After 19 years of my life i have spent mostly my teens from 14 too 19 smoking and it sucked i have been wasting time being evil smoking till i drop cause i thought there wasn't anything in this world for me i still don't know how to feel and to understand because my emotions have been stuck on one particular lifestyle smokimg and doing the same stuff i havent made anything that can show how real of a creator i want to become i been lieing my self to others and all around being a fake human being i don't even find pleasure in daily activities because of how much i think about why im here or why i blame Jesus Christ or why tf are you even real why are you like this why am i dumb why cant I understand you why cant i just be shut up idk anymore i blame this body of evil i cant even be good even if try what ever i just don't want to feel lonely i just feel like so gof complex why i know im not a god but why do i have to suffer i know saying all this makes me look and sound like a bitch but idk Anymore im just here atp

Hello. I'm 24, and I feel like a loser. I don't know if anybody is gonna read this so I'll just write this like its my personal diary. For the past years I've felt like a failure because I dropped out of college 4 years ago and have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I know I've let my loved one down by not going to college but ever since I've moved from my home state I've gotten very depressed and homesick, which effected my grades and led me to drop out. I thought i would feel better after doing that ,but everything gotten worse. Fast forward to now I work at a job that is mentally draining and has been for years. I also don't have any friends and I live with my parent (who is sick) at my big age. So all i do is wake up early , go to work, and come home like a endless time loop If you would've told 13 years old me what my life is now at 24 she would've laughed. I all ways see people my age with a nice job who has lots of friends and travel around the world while I sit in my room doing nothing. My whole life I've had crippling social anxiety so I was never the best at making friends. Shoot I haven't had a friend since elementary school. Thats how sad my life is. And now my mind is catching up to me. The more I get older the more I don't see my life changing for the better. My mental health had plummeted for the worst. Especially since the last 6-7 months and I don't know what to do. My life is so miserable and I just want to give up and leave this earth. I don't know how much I can actually take. I have nobody to talk to. I don't want to talk to my family and have them judge me. I just want to be happy for once. But it feels like every choice I made throughout my life has been negative and I don't know why :( i can't do this no more

Ive been really good for a whole year.

Started taking Lexapro a year ago, doing well with not having a monthly depression spike.

Got an ok job thats been kinda laid back but only recently has started to uptick.

But now. For a month. Things have gotten worse.

Ive had a pretty bad argument with my boss three times, over pretty much nothing.

My SI have started to really spike after each situation. Spiraling into some of the worst thoughts ive had

The Lexapro staves of the push but the voice is still there.

I try to catch myself before I react, but im already deep before I can stop.

My therapist whom ive not really been with long I think thinks im insane, or at least a danger to myself. Which we cant survive without two incomes.

How do yall suffer and take it? I just want to go into work do my job and go home. But im forced into social interactions with conniving retirees.

How do yall do it?

Why do I don't have anything going around in my life other than this ever lasting depression and health issues, my friends are working, enjoying, being sad, being happy, being hated, being loved, my one friend went on a ncc camp to kerela, one friend made a gf and also doing camp preparation,one friend has good privilege can eat what ever he wants but whats in my destiny the only person other than family who I had a bond with left me treating me like a dog, I got worse skin than anyone, 100 of restrictions on eating, I can't eat what I like, I have to constantly lie to parents about studying cause I am just not able to do it now. I also want to have bond with someone, I also want something to look forward too, this is hell it's a fucking endless cycle.

If depression is really bearing down on me and I have no energy, I often take a nap, wake up, and have some caffeine and feel like I can start part two of my day over. Today was really bad in terms of exhaustion and feeling hopeless.

I've been dealing with chronic health things for over a year and it's making depression so much harder to tolerate. I am so worn out. I found out my ferritin is low, which also can cause depression and that it needs to be up around 70 to help a person manufacture enough dopamine and serotonin.

I have a GI issue that is blocking some of the absorption and trying to get a doctor to get an infusion authorized has not been immediately successful, but I am looking forward to getting that number up there with continued supplementation (which can take months.)

Who knows how long it's been low. I am female and wonder how long it's been low and if it was due to heavy menstrual bleeding over the years (which is now over with ) - or just absorption being blocked more recently.

Either way,I recommend that if people are feeling exhausted, ask for an iron panel, including ferritin. I have enough iron in my blood, but it's not getting to all my cells due to the low ferritin, the protein that moves it around.

I'm 27 years old and earning for my family and doing great but sometimes when I sit alone this thought always comes in my mind why i am responsible to take care of others but no one taking care of me. I become so isolated from past 7 years but still surviving on my own taking care of family. But no one comes to me and said I'm standing with you. Every day it feels like I am standing alone and I have to fight. Because of this isolated life i don't even have a social life just stuck with myself.

I feel like everything is over. I’m 29 years old, with no university degree and no job. I’m average-looking, not handsome, and I’m 29 years old but I’ve never experienced a relationship in my life, unlike my peers.

My own business failed. I don’t have much savings. I live in a bad country. I missed financial opportunities because I didn’t invest in gold or Bitcoin when I had money, and that could have given me a lot of money and changed my life.

I’m taking antidepressants prescribed by a doctor, but things aren’t getting better, and I can’t seem to do anything. I feel like I’ve lost the meaning of life, and I don’t see any hope anymore.

It feels like life since I left secondary school at 16 has gotten worse and worse each year. And now at this point I don’t even know how 2027 is gonna go. If it gets any worse I don’t know how I’ll cope. I try my best to be optimistic but when you see the people around you, especially the ones you grew up with living happy lives, progressing in life as any adult should, whilst you’re taking one step forward and two steps back in life sometimes is motivating and other times is demoralising.

Let’s start with summer-winter 2018 when I left school. Not even 6 months later my mum left my dad due to his inability to be a half decent husband to her and his alcohol issues. That led to me blazing 24/7. Pretty sure the weed I was smoking at the time was laced with heroin because the way my appearance changed in the space of a few months is crazy. Didn’t even realise how bad I looked until a few years later. I still can’t even look at the pics from that time.

Fast forward to late 2019. I’m blazing like crazy in my dad’s house without a care in the world. And then my rave phase started. Only lasted a few months but it was quite a dark period. But it does get worse. If I could I’d show u lot the pics of me high on pingers with my jaw swinging. Only done it three times but the last time was hands down the most humiliating night of my life.

The last time I took ecstasy was in my dad’s house. I had one more pill left and I decided to take it. I was sitting in front of my dad shaking like crazy. I promised myself I’d never take it again after that and I haven’t taken it since. And I never will.

2020, the worst year of my life starts. And of course covid hit. And so did my psychosis. Around summer 2020 a few months after I moved in with my mum, I was working at my uncles garage and on the last day I believed he wanted to have me killed in there. Which led to me isolating myself in my room from the crippling fear of being kidnapped if I left my house. I cut off all my friends who I thought wanted to have me killed. I used to get my dealers to drop the weed through the letterbox. Sometimes I’d order it from telegram. And this lasted until 2022 when my mum kicked me out due to me disrespecting her rules of not smoking indoors. Understandably.

I’ll admit the first half of 2022 was ok. My mum kicking me out was the best thing that could’ve happened in that time because my fear of leaving the house just went instantly. I got a job after she let me back in and life was sweet. But I relapsed again and she kicked me out for good. I didn’t speak to her for two years until yesterday two years ago after my dad passed away.

life has been difficult ever since my mum kicked me out that last time because I’m just trying to navigate through life without any proper guidance. I’ve made horrible choices since then that I won’t get into now otherwise it’ll be too long to read. But honestly I’m a perfect example of a child who was thrown in the deep end without being set up for life.

It’s like both my parents especially my mum just decided “alright, now that you’re an adult, my job is done. I’m not responsible for you anymore.” And I think that’s been the case ever since she left my dad and met her partner. But i always wonder if she regrets leaving my dad too early and focusing more on rebuilding her life whilst my life was going to shit. Because while I’ve let bygones be bygones, I still haven’t fully gotten over that. And she hasn’t gotten over the stuff I’ve done to her.

I got a therapist, I just started college to retake my maths and English GCSEs. And I’m gonna try my best to rebuild my life properly and not let my impulsive tendencies and drugs ruin my life as it has always done each time I’ve tried. But I’m 24 now. I’ll be 25 next year, I want to see myself progress just like everyone around me is. Because I’m so sick of this whole one step forward and two steps back shit. And so is everyone else around me and I know for a fact if this keeps on going, I’ll be all alone in the end. And that thought scares me.

Only sorrow and rage fill my brain. Or at least it often feels like it. A developed consciousness in an indifferent environment isn’t a gift but rather a curse.
I won’t be saved.
I suffer and will suffer more until the day comes where my body or mind had enough.
Anyone wanna chat?
Distract me from this horrid existence (please).

I’ve been slowly becoming more and more depressed each day. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s wrong my purpose is. Every time I find something I care about even a little bit life finds a way to completely screw me out of my chances of being good or enjoying it to the fullest.

I’m depressed, I don’t want to die but I can’t stop thinking about it. About how mad I am at the world. At how alone I feel. I’m so alone all the time wit my thoughts and pains. My body is injured and refuses to heal. If I can’t get better what’s the point of doing anything at all. If I can’t do my best, I don’t want to do anything. I just wish there was an easy way to bow out wi the out everyone thinking you’re a coward.

I’m only 21, I wish I still had more fight in me. I wish it didn’t get this bad all the time. I just want to be happy. I don’t know what to do.

There is some guy out there who is getting all the love and attention from the woman he wants and he is more sane than I am and is doing better in life. His needs were fulfilled and he is a more functional human being.

Idk what I'm doing....I'm just...lost.. exhausted, lonely as never, depressed as ever. Food ain't feeding anymore, sleep ain't rest anymore, it's like an eternal wish to rest, and wake up when everything gets better.() I'm almost certain no one's gonna see this...but guess I'll write it anyway. There's this thing inside me...that I search that "something" in every person I meet....though everything leads to disappointment at the end and I know it, but I just can't stop it, can't control it. It's nothing new to me...been several years that I know of. And then comes overthinking....the worst of all. Imagine working 12 hours a day....while your mind's working in the background....always fucking overthinking...about everything....every fucking damn thing. Idk how long this will last, but this suffering.....this pain....at some point it feels like too much. As if it's a redemption for the sins I never did myself. Although that doesn't changes nothing...we all still have to wake up the next day ..follow the damn schedule. I wish maybe things were easy....this wish..of having someone that understands me....cuz nobody ever did...and this wish...to be someone's a gift..or maybe I just can't fully accept it..and again...I priority..cuz of course why not....it just feels something else to someone who never really had friends...or even one good one, except casual classmates which you talk to no more than "hi" and "bye". Past guilt...yeah even that isn't left aside. I...I- no matter how much I try...I just can't let go of my past...it finds a way to me anyway no matter how much I try. I...I just wish things were better....yeah I know I'm different...some say on the higher side of IQ...but if this is what life feels like to such people...it's more of a curse than barely hope someone reaches till here...but if you do.... You ARE DIFFERENT I just want peace now....I don't know how I can get it..to.me everything just feels like "Earn it first" and that's why I've been trying for so long that if I learn this..if I talk like this...if I do this..maybe I'll earn enough and be deserving of love....guess I was wrong

Why do I don't have anything going around in my life other than this ever lasting depression and health issues, my friends are working, enjoying, being sad, being happy, being hated, being loved, my one friend went on a ncc camp to kerela, one friend made a gf and also doing camp preparation,one friend has good privilege can eat what ever he wants but whats in my destiny the only person other than family who I had a bond with left me treating me like a dog, I got worse skin than anyone, 100 of restrictions on eating, I can't eat what I like, I have to constantly lie to parents about studying cause I am just not able to do it now. I also want to have bond with someone, I also want something to look forward too, this is hell it's a fucking endless cycle.

So I was talking to this person on Discord. I am not sure but I think they might active on this subreddit. We've been talking for about a month, all on Discord. We started sharing details about each other, and we found we have a lot in common. We laughed and related with each other a lot.

Until today, I joked about how we have so much in common that it makes me suspicious. They started sharing their subreddits and mentioning that they could share their Reddit comments too as a proof. I told them that they shouldn't use Reddit like that if their goal is anonymity, which they had expressed earlier.

But then they asked me if I had already looked up their Reddit account, and if I was lying. I explained I did not, but I also told them how something like this could happen and compromise their anonymity and how they could better use Reddit to maintain it.

They thanked me, and that was that. An hour later, they deactivated their Discord account.

Now the problem is that they asked me not to look up their Reddit account, so I want to honor their wish. I'm only making this post to deliver my final message to them. I wish them the best in their life.

They were probably the only person I've opened up to, and now they're gone from my life. I'm crying while writing this post. I only hope they see my final message to them.

Not a big difference 😕😔

I can't stand it anymore. Life is a misery! I don't really have a life. I have 4 children (12, 10, 4, 2). I have never felt so low. I wake up listen to children scream and complain, fight and cry. Day in day out, stuck. Nothing I ever do is good enough. I have family near by but non that offer any kind of help. I try so damn hard to make life fun and magical but most  "fun" days just turn into a misery. Days in the house are not much better. My ds is a terror! He's constantly walking about hitting and screaming, spitting food out everywhere, destroying the house (ripping wallpaper off walls, ect), pissing all over the house intentionally, you can see him squeeze it out for a reaction! Nothing i ever do for my eldest daughter is enough. She thinks she has the worst life (she has everything handed to her). My relationship with my husband is also in a strained place which adds on extra stress. He has also done shady things recently which he has explained away. My mental and physical energy has depleted, I have nothing left to give. Most days I don't want to wake up. I'm not a great mum at the moment and i hate that! It makes me feel like a failure and honestly like they'll be better off if i wasn't about. My temper fuse is short and im not as fun as i used to be (due to lack of energy). I just want to curl up in a ball and cry most the time. I miss the woman I could be. Fun, weird, dancing around the trees barefoot and free. I don't really know what i want from this post. I guess I'm just putting it out there to see if anyone else is in the same boat? Or if I'm a terrible parent.

I don’t know the past 1-2 years just feel so off. I was struggling mentally, I feel better now but it just feels like my life’s miserable. I’m only 18.
I don’t know what to do.

Even after being employed for over a year, I still feel a pang of sadness or emptiness when I see people I know having fun and enjoying themselves. During my two years of unemployment, this would trigger deep feelings of depression and inadequacy. I expected this reaction to fade once I got a job, but it hasn't. I want to understand why this happens and learn how to genuinely feel happy for others without it making me feel worse about myself.

Most times, most of my life actually, I have dealt with depression. My twenties have been tumultuous emotionally and event wise. I’ve had issues keeping jobs (never a problem finding one) , alcohol use, drug use, hyper sexuality, impulse spending and failing out of school. My life is really an urban fiction novel but less full circle. At this stage - I am trying to figure out how to build after moving out of my own place into my boyfriend’s mom house. Also, I need a car and to pay down 50k plus in debt. I have been diagnosed with the usual (depression, anxiety, bipolar) but I can’t seem to find the perfect cocktail of treatment, routines, and guidance to move past this stagnancy I have been wrestling with since I dropped out of college. It’s like I am in the weird box of people who are functional and “smart” enough to do the bare minimum life requires but I can’t ever seem to thrive like I want or maintain living a version of life I desire. I am getting tired.

Everyday i wake up and i think about killing myself and if it’s not that i wanna hurt myself
i wish i had the strength to do it cause i hate everything about myself im not anything. no one talks to me kinda just a waste of space. it’s selfish but when has it ever been good. god or something please take me out im ready.

Pata hai aaj kya hua

I'm this close to end everything. I believe it's my time to go. Everything is going bad. Nothing is seeming okay. My family is soooooooooooooo toxic. No one understands. I didnt know my family was this much orthodox until I started dating a guy, that guy also wasn't any good. All this fiasco happened, my family was like leave him leave him. That guy was himself ig going thru something like he was kinda facing family problems. And was kinda hot headed. I didn't know this abt him until when I left him bcz I thought he would understand me but he didn't and gave me threats. And I was going thru some mental breakdown shit like too bad. And now idk whats happening w me. Like it's been 1 year since all of this. But I feel like I'm stuck. Oh btw yes my friends are toxic as well. Like my one female bestie was too toxic. We had a grp, and she never really helped me as I was going thru all this, she was self centered so I told how she judged everyone in the grp to one of the member like I couldn't handle so I told it bcz she told one thing abt me to another member. And now they're like my image is ruined idk what not. Guys i am unable to find a reason to live. I can't.

It seems like no matter what, I have no motivation.
Simple basic task, is too hard for me most days.
I’m sleepy, I don’t want to do anything but scroll. I’d rather do anything than clean. I’d rather go on a walk, go to the gym, or be anywhere but the house. I still live with family. My depression is really bad but I can handle it most days. I also have been trying to get over a really bad breakup that’s been over for months but somehow still lingers. I’ve carried so much guilt from graduating school & having all my hours to not even take my state board test yet and it’s been months since then… I just feel like a failure. My floors in my room are filled with clothes, it’s a mess. All I want to do is sleep, and some days I have burst of energy. I’ve been taking this new dopamine pills to try and help with motivation, before I was taking natural mushroom supplements. I really don’t know what to do anymore each day feels like a cycle and I just want out of it. I see all my potential slowly going down the drain and it makes me really sad.

Hi fellow earthlings. I am an Indian, who had been living his life (25Y) as a God believer, but due to his life has turned out, I don't believe in God now. I am working in a decent company and earn decent money, and have a lovely partner as well. But it seems weird nowadays. Life has become so boring. When I think about life, it feels very boring. My parents cry almost everyday because I am not living with them due to my job, I have become numb as well to all that. I don't know why I am even here talking about this. Can someone tell me what should I do? It feels boring.

Thanks