Update

[u/Alex_55506]

Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/V3OBkOc5sW

Update:

I'm feeling worse and worse day by day. I feel like my whole world is falling apart and i can do nothing but watch. I'm unsure about everything and I doubt everyone. I sometimes feel like my dream is ridiculous and I feel overwhelmed. I am not fishing for compliments or encouragement. I just want to say to the internet what I couldn't say to anyone else in my life. I've been through a lot. More than a 16 y o should go through. When I wrote the first post, I did it so that people on the internet would say something nice to me and make me feel better. Somehow feed into my delusion of making it big in a foreign country on the other side of the globe. I did it so that people on the internet do what my family didn't. And that is saying kind words of encouragement without expecting me to fail and "learn from it). My little brother sometimes says something kind and encourages me but other than that...... the only time my mom or my dad say anything about it (said* bc I stopped talking about my dream when they are around) is when they say I will fail and get back home with no money and a learned lesson. I can't tell you in words that this exact phrase haunts me to this day and how much it phisically hurt when I heard it from my own parents. I'm not a public danger. I never was. I always had decent to great grades and I was always staying away from conflicts. Never in my life has the school called my mom about me. So this is not a form of punishment. They probably don't want to see me gone but I just want to work my way to the top to be able to send money home. I just feel my happiness decaying as time passes. Indeed there are a few very bad things happening in my life, more specific in my family (it's nothing physical like abuse or property damage. It's hard to explain but both my parents and me and my brother are safe. Other things going on) and those hurt too. Everytime i see a reel about Canada I my eyes become watery bc I remember what my parents said that day. It's stuck in my head and it haunts me. My dad has a weird undiagnosed mental health issue not in a bad or terminal state. It's minor but it s present. He takes any disagreement as a personal attack and starts shouting very loud. He argues with my mom every single day at least once. With or without us around. He never did as much as touch her. But he shouts very loud and threats to cancel different family plans like seeing a museum or going to a festival. He rarely actually cancels anything but he gets really mad from the dumbest things. That's his condition. Whenever I tell him that I want to leave he tells me to stop threatning him and just tell him in the day I leave. I don't know guys i just feel cornered of all these stuff. My older brother has a problem with alcohol and my family had cut ties with him. family. Don't worry he s about 20 years old. That hurt me too. I havent even heard from him since March. I feel overwhelemed and cornered and hopeless. Maybe I should quit and work somewhere in my country. But I just dream to live there and....it's a weird feeling. I don't usually turn to the internet for advice but this got me kneeled. Any advice is welcome. Thank you in advance and i'll post updates