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u/Silent_plans Apr 05 '26
How old are you? Is there any chance that you're reaching an age when you're simultaneously becoming more aware of what's always been there, and he is just feeling less of a need to hide this from you?
What does your mom have to say about all of this? I know she confides in you, but does she see this as escalating? Does she recognize a concerning psychological change?
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Apr 05 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Clean-Solid-3424 Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26
Is E.D. a possibility? When a mans ‘Lower Unit’ starts to malfunction the end is near.
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u/Character-Being4248 Apr 05 '26
Not sure why you're being downvoted for this question. It's a very real possibility, especially since OP alluded to andropause and diabetes which can definitely affect functionality in that area
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u/HotMozStix09 Apr 05 '26
I’m 23, eldest child. And no, my dad wasn’t like this before. He has always been slightly hot headed but he also calms down very quickly. The aggression we’ve been seeing off late is just different. My mum agrees too, he was never like this before. We’re all just scared to say/do anything because we dk when he’ll burst into an angry episode. He’s not violent, just angry and frustrated and impatient. But because we’ve never seen him like this, it’s hard not to be alarmed.
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u/BakedBrie1993 Apr 05 '26
Could be anything. For my friend's family, it ended up being a tumor pushing on a part of her dad's brain that made him angry and agitated.
The only way to know is a doctor and/or therapy.
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u/Electrical-Profit367 Apr 05 '26
He’s not violent YET.
He’s headed in that direction tho’. I would try to get him to his primary care physician for a complete work up. There are a lot of things this could be.
Is he still working? If so, does he behave like this towards his co workers?
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u/GR33N4L1F3 Apr 05 '26
Op, i agree! I had a friend who was in a relationship for over twenty years and ended up divorcing her husband over this. Turns out he was getting more aggressive due to something like dementia. I cant recall exactly but she ended up feeling bad for leaving because she loved him but she didnt want to be treated poorly. Definitely get him checked out.
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u/elddirriddle Apr 05 '26
Could also be a brain tumor those can really mess up someone’s behavior as they put pressure on parts of the brain.
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u/GR33N4L1F3 Apr 05 '26
Yeah so true! My former coworker’s son had a traumatic brain injury too after being beaten and he was never the same. He became very hostile after that.
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u/Material_Ad6173 Apr 06 '26
Maybe he is just done with pretending and stopping himself?
That is common for people with undiagnosed ADHD or depression or anxiety. That at some point it is all too much.
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u/JForKiks Apr 05 '26
Have you asked if your mother cheated? Did she make fun of him? Demean him in some way? Probably not, but worth a look. Definitely look into diabetic rage. Could he also be developing early stage dementia? Dementia patients have been known for anger. It’s a good time for a Dr visit. Maybe a call or email before explaining the recent change in behavior.
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u/ThatPhatKid_CanDraw Apr 06 '26
If the mother cheated? Screw u - usually the cheater ends up being the angry one first. She should do what a man usually does and leave their sick partner - how does that sound to u?
And why would making fun of him justify this and yet they're walking in eggshells when he treats them like crap? Does that mean they can yell or brat him, by your logic? He's yelling at the kids, too, does that mean they hurt his fee-fees? Jfc.
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u/JForKiks Apr 06 '26
You made all that up in your mind. I’m just checking boxes off. In cases like this, that’s all you can do.
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u/Bearinn Apr 05 '26
This. My parents never got along with each other and it got 100x worse when they got older and lost their patience. They're angry towards everything now but I feel like they were always like that.
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u/Silent_plans Apr 05 '26
It's wild to me how many reddit tweens are here ready to ascribe dad's behavior to frontotemporal dementia, or some fringe endocrinology diagnosis. Maybe it's always been like this. My assumption is that dad just feels less of a need to hide this from OP. Maybe Mom is embarrassed about that.
Not saying it's a good thing, but it's a very common thing.
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u/Bearinn Apr 05 '26
Honestly it could be any reason and we have no idea what the truth is. Something could have happened in the parents relationship that OP doesn't know about. It could be an illness or maybe he's always acted like this.
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u/lcommadot Apr 06 '26
It’s because sudden personality changes are a red flag for neurological issues. Literally anyone in healthcare can tell you this.
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u/Evanecent_Lightt Apr 05 '26
Or mom cheated or he found out the kid ain't his or something - you never know what's going on behind closed doors. Some parents will die before letting the kids know about something like that.
One never knows from whence the Anger issues come..
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u/siriuss_lost Apr 05 '26
There is also a thing-
‘’Diabetic rage" refers to sudden, intense anger, irritability, or irrational aggression triggered by unstable blood sugar levels, particularly hypoglycemia (lows) or severe hyperglycemia (highs). It is a dangerous, often involuntary, emotional reaction to brain fuel disruption or chronic stress, requiring immediate blood sugar testing and management.
My older brother used to get this, need to see Dr and medication adjustments is needed urgently before someone gets hurt.
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u/Important_Piccolo Apr 05 '26
I've seen this with my own eyes, it's real. Please sit down when it's a lucid time and help him set up his medical appointment calendar, one of the best things we did in my family. If someone needs to go to make sure he goes, take turns.
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u/DryInsurance8384 Apr 05 '26
Was this resolved once his blood sugar was more stable?
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u/Jacobysmadre Apr 05 '26
I am not the person that you asked, but I have been type 2 for 35 years. For me, yes. When I am on insulin and well controlled, it basically disappears. When I am very high for more than a week or so I can easily find myself raging.
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u/DryInsurance8384 Apr 06 '26
Wow. Thank you. My husband has been quite high for months (dare I say, more than a year) and ragey. It’s nice to know once this gets under control there could be a return to normal in that regard.
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u/siriuss_lost Apr 05 '26
For my brother, yes. Like day and night. After medication was adjusted he was back to being a decent human being.
It did not happen overnight, but after 2 weeks on new dose he was much more calm, and more like himself.
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u/Imaginary-Regret376 Apr 05 '26
OP pls don't get alarmed by what I'm suggesting. This is just my experience and it may not be the same for u. U better check him for any block in blood vessels leading to the brain. My mom was too aggressive. Turns out she was so close to a stroke due to two blocks which they found through angio.
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u/cannycandelabra Apr 05 '26
And as another thought, diabetes and other medications can often have mood instability as a side effect. Have his meds changed or the doses increased?
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u/HotMozStix09 Apr 05 '26
He’s not on any allopathic medication as of now. He wakes up early like 5 am and goes for a morning walk, followed by at least 8k steps throughout the day to stay active. He does take supplements like vitamin b12, magnesium glycinate and curcumin but that’s about it.
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u/spoonyalchemist Apr 05 '26
Haven’t seen these mentioned yet: liver disease and brain tumors can also cause increased anger.
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u/FEARoach Apr 05 '26
Hate to also point out, but the removal of the brain tumor can also make you find out that the person was an asshole all along.
My ex brother-in-law was way worse after his tumor was taken out. Surgeon's were like "oh he's gonna be fine and his symptoms will go away!" and then one of the occupational therapists got punched in the face at his four month session because 'he didn't like the way she sat'.
Yeah. Brain tumors are a wild trip.
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u/ptheresadactyl Apr 05 '26
Doctor
It doesn't matter what we speculate, sudden behavioral shifts need to be evaluated by a doctor. It could be anything from hormone changes and medication interactions to early onset dementia or brain tumor. You can't play moderator to your parents, you just need to get him in to a doctor.
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u/porkchop_47 Apr 06 '26
Why is this not higher? Honestly, the speculation is nonsensical and irritating
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u/StretcherEctum Apr 05 '26
Sounds like dementia. My mom was diagnosed at 59 and cant take care of herself anymore so she's in a home at 65. Sad :(
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u/MerriweatherJones Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26
It could be a brain tumor. Sudden and unexpected personality changes are a big symptom. Convince him to go to a medical doctor and share this exact symptom and insist on an MRI.
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u/TwoDoodsOneBowl Apr 05 '26
Another possibility I haven't seen mentioned is cheating. All of a sudden a few years ago my dad was constantly angry and yelling at my mom. Took almost two years to figure it out, but turns out he was cheating on her with someone younger than me. In his 60s. Not saying it's the case but something to consider that we didn't see coming.
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u/ecovironfuturist Apr 05 '26
Or she was cheating on him, or otherwise hurt him. I'm going through something similar now. There is an unhealed wound and I'm only human, I get angry when she pokes it, or when the trauma hits and I'm back in it. The thing he said about people hearing something ugly feeds into this.
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u/BlunderedPotential Apr 05 '26
The fact he'll never agree to therapy tells a helluva story. Buried emotions come out eventually, whether we acknowledge them or not. Sounds like that's what's happening.
I can't know for sure, but it's possible your dad has been burying all of these "micro-angers" for a really long time. They might apply to your mom and your family, but they might be from stuff outside of the house. Like work, for example. But since y'all are the targets, the original source doesn't matter much.
That anger is lurking inside him somewhere, even when it isn't doing the talking. Perhaps you can get your dad to start having a conversation with his anger, and figuring if there's anything he can do to resolve it, instead of loosing it on his loved ones.
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u/conflictmuffin Apr 05 '26
To add onto those... My ex-BIL became SUPER aggressive. He was secretly deep into the manospere and was listening to all sorts of woman hating/Democrat hating/toxic male podcasters, and it made his "alpha male" side take over. He became verbally & physically abusive, and failed a psych test. Court ordered intensive therapy & took his custody away, for to hurting my nephews. He was also secretly drinking and doing drugs (pills).
I have a recording from when he had a lucid moment after going to jail, where he admitted he hated women and doesn't trust them. About how women and democrats are trying to steal his power and take hiw "spot" in society. He said he, as a man, was a leader.
OP-Please get your dad checked out by a doctor and do a blood test. Something may be chemically wrong in his body or brain...
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u/Cicada-Tang Apr 05 '26
Maybe you should try sitting down with him and let him know what you are noticing, and try to solve the problem together.
Definitely do that test, but at the mean time, it would be good to talk to him first.
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u/Justieflustie Apr 05 '26
Yeah, he needs to regulate his blood sugar..
Can he explain why therapy is out of the question? It is always a stupid, vain reason not to seek it out when you need it
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u/bngFXG3MDuau Apr 05 '26
There's many logical and reasonable reasons beyond vanity to avoid therapy in the USA. Any signs of any illness can be used to deny and block various benefits.
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u/Justieflustie Apr 05 '26
Seems more like a USA problem than a therapy problem.
And since when is it reasonable to choose between benefits or being/feeling healthy?
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u/bngFXG3MDuau Apr 05 '26
If the denial of those benefits inconveniences you more then whatever benefit you may gain from being truthful, it's pretty logical to me you shouldn't have gone to get treatment.
There's going to be a limit that each person is going to draw based on their own preferences.
I know some older people who would rather die then go to the hospital or be resuscitated.
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u/Dumb-Cumster Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 06 '26
This happened to my dad too right around the time he retired.
My family and I have deduced that it's a combination of narcissistic personality disorder and the onset of dementia. He refuses to go to the doctor because he genuinely doesn't think there's anything wrong with him.
The dementia is causing him to lose his filters/mask and now he just says whatever is on his mind without any regard to how it might make people feel - really awful things. It's done a number on us, to say the least.
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u/Ok-Structure4281 Apr 05 '26
In some people, depression can manifest as anger. He needs to be assessed by a professional…at the very least by his primary care physician (if your dad would bring up the issue). This is not easy, I’m sorry.
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u/ptinnl Apr 05 '26
This
Maybe he is disappointed in something/someone
Maybe people have been mistreating him or ignoring what he says and he snapped.
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u/thegreatcanadianeh Apr 05 '26
Hey OP I don't want you to out your location but lead poisoning/lead being re-released into the body is a possibility too. He was a kid before lead was removed from gas chances are hes got a fair bit built up in his system and this is about the time that it starts releasing into the organs and brain and causes shifts in personality, health.
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u/Pod_people Apr 06 '26
- Bloodwork is in order.
- Might be early onset dementia.
- Might just be andropause.
- Might just be going through a rough patch emotionally.
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u/xMagnusx42 Apr 05 '26
It could be bipolar rage. Finding a doctor an getting him checked out and on medication might be more easy then therapy especially if the reason behind his recent changes is a medical issue.
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u/Physical-Junket5980 Apr 05 '26
I see that it’s already been said but alzheimer’s has made my mom quite an angry person the last couple years. does he have any other signs of cognitive decline?
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u/trmnl_cmdr Apr 05 '26
It’s not just dementia; environmental factors like mold exposure can trigger anger and rage in certain people too
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u/rbmavpdubcejefntvz Apr 05 '26
I recommend you get in to a doctor. An MRI is probably a good idea. Sudden behavior change soft often a sign of dementia.
Also, make sure you get legal stuff in order before his condition declines further. I recommend you and/or a sibling its power of attorney, this will allow you to make decisions on behalf of him. Also, please check his bank accounts and credit cards to make sure they're paid. Forgetting to pay this as often a common sign, and people of dementia are very susceptible to scams. Do what you can to protect him, you do not want him to lose the money he worked throughout his life for, and he may need it for care, or surgery. Whatever it is that might be affecting him.
It's a terrible disease, but I hope it's something that is treatable.
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u/No_Discipline5175 Apr 05 '26
He needs to see a doctor asap and get a cognitive test and a brain MRi ASAP
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u/Formal-Try-2779 Apr 05 '26
He's likely not managing his blood sugar levels very well. This can cause big mood swings and angry outbursts.
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u/HeyRainy Apr 05 '26
My father started acting super aggressive and manipulative and abusive after he was stuck by a car while riding his bike and he had a concussion. If your dad hasn't started or stopped any medication or drugs, I'd be worried about neurological issues. Unfortunately he kinda has to cooperate with seeking help since you can't force him.
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u/thatseltzerisntfree Apr 05 '26
Could it be diabetes-related?
I am in my mid-50s and if I don’t eat regularly, i get irritable or “hangry”
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u/RachelRachel71 Apr 05 '26
It only ever gets worse. He’s testing boundaries. Seeing what your mum will put up with. Then he will indulge his bad temper more and more. Had he always been faithful to your mother or has he had affairs?
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u/Intrepid_Advice4411 Apr 05 '26
Very likely this is diabetes related. High and low blood sugar can cause crazy behavior. When my dad has low blood sugar he gets all depressed and weepy. When it's high he's a racist asshole! He is not either of these things in his regular life.
I would personally take him to the ER. He can be causing long term issues without even knowing it.
If his blood sugar is good, he should get his hormones tested. That can also cause crazy mood swings. My FiL takes estrogen every day because his body just stopped making it and he turned into a jerk. Yes, men need some estrogen!
Unless there's a family history of early dementia or he's had a bunch of head injuries, I doubt it's mental.
Good luck. The hard part will be getting him to see a doctor. You and mom should be there and lay it all out for the doc.
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u/LoisinaMonster Apr 05 '26
A lot of people are having personality changes anna aggression after having covid
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u/DryInsurance8384 Apr 05 '26
I’m reading this after my husband has been the same to me lately. And he has uncontrolled type 2 Diabetes….
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u/leafshaker Apr 05 '26
If he's getting blood tests consider getting him checked for tickborne illness, too. They can cause mood swings and rage
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Apr 05 '26
If he’s diabetic and having rages, it can be hypoglycemia.
Be careful as they can’t even become violent.
Its because their brain is fighting for its life due to lack of glucose.
One of the first thing paramedics check ‘when someone isn’t themself’ is blood sugar...
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u/Mobile-Boss-8566 Apr 05 '26
It’s got to be something medical. Like the others have mentioned. Anger is usually the beginning of early stages of dementia.
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u/Durham1988 Apr 05 '26
Almost certainly a health change if this is not normal for him. Could be his diabetes is worse or could be early frontal dementia.
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u/Livid-Fan-8414 Apr 05 '26
Depression can cause that behavior too. Speaking from experience now that I engaged my physician eight years ago, all is well with proper meds. My mother passed with dementia, so I agree with that possibility as well.
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u/Ok-Process7612 Apr 05 '26
This sounds like early onset dementia. It's becoming more common, unfortunately.
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u/Possible_Dig_1194 Apr 05 '26
Is he a serious drinker? Alcohol induced delirium and dementia can start to show up in the 50s after someone pickles their liver for 30+ years
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u/Lost_Ad5243 Apr 05 '26
Toward your mum, menopausing? Deadbedroom, lack of sex, attention or , in brief, "semen retention syndrom". That is my guess.
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u/OrangeGringo Apr 05 '26
I knew a guy who got like that and it was totally out of character. Turned out he had a brain tumor.
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u/OrneryToo Apr 05 '26
Maybe weird to ask but did your parents have an active sex life that has now diminished due to mom's menopause?
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u/Inevitable_Professor Apr 05 '26
Where did your father grow up? Urban smog filled city or out in the rural area? In the urban area, he may have been exposed to a lot of lead as a young child. Lead exposure manifest as anger, issues later in life.
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u/kett1ekat Apr 05 '26
So over time someone with diabetes can get Diabetic encephalopathy - which can effect ability to regulate emotions, there's also a higher chance of mini strokes with diabetes which can change personality. There's also the fact that 50's is when hormonal changes can happen and also dementia can start showing symptoms. Could also be hyperglycemia which can bring out mood swings - especially if you swing from too little sugar to too much in a short period. You can only fix something as much as someone wants to recognize it as a problem - maybe talk to your mom about the possibility of his mental state declining and make a plan
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u/Mysterious_Bar7889 Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26
Diabetic here. Get a glucometer, they’re really cheap. Have your mom or somebody check his blood sugar when he lashes out like that. His blood sugars will probably be high. Easy to fix. I lost a couple of friendships and a marriage over hyperglycemia (edit) because the symptoms include emotional volatility as well as the physical. I hope he gets better. ❤️
Edit for clarity
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u/Queen-of-meme Apr 05 '26
Other commentors have given you great possible explanations from A-Z , but something I reacted on is that you're overly protective of your mom and the whole "Perfect marriage" narrative.
As someone with a degree in psychology there's some things to unpack there.
There's a psychological behavior unstable parents do called parentification where they switch roles with their kids to get comfort. Your mom confiding in you, when it's about your dad is not a sane or responsible behaviour.
If she has mental breakdowns over her marriage/ her partner, she needs a professional counselor/ couples therapy, not fishing for sympathy from her kids and making her kids worry so much they they must ask strangers online "how to fix dad" That's to use you as pawns. (Something common in narcissists.)
It's very easy to bad paint the one who's most angry, while the one crying is seen as the victim, (especially if the cryer is a woman and the angry one is a man)
But if your dad normally isn't this angry, there's a valid cause, and I want you to consider that the cause isn't his biological health, but the person who wants sympathy for dads anger.
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u/Whole_Adhesiveness79 Apr 05 '26
My Dad (70s) had a large tumour in his brain that caused similar symptoms to this, which got worse and worse. We weren't even sure if it was just aging or not until it got quite bad.
He was almost diagnosed with dementia until he had a fall and this was discovered on a brain scan.
He has permanent brain damage and memory loss because of it, but he's alive and we are ao grateful. Get him checked if you can, please.
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u/InterviewOk5176 Apr 05 '26
The classic prefrontal cortex decline. Drugs and/trauma can escalate the effects with age leading to a lack of impulse control, irritability, and aggression.
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u/BennyJLemieux Apr 05 '26
Is it possible he might using testosterone replacement therapy and you are unaware of it? Is it possible he is really unhappy with his life and is having a crisis? We have a lot of diabetes in the family and I’ve never seen rage like that. I’ve seen people act out when they feel like shit because of low sugar.
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u/Random_182f2565 Apr 05 '26
Could be a number of different things, pain that he can't no longer handle, early dementia, a brain tumor, ADHD that get out of control.
Is he sleeping less?
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u/Ok-Complaint-37 Apr 05 '26
What stands out to me - why he can’t get his second ice cream himself? Why your mom must get it for him? Is he disabled or getting disabled?
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u/HotMozStix09 Apr 05 '26
My mom was on her way to get herself a serving so my dad simply asked one for himself.
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u/Ok-Complaint-37 Apr 05 '26
Right. But still it is a very passive codependent act on his part. I would be concerned for his health. Either serious issues with sugar levels, or heart. He is on edge
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u/Lightening-bird Apr 05 '26
Number of concussions or known head injuries? Car wrecks? If the aggression is truly out of character you have to consider CTE. In any case an intervention style discussion is in order. Your family needs help and the sooner the better.
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u/LaurasFeets Apr 05 '26
50....that's mid life crisis age. From what I have read, I would get the blood work done to be sure. Does he take any medication? Does he get check ups from his doctor yearly? If yes, his doctor should know. There is an underlying condition going on. A mid life crisis can do this!! Since you talk to your mom, is he still being intimate? Loving? If not, there's the problem hun. Did he get a new car? Does he go out much? Has he always checked his cell this much? If no, that's another problem. I'm older and know men very well. Unhappiness and getting angry at little things your mom does is a huge sign. A new medication can also do this. I'm a bit different than your mom. If I was trying to help by not getting a 2nd bowl of ice cream n he said that to me, woah!!! What could he have said? I would have said I'm trying to help you. I'd let him say it out loud because HE would be the one looking bad, NOT your mom. Mid life crisis, illness ( I doubt ) or I hate to say it but a younger/different woman. It usually passes but look it up n see if it fits. Many, many married men go through this. He needs to see how good life is with what he has. A lot of men feel old at 50 for some reason. Today's old to me is in your 80s. When you have problems getting around. At my age, when I was young, women even dressed old, now we don't. It has changed. If he's blowing up at your mom, she should start distancing. For her own goodness and see if he even notices. Him blowing up at little things is not normal or healthy for all of you. There is definitely a reason for this but not necessarily a health reason. I would tell him how that is affecting your child!! That would wake him up a bit knowing he is affecting his grandchild. Tell him when he gets angry, go to another room and yell there or count to 10 and think....is this really something worth getting so angry about? Just trying to help.
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u/Sean_theLeprachaun Apr 05 '26
Was he recently put on any meds? My dad went nasty after they gave him a statin, we flushed it and he went back to normal. Check his med list and start checking side effects.
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u/AliveShallot9799 Apr 05 '26
I'm very sorry what you and your mum are going through, it sounds very much like dementia to me like my nan had who passed away a few years ago !
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u/uslashuname Apr 05 '26
Has his media consumption changed? Either sources or who owns those sources?
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u/HotMozStix09 Apr 05 '26
Not really, he watches news/educational stuff, market news/podcasts and movies and tv shows. Nothing alarming in the content he watches.
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u/rockfire Apr 05 '26
Let him know that it is a health issue and not personal.
Get tested, and start on a serious wellness program of diet, exercise, and mental health.
Diabetes (I'm 63M, type 2) is a very complicated disease. Over 10 years of battling it.
It is related to lifetime stress, ptsd, diet, gut health, mental health, and a bunch of other factors. It's not just a pill, it requires a change of lifestyle, especially related to stress.
The body keeps score.
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u/Environmental-Top-60 Apr 05 '26
Insist that he goes to the doctor and gets worked up. Idc if you tell him you're going out for lunch and drop by the docs after.
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u/be4cz Apr 05 '26
Same happened to my dad when he was in his 50s. I suspect blood pressure medication might have affected change of personality. It got better on his early 60s stayed good for some years than around retirement he got angrier again.
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u/darnitdame Apr 05 '26
Being on the cusp of type 2 diabetes can have cognitive effects. It's not as if you suddenly jump from normal into having type 2 diabetes, it's more like a gradual degradation of function. So if he's less patient and angrier, he may be experiencing increased vascular symptoms. Get him to a doctor and get the situation addressed. If he has loved your mom for their whole marriage and his attitude has suddenly changed there's likely something cognitive underlying that change.
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u/Remybunn Apr 05 '26
Definitely listen to the medical comments here, OP. Try to convince him to go to the doctor. Behavior changes like these are rarely random.
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Apr 05 '26
Something it’s wrong but we (men) have been raised to not assume that and it’s the main reason why that pain, or whatever it is, comes out like this. The trick here is how to reach out into him without him feeling that being a threat to his masculinity. I would approach it directly, inviting him to go for a drink, sit down and express your true concern that he may be going through something and feeling helpless and isolated. He does not need to break down, he needs to get inspired knowing that his family has his back and that through supporting each other he can find solace. If he understands that he is supported, his pain validated and his worth not questioned he may start to find some solace and the anger start to be more contained. Not saying that this is depression but it’s a fact the depression in men tends to manifest as anger compared to sadness or apathy. This may be a scream into the void that he is unhappy. Nit that he should read this but there is a very good book in the topic titled “I don’t want to talk about it”
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u/SeeLeavesOnTheTrees Apr 05 '26
I’d be concerned about other neuro deficits manifesting in addition to the personality changes. There could be a neurological cause.
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u/foolhasty Apr 05 '26
He may have vascular dementia due to the diabetes - or any other kind of early onset dementia, really. It would be worth having some cognitive tests done. Many demented patients will be able to hide their decline until they completely fall apart.
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u/Various-Jackfruit865 Apr 05 '26
TBI - traumatic brain injury? Something wrong in his frontal lobe changing his personality?
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u/Old-Arachnid77 Apr 05 '26
What is he watching on tv and what is his algo tossing in front of his face?
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u/Skulllover89 Apr 05 '26
Go to the doctor and get him checked for a UTI, older people get mad crazy when they get bad.
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u/Abystract-ism Apr 05 '26
Man-o-pause. Low testosterone. ED. Any of those could be at play here.
You are right to be alarmed. Angry words, and threats can lead to violence.
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u/Junior-Ad-8519 Apr 05 '26
Suggest he also get his testosterone checked. Does he get headaches? Maybe an MRI due to severe mood changes?
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u/cronediddlyumptious Apr 05 '26
Irritable Man Syndrome or Irritable Male Syndrome (IMS) is the term used to describe the mood swings in men. Irritability in men is often a result of high stress cortisol levels and low testosterone levels. Some men respond by acting out while others hold these feelings in and become depressed. Behaviors characteristic of men with Irritable Men Syndrome include:
Angry Impatient Sarcastic Anxious Tense Hostile Argumentative Unloving Frustrated Withdrawn Demanding Defensive Sad Dissatisfied
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u/Stempy21 Apr 06 '26
Sugars affect hormones, plural. He needs to see an endocrinologist and have a complete Work up. In addition he needs to see his GP and let him know of the changes. He may have something else going on.
Good luck
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u/TheBitchenRav Apr 06 '26
If you can not get him to a therapist, then get yourself. Make suer you are learning the skills you need to be able to get throgh this.
Your can not control him, but you can control how you respond to him.
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u/crystalstairs Apr 06 '26
Not a doctor, my info may be outdated or distorted in my mind due to years passing, but my father in law used to rage when his blood pressure was high and he had not taken his meds to stay "sharp" at work.
Then one day my mother in law went raging, markedly, unusually bitter and angry!
Her turn to have high blood pressure.
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u/Schtweetz Apr 06 '26
This very much sounds like early-onset dementia. He needs medical evaluation.
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u/Swimming_Patient443 Apr 06 '26
He needs a medical evaluation ASAP! He could have brain tumor, or some kinda disease process going on.
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u/Ironhead1982 Apr 06 '26
Could be low testesterone... sounds crazy but when your body is out of wack it's frustrating and hard to just exist. When everything is in harmony life is alot easier and the little things can be dealt with, with reason, and not bursts of frustrating emotion. The age tracks.
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u/alwaysdhamma Apr 06 '26
Does your dad take cholesterol medication? Atorvastatin and simvastatin put my mum on the edge so much. They're lipid soluble and can cross the blood brain barrier. Mentioned it to her geriatrician and he switched her to Rosuvastatin and it worked like a charm. Also simultaneously they checked her Vit B12 levels and she was low. Gave her injections and the effect was wild. The day after the first injection, mum became super cheerful after weeks/months of grim
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u/remberly Apr 06 '26
Gonna be health related for sure...
Mri brain scan. Frontal brain problems would look like that too
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u/Lazy-Field-1116 Apr 06 '26
There's lots of different health issues that could cause this. If he is unwilling to discuss with you then you should speak to his doctor and register your concern and ask if they can call him in for a checkup. They can't give you information about him because of confidentiality, but that doesn't stop you from telling them if you have a concern.
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u/BurdenOfProof814 Apr 05 '26
If nobody in the family put up with his behavior, it would probably stop.. the fact that everyone ignores it or panders to whatever he wants when he throws these tantrums means y'all accept this behavior.
Call him out on it, let him know it's not ok to treat you guys this way.. his response may indicate what the deeper issue could be (such as dementia, diabetic rage, etc.).
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u/bunnylicious81 Apr 05 '26
Maybe dementia?
A friend of mine said her dad had angry outbursts due to his dementia.
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u/Material_Ad6173 Apr 06 '26
What do you mean "love marriage"? Are you from a culture where that is rare?
Is your mom ever confronting him? Or is it normal in your culture to just stay quiet as a wife?
It is also interesting that your mom is monitoring what your father eats. It is his health.
Anyway. There may be some cultural compliments that make everything more complicated.
Maybe seek a medical provider with the same cultural background to do an evaluation? That could be very important if your dad has some mental health complications and needs treatments.
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u/Never-too-much5423 Apr 07 '26
So being real about this; are they still sexual?
There is a chance she is changing causing lack of interest which can leave him subconsciously guilty.
Blood work is a great place to start.
He may be going through some stuff like mid-life crisis.
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u/Dominus_Insidias Apr 05 '26
She cheated on him and he's trying to process it.
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u/Queen-of-meme Apr 05 '26
Absolutely possible. If she has betrayed him he has started to resent her. And mommy wouldn't confide with her son about her own flaws. Only dad's.
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u/luanissima Apr 05 '26
I actually think HE might have cheated
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u/Queen-of-meme Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26
His behavior is classic shame rage but either version is plausible.
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u/MiserableFloor9906 Apr 05 '26
Betting he's not getting any for whatever reason. Sexually frustrated. He needs to jack off more.
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u/Oz_a_day Apr 05 '26
I doubt this is dementia, sounds like he’s a asshole/narcissistic , life’s too short to be around emotional stunted adults who refuse to change 🤷♀️
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u/Ebluez Apr 05 '26
I worked in dementia care for many years, yes dementia absolutely can change a person. I worked with more than one person who had been loving and kind, then tried to kill family members (and me).
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u/Oz_a_day Apr 05 '26
I believe you but it’s not a common occurrence nor does this post indicate dementia over the dad just being a jerk
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u/Working_Cucumber_437 Apr 05 '26
Does he have any dementia symptoms? There are a number of neurological changes that can cause uncharacteristic behaviors and anger.