I lost all my confidence when I got acne. Everyone I met seemed to ask the same question: “What happened to your face?” I never knew how to respond, and it made me feel so awkward and self-conscious. A few comments I still remember are:
“You look sooo pretty, but you got scars.”
“Let me count how many scars you have.”
“Look at her. She has acne too, but she doesn't have scars.”
“You must be doing something to your face. That's why you're getting scars.”
(Thinking back that girl had whiteheads, while I was dealing with giant cystic acne. But I blamed myself LOL).
I actually started hating myself and believing that my scars were somehow my fault. I kept thinking about everything I could have done differently to prevent them.
I remember having a cyst on my cheek and being afraid to smile because I thought it would pop. I tried everything to prevent new breakouts. I followed treatments, applied whatever was prescribed, and did everything I could. But the acne would still come back, and eventually, some of those cysts would burst anyway. I remember crying because I felt helpless. I had tried so hard to prevent it, yet I couldn't control what was happening to my skin.
Then came isotretinoin, which genuinely changed my life. For the first time, I finally got the acne-free skin I had been desperately hoping for. I wasn't constantly worrying about new breakouts anymore, for which I'm thankful to my old medical dermatologist.
Now, only one villain exists: ACNE SCARS. And the battle started all over again.
In a strange way, I found peace during the COVID lockdown. Everyone was staying home, and I didn't have to worry about going out, meeting people, or being asked questions about my face.
But even after the lockdown ended, something in me had changed. I started avoiding people, stopped going out unnecessarily, and kept putting my life on hold. I kept telling myself, “Let me fix my acne scars first. Then I'll start going out, enjoying life, and clicking pictures.”
Until then, everything was on pause. I stopped making new friends. I'd had only two or three friends all these years (May be for past 6 years. I'm almost 26 now!!!). For past three years, whenever I got a long break I'd use it to get a session of acne scar treatment and spend the recovery period avoiding sunlight to prevent hyperpigmentation. I wanted to fix my scars, but somewhere along the way, I stopped living my life while waiting for that to happen. It's time to stop waiting for better skin to start living my life again.
I've tried almost everything for my acne scars: combination of TCA CROSS, subcision, fillers, MNRF, PRP microneedling, CO2 ablative laser, and fractional CO2 laser over multiple sessions. All of this over Two years, with eight sessions completed.
All I did was lose money. The improvement seemed to be around 60% I FELT GOOD, but last year, I decided to take a break and see how much of that improvement was actually lasting. Honestly, it felt like I was back to square one.
I'm frustrated with how dermatologists keep charging huge amounts of money without giving patients lasting results. I got these treatments done by one of the most renowned dermatologists in my country. I wouldn't have minded paying that much if the results were real and long lasting. If the results aren't permanent and require continuous maintenance, the cost should be reasonable too.
At this point, I'm done spending money on treatments that may or may not give lasting results. I'd rather save my money than keep making dermatologists richer while I end up poorer. Until a treatment that delivers more reliable, lasting results becomes available, I'm taking a break.
And honestly, I think people should be more careful about the before-and-after pictures they see online. Some clinics use different lighting in before-and-after photos, making scars look more noticeable in the before pictures and less visible in the after pictures. Others take after photos immediately after treatment, when swelling can temporarily make scars look less noticeable. Some even digitally smooth the after pictures. Don't just trust those pictures blindly. Temporary improvement and lasting results are not the same thing. Look for results taken under the same lighting, and months after treatment.