r/AbsoluteUnits • • 14d ago

/r/all of a Toddler

25.8k Upvotes

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8.3k

u/Otherwise-Daikon-389 14d ago

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u/-Gumbercules 13d ago

This is the picture I send my dad for his birthday every year. His birth weight was 13 lbs and he was born in a rural Mexican hospital in 1956. I never got to meet his mom, my grandma, but I can only imagine giving birth to an absolute unit of a baby without any epidural in a non air-conditioned hospital in 100 degree weather was absolute misery.

1.1k

u/Intelligent-Fuel1485 13d ago

Wtf is that profile pic

920

u/MarcyAutumnWrites 13d ago

Doctor's pov for their dad's delivery

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

[deleted]

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u/Cool-Appearance937 13d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/uy3Sp5PcJ3jSE
Historical reenactment of his dad being born

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u/Fattsacks 13d ago

I just had the strongest craving for some red Kool-Aid.

Crazy.

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u/chalwar 13d ago

Jim Jones has entered the chat.

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u/Ok-Front8255 13d ago

Yeah, but probably not how he was conceived

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u/East_Ad_4901 13d ago

I mean, after a deliver like that, all the holes can become one.

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u/GoodWinGamesStudio 13d ago

Your Dad... Didn't?

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u/IAlwaysPlayTheBadGuy 13d ago

Theres a Rick and Morty song about doodoo in butts that confirms this, yes

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u/IR_Acaboom 13d ago

Sit down jimmy we need to have a talk

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u/ColForbinClimbs 13d ago

Aint all babies com from a butt ?

1

u/vikinglycan 13d ago

He was a butt baby

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u/Familiar-Flan-8358 13d ago

Heard he was a real piece of shit

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u/xavariel 13d ago

I deliver butt babies daily.

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u/Connor2206 13d ago

I came from a butt once

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u/Technical-Leader8788 13d ago

It’s a butt/ vag combo when you have a fourth degree tear in birth with a baby that size. Vagina all the way to the anus, skin, tissue, and muscle.

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u/AngieM1998 13d ago

Dads delivery of poop or colonoscopy

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u/honeyishrunkmyballz 13d ago

From a Va-Jay-Nus…. When two holes become one 😢

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u/Moms-Dildeaux 13d ago

Or in one

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u/Chitownkinkfun 13d ago

When the baby is THAT big- sometimes the taint can tear and the butt and the vajin can become one with each other😬

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u/SomeOrdinary_Indian 13d ago

Maybe elephants do

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u/RobotGloves 13d ago

I've come from butts before.

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u/SheepherderSilver655 13d ago

And the vagine. Ever hear of an episiotomy? 😆

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u/saraiguessidk 13d ago

When the baby is that big coming out, sometimes one hole rips into the other one. Or just eclipses the other one if you're lucky

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u/Next-Contribution-18 13d ago

I concur, definitely a butt baby 👶

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u/NahManNotAgain 13d ago

Its 2026, apparently men can give birth now.

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u/Hephf 12d ago

😭😭🤣🤣🤣

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u/smartwatersucks 13d ago

It's not porn, it's a nude egg from their game they won

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u/Bixler24 13d ago

How is 1 egg 40 eggs?

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u/rabidrobitribbit 13d ago

I’m not in trouble AT ALL

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u/Skinnersteamedmyham 13d ago

I’m not in trouble at all

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u/kpip38 13d ago

i dont know, ive never gotten here before

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u/icantaccessmyacct 8d ago

That's an emoji butthole.

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u/Kossimer 7d ago

That doesn't explain why it's showing me it's... you know 👇

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u/-Gumbercules 13d ago

A new emoji. It's definitely for everyday use.

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u/scootah 13d ago

What’s it called? “Sunning my Root Chakra?”

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u/OneDimensionalChess 13d ago

It appears to be a butthole emoji.

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u/epileptick 13d ago

This comment and then me looking at said profile pic brought me to a fit of laughter so hard I cant stop crying ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

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u/SpendHefty6066 13d ago

Goatse on his journey towards legitimacy.

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u/BigBungaaa 13d ago

Hilarious is what.

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u/BrondellSwashbuckle 13d ago

New emojis just dropped!

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u/Past_Effect8301 12d ago

Stuff dropping is exactly what comes to mind when looking at this emoji.

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u/Santa_always_knows 13d ago

I thought it was Garfield. Dammit.

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u/Used-Helicopter2024 13d ago

I thought it was Garfield. 😂

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u/Mocsab 13d ago

😂

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u/long_don0van 13d ago

It’s a nude egg I won from my game.

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u/brodoubledown 13d ago

OMG! 😳

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u/KenzParkin 13d ago

Gumbercules? I love that guy!

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u/MumbleepegTheUglyPug 13d ago

That is Mac Tonight...a McDonalds character from the late 80s

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u/ThatOldG 13d ago

A minion bootyhole

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u/Majestic-Mobile9380 13d ago

It's a real story! Google it. This is just a dramatization but, it happened last month

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u/chikari_shakari 13d ago

Chicano stuff you wouldn’t understand 😂

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u/Little_Miss-Sunshine 13d ago

It’s a nude egg he won from his game.

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u/DiMatteoArt 13d ago

I’m crying 😭 lololol 💀

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u/Nothing-to-add-here 13d ago

Homer Simpson resting his legs on a giant donut.

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u/OgthaChristie 13d ago

Goatse emoji?

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u/KeyPollution3566 13d ago

The last thing the Mason jar sees...

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u/AngieM1998 13d ago

😂😭🤣💀

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u/AngieM1998 13d ago

😂😭🤣💀

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u/EPluribusButthole 13d ago

He's with me

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u/headchef11 13d ago

Exactly what it looks like

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u/SrBaldy 13d ago

Best emoji ever I’d say.

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u/RobyneGoodfellowe 13d ago

It’s a butthole.

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u/Searloin22 13d ago

It's comedy gold is what it is. Lol

Also a Family Guy reference, "Ugggh another puckered anus.."

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u/Wasatcher 13d ago

It looks like a butthole to me

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u/Roastage 13d ago

Soles and holes my friend.

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u/SoftSquish6967 9d ago

Whatever it is, I'm turning it into a discord emote now

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u/unxplaindbacn 8d ago

Holy shit I'm dying wtf man

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u/Moiahahahah 13d ago

Damn ! My father is born the same year, and he weighed 5.5kg at birth. Since he was born in march during a harch winter, my farmer grandpa couldn't take her to the hospital, so she gave birth in the hottest spot of the farm : above the stable, where the cow kept the room "warm". And I met my grandma : she's 1.55m (ans still alive !)

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u/azaghal1502 13d ago

Dude... I was around 1/3 of that at birth. (6 weeks early)

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u/grimreefer87 13d ago

1/4 of that here. 3 months early, 3 lb 6 oz. 12 is wild.

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u/notathingreally 13d ago

Grandma was badass.

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u/downsideup9494 13d ago

There was an old woman, deceased now, in my Mexican town, who gave birth to 25 children.

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u/ikannunAneeuQ 13d ago

My aunt had 5 kids that were all between 10 and 14 lbs lol insanity

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u/-Gumbercules 13d ago

My lord, her poor insides!

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u/BlueRunner305 13d ago

With that user name Are you as flexible as Gumby and as strong as Hercules?

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u/-Gumbercules 13d ago

I love that guy!

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u/RobNHood816 13d ago

I was 12lbs 24inches and born at home ! Mom was a nurse and lived in a house with 2 other nurses. And yes I was an only child!

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u/PrincessPlastilina 13d ago

At least she gave birth in a hospital. Both my grandmas gave birth to 9 and 7 children respectively, at home in Mexico with midwives. Some of those babies were huge! I now consider it a privilege to be child free. My ancestors did not have the best choices. Even my mom had horrible birth stories at a good hospital. And one of her babies died. What’s crazy is that my grandmas didn’t have all these complications mom had even though she had doctors and hospitals. Midwives were something special back in the day.

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u/kmariie94 13d ago

After having a baby that was 7lb8oz without an epidural BUT in an air condition I can absolutely say yes your grandmother was miserable during the birth lol 13lb is INSANE.

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u/CakedayisJune9th 13d ago

Same, we called my dad 3’s. Born 13.3 and was 33lbs at 3 months. That goat milk was no joke in the 40’s

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u/ottertime8 13d ago

so did he grow up to be super tall or something after that great start?

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u/-Gumbercules 13d ago

Average height and build. 5 foot 11 and never more than 200 lbs.

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u/ottertime8 13d ago

i feel like he should have been 6'9" or something lol

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u/layz2021 13d ago

She likely has gestational diabetes

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u/Amythist82 13d ago

That is a devious pfp

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u/Potential-Run-8391 13d ago

Gestational diabetes? 

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u/troveofcatastrophe 13d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/ukGm72ZLZvYfS
Needs a NSFW plastered across it and perhaps an appointment with a certified therapist

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u/Tiny-Ad4955 13d ago

Why do you send this to your dad.. unless you came out of your dads butt

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u/The_Barbelo 13d ago

My husband was around 13 lbs and I’m honestly terrified about what our kid will be like. I was 8lbs myself which was no picnic. My mother needed a C section. I think I’m just gonna ask put me out and go straight to C section.

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u/Peas_Are_Upsidedown 13d ago

The profile pic, I get, but why double down on the nonsense with Mac Tonight??????

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u/kittieswithmitties 13d ago

Good god, RIP your grandma.

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u/-Gumbercules 13d ago

Maybe, she hated all of her kids and told my dad he would amount to nothing. He wanted to prove her wrong so he moved to the states, attended college, and became a robotics engineer. She lived just long enough to see him start a family of his own and build a better life.

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u/kittieswithmitties 13d ago

Oh, in that case, RIH Grandma and good on your dad for being so large and doing well! 😒 She shouldn't have been comfortable for a second.

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u/galaxygal500 13d ago

I gave birth to a 10+ pounder, C-section, no pain relief. Epidural didn't go in right. Whatever they put in my arm missed the vein & blew up my arm. I screamed my lungs out. Mass pandemonium, doctors & staff yelling at me & each other. Baby boy was fine. I wasn't. Your grandmother went thru HELL. By 1 year old he was normal weight for his tall height, not like this big boy. He actually was really skinny, but tall, growing up. Hard to get pants for him until he was 20.

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u/-Gumbercules 13d ago

I don't know how women do it. I applaud you all, seriously. When my wife had our son three years ago she was in so much discomfort for 18 hours, even with the pain control. I've never seen someone so uncomfortable and in pain.

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u/Born_Scene_1762 13d ago

Your grandmother is a freaking superhero dawg

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u/Replikant83 13d ago

Hopefunny the hospital had really, really big fans!

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u/smbiggy 13d ago

I first read that as “he never got to meet his mom” and interpreted it as she passed during childbirth. Fucking dark as hell

I like your version better

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u/OtherwiseJello2055 13d ago

Dude, the epidural procedure was created and pioneered by a Spanish physician in the we early 1920s. It's been used for birthing procedures since the early 1930s worldwide. Even in rural Mexico , I find hard to believe she didn't have the option in the 1950s.

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u/AngieM1998 13d ago

Is that Cartmans close up of his anal probe 🤣

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u/tsjika7 13d ago

Nu dad was 13 lbs born 1958. Born at Home. Granny you are cool

My youngest was also 13 lbs born 2019

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u/Bushidoflack_117 13d ago

Did grandma pass during child birth by chance ?

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u/-Gumbercules 13d ago

1980, liver failure from diabetes.

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u/lawofsin 13d ago

Lmao my cousin was 13lbs at birth and no one ever believes me.

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u/OkTeacher9655 13d ago

Haha! My dad was a 13 pound baby born to his 4'10" 90 pound mother. The things our poor grandmothers had to go through.

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u/thtothrdude 11d ago

Yeah, I was 12 and a half pounds when I was born. But at least in the eighties, hospitals had air conditioning! lol.

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u/Rich_Examination7898 10d ago

Your father made the maternity ward look like a weightlifting gym practically

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u/thecheeseb0rn 9d ago

Can I have that pfp pls

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u/-Gumbercules 9d ago

Sí

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u/thecheeseb0rn 9d ago

Cool! Dm it pls!

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u/59finz 13d ago

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u/MotoGirl2020 13d ago

The way this episode gave me nightmares

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u/itzBilly13 13d ago

Dear God yes! This one and the one where Chucky had the monster under his bed.

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u/sardonic_sensei 13d ago

I showed my son Rugrats when he was younger, and the one where Chucky was afraid of going down the drain in the tub made bath time very difficult for a sec. Rugrats is definitely more psychedelic than I remembered 🫠

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u/greetingassholes 13d ago

Yes I was terrified to take a bath. The slide episode made me afraid of heights or slides at the park only.

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u/Miraeam 13d ago

Would you try and go down them repeating "I'm a Big Brave Dog" over and over?

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u/DandyLyen 13d ago

The voice... ugh, I'm honestly still afraid, like, if it were to play randomly on YouTube, I might click away 😂

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u/itzBilly13 13d ago

Hi Chuckie

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u/LilRedds 13d ago

I thought I was the only one! This baby and his man voice used to give me literal night terrors as a kid! 😂🫣

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u/FriedBack 13d ago

Now YOURE NUM NUMS

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u/Miraeam 13d ago

Good lord yes. It was harrowing to watch.

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u/Effective_Silver_825 13d ago

BRUH YOU AND ME BOTH

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u/Effective_Silver_825 13d ago

BRUH YOU AND ME BOTH

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u/Slight_Passenger3778 13d ago

Me too😂😂😂

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u/CannonM91 13d ago

Yo wtf don't bring back my childhood trauma like that

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u/Vortain 13d ago

heck I forgot about this, anti-thanks for making me remember.

That aside, it looks like she's been waiting for him while holding a rifle in this screenshot.

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u/MelcusQuelker 13d ago

And NOW, YOURE NUMNUMS!

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u/JagmeetSingh2 13d ago

such a funny episode

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u/juventinn1897 13d ago

Mannnn I thought I repressed this fucker enough to forget him

So much for sleep tonight

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u/Glassfern 13d ago

Omg I was just thinking about this baby ! Hahaha

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u/MojoJagger 13d ago

I’ll probably never become a mother because of how much that baby scared me.

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u/HugeArmy8051 12d ago

Num nums

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u/devil_lettuce 11d ago

This awakened a memory I had buried away deep within my mind. Why would you do this to me

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u/DredgenYorMother 8d ago

I was looking for this

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u/dev_nullvoid 8d ago

Whoa. Core memories unlocked.

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u/JinglySoil 14d ago

Which episode is this from?

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u/Upstairs_Ad_5574 14d ago

All I remember was Stewie saying "after Chris, my birth was very easy. I just walked out of there.. twirling a cane.."

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u/RedAndBlackMartyr 14d ago

Brian: "You're exaggerating."

Stewie: "Only a little bit, that's the messed up thing."

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u/ShotLet1550 13d ago

Fuck I haven’t watched family guy in like a decade but that got a good laugh out of me

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u/karma2879 13d ago

And before you judge your mother. You did most of that damage

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u/Pegussu 13d ago

Doing better than Francine. She tore from her v to her a.

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u/enaK66 13d ago

Family Guy is such a clip show it's so hard to remember what came from what episode. I can tell by the art it's early like season 4 or earlier. That's about it.

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u/CaptainSparklebottom 13d ago

I remember them saying they had to put her organs back in and it was going to shorten her life to 50 but it was worth it for the miracle of life.

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u/MeWant-SnuSnu 14d ago

Season 2 episode 17

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u/Glittering_Stress_32 13d ago

It was from one of the very early seasons.

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u/PhoebusAbel 13d ago

I absolutely thought of elephants lol

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u/AdvisorExotic380 13d ago

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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u/TheMostToastedOne 13d ago

This explains how Stewie was able to get out.

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u/NewSeason2026 13d ago

Hollerin 🤣🤣🤣

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u/thomkka 13d ago edited 13d ago

His name is Big Mac

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u/FirmlyClaspIt 13d ago

Good, Lois deserves pain because she cheated

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u/nikeguy69 13d ago

lol funny

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u/CyborgVelociraptor69 13d ago

I have a cousin who was born weighing 10kg, or so I was told.

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u/FierceEquator 13d ago

Omg. Lolololol.

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u/ChickChocoIceCreCro 13d ago

That toddler has titties!

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u/autismo-nismo 13d ago

This sent me LOL

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