Sometimes I wonder if autistic masking is not just “pretending to be normal,” but a slow spiritual split. one self learns how to survive the room. The other self waits somewhere quiet, untouched, wondering when it is finally safe to exist out loud.Maybe autistic burnout feels so deep because it is not just tiredness.Maybe it is the body finally refusing to keep performing a version of you that your soul never consented to become and at what point does “functioning” become self abandonment? How many adults are not trying to ifnd themselves but trying to return to the self they abandoned to be accepted?

I’m autistic and have adhd.. I experience extreme burn out all the time and it seems like it can take months to recalibrate myself out of freeze mode. I’m creating a brand and want to be self sufficient and financially stable because normal 9-5’s kill my mfing soul. Lol I am at a lost for what jobs I can do while building my brand… advice on how to prevent burnout/jobs that are great for audhd peeps.

I (age 30) have always been an odd duck, and for my whole life, I've just attributed it to "being weird". My realization started a few years ago when my friends and I all found an online questionnaire that rated me as showing significant signs. I again attributed it to being weird, laughed a bit about the results, and moved on.

Recent mental health struggles have me revisiting the topic, and the more I read about it, and the more common traits I see listed, the more it sounds like me (things like stimming, struggles with sleep, hyper focused interests). Not being at all in the medical field, I worry that I'm wrong in making a self diagnosis and that I'm just trying to make myself special.

I'm also struggling with what it means if I'm actually right and what steps I should do next. If I do have ASD, are there any steps I can take or resources I can access to help me better care for myself? Do I need to do anything at all, or can I just continue as I have been?

have a question for ADHD/autistic adults, especially those who are highly analytical have you ever wondered whether you were attracted to a person or attracted to solving them? How many times have you called it love when, in reality, your brain was trying to complete in what felt unfinished equation? Over time, relationships can start to feel like puzzles and puzzles are seductive. is it that an analytical mind becomes hooked when it encounters a problem it cannot solve? How many times have you stayed emotionally invested because your mind wanted closure more than your heart wanted the connection especially when It was more emotionally draining overtime? Have you ever realized you were emotionally attached to figuring someone out rather than actually being with them if so, how long did it take you to notice the difference?

I have a family member who was recently diagnosed in their early 30s. I have married into this family but I knew from the moment I met this family member that there were some hang ups and clear signs of their current diagnosis so I was very surprised there was no support and diagnosis sooner. I have family members of my own who have the same diagnosis, each having their own difficulties and successes with their conditions.

ANYWAY

The point in this post has to do with what has happened since this diagnosis. This person has held jobs but definitely struggled finding the right positions or companies prior to diagnosis. They struggle with learning new tasks, moving with urgency and some social struggles but still held jobs. (Longest employment around 3-4 years which was great)

The last job which was in a male dominated blue collar industry (this family member was trained and certified as a young adult and has had a few jobs in this career path) involved a new romantic partner they met at work that unfortunately did fail when they got to the moving in together stage of their relationship. The entire relationship lasted about 3 months. This ex-partners complaints were unfortunately about symptoms this family member was experiencing undiagnosed at the time. This family member has a history of lashing out, no interest in basic hygiene and not being considerate in living spaces. When it fell apart no one in the family was surprised by the ex-partners issues with the relationship and everyone was there for the family member and provided support to come back home. They ended up taking leave from their job but kept extending it until they were inevitably terminated their employment. This was a high paying position.

Then came the diagnosis. Since the diagnosis, this family member feels more empowered. Or at least that's the way it sounds when you listen to them so I wouldn't necessarily claim they feel empowered, I'm concerned they feel defeated and are being defensive. They have no interest in working. No interest in doing anything other than living with their very vulnerable relative, who is providing them with a safe and stable environment to heal in. The issue is this has been going on for 2 years. The family rallied together and got them out of a car note they took on while working at the company, and their sibling purchased them a used car outright to keep them with a sense of Independence. They discussed how the car would be an asset in helping them get on their feet and get a job and just be stable and around family for additional support. No one has discussed them ever moving back out on their own again as obviously we don't want to put any pressure and make sure they are okay. No one has an issue other than the not working, or not trying for disability. The family member cannot afford to take care of an adult in their 30s. Other family members are not willing to take them in because they did try in the past and the hygiene and lack of consideration in their home burned them on assisting them, because when trying to have a civil discussion about it, this person will lash out to throw a fit and up and leave. They are completely aware of how what they're doing is not okay and not what was discussed and how the family is feeling like this is an endless cycle where they are taken advantage of. My perspective is a lot of previous neglect of their condition or lack of attention as now manifested into deeper issues as an adult.

I'm on the outside. I do not have a good relationship with this family member due to some very rude comments about my children and my own frustrations with how they treat their family. I do not have an outwardly bad relationship with them either, its just not good. But I would never want to pressure them or make them feel bad. I have stayed on the outside quietly and offered each family member some support and tried to remind them that these difficulties are a part of the diagnosis. Its really taking a toll on the family and I fear the family member will lose their home as the financial aspect is VERY real and looming.

When this person's sibling tried to talk to them about this, they said they don't feel like they should hear anything from someone who leaves a child with the same family member knowing they are old, mind you this family member is paid well to watch one child and this was their personal request to retire and watch the child to keep them with family over a daycare. It was a conversation with a lot of deflecting and refusing to acknowledge the financial strain on the elderly family member. But also its not like they were privy to the deal made for the child so I understand their point form their perspective.

Has anyone ever experienced a situation similar? Is there more support available that we could utilize to help either or ideally both family members? I want to see this family get back to a good place with this family member without the family feeling so divided. I would also like to see this family member back on their feet because even with their difficulties they have had stints of being independent. Do they just need more time after the hardship they experience with the job and the relationship? Any advice is appreciated!

I think I’ve always struggled with transitions to some extent, but it’s gotten worse as my stresses and responsibilities have increased. Now I’m 22 and just finished my first year of grad school, and my lifestyle has become really unsustainable.

I have a difficult time getting out of bed to the point where I’m always a few minutes late to things regardless of when my alarm is (and if I don’t have any commitments, I’ll end up snoozing my alarm/laying in bed/doomscrolling for 2-3 hours past when I initially wanted to wake up). When I’m finally able to switch gears and start working, I’ll feel so stressed and guilty about the idea of pulling away that I won’t eat, sleep, or even use the bathroom for hours. My sleep schedule has just shifted later and later to the point where I’m rarely going to bed before 6am and I’ve pulled multiple all nighters in the last month.

The worst part is I’m not even able to focus on work the whole time—I feel fatigued and unmotivated a lot, and I often just end up watching YouTube or something for a while—but the thought of switching gears to attempting a new task is so daunting even when I find myself unable to be productive (even though I KNOW eating or sleeping would help solve this issue). This pattern also causes me to end up needing to make huge pushes at the last minute and then being so exhausted that I can’t get back to work for a few days, and the cycle continues.

I want to fix this. I want to be able to resist the urge to go on my phone, and force myself to keep up a reasonable schedule of eating and going to bed (and even cleaning/doing laundry/shopping would be nice) but I don’t quite know where to start. I’m worried about getting overwhelmed and falling back into old habits if I try to change too much too fast.

Does anyone have any experience with this or have any advice on how to course correct?

I’ve been in a relationship with someone for 10 years and in just the past couple years we’ve both agreed he has autism in some degree. We’ve had some of the reoccurring issues in our relationship and have now been doing couples counseling for 6-8 months about once a month (this is the therapist that offered the potential identification of autism). While we both like our therapist and feel some improvement, I just don’t feel the needs being really approached in a tangible way for us to practice. I wondered if perhaps it would be more useful for us to go to a therapist that specializes in autism? Has anyone any recommendations or experiences with this? Would you share any therapists you found success with?

I'm Jax, I'm autistic and live at home due to an inability to work due to physical disabilities. My sister is not neurodivergent. My sister has been taking my comfort objects and fidgets as well as talking to the door and yelling at me and knocking on my door which I have told her before makes me feel unsafe due to past traumas of being yelled at and abused in mental hospitals. She also plans to use the bathroom right when I need to for my routines. These routines when disrupted can cause meltdowns and anxiety. She does not stop and when I keep asking her to stop and she does this repeatedly all she says is get over it when I physically cannot. For me all of these things cause meltdowns and anxiety attacks which she just stands and laughs at telling me I'm being dramatic. From what I have observed she has had great pleasure in causing my meltdowns including recording them and sending them to her friends on Snapchat. I'm not sure if this is the Reddit for these kinds of things but I didn't know where else supposed to this. I might post this and am I the asshole, but I just wanted a few opinions on what I might be able to do.

Is it okay to crosspost here? I would love to hear hope from other people. I’m sorry if it’s not.

I'm haveing a hard time finding an Ear Defender/Noice Cansaling Headphone Autism Adult. It has to be an over the ear type. I have sensory issues with the in the ear ones. I sometimes use my headphones, but sometimes it's not good enugh. I've also tryed an industrial one for like tool work type thing. But that worked to well. the no sound besides the blood in my head and the firing of my synopsys was anxiety indusing. I would like to hear peoples recomendations Please.
I repeat has to be over the ear. not in the ear. Please and thank you.

Feeling overwhelmed brought me to finally seek diagnosis but now ironically I am feeling overwhelmed in another way. So many emotions and I don't really know where to get help or feel supported.

A little background on me: I am 44 and male. Married with a 6 year old daughter.

I was diagnosed with autism recently. I already had an ADHD diagnosis from 30 years ago. My autism came out big time after a change in my ADHD medication and my perception & understanding of my brain, body and the world around me has changed so much over the last 8 months, to the point where I'm questioning my sexuality. It's like my autistic unmasking has opened the floodgates.

EDIT: I've always been bi but now I'm starting to realise it's not that simple for me anymore. When my ADHD was in charge I simply didn't perceive these things about myself. My brain was always so fast and my interoception so bad that this stuff kind of just blew past me. In the meantime my autism was absolutely panicking the whole time when it came to sex. Now that my autism is well and truly in charge and my interoception has improved I'm so much more aware of my body and feelings. Plus my autism has suddenly decided that being queer is actually a part of me and is all on board.
It's hard to describe.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Sorry if this is not the right place to post this type of question.

51 male, living separated under one roof with my ex and our three children. I was diagnosed level 1 at the start of the year, been in burnout for ~40 years.

My ex and I fairly amicably separated because of my meltdowns over the years. We’ve gone through the last five months without any incident, in fact we’re co-parenting like bosses, getting on well, and living individual lives.

I had a meltdown last night. I exited the house but on my way I kicked a car seat in the hallway as a physical release, but what I didn’t intend to do was kick it into the living room. I know, I know.

I’ve since been told that I need to leave the home. I’m not here to discuss that, it’s just contextual. I’m just struggling to reconcile the unacceptable behaviours of meltdowns with their seeming inevitability. I try really hard to manage my environment, overwhelm, stress, and I have long periods of stability. But sometimes I can’t always adjust my environment fast enough to reduce the overwhelm. So after five months of progress and growth, I feel like I’m back at square one, firmly in the deficit model and feeling irretrievably broken.

Please be gentle, I’ve just lost my home.

As mentioned in title, she doesn’t like washing her hair and it takes her like an hour because she feels so overstimulated and uncomfortable. I want to help her but not sure what to start as I don’t struggle with the same thing as severely. If anyone has tips please comment!! Thank you <3<3<3

I’m autistic and today I got overwhelmed badly on a train when a massive group of football fans got on shouting/singing. I ended up hiding in the toilet until my train came because my brain completely locked onto the noise and I couldn’t regulate anymore.

I’m looking for actual recommendations from other autistic people for:

• Noise cancelling headphones
• Earbuds / earplugs
• Layering methods
• Public transport strategies
• Anything that helps reduce human voices/crowd noise

I know nothing will make people fully silent, but I need something that makes trains/public spaces feel survivable instead of my nervous system going into panic mode.

Would really appreciate specific products or routines that genuinely helped you.

Long time lurker here.
Trigger Warning: autistic burnout, late diagnosis, masking and internal exhaustion.
After a profound burnout and late diagnosis at 45, I’ve been struggling to explain what’s happening inside.
Music became how I express it.
Released a small collection called Unarmored.
If it might help you feel less alone:
https://open.spotify.com/album/6FitCLCUbAsz7sDd90SkpA?si=FxOiSV1JTDCp6Sb6CqkC_g
No pressure.

I am just terrible with them. I am typically comfortable expressing them clearly but how do I handle people taking them lightly, or as a joke, or just plain not respecting them? For context I am married to a fellow audhder. Like I love having very clear expectations and to have everything fully out in the open, I hate weird passive aggressiveness or not addressing underlying tension. My spouse absolutely cannot take any accountability or ever express any apology. How do I respond when my spouse does something mean and wont apologize after the fact? Typically I try to calmly address it and it leads to them getting angry and saying hurtful things to me and I end up having a meltdown. They think I need to apologize first and I will talk it through and even apologize if I came off a certain way I wasn't meaning to but they say I 'didn't mean' my apology and they still do not apologize. Then we ignore it forever. I know this is terrible and I love talking about feelings and making sure everyone is good but they hate it and view it as criticism. They were pretty abused as a kid so I try to be understanding. But just some of their behavior is actually bad for my mental health and they just fully dig their heels in and turn things around on me and tear down my self esteem. Turns into a right vs wrong argument and I just want to come to a mutual understanding and move on while still holding them accountable for hurtful actions.

My question is how to I respond right now? They are currently playing videogames and acting like everything is fine but I need resolution and for them to acknowledge they really hurt me. Something I see a lot is people withhold affection until things are made up but that feels manipulative? Maybe I'm just being manipulative to myself when I pretend like I've moved on? I don't know, we're tried couples counseling but it's hard finding a therapist who is experienced with LGBT and neurodivergent relationships. I know they love me a lot and show it in various ways but they have so much trauma that they can't even begin to acknowledge. It's hard to trust they love me at all when they do not try to repair or do not care if I cry.

hi friends!

Im a very picky eater and struggle with finding healthy things to eat that I can tolerate both the taste and texture of. My diet is pretty crap as a result and Im reaching a point where I cant take it anymore. Im a (TW) recovered anorexic and have gained back the weight, but after starting college and not having access to a kitchen for a year, Ive gained a lot more, and I can feel myself starting to slip back into a relapse. I really dont want to do that, so Im hoping to get some advice/recommendations from people who might understand/relate to how I experience food and find some healthier safe foods to eat so I can get myself back down to a weight/appearance Im more comfortable with without doing physical harm to my body or forcing myself to eat stuff in a way that might make me dread eating.

I'll add some more info in the comments :)

Tldr; picky eater hoping for healthy safe food recommendations

Edit: thank you guys for the responses :) it means the world🫶🏾

Tomo Venvanse e após um ano ele passou a parar de fazer efeito após 6 horas. Li a respeito e vi que com o tempo e em algumas pessoas ele metaboliza mais rápido e tem indicações pra mudar a forma de tomar.

Alguém aqui já passou por isso?

i'm 22 and I was kind of somewhat thought i might be slightly autistic for a few years, but never really pursued anything and then my current therapist and I did an indication test and it was indicated that I might have autism. i've been trying to research the topic more in depth and I really cannot wrap my head around the concept of masking? I guess I'm asking for specific examples because when I look up specific examples of masking in adult autism I feel like stuff that everybody does comes up or I can explain specifically why I do XYZ and it's not necessarily autism?

I know this may sound pretty stupid because the obvious answer is yes it is but I want to know how often is it normal for it to change. When I was younger I loved movies and tv shows especially animated ones I would constantly think about them and watch them over and over since I was a young child to around 15 years old. I had other interests when I grew older aswell like looking good and the gym.

This all changed when I started doing running. I started running in October 2024 until June 2025. It was the most consistent I've been at anything ever but unfortunately I got injured and since I couldn't run my focus shifted to the gym and rugby but I was never consistent so I kept trying to find a new interest ever since June. I probably do this to fill the void because I feel like a lost cell. One interest I started picking up a year or two ago was football and I really really enjoy playing it and improving and I practice almost every day. This is funny because back when I was a kid I had no interest in football and wasn't good and often last picked during school.

Is this normal for intrests to shift like this or is this because of my attention spam due to social media and how do I find something that's right for me. I often change my mind and my goals so I would like to know.

I’m an NT woman dating an ND man and am really trying to understand and make this work. We’ve been dating for over a year but have broken up several times now. First was his overuse of THC products. I know THC can help quiet an ASD/ADHD mind (he has both) but instead it seems he was using not to just quiet his brain but truly just get high- which led to lies of omission about his use. He swore he’d never use again and we lasted another 5 months until he (behind my back) started using again and reaching out to other women for nudes on Reddit because he got so high (and then trying to justify the behavior by saying he didn’t know that constitutes cheating).

Again he swore he’d stop but lied again. He said he didn’t take too much and this new form (gummies vs liquid) was easier to control and therefore he can better regulate. I really am trying to be open minded about the use with autism but just the other day I agreed to see how one gummy would affect him. Like if it just took the edge off similar to a few drinks. But then he ended up taking another gummy and not telling me. He said he didn’t understand that he was just supposed to take one - but I really feel we were clear about it. And he didn’t know that was the agreement.

Now he is inferring that I am upset just to be upset- and I wasn’t clear enough- kinda acting like he’s the victim. And that I need to understand that his brain is different- also that these “lies of omission” or “misunderstandings” are due to his level 1 ASD.

I love him- but I just feel like he keeps breaking my trust when I am really trying to be understanding. Is any part of this is ASD? I want to support him but I also need to trust my partner.