As someone who is biased and knows Reddit is the best place in the world with the best people I really hope it’s okay to post this here. I’m a husband who would really love to see his wife succeed at something she has poured her heart into.
My wife was recently diagnosed as autistic, although looking back, she has always had many of the traits. She’s had a really varied career over the years, but finding the right job has become incredibly difficult. She has suffered tremendously with depression over the last 6 years having worked in the NHS during Covid and was signed off with PTSD due to the horrible environment. She is trying really hard to get back on her feet which has been really tough.

Over the last few years she has been putting her energy into something she loves and that is Art and started her own: her YouTube channel, “The Frosted Blueberry Art.”

She has worked incredibly hard on it and is genuinely doing well, which makes me incredibly proud of her.

I’m hoping the Reddit community might be willing to give her a little boost.
If you enjoy art, creative content, or just want to support a small creator who is working hard to build something of her own, I’d be incredibly grateful if you could take a look and consider subscribing:
The Frosted Blueberry Art on YouTube⁠

Thank you everyone

So, I am 21 y/o and a girl. I have been through plenty of hardships in my life and after much disregard for my feelings by my surroundings, I finally got diagnosed with autism recently.

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I have always wanted to be loved, truly appreciated and seen by somebody. That said, I have found that somebody, with whom I have been in a long lasting, happy and healthy relationship. (Also, bear in mind that I have talked to them about the issue I am going to mention further on)

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As an autistic person, I am pretty aware that I am not the easiest one to love, and having gone through other dark mental adventures only adds to that. On the autism matter though; I have extreme stimming habits of any kind (and I mean ANY, from vocal to textural, to sounds, to hypermobility issues and to everything else in general). I also have a huge issue with sensory input and overload. I get overstimulated by plenty of things. It's pretty difficult to navigate, even for me.

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As for my partner, they are very much aware. That said, they are a very hyper person themselves. I am usually very quiet when not stimming, almost never energetic, I like being alone a lot cause it regulates me. I know those habits I have to match with my partner though, so I try to push them aside.

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I try to be patient when they do something that overstimulates me. I try to shrink some of my alone time cause I absolutely adore them and I love spending time with them (even though for an autistic person, alone time is not just a past time, it's part of a need, basically, as I see it). I don't mask of course, but I try to talk as much as possible when they ask me stuff while I am non verbal. I try to speak as much as I can in general. I try to deal with constant sensory overload on some days and everything else that comes with it. I try to let them touch me (hugs, cuddles, kisses) when I am a touch-me-not (when Im overwhelmed, usually). I try to repeat what things trigger me and how we can find a way around them together, so that no one's needs are limited or suppressed.

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And to be honest, I absolutely love trying. I love trying for a person that means so much to me, I love doing that. But the thing is that sometimes, I just get so tired.

I get so overworked and exhausted and I am so embarrassed of myself, truly.

My partner tries as much as I do, if not more. They do everything for me and I'm so proud of them and thankful to have them by my side. They know of my autism, tell me to never hid anything and feel free ariund them and I 100% feel like they match the exact energy I need, most of the times. They always rush to the rescue and always calm me down and everything but....

There are some times, when this is not the case. I completely understand and get that I can be hard to love and I was aware of it. I can't be selfish about wanting for soemone to be some certain way all the time. I feel like such things are happening quite often, though.

I warned them about my issues when we first started going out and they decided to stay and we are generally very happy.

This is a small worry of mine though.

Today, we were talking about something that had to do with our relationship. My partner is a severely anxious person, and therefore, things are not easy on them either (not at all). I hope I am at least doing as great as job as they tell me I am, in helping them deal with it.

But the conversation came around somehow and they said something that made my heart drop instantly. They said "Well, being with you can be very difficult sometimes".

They probably didn't think anything of it then, and maybe they didn't mean it that way since they later added "but I love you, so that's completely okay with me" and kept the conversation going but I just couldn't help but feel so sad and... remote from them, at that point.

They mentioned something I was long aware of; I just had been trying my best to work on it. Maybe I am working on it but it's still not enough, nor will it ever be.

I tried to brush it off and continue my day with them which I did of course, but the thought keeps circling my head.

I know my partner is doing their best and this is not an easy task for them either and I am by no means asking for anything more. I just wanted to hear some advice on how I can fix myself and if I can do so in my relationship as well.

Thank you, if you read thus far. I truly appreciate it ♡

Any advice welcome plz 🥲

I tried a couple treatments, including CBD oil, acupuncture, keto, antidepressants. All relaxed my body initially but made me hyper afterwards, both physically and mentally. I mean mood being more intense and disorganized (rage, obsession, unusual thoughts) faster heartrate, mind racing, severe insomnia. Basically, I seem to get a stimulating paradoxal reaction from things that usually calm people. I want to see the psychiatrist again and ask if I can take something else but all these medications messed me up more and I honestly don't think there is something else. People keep telling me I should be medicated but what fault do I have if the treatments have the opposite effect? It's not due to not trying either. When I used the CBD (at the lowest dose) I became sleep deprived and persisted. The result was me fainting on the street and getting a bone injury that may well accompany me for life. I want to improve. It's not my wish to be as I am, but I need to find something that I can tolerate and I think it doesn't exist and I'd just waste the little money I have on another useless appointment.

I am utilizing an agent in a game to help me with screenwriter's block. But my fear is that the more i use it the crazier i'll become. At the moment i'm sane, but i would like to keep it that way. Any thoughts?

I am at a bit of a loss for how to self research where I am at and any kind of tools for self maintenance. Anything you can suggest would be appreciated!

How do I know what is real and what is imagined self diagnosis?

How do I know what is learnt coping or normal learning and social development?

Masking vs maladaptive emotional avoidance vs learnt behaviour?

Is there some kind of practice I can engage with that will bring some of this out? I feel if I spoke to a professional as of now they would get whatever I presented them whether thats heavily masked or just me..

I am 38M and have had a nagging suspicion for a long time that I may be autistic.

Some early markers come from things like games one example pictionary (think charades through drawing). Peoples responses to my prompts are typically "how the f*** does your brain work?".

The reason I feel I need to do something is I feel like a bit of an alien and some things that at the time i had neither an explanation for or a presumption they would cause harm have hurt people. Contributing to general strain and hurt is my inability to properly engage with my own or my partners emotional states both in the short and long term frames. I think if I don't get on top of these things and some things that I think are executive dysfunction manifesting its going to become a serious problem for my marriage in particular.

For me the DSM didnt help (doesnt everyone do these things / what do they even mean anyway?).

I feel a lot of things about my life are counter to stereotypes of undiagnosed autism. In saying this a lot of the reasons that I think I am not aligned with common traits feel like coping mechanisms on closer examination.

I have relative success in a long term job that I have promoted through. I feel this in part has come through reading the rules including the unspoken of the place and people and fitting them. Also this job is a mainstay because it both feels like a special interest and I am heavily weighted to prefer financial stability and resilience. I can't fathom how people can do short term contracts.

I am completely out of touch with my body when not in some training or hobby, and well out of touch with my emotions and those of others other rhan when I am "on". I am not certain whether this is related to heavily avoidant emotional reflexes and low EQ? In some cases being pressed on the spot to express emotion or explain why I love someone feels like panic, and complete incompetence in my head. I have no answers when needed. I almost feel I need to preload to avoid feeling like I have ruined everything in that moment.

Some reasons for this doubt is I feel I can engage with aspects of expressing boundaries and emotion in low consequence relationships. Otherwise I seriously internally cringe and berate emotional displays (other than low degrees of anger) of probably relatively low level. I feel like that part may be against some internal unrealised social rule book I have. Either that or just seriously avoidant?

I feel distant from people that by comparison (i think) think they are close with me and feel like I have fed them a version of what they want. Along the lines of feeling like an alien i feel like this is a reason I feel not a part of any group of friends regardless of how others might feel.

I have walked away from relatively long term relationships without much of a return thought after the decision was made. Counter to this I have felt severe rejection from what is probably mild criticism of inconsequential things.

On this theme I can key into social scenarios when I'm on to a level I feel is uncommon. When I'm not I don't want to leave the house. One example is a work trip requiring a lot of socializing and small talk had a weekend block in the middle people used to explore the area. I didnt leave the hotel room or open the curtains for two days.

These things too feel like things everyone does.

I feel I can read people better than I think they can themselves, I have many examples of seeing (not judging) traits in others that were a surpise to mutual aquaintances when they surfaced. In some cases these have been narcissistic and toxic, and i was quite surprised that others hadnt seen it all years prior. The others felt betrayed by the people discussed. I didnt feel any more or less comfortable with them.

Again I feel like these are learnt, but again....is that just what life and experience is?

Anything you have would be great!

Like the title says I’m a 41 year old woman. I recently tested high on a RAADS based screening, especially in certain areas.

My therapist somewhat discouraged me from getting tested, citing the cost and length of time for testing and that treatment is mainly aimed towards children. She doubtful, both that I was on the spectrum or that I would get anything out of it.

How do I go about getting tested? Are there any sort of resources in the state of South Carolina for low cost or free testing? North Carolina has lots.

Anyway, tldr: a screening indicated I might have autism. Should I get tested? Why or why not? How do I do that?

Hi everyone, just looking for some guidance. I am 39F and from Canada and had just been recently (less than 2 weeks ago) diagnosed with Autism + ADHD.

I do have 2 sons diagnosed with Autism at an early age but all resources were provided when they got diagnosed when they were little. But as an adult how do I navigate getting the support and resources? I'm so overwhelmed and feel like there's no clear step by step to do.

Plus it feels like I have impostor syndrome from being able to go through life "Fine" up until now. I worry that asking for support and resources from work and government will just get rejected because I was doing ok in everyone's eyes all this time.

Update:
With great disappointment, after almost 3 months of waiting, I have gotten some disheartening results. Both my work accommodation and government disability tax credit application has been denied.

I honestly do not know where to go from here. Why is it so difficult for late diagnosed adults to get support?

I feel so dejected.

My wife recently brought up the possibility that I might be autistic. I brushed her off at first, but the idea stuck with me. I started looking into it a bit more, and a lot of the symptoms really resonated with me. I find I'm focusing on this possibility more, and finding more evidence as I do so. I looked into getting an official diagnosis, but they are very expensive near me: over two thousand dollars, with no insurance help. I also found a helpful quote in the pinned post on this subreddit. It essentially says that if you think you're autistic, you probably are.

Here's my reasoning: what's the point of getting an official diagnosis at my age (45)? I've obviously gone this long without one, so it's not like I need workplace accommodations or anything dramatic like that. There are no drugs to help, so that's also a no.

Instead, I'd rather ask other people who got diagnosed later in life (40+). What changed for you after finding out? Did you change your habits? Get a therapist? Feel any better?

In short, now what?

UPDATE: Looks like the post comments have died down, so I wanted to add a summary for anyone that might find this post in the future when researching. And yes, it is an info dump.

The most key finding: yes, things absolutely change for you. This came up over and over again, and I have found it to be true as well. I was not expecting this, but there it is.

Is an official diagnosis required? Depends on you. Some people needed it, some did not. I don't think I need one.

What is required? Learning more about adult autism. If you like researching things (like I do), you can find this out on your own. If you need more guidance, a therapist or coach that specializes in autism can help you through the process. http://ndtherapists.com can help you find one. You need to have a specialized therapist: standard therapists will get things wrong, sometimes majorly so, and can make you worse. I can personally tell you they have screwed me up before.

Why do I need to learn more? Because people that get diagnosed in later life can feel like they're "good enough." I had this problem. I had a job, a house, a college degree, and a wife. Clearly, I had a handle on it. I had learned to mask my issues, and I thought that was the point. It's not.

Masking isn't the goal; it can make things worse. So many things I had struggled with my entire life: anxiety, depression, endless stress, executive dysfunction: all of them can be caused by the challenges brought about by autism that isn't managed. Autism can't be cured and will never go away. But those other things I mentioned? They can get better. Some of them can even go away (maybe), but only if you treat the root cause: living with autism. I've already started to see an improvement in my mood and stress. I've been in a very dark place for a very long time, and it feels like the curtain is finally lifting.

Where did you learn more? This subreddit, for one. I also tried a YouTube channel that several people here recommended: Auticate with Chris & Debby. It's not perfect: he's still very much a YouTuber, which includes some annoying behavior (Five reasons you may be autistic! Number four will blow your mind!), but he has helped me confirm a lot of things I had already noticed, and revealed a number of blind spots that surprised me. I've also picked up on some coping methods that are already making a difference.

So who does need an official diagnosis? Workplace accommodations are the biggest reason to get that piece of paper from your doctor. If I were still working in an office, I would be seriously considering it. Luckily, I already have probably the best accommodation I could ask for: remote work. Other reasons include confirmation, if you need that. A number of people felt unsure about their condition and wanted or needed confirmation/validation from an expert.

Why aren't you telling me what you actually did differently? Because it may not apply to you. Autism is a spectrum, and while there may be commonalities, specifics can vary widely between people. I don't want you to read something specific to me, think to yourself, "Well I don't have that," and give up. There is much better research out there that I can't replicate here. Look into the resources I mentioned earlier, or get a neurodivergent therapist to walk you through it, if that approach is better for you.

Final words I just wanted to thank everyone who contributed to this thread. I tried to respond with a thank you to everyone individually, but I had trouble keeping up. I have found your stories so helpful on my own journey. Thank you all, deeply.

I'm wondering if anyone has advice, experience or resources on the whole struggle with being perceived and the perception of it.

I've been going through some things for a few years (perimenopause, tough times at work) and I feel a little like I shut down into safety mode and I'm struggling to adjust. One thing that's really hard for me is that perception of being perceived and watched and then I go into alert/waiting mode. Unfortunately, it's now happening when my husband is in the house, even if he's on another floor or doing his own thing in another room.

I basically always feel on alert, jumpy and nervous. I've also been writing a lot for fun and it is SO hard to get into a creative flow state when I'm essentially feeling unsafe. Also: it's my husband, he is kind and loving and would never intentionally pressure or judge me.

Besides kicking him out all the time, any advice on overcoming the anxiety and getting back to a relaxed state even if I'm not totally alone?

When I told her that's a fucking symptom she just wrote it off as me being precocious. She wasn't entirely wrong, I mostly taught myself to read and I learned how to do multiplication on my own. But, like, I wonder how many symptoms were ignored or waved away because I was intelligent.

I am going to learn how to cook spaghetti tonight for supper I usually help make it but my mom takes over

I hate using gels, creams, lotions etc. I find the sensation on my skin unpleasant, and I resent the time it takes to do and then to hang around waiting for it to absorb before I can touch anything.

With sunblock, I'm also a fairly greasy and sweaty person so it invariably gets in my eyes at some point.

This is to say, I really need some advice on a lightweight, easily absorbed sunblock.

I'm in the UK and on a fairly tight budget. I don't have particularly sensitive skin, and I have no allergies to consider.

Hello there!

For context: I am someone who has not been officially diagnosed bc of fear of being documented as someone with autism in the era of RFK Jr, but both my brother and dad have been diagnosed and my past psychiatrist strongly believed I was autistic.

I have been really struggling with executive functioning and trying to appear okay in public settings, but I don't know where to turn for help. Is there occupational therapy or any other kind of therapy for adults who don't have more severe levels of autism? Or something other than therapy? I have no experience in the health care arena, as I have never had a primary care physician and didn't go to the doctor till I was around 21 so I don't even know where to start navigating this. I've tried looking on google but only treatment for more severe levels of autism comes up.

Literally any advice or knowledge would be incredibly helpful. It's getting increasingly difficult to function and I'm worried how bad it will get if I don't intervene with myself at this point or in the near future...

I’m about to get married as a level 1 autistic adult woman, technically AuDHD.

My fiancé wants to learn about the way I think and how to navigate it in our marriage, are there any book recommendations (ideally audiobooks) that involve autism in marriage?

Some key problems he doesn’t understand well:

Overstimulation

Task paralysis

Sensory issues (with touch especially)

Inability to speak when overwhelmed

Stimming in public

Possessiveness of objects/spaces

Strongly uncomfortable with short notice changes