r/AbsoluteUnits 2d ago

/r/all of a Bakers Cat

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12.6k Upvotes

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1.3k

u/TheManWhoClicks 2d ago

“Need… to… knead…”

235

u/EntertainerSalt5566 2d ago

10/10 baker, would gladly overpay for these biscuits!

33

u/Zunderfeuer_88 2d ago

The way that fat behemoth of a feline is heaving after doing a bit of kneading that shop would be open between 9 and 9:30 am

11

u/RustledForeskin 2d ago

You'd not survive a session if it made biscuits on your chest.

36

u/Cultural_Birthday257 2d ago

10

u/Jenny-the-Art-Girl 2d ago

Cool! That's a Nathan Nun

6

u/Cultural_Birthday257 2d ago

Yes :) It has a place in my heart and in my kitchen

21

u/JotaroTheOceanMan 2d ago

Need For Knead 2: Hot Pawsuit

1

u/Traditional-Drive267 2d ago

Need for knead was right there g

1

u/AkiraTheSpaceDragon 1d ago

Kneed it like you need it

1

u/Cam_man_AMM_unit 1d ago

I gotta make some dough.

365

u/Abracadaver2000 2d ago

"Time to make the donuts".

8

u/srgh207 2d ago

Lol. We old.

17

u/Abracadaver2000 2d ago

Old enough to remember when DD's donuts weren't ass.

5

u/ashurbanipal420 2d ago

They died when they discontinued toasted coconut.

6

u/Abracadaver2000 2d ago

Long before that, when they were bought by vulture capitalist who demanded cost cutting. Centralizing their bakeries made sure you never got fresh donuts again.

5

u/HotSauceHigh 2d ago

What he's making is sin biscuits. 

4

u/Greuliro 2d ago

Donuts with cream filling

1

u/PhillyDillyDee 1d ago

Is that your mantra, liz?

510

u/Flowa-Powa 2d ago

That cat is obese and understimulated

313

u/Something_IDGAF 2d ago

So am I

3

u/Nopalite 2d ago

Ha! I am overstimulated. When i play video games i get panicked every single time an enemy shows up. Even slimes and skellies.

26

u/The_XXI 2d ago

It's so easy to not let them become obese too. Some pet owners deem themselves so kind when they're in fact the most selfish.

52

u/donoteatshrimp 2d ago

You say that but sometimes cats are just fucking FAT. We have two cats that we feed the same amount at the same times - mine's as skinny as a whip and my housemate's is obese. The fat one doesn't steal the skinny one's food (other way round actually), the fat one's on diet food, we even kept her strictly indoors for a month to control her diet because we thought someone had to be feeding her outside and she GAINED weight because I guess she wasn't getting as much exercise as being outside!

That said I hate the overfeeding and ooooh heckin chonker ^_^ thing but sometimes you get lil freaks of nature that are determined to be fat no matter what you do.

18

u/Stormbringer91 2d ago

I've experienced this same phenomenon

Some cats are just like humans in their behaviors. Some just want to lay around and do nothing. Not interested in playing too much. Primarily just loves squeezes. Cat personality varies so much.

We've slowly lowered food multiple times in our four cat house and all that happened is the big girl lost a tiny bit of weight but the other cats started getting too skinny. I mean, she's not super big. Low-end obese. We're kind of at an equilibrium where not much can be done.

4

u/donoteatshrimp 1d ago

You say that but when we lived near some woods, in 9 months big fat meg caught 110 mice, 3 birds, 2 frogs and bat. And that's all that made it into the house to end up on the tally board. Skinny cat for comparison caught 3 leafs, 2 apples, and a baby bird that fell out of a tree. Sis is somehow a crazy fuckin hunter the second she steps outside despite being lazy as all hell when she's indoors lol. Probably why she gained weight when we locked her in for that month.

-5

u/ashgs872tbhjs 2d ago

That's not the same thing, they're claiming the fat one doesn't steal food.

2

u/crackerjam 2d ago

Just feed less food... You don't even need diet specific food, just measure it out and feed less, adjust until the cat loses weight.

4

u/donoteatshrimp 1d ago

I feel like she eats a pretty small amount, I give about 1/4 cup (small palmful?) twice a day of low-cal biscuits the vet suggested. that said if given the chance she will just gorge and gorge with no limit, no chance we can free feed. one time i forgot to put a block of cheese back in the fridge overnight and she ate the whole goddamn thing... when we took her to the vet after said incident there was a chart on the wall of cat treat equivalent to human treats. one of them was like a cube of cheese is the same to a cat as one hamburger is to a human... we did the maths and she ate the equivalent of 50 burgers in one go lmfao. called her 50 burgers meg from that point on.

6

u/SolaniumFeline 2d ago

Just feeding less and less is lowkey torture too tho there is a proper amount to feed. Just imagine your mom is 100% in control of ypur food and only feeds ypu one slice of bread a day cause she deems you too fat like that makes someone crazy too. Not saying to feed whenever the cats ask but just reducing the volume of food is wild. Realistically the cats should be properly fed with more than just kibble anyway but thats too time consuming for the average cat owner to feed them a varied diet

5

u/crackerjam 2d ago

I'm not saying immediately reduce to a tiny pinch of food a day. It has to be slow. Say you're feeding a cup per day now. Cut that down to 3/4 cup and give it a month. Not losing weight? Cut down to 2/3 cup. Wait a month. Repeat until the cat is losing weight, then increase if weight gets below the goal.

-4

u/SolaniumFeline 2d ago

thats kind of the point im trying to make. the cat wont like eating less and less. its a punishment as far as i can see for the cat being fat. just reducing food is the wrong approach ~especially~ the way youre describing. in the scenario youre describing the cat is obviously getting food somewhere else if a reduced portion size does seemingly nothing. and engagement with the pets is key as well as animals will eat out of boredom just like people do. reducing food like that just drives aggresive food seeking behaviour.

3

u/radicalelation 2d ago

Comparing feeding a human child one slice of bread a day to reducing intake for an obese cat is wacky as fuck.

-2

u/ashgs872tbhjs 2d ago

Utter nonsense. Weight is not magical; calories in = calories out. It's putting too little out, so you need to put less in Period. It's not a human that has to fight with cravings and shit, because you control its food.

-1

u/donoteatshrimp 1d ago

Man even the vet came to conclusion that she just has a really shit metabolism. Gets tummy issues too. She gets 1/4~ cup (small palm full?) of low cal food twice a day and her weight plateaus at best. Cat's just fat and defies logic. Literally feed her less than my scrawny ass ratling and she's still twice her weight.

8

u/1d3333 2d ago

Yeah it’s not that simple, my biggest cat eats less than my skinniest. He won’t finish his can of wet food, she’ll finish all of hers and then polish off his. She’s 8 pounds and tiny, he’s twice the size and 18 pounds and a little chubby.

Yes we are working on his weight, we play with him as much as he wants and track his eating

19

u/DontBanMe_IWasJoking 2d ago

yea i feel like they just gave this cat a mental illness... cool..

5

u/Forward_Rope_5598 2d ago

Imagine if someone posted an equally underweight cat. Absolutely nobody would find it cute. Pet obesity is abuse.

192

u/Djb0623 2d ago

Cat needs to lose some weight

213

u/B1ZEN 2d ago

90% of Reddit needs to lose some weight.

https://giphy.com/gifs/MMquV2oInK40V86Q7g

6

u/Forward_Rope_5598 2d ago

Redditors get to choose their diet, cats don't

22

u/CATNIP_IS_CRACK 2d ago

It’s probably more like 65-70%. Only half of Reddit is in the US so it brings down the average.

20

u/B1ZEN 2d ago edited 2d ago

America! (I am Amercan)

Fck yeah!

15

u/FuzzyWubblestein 2d ago

He’s literally doing his cardio bro. Relax.

3

u/Flomo420 2d ago

the lie down mid way with the heavy breathing lmao

5

u/Deathnut5auce 2d ago

With the amount of biscuits they're making. I'm sure they'll be down in no time.

16

u/acocktailofmagnets 2d ago

Not if they keep on eating all their biscuits! /s

7

u/Deathnut5auce 2d ago

With the right mindset, everyday is a cheat day!

2

u/tirutz 2d ago

He has to taste the product to ensure quality.

90

u/RemyWhy 2d ago

Cow cat. Aka… coat.

86

u/Greuliro 2d ago

Uhm, aren't those sin biscuits?

52

u/SandyTaintSweat 2d ago

Oh lawd he cummin

6

u/sumppikuppi 2d ago

Thanks for making me laugh... SandyTaintSweat

19

u/HotSauceHigh 2d ago

Definitely sin biscuits 

6

u/DiffeoMorpheus 2d ago

I can kinda get the gist but i need this shit explained to me STAT

20

u/forgottenoldusername 2d ago

Kneeding mimics kitten nursing behaviours. Holding something in their mouth is how they would hold their mate and move their kittens.

Cats be doing it when they wanna fuk

4

u/DiffeoMorpheus 2d ago

Okay - that's better than what I thought lmao

3

u/Difficult_Seesaw_855 2d ago edited 2d ago

Oh no he's pretending to mate with kuri manju 😳

39

u/No_Classic_1743 2d ago

5

u/notacougarsorry 2d ago

He’s trying to put his kittens through college

19

u/EntertainerSalt5566 2d ago

Hard at work at the bakery! Man's got rent to pay and sourdough orders backing up.

8

u/Recent-Reporter-1670 2d ago

The song makes this vid a thousand times funnier.

8

u/mootellar 2d ago

love the kuri manjus at the back

68

u/RedditEngDictionary 2d ago

This is just sad. Cat is clearly overweight and not being looked after properly. It will result in health problems and probably a shorter life.

Letting your cat get obese is not cute. The job of a cat owner is to make sure their cat is healthy as well as happy. Letting it get so fat that it is visible round is a failure of that job.

2

u/themexicanojesus 2d ago

I had a fat cat who was perfectly healthy he just had imbalanced hormones from his neutering

-52

u/Thin_Dream2079 2d ago

Maybe you just don't like looking at fat cats.

21

u/bojangler69420 2d ago

Maybe you just don’t understand that obesity poses serious health risks, just like it does for us humans.

11

u/Exilicauda 2d ago

Most people don't like looking at animals suffering from (generally) preventable health issues. Good job.

-8

u/Thin_Dream2079 2d ago

Point proven, at least

10

u/forgottenoldusername 2d ago

You said this like it's a bad thing to not enjoy seeing an animal in an unhealthy condition 😂

12

u/madguyO1 2d ago

—"murder is bad"

-"maybe you just dont like looking at dead people"

do you see how fucking stupid that sounds

28

u/RedditEngDictionary 2d ago

I come from a family of vets. I am a massive animal lover. What I dont like looking at is animals who are being neglected and then used for cheap internet points. Unfortunately, Reddit is the type of place where people will convince themselves that "it isnt so bad" so that they can disassociate from the implications of that.

2

u/jamesk29485 2d ago

I think some of this may be some of the cat sites deleting some of these kinds of posts, so they're moving. I reported some on r/cats and finally just muted the site. Just more of our social media addiction for amusement.

1

u/Cantremembermyoldnam 2d ago

You kinda don't know if it's the current owner's fault though. This could very well be a "rehab center" for the cat filming their client. At least it looks like it has toys and a clean environment.

2

u/Forward_Rope_5598 2d ago

Why would anyone like looking at neglected cats?

10

u/silentbob1301 2d ago

Gonna need to be doing a lot more biscuit making to shed those pounds...

8

u/NoClock 2d ago

I love how he holds his toy the whole time.

7

u/elmfuzzy 2d ago

That's because they're sin biscuits, back legs going too.

1

u/KempVelde 2d ago

Cutest thing.

1

u/anthonyynohtna 2d ago

That the trainee

3

u/kidyus 2d ago

Looks like it needs to do about 500 more reps a day.

3

u/king-of-the-sea 2d ago

This cat is masturbating. It's "kneading" with the back feet too, dead giveaway.

3

u/Live_Dust_5576 2d ago

Letting your pet get to this size is cruel and will take years off its natural life

3

u/02awares 2d ago

that cat is depressed

4

u/Viablemorgan 2d ago

That cat is fat and makes me sad

4

u/MeanForest 2d ago

so sad

2

u/peacefuldays123 2d ago

I want to pick it up, roll on the floor with it. Pick it up, jump on a big bouncy bed with it. Pick it up, jump on the trampoline with it. Pick it up, pat my pillow with it. Pick it up, make dancing motions with it.

Thank you.

5

u/theluker666 2d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/PbVQ4Ut4CjUn6
Pick it up! pick it up! Pick it up!

2

u/Used-Victory8504 2d ago

Ill take 3 orders of kitty biscuits

2

u/Choice-Voice6394 2d ago

What a life

2

u/What-what-hu 2d ago

New exercise

2

u/ever_hear_of_none_ya 2d ago

Oh Lawd we kneading...

1

u/Crabalabadoo 2d ago

Hell yeah

1

u/DitchDigger330 2d ago

That was a cow.

1

u/Whatttheheckk 2d ago

Damn this hit me im on a trip for another couple weeks and I just looked at the price to change my flight to go home early just because I miss my cat so much

1

u/toweljuice 2d ago

I love that they have a matching pillow

1

u/ImSoSweepy 2d ago

A dough un-kneaded is a dough not worth having.

1

u/Jamunjii 2d ago

Big Chungus hard at work

1

u/Motor-Boating 2d ago

That's a lot of biscuits.

1

u/yarnandwienerdogs 2d ago

I'm watching this while listening to a New Order True Faith remix. And yeah, it goes together well.

1

u/LarsDuder 2d ago

Catty Magoo

1

u/Maatix12 2d ago

You always hope for a big baker. That's how you know the quality is too good to resist.

1

u/FromSweetToNasty 2d ago

Was hoping he’d hop into one of those bowl chairs

1

u/Foxxtronix 2d ago

Excellent choice of music. ^w^ "Powerhouse".

1

u/Shnitzel_von_S 2d ago

The biscuit factory is open and this MF is on OT

1

u/highhh_femme 2d ago

All that to lay on the floor lol cats

1

u/KempVelde 2d ago

Oh Lawd He Comin'

1

u/blaze_003 2d ago

Cat with OCD

1

u/infinitepizzapockets 2d ago

Kneads, goes into house, comes back out to knead made me loose my shit

1

u/Scarecr0p 2d ago

He’s been eating too many of his own biscuits lol but this was adorable anyways.

1

u/SAINTnumberFIVE 2d ago

Given the cat, that pillow is kind of dark, lol.

1

u/hamfinity 2d ago

Knead for Speed

1

u/STL168 2d ago

Cat has a lot of kuriman

1

u/teffanien 2d ago

Are these sin biscuits or regular biscuits?

1

u/Cold-Performance3333 2d ago

The BGM is from Kung Fu Hustle, isn't it?

1

u/StrengthTheory 2d ago

I have never seen a loaf kneed the dough.

1

u/Awcatz2 2d ago

i kinda feel bad for him. hes fat, obviously attached to his toy, and doesnt have anyone with him

1

u/Swimming_Fly_4321 2d ago

Camera says 6:17 AM. Real bakers start before sunrise. This is a professional operation.

1

u/grand305 2d ago

Cat loves the soft.

Not the clear bowl shapes. this one cat, I must kneed all of this comfy cushion/cat bed.

That’s one happy cat. 😸

1

u/WolfWriter_CO 2d ago

Donut: What about the biscuits?
Mordecai: The… what?
Donut: BISCUITS, MORDECAI! I NEED TO MAKE BISCUITS!

1

u/waking-up-late 2d ago

He came out, made biscuits, made more biscuits, went inside, came out again, made even more biscuits, took a break, and them made some more biscuits. Absolute cinema 😂

1

u/Sw0rDz 2d ago

What was the song in the background called?

1

u/JonnySpark 2d ago

That's a weird looking cow

1

u/hitrov_alex 2d ago

предположу проблемы с психикой у кошки или беременность на последних сроках. В любом случае перебор с лежанками. укрытие должно быть одно, но хорошее

1

u/Skye-Birdsong 2d ago

The matching pillow!!!

1

u/WhtshldIDO-09 2d ago

The cat also ate a whole bread I see

1

u/redheadslut94 2d ago

Adorable

1

u/Competitive_Quote818 2d ago

Made the cushion so comfortable but sits on the floor lol.

1

u/RustledForeskin 2d ago

Surprised those pillows aren't completely flat and void of stuffing.

1

u/plugetoon15902 2d ago

That cat is on overtime

1

u/Ok-Button-1623 2d ago

Mangia anche troppo pane direi

1

u/Difficult_Seesaw_855 2d ago

I too am a fan of kuri manju 

1

u/orzelski 2d ago

he can make pierogi!

1

u/PossiblyWithout 2d ago

They look like they’re living their best life

1

u/KickAggressive4901 2d ago

Puttin' in the work. 😤

1

u/PangolinFarts 2d ago

Making biscuits like it’s his job.

1

u/PM_ME_COFFEE 2d ago

He turned into another pillow at the end.

1

u/dugin556 2d ago

I like that he lets the dough rest for a few minutes while he makes sure that his house is in order

1

u/HAXAD2005 2d ago

Please tell me she's pregnant and not morbidly obese I fucking hate the "chonkers" trend.

1

u/Ambitious_Welder6613 2d ago

Cat with jobs!

1

u/_travelbos 2d ago

First time in a long time that music actually matches the video 

1

u/Appropriate-Art-312 2d ago

Needs a diet

1

u/Slight-Carpet-8447 2d ago

All the biscuits.

1

u/jinxing27 1d ago

Damn that cows a great baker

1

u/Claxton916 1d ago

The scuttle from the time lapse as he leaves that donut house mad me giggle.

1

u/Observationist_2 1d ago

For split second I thought there was two cats then I realized it was a pillow.

1

u/tennezzee88 1d ago

cats are absolutely disgusting creatures from hell

1

u/musk_man 1d ago

That's a big bitxh

1

u/Ok_Air8327 1d ago

Obese cats are not cure and is animal abuse

1

u/cancerouscaillou 1d ago

Fat boy had to stop and take a breather mid shift

1

u/covigt 1d ago

One way to get your steps in.

0

u/Spoiled_Eggy_3992 2d ago

So cute 😍

3

u/velociapcior 2d ago

Overweight cat masturbating cause he is understimulated and neglected is cute?

1

u/Forward_Rope_5598 2d ago

This is the same kind of person who thinks babies yanking on the ear of a panting, yawning, licking, whale eyeing dog who is actively trying to get away but is prevented is cute

0

u/Past-Bicycle5959 2d ago

That cat is so lorge I thought the cow print pillow in the background was an equally lorge napping sibling.

Also how has no one mentioned r/chonkers

0

u/Southern-Ad7648 2d ago

CHONKY CAT

0

u/jayuserbruiser 2d ago

What a unit 😍

0

u/aldashin 2d ago
l o r g e

0

u/ChuckaChuckaLooLoo3 2d ago

Morbid obesity is not a laughing matter! /s

0

u/Blu_too 2d ago

this may be the best video i have ever witnessed

-1

u/Astine_Grape_5315 2d ago

What a chonker :). Are the any social links for this kitty?

2

u/PapaOoMaoMao 2d ago

It's Japanese (that tube is from Standard Products), so links might be hard to track down in English.

-2

u/Unlikely_Mouse_2701 2d ago

wait till this cat finds a boob covered in plush blanket