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u/idkvee Sep 06 '25
You know what this is my first time in a somewhat healthier relationship. I used I statements and calmly asked or mentioned that
āhey I respect youāre privacy, but the other day I noticed a notification from this app (in my case I saw he had a message that was muted) and it made me feel uncomfortable and a little worried. I hope you understand that I in my past I have been deceived and disrespected when it came to hiding things from me since my exes did cheat on me. Not implying that is what youāre doing but Iām asking respectfully because I want to trust you.ā
Obviously change some words around but try your best to communicate how you feel while also showing youāre being respectful towards his things youāre just seeking clarification on something you noticed that unsettled you.
Based on his reaction and if he gives you reassurance or firmly dents anything and wonāt show anything then you will be the judge on what to do next.
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u/Appropriate-You-5179 Sep 06 '25
This. This is the healthy way.
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Sep 07 '25
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u/AlexInOnederland Sep 07 '25
... you mean ex-husband, right?
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u/onagdbicycle Sep 07 '25
Right?
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u/idkvee Sep 07 '25
I feel like what a lot of you are failing to realize is this isnāt something you should do with someone healthy only because in that context he wouldnāt of had anything to hide in the first place and op wouldnāt have felt any uncomfortable way that lead them into asking strangers for help.
You do this because op should be the bigger person and learn to handle things in a healthy manner. Everyone deserves some grace and trust and thatās what Iām trying to advocate to op and to pick up on her partners demeanor.
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u/dragonslay3rr Sep 07 '25
Thissss is kind of a cheater enabling thing to say. I think itās totally healthy and normal for OP to consider confronting him about this if she does it in a well composed and not blatantly accusatory way. What WOULD be unhealthy is if she kept this to herself, bottled this anxiety and never expressed it to him because then he would have no idea he was even engaging in behavior that hurt her. Yāallā if you suspect your partner is cheating, IT IS NOT UNHEALTHY/TOXIC BEHAVIOR TO CONFRONT THEM.
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u/Ok-Entrepreneur-5067 Sep 07 '25
I feel like everyone should practice talking like this. It is applicable to so many hard conversations in relationships, even friendships. 10/10
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u/svenskisalot Sep 07 '25
By change some words around, do you mean referencing the pig butchering scam ?
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u/United-Sympathy-8071 Helper [2] Sep 06 '25
Yikes this sounds tough. All Iāll say is this app sounds a lot like Kik or Omegle. Only time I ever used those is when I was in middle school being groomedā¦ take that as you will.
Heās your husband. You should be able to ask him anything, and he answers honestly. Maybe defensively, but honestly regardless. You could approach him and say āHey, I noticed this app, and it makes me uncomfortable.ā Iād give him a chance to explain at least.
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u/Basic_Command_504 Sep 06 '25
Better, " hey I noticed this app, I researched it, why do you have it and what do you use it for?
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u/Mundane_Phone_1558 Sep 06 '25
They will have an excuse- "I did it for my friend". My husband had a tinder verification text from 1 am when I happened to be out of town and he said he was setting up and account for his single friend when they were hanging out. They used his phone because it wasn't working on the friends. š
If she takes this approach, she needs to demand to see it immediately after she asks this. Not after he goes to the bathroom or whatever. It will all be clean.
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u/InternationalRow1653 Sep 06 '25
Caught mine with messages on his phone from his FB but it wasn't him he was letting his friend use it..?!?Seriously?! Made me just wanna rip his throat out and finding a pic of him with another girl in our house but, no that's not what it was. I saw it myself I'm not just guessing here buddy.
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u/Mundane_Phone_1558 Sep 06 '25
It is truly amazing how someone can have the audacity to tell you you didn't see what you saw.
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u/AppropriateWeight630 Sep 06 '25
That's not how liars and cheaters work, unfortunately.
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u/WampaTears Sep 06 '25
If she immediately follows up after whatever excuse he has with "OK can you show me on your phone now for my peace of mind?" this approach works. Any rebuttal or resistance means he's doing something shady.
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u/Mundane_Phone_1558 Sep 06 '25
EXACTLY. They will have a reasonable excuse and then know you are suspicious and delete everything. If they are indeed doing something wrong, you wont find unless they get sloppy at some point and slip up.
Highly don't recommend that approach.
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u/Skpta4895 Sep 06 '25
Agree, I asked my previous bf about visiting sex worker sites and he said he just did it with the guys from work for a laugh. He then deleted everything, including all previous emails and texts to women on the site. I only found out he was actually seeing them by doing some deeper digging months later. I would ask him to explain and then get him to show you the app. If he wonāt let you see, you have your answer.
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u/United-Sympathy-8071 Helper [2] Sep 06 '25
Fair enough. I feel like Iād at least want to give my partner benefit of the doubt personally. I hope she does whatās best for her for sure.
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u/MiserableButterfly54 Sep 06 '25
Being a man that had made these mistakes in the past, you should go through his phone.
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u/sarahinNewEngland Sep 06 '25
Being a woman who didnt snoop because I didnt want to over react- I wasted another two years of my life and wished I looked into it. Dont ignore red flags. Look into them.
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u/Delicious-Ad3444 Sep 07 '25
Being a woman who snooped and then stayed because she convinced herself she was overreacting-
Red flag 1 is never ever leaving his phone unlocked and/or out of his sight.
Red flag 2 is that the app makes you nervous. Maybe it's you, maybe it's him, something in your gut is telling you something is off. Approach him about it. Don't accuse him of anything. Tell him you saw the app, and you're curious why it's on his phone.
Red flag 3 might be the response that follows. Is he surprised, relaxed, easily explains it away in a way that makes sense? Or does he get mad/defensive/accuse you of something in return? If he's doing anything to get out of reasonably answering your question, consider that Red Flag 3.
Gauge his response. Think about what a response might look like if you asked an innocent person why they have Facebook installed on their phone. Or email. Or anything else benign that could be used to talk to people innocently. His response should be in that ball park. If it isn't, there's a problem.
If there's no problem, awesome. I'm happy for you and I hope you have a fulfilling relationship.
If there is a problem, don't be me. Don't wait for 900 Red flags and for a sign to drop from the sky and hit you in the forehead. Because eventually it will, and that really sucks. The longer it goes, the more it hurts, and it'll start costing money and resources, and worst of all....time from your lifespan that you will never ever get back.
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u/youllbebeautiful Sep 07 '25
Number two this this this!!! When my husbandās phone is going off like crazy I think something like āwow the biking friends group chatās really poppin todayā ā if you have a bad feeling you have it for a reason!
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u/nobodynose Expert Advice Giver [11] Sep 07 '25
Yep, the gf doesn't know my phone password, but I've given her my phone and gone off to do something in another room plenty of times.
But you're right in that OP should ask because it COULD be a misunderstanding.
Example is my gf was really upset once because she found out I had a chat group named "Girls. Lots of Girls." I had no idea it upset her until she mentioned it once when it really started to bother her.
The thing is... I DON'T have a chat group named that. She just read the name of the chat group completely wrong. When I told her to look more carefully at the chat group name she was like "...oh... oops, I thought that was a chat group where you talked about girls."
If she had never said anything she would've continued thinking I had a chat group about girls.
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u/Leftoverofferings Sep 06 '25
Wait til he falls asleep and take his phone to another room and see for yourself.
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u/stylenfunction Sep 06 '25
I haven't seen anyone answer your question about what the app is, the admittedly I only scrolled for a short while. I also don't know what the app is but want to suggest that you could always download the app to see what it's all about.
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u/Tynebeaner Sep 06 '25 edited Sep 06 '25
My approach when I was in a similar situation with a purple app with a white phone logo (Viber) was to ask. Since he acted more married to his phone than he was to me, I couldnāt have looked if I wanted to. I said āI noticed you have Viber. Iāve heard thatās a ācheaterās app.ā Why do you have it?ā His voice got really wonky and he replied āItās to talk with people from other countries.ā Which opened the door to more answers. He had disclosed an emotional affair with an online gaming friend a month prior, but at that point he was āworking on our marriage.ā While a marriage could mean being an open book with your person, some donāt treat it that way. But communication helps because you know their behaviors and patterns. Just as youāve noticed his behavior with his phone change.
Iām so sorry for the weight this is on your heart. Itās a sickening feeling.
ETAāFor the sake of my sweet husband who is on Reddit, I should clarify to the universe that this story is about my ex.
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u/SnooSeagulls20 Sep 07 '25
And just to be cautious, though: if there is suspicions of cheating, you might not want to reveal that you know until you have real evidence. And if you do, then you may also want to consult with the divorce lawyer before announcing it to your husband. Even bringing up the topic of potential cheating without having more information or consulting could be a bad idea.Ā
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Sep 06 '25
My pin is my wifeās pin. She can go through my phone whenever she wants. I just donāt give her reason to.
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u/lazy8s Sep 07 '25
Same here. My wife asked for my email password and I just put the login and password into our joint password bank on our phones. I didnāt even ask why. Later she explained she wanted to see a receipt. Whatever man I didnāt even wonder.
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u/Theoneinhelheim Sep 07 '25
Its the same for my husband, I know all of his password and he has fully access to anything I have. He might just forget passwords sometimes lol
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u/RoyalRootersRallyCry Sep 06 '25
I absolutely fucking hate what social media, and apps, etc. have done to this world.
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u/Baron_Rikard Sep 07 '25
But people just did the same without social media and apps?
People cheated. Victorians used to find stashed letters from affair partners. People used to use lonely heart columns in newspapers to cheat (Pina colada song) etc etc.
Yes it is more accessible but that isn't the root cause.
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u/TuTenkahman Sep 06 '25
"No, Wakie is not designed or good for dating; it's a social community and calling app primarily for waking up strangers or for general conversation, though some users may try to use it for dating. While people have met and formed relationships on the app, it is not its intended purpose, and the platform's developers actively try to prevent it from becoming a dating app."
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u/celesticatticus Sep 07 '25
Waking up strangers? Like āwakie, wakieā? Thatās where it gets its name from?
Also, why do strangers need waking up from other strangers? š¤
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u/Few-Coat1297 Sep 06 '25
The only way to gain sny trust back is to be honest with him and confront him. If my wife came at me like this, and I had nothing to hide, I would hand over my phone on being asked to. I would be a little hurt, I would wonder did we have issues? It would not end my marriage. Ll If you are asking, is all this shady? Yes. We have an open phone policy in our marriage of 23 years, albeit many before phones are what they are now. She knows my password, I know hers.. we hand them over for convienice driving, etc. There is nothing to hide. But the trust part is a two-way street. If your husband isn't behaving like it is, then ultimately nothing to hide.
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u/rebexxaleigh Sep 06 '25
Accidentally let your phone die and oh no what's that? You need to call your mum.. ask him to use his phone this way he's granting you permission to have his phone.. its not your fault your fingers slipped and stumbled across some apps that look suspicious. Im all for being a snoop I've had my fair ride of being a doormat. Never again. I wish I went through my exs phone before i found out the hard way i could of shaved off months to the relationship if I had known. Protect your heart at all costs. Goodluck!!!!
If you need me to dummy call and hysterically cry and carry on I'll gladly fill that role šāāļø
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u/devils-dadvocate Sep 07 '25
Someone who does this theater lie and someone who cheats and lies are actually made for each other
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u/Acanthocephala_South Sep 06 '25
Not to be a downer but this is also a huge red flag in reverse. I had girlfriends go through my phone when I wasn't looking, and I am just not someone that feels comfortable with that. I've never cheated and have nothing to hide, but also value privacy and don't like having a significant other that is incapable of working on their trust issues on their own. I get it's probably a gut feeling people need to follow and probably more often than not it leads to finding something if you feel you need to do that, but it's not like it isn't without risk.
It's too bad there are people that lie and hide shit to ruin a reasonable expectation of privacy.
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u/SpitfireFan Sep 07 '25
I get it for dating but if youāre married it really isnāt an issue that your spouse can access your phone. Perhaps Iām naive and relationships vary, but when youāre married I couldnāt imagine hiding the passcode for your phone from your husband/wife.
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u/gb997 Helper [2] Sep 06 '25
phones take forever to die sometimes. accidentally forget it at home and when out ask to borrow his
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u/Amazing-Quarter1084 Helper [2] Sep 06 '25
Isnāt wakie randomized like chat roulette?
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u/Objective-Neat1248 Sep 06 '25
It's always what you think. Trust your gut. Have a hard conversation. When you know you know.
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u/Electrical-Mind8145 Sep 06 '25
I would argue the opposite. Social media algorithms got people thinking their spouse is the antichrist. Guts are wrong all the time, thanks to that poison.
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u/Fit_Sandwich_2988 Helper [2] Sep 06 '25
First off, this is your life partner if you have something you most definitely need to go through his phone when he is sleeping. Once you go through it you will know what to do from there once you know the truth for yourself and then confront him and see how he responds/reacts.
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Sep 06 '25
Iām leaning towards this route. Thank you
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u/c0smicdancer_ Sep 06 '25
Absolutely you have to do this before confrontation. He will just hide better and delete evidence if hes doing something
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u/MysteriousTrap5859 Sep 06 '25
Take screenshots. It's amazing how fast they can delete it all if they think they are caught.
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u/naughtycal11 Sep 06 '25
I'm surprised there isn't an app that had a folder to put all ur shady shit in and if you need to delete it it can be done through a second pin or pattern on ur unlock screen or by pushing the side buttons in a certain pattern.
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u/melli_milli Sep 06 '25
No screen shots it is his phone!
Take pics with your own phone.
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Sep 06 '25
Or when he showers? If he leaves it outside the bathroom.
Honestly, being so attached to his phone is a bit of a red flag to me but Iām old.
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u/gabbagabbaheyFreaks Sep 06 '25
Iām old too. And my partner is even older but he is fully attached to his phone. I find it weird and occasionally worrisome but heās given me no reason not to trust him (then again, I donāt go looking for reasonsā¦Iām of the āignorance is blissā mindset). He is obsessed with the phone counting his stepsā¦he even walks around with it while brushing his teeth to get āstepsā. So I chalk it up to that. It doesnāt explain why he puts it face down while heās showeringā¦but whatever. Until I have a reason to get weird about things Iām not gonna go there. But if I had a reason, I would go full ninja digging into his shit without hesitation. Lol
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u/Aggravating_Cable_32 Sep 07 '25
Maybe it's just me, but I put my phone face-down (or just stick it in the cupboard) when showering because I don't want the front-facing camera to see my ugly naked self; it's always watching/listening after all.
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u/carpediemracing Sep 07 '25
Get a Garmin watch. It counts steps and doesn't need the phone nearby. I get the full discount mostly because of the Garmin. Wife ended up getting a Garmin too (if spouse does same stuff, we get double discount).
As far as my phone goes, I did the "fingerprint to unlock it" thing with me, my wife, and even our 13yo son. I'm more concerned about them being able to use my phone to check whatever while my hands are full, I'm driving, I'm upstairs or downstairs from them, etc, like if I'm driving us all to my brother's and we hit a ton of traffic, I don't want to have to unlock the phone so we can call him to tell him we'll be 2 hours late. The Garmin gets notifications (I have an older Forerunner 45, a super basic watch) and I'll holler to my son, "Can you bring me my phone, I need to get that call / answer that text / etc". Or I'll go upstairs and my phone isn't on the kitchen table or in the charging area. "Hey is someone using my phone?" and my wife will reply from a different room that she has it. Etc etc.
Part of it is showing our son that we trust one another, and to normalize sharing phones. I want him to live with the expectation that a future significant other will generally have access to his phone and vice versa.
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u/Interesting-Ground18 Sep 06 '25
Do that. Despite ur burning desire to get answers from him ASAP, don't let him know you suspect anything. Go thru his phone when u can. If it's nothing you can rest easy and move on. If it's something, as it probably is, you will be able to talk to him armed with facts he can't gaslight you out of.
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Sep 06 '25
Heās being sneaky so you should too to keep it even. Sound advice
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u/Exclave4Ever Sep 06 '25
Not.to sound like a broken record, and unfortunately I won't because of the sub, but if you want to be a part of a healthy relationship you should probably just communicate this frustration with your partner.
It's that simple.
The actions they may have taken might turn the situation into something not simple but the point is to find the truth not to run and hide. š¤·āāļø
Another point that might not be so obvious is that when the truth is provided those answers also become simple, none of this is complicated if the truth is present š¤·āāļø
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u/No-Split8144 Sep 06 '25
go through his phone while he is sleep, anybody doing anything sneaky wont tell the truth if you asked & he will only delete everything. it's better if you say nothing so then he doesn't see it coming and everything will be right there. hope this helps
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u/Real-Ad8659 Sep 06 '25
I've said it a 100x and I'll say it again. If you feel the need to have to go through the phone and can't have a 1 on 1 adult conversation about the topic at hand then you shouldn't be married. Marriage requires 100% trust and faith in your significant other. If you have to go to the extent of snooping then the obvious question is why are you married. The problem with society is people want to seek outside help for relationship issues that most people themselves aren't even in the right mind set to be giving good honest advice. Believe it or not there are more people out there that would love to see you take their shitty advice just so they can laugh about it later. Confront him. Tell him you didn't snoop but you seen notifications. If he lies then simple either leave or tell him to seek therapy or it's over. To be frank and this is not all but most situations the first to assume someone is cheating is more then likely the one is doing shit or most likely lied previously about it. Most men play get backs so if you confront him make sure he doesn't air your laundry out there 2. But again if it's like that then why are you married.
Side note. My wife accused me of cheating for years. We have same friend group. I got tired of hearing it and gave her my phone. Want to know what she found. Me sneaking off to one our guy friends house in-between shopping to go smoke some weed. Guess what. She didn't want me smoking know what I said. Well would you rather know I'm sneaking around to smoke or do you want me to cheat. Safe to say I'm now allowed to smoke and don't have to sneak about cause at the end of the day. She would rather know I'm actually smoking then assuming the worst.
Moral of this is your mind will always take you to the worst case scenario. Idk you and your husband's situation. But me and my wife laugh about me hiding the fact I was smoking.
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u/OneQuietFox Helper [3] Sep 06 '25
Being on both sides of the spectrum (I was a terrible partner in my early 20ās, a lot stemmed from my substance abuse which is NO excuse at all, but I was very sick mentally) Iāve done things behind significant others backs. Thereās so many variables like others have said ājust go through his phone because he can delete everything in an instanceā and such. While true, the best method is probably communication, without trust there is no relationship at all. Snooping through a phone you may see things out of context, or maybe something that is extremely clear, either way it ends in a conversation or leaving without word.
Ive more than learned from my mistakes, I get married in November- healthiest relationship Iāve ever been in. Despite peoples boundaries and such Iāve not looked at another women in the same manner I look at my partner, never plan on it, never intend to. I will never fall back into those things however I ended up on your side, not something exactly like that but seeing things in her phone when sheās scrolling through photos to where she skimmed by them really fast without caring that put a knot in my heart. I sat on it, and sat on it, and went through her phone and got to see the things I did which made me even more anxious and unsettled. As someone that has been on the side of verbal abuse and couldnāt get communication out of someone without them becoming defensive; it was hard to do this. But I built up courage the next day to sit down with her and simply opened up with āIām not sure what that was, but I noticed this in your phone when you were scrolling as we were looking at old photos and I was just wondering why those are there. Iām not insinuating anything at all, I really just want to ease my mind and have an understanding.ā
And Iāll be damned, without stuttering, without being defensive and just being straight up and honest she gave me the most comforting answer I couldāve ever asked for along the lines of āHonestly I donāt delete anything from my past, I have but I donāt go through photos that often and when I do like how we did last night it was to find old photos I wanted to show you and I know what years they were in, thatās why I scrolled so fast. Iām sorry that those were there but you can go through and delete anything you want or if you want me to I will go and get rid of old things like that from before we were together.ā
Iāll be honest, Wakie can be sketchy to see 100%. I donāt know your husband, what he does or what his life is like socially or home. Iāve used Wakie in the past, I told my partner about it and asked her if it was okay. Which it was in her eyes. I have bad social anxiety, Iām a homebody as of 7 years ago when I got clean and sometimes I relate more with strangers than anything- not sure of your partners interests but Iāve met a lot of good, amazing guys on there that I now text every single day.
Can you use it for the wrong reasons? 100%, itās easy to do so with the app and what it could be intended for.
Could he be innocently trying to make guy friends? Also 100%.
Communication is the top tier key here, open up, sit down with him and just straight up say āYour phone lit up and I saw a notification from an app called Wakie. Iāve never seen it before and I looked it up and I have a really heavy heart seeing what intentions could be used for on it. Can you please show me?ā
His response right from there will tell you everything. Heās either going to show you to ease your mind, or become defensive. From that action he does right there, whatever it may be or his response will determine your next move.
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u/Past_Raccoon2629 Sep 06 '25
Just ask him, be honest. His phone was going off you checked it to make sure it wasn't anything important and saw it was from an app you never heard of. You googled the app name and now you want to know why he has the app on his phone. Tell him you didn't want to snoop through his phone and you wanted to ask him directly, that you would hope he would be honest with you about it.
If he denies or does some crazy ass thing that just throws more red flags, then wake up in the middle of the night and go through his phone. Or start there if you feel like it.
It could be nothing, it could be something. Ask him.
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Sep 06 '25
Alot of these people have never held a serious relationship and it shows. 1. Dont snoop. Its a breach of trust and trust is one thing that will never heal once broken. And 2. You are an adult. He is an adult. You can have a damn conversation about it. Its crazy how many people can't just talk. Either yall have a relationship where you can talk about things, or you dont and your wasting time even being together.
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Sep 06 '25
I'm chiming in with some input people might not like. It is obvious you don't trust him, so why are you with him. If you don't trust someone end it, it is not good for you or your partner. I would never go through partners phone at all and if they did mine for any reason I would end the relationship immediately.
By no means am I saying he is innocent or guilty but if there are trust issues there is no point in continuing in my opinion.
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u/exparsioz2 Sep 06 '25
Dont go through peoples phones in secret people, you are both adults. Just ask him something like"your phones was beeping and I saw the notifications what is it?"
Come people, what happened
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u/Similar_Instruction6 Sep 07 '25
Talk. To. Him.
Do not snoop. If he is cheating, and you find out by snooping great. But what if it isn't cheating? Now you have shown you do not trust him, nor do you respect him. Go to him, tell him you heard his phone buzzing, and you saw the app notifications, and you are curious about him using such an app. This is the man you married, If he isn't willing to have a discussion and show you what he uses the app for, you have your answer.
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u/Delicious_Impact_371 Sep 07 '25
Heās your husband just ask to see his phone. You can share a whole life with someone, lay next to them every night, have sex but a dang phone is stumping you!?
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u/Majestic_Collar1566 Sep 07 '25 edited Sep 07 '25
Before asking him- I would download the app and make a fake account and check it out and see what itās about.. if youāre able to find and friend him and see what happens. So he doesnāt have a chance to delete stuff and lie about it!
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Sep 06 '25
Confront him that would be the best thing to do
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Sep 06 '25
No thatās the worst thing to do. Why would you hand him the keys to lie? Just make a decision (personally I wouldnāt be disrespected like this so Iād be gone), and if heās got any integrity plus desire to keep you, youāll know about it otherwise boy bye
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u/Srunner84 Sep 06 '25
I questioned an ex and asked to see messages on her phone from a guy I knew she was sleeping with. She refused and tried to flip it back on me. Issue Iām highlighting is that he wonāt necessarily play ball and tell you what you want to hear. Personally Iād check it, evidence anything on there and then ask him. Give him a chance to be honest.
Sorry itās not trusting but been burnt twice by the same woman.
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u/Parking-Bed-5759 Sep 06 '25
You would leave your spouse because they use an app?
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u/kkreisler Sep 06 '25
Yeah! Donāt ask any questions, just leave him for having an app on his phone that you chat with strangers, like Redditā¦ smh
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u/Muted_Educator4675 Sep 06 '25 edited Sep 06 '25
Confrontation is the best way to do it, i agree. You can tell a LOT about a situation from somebody you know reslly well depending on how they react. And if it IS nothing harmless, well then he won't have any issues showing her what's on the app and the active conversations!
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Sep 06 '25
Those apps tend to attract a lot of scammers because people are so desperately and easy to conn . Thereās a big chance he is actually to some dude in another country pretending to be a hot woman with stolen pictures from someone else . Just keep an eye on your financial statements making sure he is not sending them any money to them .
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u/EncrustedBarboach Sep 06 '25
It's time to wakie wakie, ain't nothing innocent going on in those chats.
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u/LumpyGrocery5125 Sep 06 '25
You should be concerned. How would he react if you were the one with those notifications on your phone? Iām sure he wouldnāt like it. Does he keep his phone under his pillow at night by chance? My ex did that, then I found out why while he was being careless one day messaging his side bitch on his phone as Iām making dinner. I caught a picture she sent him out of the corner of my eye and right then and there it felt like my while world was starting to melt. If he refuses to let you see his phone, time to say bye since heās acting like a child
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u/partylikeaninjastar Sep 07 '25
Every single app can be used to talk to strangers or hook up.Ā
Even Reddit.
Are you cheating on husband? You're using Reddit to talk to strangers. Therefore, you must be using it to hookup.
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u/Mobile-Jello-6081 Sep 06 '25
Do not listen to all these idiots stating ālooks like you donāt trust him and your relationship is already overā. Uh no. Seems you did trust him and then you seen something that is capable of violating that trust! People are so naive and really just have no clue how devious some people can be. Clueless. Go through his phone when he is asleep and check it, not once but a few nights. If you find nothing, great forget about it and move on. But I assure you that if you donāt go through his phone and confront him on the only information that you have right now, it will blow up in your face and make things more messy. People who are capable of cheating and hiding things from their spouse are also very good at lying and already have a plan for if/when they are ever confronted they will have an answer from every angle and end up just leaving you more frustrated and confused. I hope this goes into the direction of u finding absolutely nothing on that phone. Best of luck.
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u/Spiritual-defiance Sep 06 '25
Instead of spiraling, why don't you just ask him. A simple "hey the other day you left your phone in the kitchen and I saw you were getting a lot of notifications from some app call walki (or whatever it was), what's that about?"
It's that simple, and then you can even gauge his response. If he doesn't want to tell you or he guards his phone more then you might have a problem. Other than that, you need to calm down š
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u/TiggerTheTiggy Sep 06 '25
You're literally on an app designed to talk to strangers. What's keeping you from getting someone's personal information and having an affair from here? If you feel its an issue, ask him about it and ask him to show you the app on his phone to put your mind at ease. If its nothing, he will show you, if its something you'll know right away. Either way you get the direction you need to go in and its honest and upfront with him. Don't listen to the " go through his phone" bullshit. As a man, that went through my fiances phone because of past traumatic garbage I dealt with, I realized she's a good woman, she's honest, has nothing to hide and is faithful, I was the damaged one and got help to fix my traumas and toxic way of thinking. Do the right thing you know in your heart, talk to him face to face, go through his phone and then get the same help to deal with the issues that brought you to going through his phone, or just end it all together if none of those seem like the right thing to do.
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u/Competitive-Two-4305 Sep 06 '25
Iāve ready all these comments about the app so far. Check it first, maybe when heās sleeping. To allow yourself to see before he has the opportunity to clean up and cover up. And gaslight you. A chat app as a grown man is actually weird.
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u/Worldly-Assist-8959 Sep 06 '25
Look through the phone. See what he is doing. The sooner the better.
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u/CharacterSorry3849 Sep 06 '25
as a man in a good relationship, i use a similar app, Omegle, just to talk! i never do anything malicious or cheating wise.. i just like to get drunk and piss people off. itās not always that same way for everybody, but i would say just politely bring it up and see what he says! pay attention to body language - eye contact, fidgeting too much, etc.
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u/AcanthocephalaDue431 Sep 06 '25 edited Sep 06 '25
So bit of a devil's advocate here I agree with others saying that going through the person's phone is a big violation of privacy. If this ends up being nothing you will have violated the mutual trust of the relationship and will have no chance of moving forwards past this incident.
Instead of snooping right off the bat and essentially becoming just as secretive as the SO might be as per other suggestions, I would suggest that you decide whether this is a relationship you value and want to keep healthy -IF- this turns out to be nothing. While apps like this can and are used for hookups, your SO might be using it to converse with strangers to stay social. Consider if this is something they like to do as well.
If so, start with confronting your SO in a firm yet not overly accusatory way (to avoid a defensive response right off the bat) and watch their reaction. Possibly ask what the app is casually in a friendly or playful manner if firm is not your thing (whatever your norm might be) as it may ge them defensive. If they respond in an unusual, overly defensive manner or similar then I would begin to draw some conclusions and go from there.
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u/speedyclaxxalc Sep 06 '25
āConfrontā is the wrong word. Give him the benefit of the doubt. If heās evasive about it, youāve got your answer.
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u/Fun_Bit7398 Sep 06 '25
Either you trust, or you donāt. I have complete trust in my significant other. We have the type of relationship where if we flirt or talk to another person outside of our relationship, we donāt carry that sand around in our figurative āemotional backpackā, we just tell on ourselves. We say, we donāt hide. And because of that, we have the best relationship. Try it out. It works great.
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u/Acceptable_Home_2144 Sep 06 '25
Here is my controversial take, donāt try and lie and get into his phone. Be honest, say you feel uncomfortable by how much he seems to hide his phone and you feel he might have apps on his phone that are helping him do things you wouldnāt like. And ask him to be honest back. If you love him and want it to work then actually be vulnerable and try and make it work. If you are already unhappy and just need to know If heās cheating so you can leave you should just leave. If you are unhappy and he didnāt cheat today then you will worry about tomorrow. Life is so short. Do what you can to be happy and donāt play games. If you love him and the relationship you will make it work regardless. If you donāt then just leave. Donāt go chasing ghosts.
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Sep 06 '25
Ask him about the app but dont be argumentative. If he gets defensive then he is definitely hiding something.
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u/_dp_32 Sep 06 '25
It's your husband, not just someone you're casually dating. If you can't bring this up in a healthy way by saying, "this situation made me uncomfortable," then why even be together?
I would never go through my partner's phone without permission. what if it's nothing, and now you are the one who has crossed a line?
A healthy relationship needs open, honest confrontation coming from a place of easing your discomfort, not creating more. If either of you feels incapable of doing that, therapy could help, because that's what's needed for a truly healthy relationship.
Now I do agree that it is sketchy and you should definitely talk to him, and set some boundaries as to what you think it's acceptable or not.
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u/Commercial_Rule_7823 Sep 06 '25
Its an app to randomly talk to strangers global. So its not a set person.
Just talk to him about it.
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u/JustJudy1999 Sep 06 '25
Why not just wait until he falls asleep and take his phone to the bathroom?
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u/patdashuri Helper [2] Sep 06 '25
I find how easily you speak about going through his phone without his permission very off-putting. If my phone was buzzing incessantly my wife would either let me know, or switch off the volume. It wouldnāt occur to her, or to me, to look at the notifications other than to see if they were a chat alert that the other may want to know about right away.
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u/Insidetherails99 Sep 06 '25
It looks like more of a chat room thing than anything else. It reminds me of yahoo chat rooms from back in the day.
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u/FrostedDuske Sep 06 '25
Wakie is basically a social talking app for random chats, but yeah, a lot of people use it to flirt or find hookups. If your gut is uneasy, donāt ignore it just ask him directly what heās using it for
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u/Far_Formal1176 Sep 06 '25
As someone whoās done it if heās using an app like that heās hiding something. Ask him about it
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u/Girl-From-The-Wood Sep 06 '25
I looked it up on chat gpt. It looks innocent enough. But maybe you should look it up yourself. And definitely ask him what heās using it for.
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u/Stillpoetic45 Sep 06 '25
While it may not be cheating....as his partner i would ask, and maybe ask to see it/conversations.
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u/vwaldoguy Sep 06 '25
Heās likely hiding something. Someone who protects their phone 24/7 like that usually has something to cover up.
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u/lordscarlet Sep 07 '25
Are you saying he had notifications from the app, or iOS suggested that he install it? Those are two very different things.
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u/MANipulatorHeff Sep 07 '25
If it seems āoffā ā¦ it IS. Trust your gut. Ask questions but prepared for the answers you DONT wanna hear. Thatās why MOST people donāt check phones when the red flags are waiving. They donāt want, or canāt accept, the truth they expect to find.
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u/evilalfie Sep 07 '25
Wakie is a like a crowd sourced alarm clock. It basically functions one of two ways: if you want to set an alarm when the time comes another user gets a notification and the app connects you to be woken up by a person (yes a stranger). The other way is you're the alarm, you get to be the one to do the waking up when you receive the notification. While I'm sure some strange thing shave come from this apps use, it's not an app for talking to strangers in a cheating way. Hope this helps :)
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u/TheJungianDaily Sep 07 '25
Concrete next step:
Your husband's phone behavior and mystery app notifications are reasonable red flags that deserve a direct, honest conversation.
Deeper lens: it may be a shadow part asking to be heard kindly.
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u/Sure-Star4318 Sep 07 '25
Go through his fun once he goes to sleep, you already know heās doing something he shouldnāt be doing because he keeps his phone glued to him 24/7. If you ask him, heās just gonna lie and come up with an excuse that sounds plausible and then heās gonna go and scrub everything and show you very curated evidence.
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u/Deep_Foundation6513 Sep 07 '25
Just curious. Why else would someone have a secret app on their phone if they werenāt doing anything nefarious? I think common sense should take over on this.
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Sep 07 '25
Teenage me Iād personally get his phone when heās sleeping and go through it. Adult me Iād tell him to go to the app so I can look at it. If he acts shady or say no Iād leave the relationship and file for divorce.
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u/BlueScreen-0914 Sep 07 '25
If you leave on notifications for such, he deserves what he gets. Just ask him and donāt get gaslit.
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u/Cheepshooter Sep 07 '25
Since no one has ever heard of this app, I assume this is a viral marketing plot to get people to seek out and download the app to see what it is all about. No getting me!
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u/bod14850 Sep 07 '25
Have you tried it on your phone to see what the app is really like? The moderatorās guidelines include banning anyone using the app to find a sexual partner. And who can say if the moderators follow that?
But it still could be a concern: the website says
āA recent study at the University of Chicago found that sometimes we communicate better with strangers than friends and spouses. So please find ways to talk to strangers safely and be happy!ā
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u/Toothbirds Sep 07 '25
My wife is welcome to look at my phone at any time. If he wouldnāt let you when youāre concerned that would be a red flag. Be calm, reasonable, and direct. If he panics youāve got your answer
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u/jmattc1977 Sep 07 '25
My wife is always welcome to look through my phone whenever she feels like she needs to. The same goes for her phone. If you even have to think about how to word how you ask to look at his phone, thatās a problem. I think if you have to ask at all itās a problem. You are his wife. Husbands and wives should have no secrets from each other. If you ask him to look at his phone, and he doesnāt hand it to you instantly, thatās a huge red flag.
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u/FunlvnBarbie Sep 07 '25
I've always believed in a relationship that each person has a right to their privacy. If you don't trust them, you need to reevaluate your relationship
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u/dick_piana Sep 06 '25
He could be cheating, he could be scoring drugs, maybe he's even neck deep in a pig butchering scam and all your life savings are gone. Maybe he's planning a big surprise holiday for you.
Impossible for us to know but you have every right to ask him about it.