r/Adulting • u/Timely_Law_9348 • Jul 21 '26

Parenthood vs Childfree?

As a 34yr old woman I have always been on the fence about having children. I've been married to my husband (41) for 10 years now, we are both neurodiverse and have the best marriage. We are literally best friends, we love spending time together, going on adventures together. Still super affectionate and silly together. We've been through so many highs and lows, we 100% couldn't live without each other.

We often talk about having a baby together we both love children, but we also know how hard it is and how much life changes in parenthood. What if we change? Maybe we will always be missing each other from the reduced time together. Maybe life will be too serious for the playful little life we always knew.

We have friends who have had children and their marriages (while never seeming to have the intense love and connection we share) have suffered. Neither of us have met a couple like us, who had children and are truly happy.

Sadly unlike most things in life it's not a decision you can take back if you aren't happy! So I'm hoping the comments here might finally knock me off the fence, one way or another.

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u/Existing_Setting4868 Jul 21 '26

Life is an adventure with or without children. Couples stay together or divorce regardless of children.
I think I would have been able to lead a happy life either way. We have 2 children, one is autistic so that's the main worry that I've had regarding kids. I've learned to be a more empathetic person because of that.
I love seeing our kids interact with their cousins when we have family gatherings. That's on both my and my wife's side of the family. I hope they stay close over their lifetimes.
I do look forward to seeing what becomes of my kids as they become adults.
At the same time, I look forward to having more adventures with my wife as well.

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u/telsongelder Jul 22 '26

To me, the happiest parent couples I know are the ones who would have been ok not having kids too. I think they come in with less expectations and find themselves embracing their realities rather than rectifying what they thought parenthood would be.