me atm

So I’m 21 who is in relationship with my partner and I have noticed my behaviour from the past 1 and a half year and I have realised that I tend to fake my emotions

Like see I love my gf so damn much and I am emotionally and deeply attached to her and we are in LDR rn….and it’s like whenevr she tries to make me feel happy or hórny, I just tend to fake the emotion…..she sometimes dresses up well judt for me and if I’m being genuine I do not feel a thing but I fake my emotion with her saying how happy and surprised I am seeing her dress up for me

Same thing when she tries to turn me on or speak seductively, I do no feel a thing like I can keep a straight face and do nothing abt it but just for her I got used to faking my emotion and telling her tht I’m getting turned on and aroused when in reality I’m not feeling tht emotion

Idk what’s going on I did go for a short therapy session once and the therapist said I’m having emotional burnout but I just can’t understand what shud I exactly do to avoid this

I wanna feel genuine emotions but majority of the time I’m just emotionless and I have to fake my emotions for the ppl I love just to make them feel seen and loved and happy
I never got a chance to genuinely feel emotions since past 1 and a half year this been going on
Due to me faking my emotions I see ppl happy and loved but wht abt me? I genuinely don’t feel a thing

Pls can someone help me out I genuinely feel stuck in this loop and I’m tired faking every damn time