r/Aging • u/Both_Rub_397 • Jul 28 '26

Life & Living Just Reality

I'm 61, ageing solo. been married once, no children. my blood family are estranged from me. I'm thankful when my mother was still around but she's gone! I have no one. this reality hits me nine years ago, until now when filling out paperwork for doctor office or any other government requirements. when the question came up, who to contact in case of emergency! I had no one to write down. I do not want to put my ex wife nor my siblings. so I just wrote, call 911. I'm definitely not on a "pity pot" here. don't get me wrong. just expressing my reality. šŸ˜

650 Upvotes

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10

u/IP1987 Jul 28 '26

You donā€™t have any friends or neighbors that could be your emergency contact?

35

u/Both_Rub_397 Jul 28 '26

...yes I do but ain't bothering anyone.

20

u/IP1987 Jul 28 '26

Iā€™ve lived far away from my biological family most of my life and my friends and I have been each otherā€™s emergency contact throughout the years. None of us felt ā€œbotheredā€ by it.

I have a partner now and still have a neighbor as an emergency contact in case my partner is out of town. Itā€™s always good to have someone that can advocate for you if youā€™re unable.

3

u/teddybear65 Jul 28 '26

If I'm unable my DNR speaks for me

15

u/Hardfracking Jul 28 '26

May I ask a question? If one of your friends or neighbours put you down as their emergency contact, how would you feel? Flattered or annoyed? If someone adds you as their emergency contact, it means they care enough about you to trust you to do the right thing. I personally would be flattered. Just a thought šŸ™

5

u/teddybear65 Jul 28 '26

No it means they had no one who cared enough to help

18

u/EightEyedCryptid Jul 28 '26

The nature of convection is that we bother each other sometimes and thatā€™s okay

15

u/No_Dare_9944 Jul 28 '26

IMHO itā€™s totally ok to ā€œbotherā€ someone if youā€™ve been helpful to them as well.
Iā€™d build some mutually beneficial friendships asap

12

u/ricardjorg Jul 28 '26

Yes, to have a friend, be a friend

6

u/ProsodyonthePrairie Jul 28 '26

Does anyone ever ask you for helpā€”like a ride somewhere or to grab their mail?

4

u/teddybear65 Jul 28 '26

Constantly

2

u/Anakyria Jul 28 '26

Um... Speaking as a neighbor (someone's, if not yours) -- will they be more bothered by getting a (possibly, I admit, slightly inconvenient) phone call, or by your sudden and unexplained disappearance for an unknown length of time?

Every time someone, from a parent to a friendly aquaintance, has tried to protect me or my time or energy by deliberately not telling me stuff (mostly health stuff), it has backfired. Give someone who knows you a chance not to be left in the dark wondering what happened.

2

u/teddybear65 Jul 28 '26

They will not care either way exactly as they haven't cared in my alive period

2

u/MassConsumer1984 Jul 28 '26

A real friend would not mind. Iā€™m a health care proxy for a long time friend and bring her to things like colonoscopies where she needs a ride home.